CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

ILYM — JOHN K
There will be times when your heart will forget
I'll say it over and over again
So you know for sure

LUKE WAS WELL aware of how passionate he was. He felt things deeper than the average seventeen year old. His highs were as tall as Mount Everest and his lows were as deep as Mariana's Trench. He had always been like that. And while his strong commitment for the things he believed in was usually considered a strength, it also counted as a weakness. Sometimes, he was so passionate that his emotions would blind him of his common sense. 

When Olivia expressed her doubts in their band, he was brought back to every fight he ever had with his parents, flashing before his eyes like a supercut of all of his worst nights. He could recall his mom yelling at him, begging for him to see things from her point of view, and when he found those college brochures, it was like he was fighting with his mom all over again.

All he could feel was a mixture of disappointment, anger, and hurt. It was even worse because Olivia knew how good the band was. She lived through the same experiences as he did and he couldn't grasp how she was willing to give up on something she considered her dream. It felt like she wasn't only giving up on the band, but him too.

Luke didn't go home when he left her that night. He couldn't be bothered to deal with his parents and their inevitable questions about when he'd start to take school seriously, so instead, he took his acoustic guitar from the studio and went to Griffith Park.

Griffith Observatory was a place he'd frequently visit as a child. As he got older, him and his father would go for hikes in the surrounding the area and eventually, they found their own secret spot that overlooked the city. They haven't gone together in a while, but Luke never forgot about it and it became his thinking spot away from his friends and mother.

After his fight with Olivia, he spent hours in this spot, working through his feelings until he no longer fought a war of emotions in his head. When he finally calmed down, he came to the conclusion that while his feelings were valid, he may have overreacted.

Even though Olivia's phrasing wasn't the best, she was still right. The band had booked countless gigs, but none of them brought them closer to the Orpheum. They didn't have a manager. No record label had taken an interest in them. The only thing they had to show for was their extensive repertoire of songs and a steady growing fanbase. While these two things were great, they were hardly enough to build a secure future around.

The more he thought about it, the more he understood. He knew Olivia like the back of his hand, and the one thing that ruled her life was fear. Don't get him wrong, Olivia had grown so much in the last year, but even the strongest people had their moments of uncertainty. She was scared of instability and the unknown. It only made sense that she would feel reluctant about the band and he should've been more understanding in the moment.

He loved Olivia. He was in love with her. And he left her. Not only that, but the last thing he said to her was an echo of her greatest fear.

He wasn't sure if they were broken up or not, but if they were, he wouldn't be surprised if she didn't take him back.

A few days later, Luke found himself in his bedroom with his guitar in his lap and his journal in front of him. He was finishing a song he wrote for Olivia once his anger subsided the other night. It was his form of an apology. The only problem was that the entire song was one big 'I love you' and he didn't want to scare her off since they only started dating a few months ago—even if they behaved like a couple before then.

With a sigh, he got up from his bed and made his way over to his backpack. He pulled out his video camera and propped it on his desk. After hitting the record button, he dragged his chair over and sat in front of it.

"Hi," he said to the blinking red light, "Olivia and I got into a fight, so I wrote her this song. I probably won't show it to her for a while, but it's done now and at least this way, she'll have it on tape."

He cleared his throat and hesitated in saying his next words. He didn't know if they'd be okay again, so if he never got the chance to tell her this, telling the camera would be the next best thing.

"Trouble, if you're watching this, I'm sorry for being an idiot and hopefully you've already forgiven me by the time you see this." He didn't mind speaking so freely because at the end of the day, his words were for Olivia. "I don't deserve it, or you, and I'm so sorry for leaving you. I promised you I wouldn't and I... I didn't keep it, so I'm sorry."

He could picture her face in his mind and softly smiled. "And I know you forget it, so I'll tell you again: You're a star, trouble, and you shine like the sun." His hand moved to his guitar strings before shooting back like he forgot something. "Oh, and if I haven't told you today, you're very pretty—beautiful, really. Anyways, I'm rambling. Here's the song."

His hands met the strings and he started to sing.

This song was one of his favourites, but he couldn't tell if it was the song itself or his profession of love that made it so wonderful.

