Warning: DO NOT read if u get triggered by SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, DEATH, OR BLOOD!!!

I repeat, DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THOSE ABOVE TRIGGER YOU!!!!

lmao r u lost baby gorl😎✋

Karma's POV:

I suddenly sat up from my bed feeling light headed. I held my head in my hands and felt a feeling that I haven't felt in awhile.

It's been so long...

Since I thought about her.

I promised that I wouldn't forget.

Today... was the day... today... three years ago, was the day.. that she..

"(Y/N)......"

I said this out loud and I heard it echo throughout my big house. "I'm so sorry... I promised....it's all my fault..."

~~~~~~~~flash back 3 years ago~~~~~~~

I looked down at the 2 hands that were holding each other. Annoyance went through my brain.

I rolled my eyes as we kept walking. (Y/N) was my girlfriend, but I honestly don't even remember how we even started dating in the first place.

The one thing that really bothered me was that
(Y/N) was just so clingy. She always wants to hold my hand and tell me not to get into trouble.

But, if I see someone getting beat up, it's my natural instinct to help them out,,,, ok maybe join in the fun too but only if it calls for that. Actually, now that I think about it, I meet (Y/N) that way.

I know how she feels about me, but she cares too much about me, to the point where it feels controlling.

I sighed as we kept walking. We were in the city of Tokyo and I was going home after the festival thing that Koro Sensei had invited everyone to.

Till, (Y/N) wanted to tag along with me. I tried to shove her off because her house is in the complete different direction as mine, but she said that she had something she wanted to do near by.

She's such an idiot.

We were both wearing a kimono. Mine was black and had blue skulls on it.

When (Y/N)'s was (favorite color) and had (something random, or random pattern). She also had on Neko- cat whatever the fuck, animal ears that I had bought her there that matched her hair color

And sadly enough, I too was wearing a matching pair of red Neko ears cause (Y/N) thought I would cute with them. I had to admit though, (Y/N) looked kinda cute in a kimono with cat ears.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks. (Y/N)'s hand was still holding mine and she looked back at me.

I looked down.

"Karma-kun? Is something wrong?"

I just stood there. Silently. Not saying anything.
"Don't mind me." I said this with my head still looking down.

"Karma, if something's wrong you know you can just tell me right? I'm always here for you."

She sounded so cheerful. Too cheerful. Like it was almost fake. Like she doesn't even know what sad is. Like her life is just perfect.

Nothing more... nothing less...

"(L/N)... can't you just... stop already..?"

"Karma? what are you... you're silly, I think you've had way too much sugar tonight. You know,,, sugar crashes."

She's just too cheerful. I've never seen her cry before. Even when she's mad she still seems cheerful, and it's actually pretty creepy.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!"

I quickly snapped at her and swiftly pulled my hand away out of her grasp. She held her hands to her chest and looked pretty afraid of me when I said this. i felt a tang of regret hit my chest as i looked at her face, scared.

but that soon vanished as she then smiled at me again and giggled with her head slightly tilted.

"Silly Karma. You really are grumpy today. C'mon, let's get you home." She then proceeded to grab my hand, but I swiped it away.

"DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?!? LEAVE. ME. ALONE!"
As I said this she looked down, and was quiet for a moment.

"No, I won't."

Before I could even react, she had somehow grabbed my hand again.

"W-what?"
I looked at her. I don't understand. She's like a Nagisa. She can creep up on me when she's right in front of my face. She could kill me when I'm less than 1 foot away from her.

And I won't even be suspicious about it.

I took my hand back and started walking ahead of her.

"Just go home (L/N). I-I've got something I need to do"

"Karma.... I-I can't go home! I already told you! I've got something I need to do as well!" Whenever she talks... she's so.. happy... i don't understand how.

"Why do you need to come with me though? I'm not really in the mood to be with a idiot right now"

"Well, we are dating. And well, I just thought, why not? It couldn't hurt if I came along. I mean, we could talk and stuff..."

I sighed. You never understood.

I continued walking and now (L/N) wasn't following. I could tell cause I didn't hear the sound of light, graceful footsteps.

"You're such an idiot... Just, s-shut up and come on already."

I heard her giggle slightly and she then cane running up behind me. Why am I still going this? I need to tell her.

I pressed the button thingy, so I could cross the street. I laughed to myself a bit as I pressed it once for a second. Then a second time. And then a third.

It only made short deep noises. Then i held it down, and it made a long deep. I laughed. It sounded like, "deep, they're still alive in the hospital. Deep, deep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeep" they died

