CHAPTER FOURTY-THREE

TO BE SO LONELY — HARRY STYLES
And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch
Who can't admit when he's sorry

OLIVIA WAS FOUR years old the first time she played the piano. Mikey was just born and her extended family decided to gather in her abuela's house to meet him. Like any four year old used to being the only child, she was quite jealous of the attention her new younger brother was getting.

After being pushed to the side one too many times, she wandered into her grandmother's living room. All alone, she found herself climbing onto the piano bench sat in the corner of the room. She had no idea what the large instrument was, but she could faintly remember her cousins fighting over it the previous Christmas.

The black and white keys stared up at her and with a curious tilt of her head, she brought her hand down to press one. The deep sound of a plucked string rang throughout the room. She pressed another and another, and never once did it sound bad. Unlike her cousins who would play notes at random, off-key and without technique, Olivia played with grace.

Her family came into the room to see what was causing all the noise and was surprised to see that the reason was the four year old girl who had never shown any interest in music before. She had melody living inside of her and they'd be fools to ignore it.

She was put into piano lessons immediately and as the years passed by, her talent and love for music only grew.

It was this talent and love that landed her a spot as her family's pianist at all of their get togethers. Her abuela would tell her to play something and she would bashfully decline, claiming that she was no more skillful than the last time she played. Her aunts, uncles, and younger cousins would practically beg her to perform and she'd succumb to the peer pressure.

This Christmas was no different, except for the additional audience member that stood among her uncles.

Luke watched from across the room as Olivia finished her piece and smiled softly as her family applauded. It had been so long since she played something of classical nature and he almost forgot how much of an experience it was just to listen to her. She had a way of pulling you in, like she was leading you to watch the sunset. Because when she played, it was impossible to walk away without feeling warm.

When her younger cousins begged her for another song, Olivia looked over at Rose for help.

The older girl chuckled with a nod before sitting beside her on the piano bench.

An expression of relief washed over Olivia's features as she stood. Moments later, Rose's voice flowed through the air, singing a song of her own creation. Talent really ran in the family.

Luke's eyes met Olivia's and she nodded towards the back door. Tío Val noticed and made an excuse for Luke to leave the interrogation he was facing from the rest of Olivia's uncles.

"Bravo," Luke commended as he stepped out of the house.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled softly as she leaned against the railing of the back porch. Her eyes flickered to the room full of people behind him. "Are you having a good time?"

"Oh, yeah," he answered sarcastically, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I love being grilled by your uncles."

She laughed and Luke swore that it sounded better than any song he had ever heard.

"If it makes you feel better, they've been nicer to you than to anyone Victoria or Rose has brought around."

It did make him feel better, and he was proud of himself for doing something right.

A heavy sigh escaped Olivia's lips. It's been two weeks since their fight and they haven't spoken about it. The air between them was murky as ever despite their civility and it was in desperate need of clearing. She couldn't go on without knowing where they stood in their relationship and she refused to rejoin her family celebrations until she did.

"We need to talk."

"Here?" Luke questioned, knowing exactly what she wanted to talk about. He glanced behind him before meeting her gaze again. "Right now?"

She shrugged. "It'll get you away from my uncles and overbearing aunts."

He moved to stand beside her. "Okay."

Neither of them spoke. Neither of them knew what to say.

When the silence began to suffocate them, they tore their eyes from the ground and faced each other.

"I'm sorry," they said in unison.

Olivia let out an airy chuckle and shook her head. Her soft smile faded into a frown when she remembered why they were outside. "I phrased everything wrong," she confessed. "The way I said everything made it seem like I don't believe in you. But I do. I believe in our music, I believe in our band, and I believe in you."

Olivia was wearing a serious expression that Luke had only seen once before—when Alex came out to them. Back then, she wanted to make sure that he knew he was supported by her. Now, she wore the look because she wanted make sure Luke knew that as well. He was still the one thing she believed in most and she needed him to know that.

And he did.

"Olivia." Luke stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her cheeks. "Olivia Juliette, stop."

She shut her mouth and furrowed her brows.

"I overreacted," he continued. "You're smart, there's no reason for you to not think about college."

"But we agreed as a band that none of us would go and I went back on that agreement—"

"If that's what you want to do, then we can work it out." His hands slid down to her arms and he rubbed them in hopes of comforting her. "We can keep doing what we're doing now: school during the day and shows at night and on the weekends."

She turned her head to the side and fixated her stare on the nearby dahlias. "I don't want to hold us back if I decide to go."

Luke shook his head and brought his hand up to her chin. He made her look at him and in a firm voice, he said, "You won't."

"I might."

"You won't."

There was silence as Luke wordlessly begged for her to believe in his words. Her eyes twinkled in the pale moonlight of Christmas Eve and he knew he had her right where he wanted.

"Okay," she whispered.

Luke's hands found their way back home to the place known as Olivia's cheeks. With a soft smile, he leaned in and kissed her.

Whatever was broken between them seemed to have mended. The pieces were glued back together, patched up and made pretty like they had never been broken in the first place. But they knew the damage was there underneath all of the paint and newfound understanding. It was embedded into the foundation and their relationship was better for it.

She believed in him and he believed in her. They'd be okay.

When he pulled away, his hand lifted to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry I left."

"You came back to me," she pointed out. "That's all that matters."

There was loud applause that came from inside the house as Rose finished her song and the pair were reminded of where they were.

Olivia watched as sadness flashed across Luke's face. It was so quick that she nearly missed it.