When he finished singing, he decided that the minute he plucked up the courage to tell Olivia he was in love with her, he'd show her this song. Maybe he'd perform it for her instead of playing her the video he just made.

There were three knocks at his bedroom door followed by his mother's voice. Emily didn't wait for a response before opening the door and sticking her head in.

Luke tried not to roll his eyes at his mom's impatience.

"Hey, can we talk?" Emily walked into the room, not giving him much of a choice.

He nodded anyways and watched as she sat on the edge of his bed.

She rested her hands on her lap. "What's going on with you?"

Luke's brows furrowed and he tilted his head to the side. "Uh... Nothing, why?"

"You're never home anymore," she stated, worry in her voice. "You sneak in and out of the house in the middle of the night, I have no idea where you've been... This has to stop, Luke. Where do you go every other night?"

The boy shrugged and got up from his chair, grabbing backpack in the process. He was already formulating an exit plan, knowing that this conversation would end in an argument no matter what he said. "Out."

Emily didn't like his vague answer and stood from the bed. "Cut the bullshit, Luke." Her voice was firm and the fact that she swore told Luke that this argument would not be a pretty one. "Talk to me."

"I play shows, okay?" He spun on his heel to face her. There was no point in lying to her anymore. He was tired and so was she. "I play shows with the band. That's where I go at night."

"Where?"

He took a sharp inhale. "Mom—"

"Where, Luke? Answer the question."

His jaw clenched and he looked to the side, unable to meet her narrowed eyes. "The entertainment district."

Just like that, a bomb had dropped and it was about to explode.

"You're playing the Hollywood club scene... in the middle of the night?" Emily exclaimed in complete disbelief. "You're underage! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"Yes, which is why I didn't want to tell you!" Luke shouted, matching her emotions. "I knew you'd freak out like this!" There was a brief moment of silence as he exhaled slowly. "We have to do this if we want to make it big. We have to put the work in, we have to play the clubs and meet the people there—"

"And what about school?"

"What about it?" Luke asked in false innocence, putting his guitar back in its bag before moving around his room to grab his journal.

"Well, you're going on school nights, aren't you? Don't forget that we had a deal. How are your grades?"

Luke sucked his teeth and shook his head at the mention of school. Hoping to escape the conversation before it could get too loud, he started to walk towards his door. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Emily shouted, following after him.

"Why? I don't want to go to college and I've been thinking about dropping out anyways—"

"Dropping out?" Emily gave him an incredulous look. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You're halfway done the school year, Luke! You can't drop out when you're so close to finishing!"

"I can't spent all my time in a classroom anymore! I feel like I'm suffocating!" There was anguish in his eyes. Maybe if his mom looked hard enough, she would see it. "Where you see a few more months of school, I see time being wasted when I can be out there doing what I love to do!"

"You can't drop out of school to make music, Luke!"

Luke entered the living room. His emotions were swirling and he felt like he was being sucking into a whirlpool of anger. He stopped in his tracks and turned to face his mom. She was standing directly in front of him, her own emotions on display with fiery cheeks. Perhaps that's where he got his passion from.

"Why can't you just support me?" He questioned, borderline begging. "You never believed in me!"

Emily took a step back and she looked like she had just gotten smacked across the face. The words Luke said weren't true. In all of his endeavours, whether it was soccer in the first grade or learning something new, Luke always had her support. Even now, when they fought restlessly about his future, there was still a tiny sliver of her that believed—that prayed—Sunset Curve would make it big. The support was there, even if she didn't show it. But then again, showing it could make all the difference in the world.

"I want what's best for you," she claimed in exasperation.

Everything was coming to a tipping point. Luke could only take so much before he snapped. "Why should I sit here and listen to you say that you want the best for me when really what's best for me is my music?"

Emily let out a humourless laugh. "Because it's not! A job, a steady and secure job—"

"That I would hate."

"—is what's good for you! Going to school, getting an education, making a life for yourself! What if the band never takes off? What are you going to do then? Play clubs until you die?"

He nodded, his face scrunching up with bitterness. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'll do, because it makes me happy! And if you just came to one of our shows, you would see that it makes other people happy too!" He looked up towards the sky, hoping to gain the slightest bit of patience before staring his mother in the eyes. "We're good. Really, really good!"

