━ ❝ OCTOBER 24, 2016

"Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?"

Oikawa's POV

Y/N L/N.

There is no other word nor term to describe her. She's literally annoying and noisy as hell. She is the persuasive and persistent kind of person that she can almost charm every being around her. Even the puppy I used to keep when we were young liked her more than me. I was the one who feeds the dog, okay? At least that animal could show some affection to me.

Y/N is so bothersome.

The type of girl who will disturb you when you're in the middle of doing assignments, reviewing lessons, and will just eventually show up out of nowhere. She can scare me sometimes, you know?

But Y/N is also caring.

That is, I think, the most likable characteristic of her. No matter where she is, no matter what she's doing or who she's with when she heard that an important person is in pain, stressed about their problems, or more, she will immediately rush to their side. She will drop everything just to give time to you.

She is so lovable. Friendly. Cheerful.

She can turn your bad days into good ones.

That is Y/N L/N.

My best friend. The girl who fell in love with me. The girl whom I can't reciprocate her feelings.

What is wrong with me? I kept asking myself that question multiple times before but believe me, I tried. I tried my best to catch feelings for her but...I just end up seeing her as my sister, as a best friend. Nothing more and nothing less. She is so fragile, the type of human that you really need to protect, and what if I jerk off? What if I ended up breaking her heart? I can't commit to something as risky as love.

That's why I remained her best friend. As her brother.

I know that I am hurting her as I keep on rejecting her all over again but this is the best option.

At least.

But right before the graduation, she just shut me out. She told me that she doesn't love me anymore and she's sick with our set up. I can't blame her though because her point is so strong. She told me that she doesn't want me around her, to talk with her anymore. Like a bubble suddenly popping, right?

The only thing that kept bugging me 'till now is she didn't attend our graduation. When we're still close, I knew how excited she is on that day, on the day where she'll climb up the stage to get her diplomas and awards. I tried to reach her out and ask her why but her mom pushed me away. I was so confused back then and I kept on coming back to their house but Y/N kept on ignoring me.

That's when the realization hit me that we're done.

Everything is finished.

So, I just focused on my career as a volleyball player. I stopped myself from thinking about her again. I stopped myself from stressing about her.

I thought that everything went well, easy and smooth but it felt like I hit a wall when I received her letter. I am a fool to think that everything is okay.

After all these times, I am still hurting Y/N.

─────── · · · · ♡

"Y/N L/N!" I slammed my fists on the receptionist's table. "Give me her room!"

"I-I'll check right away, Sir. Please calm down for a moment."

Right on the moment that the airplane I was in landed on the airport, I immediately rushed her to the hospital where Y/N is admitted. I still can't walk properly because of jetlag but there is no more time to waste.

The nurse stationed at the table was shaking as she typed the name I gave her on her computer. Of course, I am on a total rush and my emotions are starting to get out of hand!

"R-Room 305, Sir!"

The first thing that came to my mind is to take the elevator but it seems like luck isn't on my side today so I was forced to take the stairs. Running up to the third floor wasn't a big deal, I'm an athlete after all, but it didn't help me to breath properly. This whole place is suffocating and I think that I will pass out if I stayed here longer.

Room 305, Room 305, Room–

"305!"

My hands are shaking as I touched the cold, metallic doorknob. Droplets are streaming down my forehead and my heart hammered wilder on my chest than before.

I bit my lip. Will she be able to forgive me after all the pain I caused her?

Trying to calm myself down, I turned the knob and the first thing I saw is Y/N on her bed, smiling at me.

Like she was waiting for someone–no, for me to come.

Her smile is the most beautiful. It's so genuine and pure. So mesmerizing.

I mindlessly dropped all my bags on the floor before kneeling beside her. As I took a hold of her hand, it is so cold. It scared me. Like she was a living corpse. Her dry lips flashed a bigger smile as tears fell from her eyes.

"You received my letter." It wasn't a question.

"Why?" I scoffed. "Why didn't you tell me about this? That you have brain tumor?! That you're on the verge of dying?! Y/N, tell me!"

I gripped on her hand while the free one touches my face, wiping the tears on my face. Wait, I am crying?

"I don't want you to worry about me, Tooru."

God. The way she called my name felt so nostalgic!

"I want you to focus on your life. I can't have you worrying about me." Her voice is so low, so soft. It sounded like a whisper.

"Are you stupid?! Y/N, you knew how much I care about you! You were the one who told me to never hide secrets from your best friends!"

She chuckled. "I'm still your best friend?" There's a hint of pain in her voice.

"I-I don't mean it like tha–"

"I'm joking." Y/N pinched my cheeks. "You still look the same, Tooru."

"Don't change the topic, Y/N! I need to hear your reasons why–"

"I heard you're a player now in Brazil. Aw," she looked at the ceiling, letting out a deep sigh. "I wish I could see you play once again."

"Of course, you can!" I tried to sound sure. "You will heal, Y/N! You can get out of this hospital and you'll see me play in the court again. I can hear you cheer for my name once more and–"

I was interrupted when she kept shaking her head, then, she started crying harder this time. I can't stop her, I can't control her tears falling from her face. I am so useless!!

"I have to go, Tooru."

I closed my eyes as my tears fell harder and faster. God, why?

"Be happy for me." She said. "Reach your dreams for me, marry a wonderful woman for me, have the perfect life for me, Tooru. I want the best for you..."

God, please.

"I'm so sorry if I wouldn't be able to shout your name from the bleachers again but always remember that I'm watching you from above. Always. I'm always on your side and here..."

She pointed my heart.

"...I will never leave that beating organ of yours."

"Y/N..."

"Don't cry for me, Tooru, smile."

Tell me, how am I supposed to smile on times like these?!

"B-Before you go, was there something I could've said to make your heartbeat better? I-If only I'd have known that you had a storm to weather! If only I didn't leave your side! Tell me, Y/N. Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?!"

Y/N shook her head as the doctors started circling us.

"C-Can I hear you say–"

"I love you!" I kissed the back of her hand. "I really mean it! I love you, Y/N, so please! Please, stay with me! Don't leave me again, I beg you!"

I closed my eyes. "I beg you, Y/N." God, I beg you too.

"I'm so sorry..."

For the last time, I met her gaze and all I can see is my reflection in those e/c, beautiful orbs. I wanted to replay our every moment all over again, I wanted to go back where we all started, but all I can think about is seeing that look on her face. I enveloped her with my warm, strong pair of arms as I tried to shake her.

"Stay me with, Y/N. Y/N!"

But the look on her face remained. She looked contented. Happy.

Her eyes started to dilute but she's still smiling at me. Goddammit, Y/N! Fuck everything! Can my life get any worse?!

"I was satisfied, Tooru."

Were her last words. As she took her last breath, her body turned limp. She had no regrets. Everyone around me started crying but it felt like I ran out of tears. She died on my arms.

She's gone. She's gone.

My sweetest, best friend is gone.

Fuck me, realizing how much I love her on her last day.

Finally, her suffering has ended.

I will never forget about her, about the things we did together and I will reach my dreams for her, I will do my best and maybe this time, I can make her happy.

She's gone but her memories are forever with me. And yes...

...as well as her letter later.