I sighed. I really need to tell her.
"(L/N)... Why? Why do you stay with me? I can't give you the happiness you need."

I thought that she would just say silent, but what she did next confused me.

She laughed. She laughed with all her heart's delight.
She even sounded happy about something. Like when you see your crush doing something funny or whatever. but, it wasn't a giggle.

"Oh Karma-kun! You really are silly! Don't you see? My definition of happy, is just being you! Ever sense I meet you, I've had the happiest moments of my life!"

I remember myself turning a dark red and my bangs covering my eyes as I looked down.

"god you're so hopeless..."

When I looked through my hair, I could see her smiling at me with her eyes closed.

"I-I'm sorry (L/N). B-but, I can't accept your feelings. Love... I don't think... love will... it will only make things harder for me right now. I-I'm sorry..."

Part of me was thankful I had finally told her this because I've been meaning to say this for awhile. But another part of me wanted to knee myself in the stomach. I know I'm being a huge dick right now. it's not that i didn't like her, it's just that,, im afraid. im afraid of what she could do to me. whenever i'm with her my emotions feel uncontrollable and i'm in fear that it could lead to something bad.

After around 5 minutes of silence, I was surprised that she hadn't said something already. Usually, she would said something positive by now, and shrug if off like it was nothing.

"(L/N)-"

When I turned around to look at her, I saw something I've never seen before.

She was....

Crying.

I saw tears roll down her face even though it was half covered by hair. I could tell.. she wasn't happy. She wasn't saying anything positive. she didn't even seem mad. she just seemed,, sad. all i saw when i looked at her was sadness. what is this? why does she,,,

I've never seen her cry before. And.. it's because of me. I wanted to say something. Anything..
But before I could, I was interrupted by her. Her voice wasn't her normal voice. It sounded... full of sadness, anger, and half sobs.

"Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!!!!!!!!!!!"
She then used her sleeves from her kimono that was too big for her to wipe her tears away.

I was paying so much attention to her, I didn't even notice people sounding at us. Then, my senses came back to me as I looked around. I had heard lots of car hunks.. and I saw...

The bright lights of a car coming straight at me.  They were only a few feet away from me. I'm going to get hit..

I'm going to die?

Huh... I guess it serves me right...

Karmas gonna get me back for being a total dick to (L/N)

I closed my eyes...

I felt wind come from behind; my hair blowed forward. 

I could feel the fabric of my kimono fly against my skin

Moments later, I felt something hit me. I felt my body fly to the side.

I hit the hard pavement and I coughed up blood.

After a few seconds.. I tried to sit up. And found that I was in a lot of pain.

I heard shouting and people screaming. I heard footsteps. People were getting out of their cars. Probably to crowd around my almost dead corse. When I opened my eyes, everything was blurry. But soon, my version came back.

I looked around I awkwardly sat up with great difficulty. But, people weren't crowding around me. But were instead crowding around.. something near by.

I stood up slowly. There was a huge cut on my face, that made it look like my right check was gone. I held my stomach as I slowing made my way to see what was going on.

As I got nearer, I could see they were looking at a body of small girl laying in a big pile of blood. I then noticed her (H/C) hair. Her big kimono. Her small body. Her little cat ears...

I kneeled down as I looked at her lifeless body.

"(L/N)? (L/N)!? (L/N)?!!? COME ON!!!!!!! don't play games like this! I-I'm sorry! I never meant it! COME ON!!! (L/N)!!!!!!!"

I remember myself holding her head in my arms. Screaming her name over and over again. The pain in my own body was gone. I cried into her little lifeless body until they took her away from me.

Someone had lucky called the hospital and police just in time. They took her way from me.

I sat in the vehicle with her as I looked down at her laying in the bed in the back. When we got there, they had rushed her into surgery. Her stomach was completely split open, and she had lost almost 1/5 of her blood.

All I wanted was to see her. I wanted to see her smile.

But they had to take her away.

I had to get the side of my face stitched together. And I had a rather big scab on my right side of my hip as well.

The one thing that I remember asking myself was... how did (L/N) get hit? I was sure the car was heading straight towards me. And (L/N) was about 7 feet away from me.

I remember asking someone who was there and was also at the hospital because they were hurt as well by being a stand by. They said that a girl had pushed me to side as they got hit.

So... (L/N) pushed me... so I wouldn't get hit. Then... that means that.. the cut of my face was from falling onto the pavement. She saved me... even though.. i hurt her. I made her cry, even though...