She stepped up to him and the two Pattersons were no less than one foot away from each other. Anger, longing, and frustration blended into one as they stared each other down.

"If no one signs you, it doesn't matter if you're good or not!"

Something in him changed. A fire was lit in his bones and he made the decision right then and there that he was going to leave. He couldn't stay in this house when the people in it had such little faith in him. He was going to leave. He was going to make it. And he was going to prove them wrong.

Without a word, Luke stormed through the house. He stopped by his room, shoving more things into his bag and when he had enough clothes, he grabbed his guitar bag.

"Luke, what are you doing?"

He ignored his mother's questions and pleas as he exited the house. His mom was starting to realize his plan and made moves to stop him, so he quickened his movements. He grabbed his bike and pedalled own the driveway, leaving her to run after him.

Emily's voice cracked as she shouted for her son to come back. "Luke!"

There were tears falling from his eyes and his heart was surely breaking, but he couldn't bring himself to turn around.

"HAS HE EVER done this with you?" Olivia questioned, tucking her new Nokia cellphone between her ear and her shoulder. She moved around the kitchen, grabbing the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. "Because he said that he wanted a break, but not a break up? How does that even work? Because I'm ninety-four percent sure that they're the same thing."

"I'm pretty sure they are too, but don't worry about it." Alex waved a dismissive hand, forgetting that she couldn't actually see him. "I don't blame you for thinking about college. I would too if my parents didn't cut me off. You just want to play it safe. No one's blaming you for it."

"Luke is," she grumbled, pouring a bag of chocolate chips into her cookie dough.

Olivia could've sworn that she heard Alex roll his eyes. "He'll come around sooner or later."

"Hopefully it's the former because not knowing if we're still dating is killing me." Her heavy sigh was cut off by the landline ringing. She looked over at the phone on the wall. "Hold on, Alex, I'm getting another call. I'll call you back in a few minutes."

After hanging up on Alex, she walked across the kitchen and put the landline's receiver up to her ear. "Hello?"

Emily Patterson's frantic voice flowed through the speaker. "Olivia, is Luke with you?"

"Miss Emily?" Olivia's brows furrowed. "Uh... No, we had a fight, I haven't spoken to him in a few days. Is everything alright? Did something happen?"

"No, dear. Just..." There was a shaky breath on the other end. "Give me a call if you hear from him, okay?"

"Of course," Olivia promised, though her confusion made it sound more like a question.

Emily hung up and Olivia went back to her baking. Her mind went to the worst case scenario and with worry running through her veins, she called Alex back. "Alex," she started, not waiting for his greeting, "have you heard from Luke today? His mom just called me and she sounded like she was freaking out."

Alex's brows furrowed at her tone. "No," he replied slowly. "The last time I spoke to him was at his locker after school. Did something happen?"

"I don't know," Olivia confessed. "Emily didn't say, but she doesn't know where he is."

As the time went on, Olivia's voice only grew more shaky. Luke ran away from his problems all the time, ignoring them until they went away, but it wasn't like him to just disappear completely.

Alex, sensing the girl's distress, immediately started to calm her down. "Okay, okay," he started, his voice raising an octave, "well, maybe he's with one of the guys? I'll call Bobby and you call Reg?"

Alex wasn't the only one to feel her worry, because when Olivia looked down, she saw that Solo had moved from his spot under the Christmas tree and was now sitting next to her.

"Alright." She nodded, forgetting that Alex couldn't see her, and started to pet her dog out of comfort.

Two phone calls later and Luke was no closer to being found. Hours passed, Sylvia and Mikey had returned home, and Olivia's cookie dough remained raw as she worried about her best friend. She stayed by the phone, waiting for a call that would never come. Her pacing had gone on for so long that Sylvia banished her to her room.

Olivia didn't know what to do with herself. Alex, Reggie and Bobby were driving around looking for Luke, and she wanted to go with them, but they denied her request, claiming that someone needed to stay near the studio in case he showed up. Her window was open and every noise outside made her flinch.