"Do you think they're okay?"

Olivia knew he was talking about his parents, but she had no answer for him. She didn't want to lie, so instead she replied with another question.

"Are you okay?"

Luke didn't say anything for a few moments because the truth was that he wasn't okay. It was hard for him to be away from his family, especially during the holiday season, but he couldn't go back. "Yeah," he lied. "Yeah, trouble. I'm okay."

If there was less exhaustion in his voice, she would've believed him.

"It's not too late, you know. You don't have to go home, you could just call—"

He shook his head. "Liv."

"They wouldn't be mad, they would just be happy to hear your voice—"

"I can't."

He could. He just didn't want to, not yet at least.

Olivia saw no point in pushing him further so she nodded and backed off. "Okay," she surrendered, "but when you do decide to give them a call, I'll be right there with you."

The corners of his lips turned upwards and he reached for her wrist. He lightly pulled her in and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head when the hug was returned. "Thanks, trouble."

Olivia smiled with her cheek pressed to his chest. "No problem, headache."

ON THE SUNDAY after Christmas, Olivia found herself walking up the driveway of the Patterson's house with a plate of pastries and a bouquet of dahlias in hand. The atmosphere surrounding the house was different compared to all of the previous Sundays she had spent there and she could feel it the moment she stepped onto the street. It was darker. Sad. Almost as if the house itself was in mourning.

When she rang the doorbell, she considered turning around and going home. Luke had no idea she was here and she could only imagine the fit he would throw if he found out she wasn't at the bakery like she said she was.

The large door swung open before she could change her mind and she was met with the hopeful face of Mitch Patterson. The man's eyes searched the space behind her for Luke and that hopeful expression was washed away by his absence.

"Livy," Mitch finally greeted, planting a smile on his face. It was fake and both of them knew it. "Come in, kid."

He stepped aside and Olivia crossed the threshold. She walked into the living room, unsure of how to act. She hadn't visited for lunch since Luke ran away and her knowledge of his whereabouts put her in an awkward position.

Mitch shouted, answering Emily's question of who was at the door, then guided Olivia into the kitchen where she was setting the table.

The first thing Olivia noticed when she walked in was the extra plate set at Luke's usual seat.

She gave the woman a small smile as she placed the pastries on the table, then stepped closer to give her the flowers and a hug.

"Have you eaten?" Emily questioned once she pulled away. When Olivia nodded, she pushed her gently in the direction of the table. "Sit, sit. Have some lunch."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, taking a seat in Luke's usual spot. "I don't want to intrude."

"Nonsense." She waved a dismissive hand. "You're always welcome here. You know that."

Emily finished plating the food and brought it over. When the three of them were settled in and passed the point of polite conversation, Olivia gave the pair an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around lately."

The Pattersons shook their heads, finding that they missed the young girls presence when she wasn't around—now more than ever since Luke was no longer with them.

"We love having you, Liv, but what are you doing here?" Mitch asked. "Is it about Luke?"

Olivia nodded and placed her utensils on the table. "Yeah, um... Luke, uh, he's sort of been staying at my house," she admitted sheepishly. "I just wanted to let you know. I'm sorry, I should've told you sooner, but..."

"He didn't want us to know."

The older couple shared a glance. They already knew about their son's whereabouts thanks to Sylvia. They were about to go down to the police department to file a missing person's report the day after he ran away when the bakery owner called them. She let them know that Luke had asked her if he could stay with them for a while, and promised that she'd take care of him until he decided to return home.

Nonetheless, they were grateful for Olivia's honesty. They knew that it must've been hard for her to go behind their son's back.

"Thank you, Olivia," Emily said, placing her hand on the girl's arm. She hesitated before asking the question that plagued her mind for the past two weeks. "How is he?"

"He's alright." She bit the inside of her cheek. "He misses you."

"Is he coming home?" Mitch asked. He wasn't there the night Luke ran away and felt an enormous amount of guilt because of it. Maybe if he was, Luke would be having lunch with them as well.

Olivia didn't know how to respond. Saying no would be too harsh, but she couldn't lie to them. Not when she cared about them like her own parents and certainly not when Mitch's eyes reminded her of Luke's.

She let out a small sigh. "The one thing he regrets most is walking out on you, but you know how Luke is—"

"Once his mind is made up, it's made up for good." A frown cemented itself on the older man's face as Olivia gave a grim nod.

Mitch glanced over at his wife, who shared the same stubbornness as their son. Their eyes met and a silent agreement was made that they wouldn't stop holding out hope for Luke to return.

A moment passed and Olivia feared that she overstayed her welcome. It seemed that she believed wrong as Emily planted a smile onto her face. It was small and it was sad, but it was real.

"Would you like some lemonade?" Emily asked, standing from her seat to retrieve the pitcher anyways. "I made some just before you came and I know how much you like it."

Thankful for the break in tension, Olivia nodded. "Oh, yes, please."

After the lemonade was poured and the pastries were served, the three fell into light conversation. Olivia shared stories about Luke and the rest of the band, and the Pattersons told her about their love story and what Luke was like as a child.

When their meal was finished, Emily and Mitch offered to drive her home. Olivia declined, but she did promise the pair that she'd be back the next week.

And when the next Sunday came, Olivia was there, sitting in her usual seat next to Luke's.

And she was there the next week and the next and the next.

RAE SPEAKS !
filler filler filler filler

do you guys actually listen to the chapter songs?