~~~~~~~~~~~time skip~~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting in the waiting room. (L/N)'s surgery was done, and I was waiting to know if she was alive or not.

The door opened and I saw a doctor walk to another girl who looked like (L/N) a bit. But, she wasn't nearly as cheerful looking and happy. Soon, when he had left. The girl bust into tears. I felt bad.

I went over to her and asked her what happened. Her boyfriend had died after surgery from texting on his phone, and had hit someone on the road.

Her... her boyfriend... was the one.. who hit   (L/N).

So, if (L/N) is dead, then, it's all his fault! I wanted to feel bad for the girl, but... he deserved it. Even if  (L/N) is alive, which she is. This only makes things easier. I was planning to later, when (L/N) is out, to find the shithead that had done this.

(I can't believe you've done this:) sry.. just ruined the moment....

The door opened again and I looked up. The guy then came to me.

"Are you Akabane Karma?"

"Yes..."

"I'm happy to say that (L/N) (Y/N) has made it through her surgery. If you wish, you may come to see her."

I felt joy rise through my body. Ha, I knew she'd make it out. I sprinted down to her room to see her sleeping quietly.

I sat down next to her bed and held her hand.

I then cried into her bed.

"I-I'm so sorry (L/N). It's all my fault you're in this mess. I'd.. id switch places with you. I would if I could. I'd rather be in that bed right now."

After awhile, I saw her eyes open.

"(L/N)!!!"

My face was all red from crying. She then smiled at me and i felt some weird feeling in my chest as she did. I never noticed it till now, but (L/N) is really adorable when she smiles.

"K-Karma?"

Her voice was very weak, and I could tell that she had trouble saying that.

"Yes  (L/N)? Do you want something?"

She was silent for a moment, then she spoke quietly and softly. Still smiling.

"Could you call me (Y/N)?"

I looked at her. I then smiled back.
"Sure thing (Y/N)."

"I've always wanted you to call me that. Now.. now I know.. I can leave, without having to worry. Thank you."

"WHAT?!? no! bitch you just got out of surgery and you really out here thinking of dying because i called you by your first name? no sir, you're gonna get up and we gonna go get ice cream and-"

"Karma, I can't help it can I? I don't want to die!!! I-I'm scared..."

I looked into her eyes, and saw the look of fear as she looked back at me. I was quite as I listened to the noise of deep-deep-deep-

I sighed..

"(Y/N).... you cant leave me! you're not going anywhere, okay? not without my permission!"

(not without daddy's permission 😏✋ right sorry)

Deep

She was quite. I could hear her breathing. Her breath was loud and I could tell she was having trouble.

Deep

"Karma... I'm tired..."

Deep

I tightened my grip on her hand. I cried into her crest.

Deep

"(Y/N).. no! Think if the thinks we haven't gone together yet? We're a couple, right? We still haven't kissed. We still haven't met each other's parents. We still haven't shared a bento! or gone to a karaoke place, or wore matching outfits. i want to go star gazing, go to amusement parks together... (Y/N)... I-I.. I never noticed this till now.... but (Y/N)... I love you... you can't leave."

Deep

"Karma.. I-I've always loved you. But, I'm tired. i'm so tired."

Deep

I was sobbing when I looked up at her face.

Deep

"Okay... you can go now..."

Deep

"Karma! I'm scared. Don't let go. I-promise me this.. live your life.. and forget about me.. I'm always happy... if youre happy Karma..."

Deep

Her voice was getting quieter and she said this between sobs.

Deep

"No.. I'll never forget you! I promise... cause.. you said.. your definition of happy.. is with me!"

Deep

She just smiled at me. Her eyes then closed and her hand went weak in mine.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I looked down.

Tears rolled down my face.

