━ ❝ FEBRUARY 20, 2016

Y/N's POV

I sat gravely on my chair as my body started shaking involuntarily. I watched as my Mom put a hand over her mouth to conceal her cries after the man wearing a white coat explained the results of my check-up today. Tears clouded my vision as they silently streamed down my face, still trying to process those words coming out from the doctor's mouth.

"She has to undergo surgery as soon as possible."

He said that my brain tumor grew larger that it became fatal so to avoid further severe outcomes, I have to take the operation. But how? I'm graduating next month and Tooru is about to study abroad, I won't see him again. How could fate be this mean to me?! My mother enveloped me inside her warm embrace, sobbing on my shoulders.

"You can decide about this until next week, Y/N."

I nodded.

That's the only thing I can do for now, just nod. I have to fix all the things running on my mind first. What will happen to me if I take the surgery? First, I won't be able to attend my recognition. Of course, I won't let Tooru see me once I undergo the operation. Remember? I told myself about this before, I can't have him worrying about me. Second, I might get stuck inside this hospital for months and months until I recover. I don't know what will happen to me after that.

Will I still be able to continue my studies? Graduate college and have a job? I don't know but I will pray for the best.

My mother and I are quiet inside the car until we reached the house in the evening. I know that this is hard for her too so to avoid more sappy arguments, I decided to lock myself in my room. That's when I saw Oikawa waving at me from his window. It looked like he was about to ask me a favor or whatever.

Before I could even think of what to do, I shook my head as I abruptly closed my curtains as well as the lamp beside me before slumping on my bed, covering myself under the sheets. I have to do something about this. I know that he will look for me, bombard me with questions if I fail to attend graduation, and more. He will worry about me.

Crying, I clutched my chest as the back of my head started hurting.

"Here we fucking go again," I said through gritted teeth, massaging my head using my free hand to at least, lessen the pain.

"Are you in there, Y/N?" I heard my Mom knocked on the door twice.

"Y-Yes, Mom! I-I'm fine, anyways, don't worry!"

"Tooru is looking for you downstairs. Should I tell him that you're resting and–"

I jumped out of my bed like I am feeling strong and okay, flashing a genuine smile at my mother when I opened the door.

"I'll talk to him, Mom."

"O-Okay, sweetie, but are you sure you're okay?"

Abruptly stopping from climbing down the stairs, I looked back at her with a smile, raising my thumb.

"Yes, Mom! Don't worry!"

On the back of my mind, I have something planned. Like a concrete decision that will surely break my heart and finally let Tooru live peacefully. Tonight, I will do something again that I will surely regret on the end.

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"Tooru," my voice is colder than ever and the atmosphere made me feel like we're in the cemetery once I opened the door for my best friend.

Oikawa stared at me, inclining his head a bit with his left hand on his waist.

"Are you mad at me? You suddenly closed your curtains on my face–"

"I have something to tell you."

I knew he was taken aback. He remained silent as my aura slowly changed. The girl standing before Tooru right now is not the same cheerful, optimistic and enthusiastic Y/N he knew before. I can feel that he starts to sense that there is something wrong.

"A-Are you oka–"

"I don't want you around me anymore, Tooru."

I stated it directly without stuttering as I watched his jaw drop. His expression is hilarious and confused but I have to do this right.

"What are you talking–"

"I don't want to stick with you, Oikawa! I'm sick of this setup, I'm sick of being your best friend and admirer. I don't love you anymore, you heard me?! P-Please, don't talk to me again. I just don't want to see you again!"

He immediately grabbed my wrist when I tried walking away. He pushed me to a corner, caging me with both of his arms.

"Tell me why."

His voice is so deep that it made me shudder. I can't look at him in the eyes so my gaze remained averted from him.

"You heard me! I don't want to give you reasons, I just want to be away from you, Tooru, so, please! Let me go, will you?!"

"No!" He shouted, making me close my eyes. "I won't let you go without giving me an acceptable reason! I need an explanation for this, Y/N."

"What do you want to hear? I told you I'm sick of everything! I don't want to be your best friend, I don't want to be your admirer anymore and we can't stay like this forever. I can't take it, I'm so fed up! So please, don't talk to me anymore, don't see me again, treat me as if I am nothing to you. I beg you, Tooru. Please..."

His arms fell to his sides as he blinked multiple times just to process everything I told him.

"A-Are you trying to pull a prank again?" He half chuckled. "I-It's not funny, Y/N–"

I shook my head, softly pushing him away. "No. I'm serious."

And finally, he let me go. He scoffed before slowly stepping backward, his eyes boring into mine as if he's checking my soul inside my body. It feels like he's waiting for me to laugh and say that this is just a joke but I didn't. I stayed silent, watching him back away from me.

"This is goodbye, Tooru."

"Is this your final decision? To shut me out? To push me away? You told me how love me when–"

"I lied." I bit my lip. "That marriage booth is just a fake, don't let it get into you."

Tooru let out a heavy sigh, a sign that he gives up. He chuckled like a crazy man, shaking his head. I looked away when he tried looking at me directly again. I can't stare at his eyes the way I used to. Oikawa isn't the one hurting here, of course, I am damn in pain too! Twice of what he's experiencing right now! I don't know if this is the right decision but I still chose this because this is the best option I could ever pick.

"If this is what you want,"

For the last time, he rushed to my side, giving me a quick but very tight embrace, whispering to my ear afterward.

"...then I'm giving it to you."

And with that, he left me alone in the front yard, slowly descending to my knees with unstoppable tears falling from my eyes.

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               💌: I knew from that day that my decision was right.

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