I didn't reread this so it's gonna have a shit ton of spelling or grammar mistakes. i'm sorry. 🍍

(Y/N)'s pov:

I gulped. oh god, just breathe. in and out. you knew this was coming. there's no more hope anyways. you're not even that loyal to him anymore.

"do you like karma?"

what?

god you've got to be kidding me. that's the first thing he asks me? thats the only thing he cares about. I look up at the boy who's turned my life into hell. my first love, the only one I love. the boy who taught me what love and self hate was.

"G-Gakushuu..."

I didn't know how to answer. if I said yes would he be upset with me? I don't want him to get mad at me.

"(Y/N), if you like Akabane, then I think you should go for him."

"w-what?"

I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"look (Y/N), i've been an awful boyfriend to you. for these past 8 months of dating you, it's just... idk. i've been stressed out with school work right now and I just feel overwhelmed."

I was silent. I knew he was going to break up with me. our relationship was pretty toxic anyways. anything bad he said about me would cause me to start hating myself even more than I already did.

you may even be wondering what I mean by "anything bad". he talks shit about me just so he can feel better about himself. i know some of the things he's said are true.. no wait all the things he says are true.

my friends say that I don't actually love him but that I love the idea of him. no that's not it. I do love him, all I ever wanted was for him to accept me and for him to want me. but obviously he never did.

he apparently said he's been wanting to break up with me for 3 months now. I believe that. i am an awful person. i've been selfish. what they say is right.

i've been blaming all my self hate towards him and he feels as though it's all his fault. i'm such an awful person. putting my happiness in dependence of him without thinking of how the other person feels... if he wants to leave me so that feeling of being the reason of someone else's depression then great. as long as he's happy and better off without me i'm ok with it.

"I'm going to end things for now. schoolwork has been overwhelming me and I know you deserve better so i'm sorry."

"w-what? why are you sorry...?"

I asked him. surprisingly I didn't feel like I was about to cry. I cried yesterday over the thing where he said that he's been wanting to break up with him for 3 months.

because truth be told, he never loved me. he's probably been playing me this whole time. he probably never even liked me to begin with. after knowing him for almost 4 years now... it's not really surprising.

the year we first met I hated him. he was good in every subject and every girl seemed to like him. but after hearing hummers that he liked me I suddenly realized that I liked him. 2 years after that, he asked me out. but that's not important.

"(Y/N)... if you like Akabane then go for it"

and that's when it clicked in my head. oml, I fucking hate Gakushuu Asano. he really is a shitty person.

although he's trying his best to be as polite as possible right now, i finally see things from my friend point of view. you don't say mean things about someone to other people, especially if they're your girlfriend.

and as i had said, he's overwhelmed with the feeling of being the cause of my self hate, so he's just throwing me and that feeling away and onto someone else. throwing me away... onto karma....

my friends voice echoed in my head, "you've been blaming all your hatred of yourself into him. imagine how that makes him feel. it's overwhelming and he just wants that off of his chest."

so, by saying I should go after Karma... he's also saying this so I forget about him and then the burden of the feeling I gave him would then be transferred to Karma.

one, that's an insanely shitty thing to do. and two, no. I am not putting up with this anymore. he can't do that.

"i'm sorry..."

"no! Asano, you can't do that. you can't just break up with me and say all that shit about me and then just say sorry like nothing ever happened! also, don't you dare tell me how to live my love life! you know what? yea! I do like Karma! because he's so sweet to me, and he actually cares for me unlike you!"

i started walking closer to him, his eyes widened and he started looking around.

"dating me only because my friends basically forced you into it? wtf dude? even I know better than to do that! if you don't like somebody then don't date them! don't play with people feelings like this just because you don't want to see someone upset! I get it now, you didn't break up with me 3 months ago just because you didn't want to deal with me being sad and upset-"

"y-you heard that..?"

"Of course I know you said that! stop saying shit about me to your stupid friends and my friends! you're making it sound like i'm some desperate girl running after you! at this point i'd rather you forget about me than keep saying untrue things about me that makes it sound like you're some god and i'm just this pathetic little girl who's in love with you! I know everything you said to karma about me! and everything you say to my friends too!"

he was silent. I stared into eyes and i really just wanted to punch him. he's just a dick anyways. what type of person would do such a thing?

"no offense... but it feels like i'm being threatened by a cupcake."

"w-what...?"

i had him pinned against the wall and he suddenly started laughing. god this dude really doenst take me seriously at all does he?

"(Y/N), you're too cute and short to be seen as threatening. anyways, look let's just move on for now ok? maybe in the future when im ready for a relationship with you, we can be in one. but for now let's just leave things as they are, ok?"

his hand was tracing the line of my jawline and suddenly he switched us so i was now the one who was being pinned against the wall.

no

i forcefully grabbed his wrist, and slammed his back against the wall. i dug my nails into his skin and glared at him. he slid down so he was sitting now so i was also taller.

"listen here you little shit! im no longer under your spell that the rest school is under. your fake persona is shitty anyways. i mean at least you did act yourself with me even though youre really a shitty person. i had been blinded, thinking that you were the person who was going to save me from this mess i had dug myself into but in reality, you were the who dug the hole and just threw me in there! i thought that since you were the one who caused this to me, you'd also be the one to fix it! what game are you playing at?! why me? you've probably done this to plenty of other girls! you little motherfucker!"

i let go of his wrist, and slapped him across the face. his eyes widened, and he still didn't look at all concerned except for the fact that I had slapped him. always caring about himself and never for others.

"remember this, i know another side of you that no one else does. i can very well use it against you if i please"

there was silence, and he didnt dare say a word. i stood there glaring down at him while he sat there emotionless for what seemed like hours until the sound of someone clapping echoed through the hallways.

"Damn (Y/N). didn't know you had that in you. never knew you could be so harsh, especially to the boy you claimed to love, but then again he deserved it."

Karma stood next to me and smirked down at Asano.

"A-Akabane... this has nothing to do with you. Why don't you mind your own business-"

Asano stood up and held his one wrist so we couldn't see it.

"pfft, what's this now?"

Karmas POV:

"You know what? I do like Karma! He's so sweet and doesn't treat me like shit!"

i stopped in my tracks and paused. didn't know anyone else would be in the school at this hour. i only came back to get my stuff since i fell asleep under a tree.

I slightly pecked over the corner of a hallway and saw (Y/N) and that weird orange dude. god what's going on now?

while it's true that i sort of have a thing for
(Y/N) i don't expect this is going anywhere good.

i've been talking to her for awhile now. i always thought she was just a weirdo since she was always smiling or laughing at something stupid.

but once i got to know her, i saw how those smiles were turning into fake ones. how her laughs weren't the same. she still laughs a lot. she's still weird.

but she's changed. before her weird remarks were funny and cute but now they're just sad and infer that she's hurting inside. that all started when she was dating him.

i hated him.

the way he treated her... was unforgivable. she'd always rant to me how he hurt her but would somehow find a way to make it sound like it was her fault.

i looked over again and watched as she slapped him. i smirked.

i walked from my corner and clapped my hands. "Damn (Y/N), didn't know you had that in you. never know you could be so harsh, especially to the boy you claimed to love, but then again he deserved it."

"A-Akabane... this has nothing to do with you. why don't you mind your own business-"

i narrowed my eyes at him. god i hate him.

"pffft whats this now? nothing to do with me? now tell me i'm wrong but i'm sure i heard
(Y/N) say my name back there. Right?"

I looked over at her and she just looked away.

"Akabane, I recommend you leave now before things get messy"

i started taking off my coat and dropped it on
(Y/N)'s head. i sighed and glared over at him.

"god what a fucking pain."

"excuse me? what did you dare say to me? you know who my father is right? you have no authority to be saying such things to me! i could ever well report you to him and youd-"

"are you trying to fucking threaten me? listen up you stupid pussy, learn to treat girls better and i'll leave you alone. you stupid chairman daddy can't do jack shit to me. why? because i'm in class 3-E. i'd tell you about all the fun we have but I can't."

"haha class 3-E? that only gives me more rights for you to respect me! i'm higher up therefore you shouldn't go around talking shit while you yourself are worthless."

"You wanna fucking go? Alright you motherfucker let's go."

no one:

absolutely no one:

karma: all women are queens

asano: if she breathes she a thot

date: December 18, 2019
word count: 2016 words

yea i'm not dead 🤡