daeshim honestly didn't plan on returning back to the dorm this quick. he hasn't even gotten the chance to tell the members about his return; 'at least it'll be a surprise' he told himself every time he felt guilty about not contacting them.

travelling back to the dorm was definitely one of those spur of the moment decisions he has made. laying on the couch in his parents living room while his parents acted awkwardly around him was becoming unbearable and definitely did nothing to help his deteriorating mental state. staying in his parents house made him feel like a ticking bomb that his parents were trying their best to avoid, or a package with a big sticker that says 'handle with care'. his parents drastic differences between the way they treated him has caused another internal dichotomy within daeshim's brain regarding their relationship; something he definitely did not need right now.

to out it short, daeshim felt like he hasn't even gotten enough time and space to grieve and process his emotions and current events in his life.

all of this has led him to here: the door of l-even's dorm, with one hand carrying the weight of both his duffel bag, which was definitely heavier than it was when he left for cheonan, as well as the cat carrier which bam has been scratching the walls of for the past half an hour.

daeshim looked frantically through the pockets of his jacket for the keys to the dorm, wondering about whether the members would mind him bringing a furry friend with him. he quickly brushed off that thought remembering the members don't even know he's back.

cursing quietly under his breath, daeshim could feel a slight feeling of dread washing over him as he couldn't seem to find the damn keys. he looked through all the pockets once again, praying that he didn't somehow lose the keys during his journey back to seoul. he eventually released a sigh of relieved and felt the tension escape from his shoulders as he finally managed to grasp the piece of metal that'll grant him an entrance into the dorm.

once he finally put the key into the keyhole and was able to open the door, daeshim finally enter the familiar space of the dorm and realised how much he actually missed this place.

however, as he was closing the door behind him, after entering the dorm, the darkness of the dorm surprised him a bit since the members were usually back by this time, but he brushed it off thinking the members stayed behind for more practice.

he got lost in his thoughts as he placed his stuff down after his attempt to take off his shoes without thr aid of his hands was found to be futile. daeshim found that getting lost in his thoughts was, in fact, a mistake as he was startled by the lights suddenly turning on when he was halfway done taking off his shoe.

he looked up, his eyes widened in surprise, and was relieved to see yujun standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a confused expression plastered on his face.

"you scared the shit out of me hyung." he complained.

"sorry, I thought someone was breaking in." yujun apologised. "why didn't you tell us you were coming back today?" he continued while watching daeshim struggle to take off his other shoe.

a silence ensued between the both of them until daeshim finally managed to free his foot from the shoe. he looked up at the older and shrugged. "it kind of escaped my head with everything going on." he could clearly see an expression of concern forming upon yujun's face and, not wanting the older to ask how he's feeling, continued speaking to avoid addressing the elephant on the room. "where are the others?"

yujun looked like he was taken aback by the question for a second, but quickly brushed it off and addressed daeshim's question without much hesitation. "cain, yuichi, and sooyoung are still in the studio practicing. hyunki somehow got sick, last time I checked he was still asleep."

"he's okay thought right?" daeshim asked with concern laced in his voice. yujun was quick to respond that hyunki was fine and only caught a simple cold. daeshim was waiting for the awkward silence to ensue after yujun's statement, instead the question he was dreading most was asked.

"how have you been feeling lately though?"

daeshim sighed, and tried coming up with an answer. he's been thinking about his relationship with his parents lately and hasn't even gotten the chance to process his feelings. in fact, he's been doing too much thinking lately.

pondering over his answer, daeshim didn't even realise his eyes were beginning to water. he was hoping it wasn't noticeable, but his subconscious knew it definitely was. he looked up trying to stop the tears from rolling down his face, laughing awkwardly in order to try and make the situation less awkward. "fuck," he cursed under his breath, his voice wavering slightly.

"shimie-"

"no im- I'm fine hyung." daeshim cut yujun off, taking in a deep breath and clearing his throat to calm himself down. he knew yujun only meant well and he appreciated the olders concern for him, but he really didn't want to address his own feelings right now.

"can we... can we talk about this later?" he stuttered, earning a nod as a reply from yujun. daeshim, now slightly more relieved, sent yujun what he could muster as a smile towards yujun, not trusting his voice anymore.

another, somehow comfortable, silence ensued. however, it did not last long as yujun soon asked yet another question "are you hungry? or do you just want to head to bed?"

daeshim was about to open his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by a loud meow that came from his pet carrier, followed by scratching. he kneeled down next to the carrier and began opening it. "I was hoping to get her settled down first." he stated as he began to attempt to take bam out of the carrier, which was proving to be quite a challenge.

yujun kneeled down next to daeshim and tried petting the scared cat that was now settled in daeshim's arms, the cat proceeding to hesitantly smell yujun's hands. he smiled slightly before looking at daeshim. "you look tired enough, I'll take care of her."

daeshim tried to argue against it but yujun interrupted him. "don't worry, I know how to take care of cats." He added as he proceeded to take the now slightly less scared feline from daeshim's arms. "now go and rest. I'll inform the others that you're home so they don't wake you up okay?"

"what about our manager and-" he responded, but was yet again interrupted.

"we'll take care of it when you wake up. cain and me will help you handle all of that so don't worry about it. now go to bed." he argued before standing up with bam now comfortable in his arms, daeshim following soon after.

he proceeded to grab his bags, forgetting how heavy they are and struggling a little bit but eventually succeeded. he turned round and uttered a quick 'thank you' to yujun, receiving a 'just go' from the older as a reply. daeshim laughed quietly at yujun's usual antics as he proceeded to make his way towards his and yujun's room.

daeshim knew he probably wouldn't get much sleep anyway, but the thought of finally being able to settle down in bed without fearing humiliation whenever his emotions take over him was definitely enticing.

he just hoped everything else would be sorted out with the company and he didn't fuck up yet another debut opportunity.

( 엘이벤 | @ elastring )
🌺:: finally posted. this was originally going to be longer but I deleted like half of it hwalfway through writing because I didn't like the direction it was going in.

anyways, stay hydrated <3