I remember.. only seconds before we were on that street.. I had heard it too.

The long deeeeeeeeeep. That they were gone.

I got up and covered her with the blanket.

When I was about to leave the room, I looked back at her.

"Don't worry (Y/N)... you'll always be happy forever. Cause... youre going to be with me till I die."

"In my heart...."

I then closed the door and left.

~~~~~~~~~flash back ended~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been years since I thought about her. I promised that I would never forget her.

But I did.....

(Y/N) I'm so sorry.

I broke my one promise. i don't even know how i forgot. i'm so confused. i looked around, confused. why do i feel like i'm in someone else's house? why can't i remember anything. my head felt heavy as i sat up.

I then got out of bed.

I went to my closet and after a long search, i found my red Neko ears. Along with her (H/C) ears.

I put on the red ones, carrying hers with mine.

I walked into the kitchen.

I took out the biggest knife I had.

I looked down at it.

"Don't worry (Y/N)... I'll see you again. I'll never leave you like I did before. You'll be happy..."

I then threw the knife into the right side of my neck and pulled it so it was now to the front.

I didn't feel pain.

But instead. Happiness.
A feeling that I haven't felt in such a long time.

The feeling of being with her.

I saw a bright light as I got up. I was wearing the black kimono that I was wearing that same day. I felt my hair and i felt like i was smaller and could tell... I was back.

Back in my old body. My high school body.

"Karma?"

When I turned around I saw her... Tears formed in my eyes as I looked at her. Oh her.

she was so pretty. was she always that pretty? my heart fluttered as i looked over at her. what is this feeling? why do i feel so,,,

"(Y/N).."

"Karma... is this really happening?"

I then ran up to hear and I hugged her. I hugged her really tight. I cried into her neck as she stroked my hair.

"Don't worry (Y/N)... I'll never leave you.."

"K-Karma, what are you doing here? This wasn't supposed to happen. I told, I-I told you to go live ur life. F-forget about me..."

"(Y/N)... no, I could never forget about you!"

She stayed silent for a moment.
"But you did. I watched you. You forgot about me shortly after my death, Karma. you got dissociative amnesia (where a person forgets certain information or events, usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event, leaving them unable to remember important personal memories)

You dated O-okuda. And you seemed happy with her. W-which m-made me happy too... you treated Okuda with all your love. You only waited 2 weeks after my death. You then started dating her. And forgot about me. I was so happy to see you like that. to see how happy you seemed with her. i could never make you smile that easily like she did..."

I do remember that I dated Okuda, but i don't remember how it even started. i felt like my memory was mixed up.

I looked up at her. And there it was. that smile,, that same beautiful smile i had forgotten about. i felt the tears come back to my eyes as i looked at her.

and then i did it. i did something without thinking. i grabbed the collar of her kimono and kissed her. i felt her tense up but she soon put her hand up in my hair. i held onto her tightly, never wanting to let go of her. she pulled away, and when i looked down at her she was looking to the side, her tongue slightly hanging out as she panted. her kimono was messed up and when i looked down, i blushed and quickly looked away.

"Karma,,,,"

fuck

the way she said my name. lord why do i feel like this? i wanted to kiss her again.

"out of the blue, you killed yourself. Why? Karma, have you forgotten? You were supposed to marry Okuda next week. W-what do you think she'll do now. That you killed yourself because of me?"

She then collapsed onto the ground and I went down with her. I was holding her head on my arms as she cried into my crest. "K-Karma.. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault that you died..."

"No. (Y/N) never say that. It was all my fault that you died in the first place. If I treated you better, you would have never died in the first place. i was so stupid, i took you for granted and i was selfish."

She then started crying even harder and then she hugged me. She hugged me hard. And this time, I didn't mind.

"K-Karma... never leave me!"

"I won't..."

~~~~~~~~~the end~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, I thought that I owed you another story in May cause I never updated in April.

Heh, this is kinda funny. So, I was looking at pictures And I found a rather funny thing.

I was like, wow. (Author's note Sunday, July 1st, 2018)

Word count: 3,655 words
Date: May 11th, 2018
updated: March 1, 2021

HOLY SHIT I WROTE THIS ORGINALLY BACK IN 2018? FUCK IM OLD😩