It wasn't until two in the morning that Olivia's concern washed away.

Luke sat outside of her bedroom window with bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks. As quietly as he could, he pushed the glass open and watched as she furiously scribbled in her notebook.

Feeling someone's eyes on her, Olivia looked up, dropping everything when she saw the shadowy outline of Luke Patterson. "Where the hell have you been?" She asked, standing from her bed. "Do you have any idea how worried everyone is? Your mom's freaking out, the boys and your dad are out looking for you, no one knew where you were—"

The entire time Olivia was scolding him, all Luke could do was stare at her. Even when she was yelling at him, her voice was a song that brought him comfort.

"Are you even listening to me?" She walked over to the window to help him into the room, but stopped once he moved into the light. His eyes were red and puffy, perhaps the worst she's ever seen them, and his cheeks glistened with tear stains. "Luke...?"

Luke mustered up the best smile he could and raised the hand that had previously been out of sight. In his hold was a bundle of dahlias, no doubt stolen from Olivia's next door neighbour. He shrugged and swiped his free hand under his noise.

"Would you believe me if I said I had nowhere else to go?"

His voice was quiet and shaky, cracked at some points and followed by a sniffle.

Olivia frowned at his words, knowing that he had a handful of friends who would happily take him in, but as she took in the sight of his broken expression, she couldn't bring herself to tell him no. So instead, she reached for his hand. "What happened?"

There was a moment of silence before his eyes started to swim in tears. His body started to shake and suddenly, he couldn't breathe properly.

Olivia said nothing as she pulled him into a hug. His arms curled around her waist and he tucked his face into her neck, holding her tighter than he ever had.

"I'm sorry," he wept, tears spilling onto her shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

Olivia couldn't tell what he was apologizing for. It could've been for a number of things—for their fight, or for disappearing, or for whatever happened that made him so inconsolable. "It's okay," she promised, helping him climb through the window, "you're okay."

"I couldn't—" He took a sharp inhale, but his body wracked by sobs. "Things got so loud and... and I..."

"Luke," Olivia started gently. She pulled away and held his face in her hands, wiping away a stray tear as it fell. "Take a breath, baby." She inhaled and exhaled slowly, only stopping when Luke started to calm down. "Good. Now, what happened?"

Luke sniffed before leaning into her hands. "Me and my mom were fighting and I— I couldn't take it anymore so I left. I ran away."

To say Olivia wasn't shocked by this news would be a lie. She knew better than anyone how much of a mama's boy Luke was. While she was his sun, Emily was his gravity. And despite all of their differences, Olivia never thought he'd be able to run away.

It took a toll on him, both mentally and physically. Even though he had only run away today, the bags under his eyes were darker and she could tell that he was beating himself up over it.

Her hands dropped from his face and she rubbed his arms in a comforting manner. "You can stay here for as long as you need," she stated. "Take the garage, you and the boys are always here anyways and my mom won't mind."

Luke hesitated. It was one thing to sleep over from time to time, but living in the studio was completely different. "Are you sure?"

Olivia nodded. "I'm positive."

She stepped away from him and rummaged through her dresser to find some clothes she had stolen from the guys over the year. She found one of Luke's cut off shirts and a pair of Reggie's gym shorts.

Giving the clothes to Luke, she told him that she'd be stepping out to give him some privacy to change. Really, she headed downstairs with the intention to call his parents. She wouldn't be able to sleep knowing they were still worrying about him.

Olivia let the Pattersons know that their son was staying the night at her house, electing to leave out the part where he was probably going to move in and live in the studio full time. She wished them a good night before calling Reggie's cellphone to let the boys know they could stop searching.

When Olivia returned to her room, she found Luke sprawled out on the side of her bed with the bouquet of dahlias resting by his feet. His breathing was slow and he looked so peaceful when he slept that it didn't look like he was emotionally spent. She almost didn't want to go to bed in fear that she'd wake him.

After the window was locked and the lights were shut off, Olivia looked over at Luke's sleeping figure again. That familiar feeling returned to her chest. She was still unable to put a name to it, but she had her suspicions and it was only a matter of time until she figured it out.

RAE SPEAKS !

Luke after running away: