(Y/N) POV:

I glanced over at them once again and gripped my skirt. I can't help but continuously keep looking at them.

They looked so happy together... urgh they piss me off. That little bitch doesn't deserve jack shit.

"Hey (Y/N)"

"Ahuh yea uh hi..."

I continued to stare at them while the person next to me sat down. God this sucks. Everything sucks.

"You know (Y/N), if I were you, I'd stop staring"

"Huh? Staring? What are you talking about, I'm not staring at anything?"

Still I didn't take my eyes off of them. I started to bite my finger nail now while I heard her sigh.

"(Y/N), literally everyone in the class knows how you feel. But you seriously need to let go..."

This time I looked over at her. As much as i wanted to listen to what she said, I couldn't. The pain in my heart was still there. The scars on my wrist weren't healing. The tear stained pillow I had wasn't going to be cleaned anytime soon.

Rio didn't understand... no one understands. I had this growing pain and all I want is someone to talk to who'll understand. Someone who can relate who's already been through it.

A therapist won't do anything but tell me the same stuff Rio does. "Oh let go already" "find someone new" blah blah blah.

It just wasn't that simple. No one understands how much I loved him. He was my everything and still is.

But not even he knew how much I loved him. I was always too shy to tell him. I was always too shy to tell people how much he meant to me.

Even when we talked together, I'd always hide my face. I never really realized it until now on how self conscious I am.

I hate almost everything about myself. My voice sounds annoying, my hair isn't thick enough, my eye color isn't special, I feel like I'm fat, my nose looks weird, just everything.

(i'm saying this i want the character to be as relatable as possible and not a mary sue. if you don't look like how i described above, then feel free to pretend that doenst exist)

I'd hide my face from him because I used to always think to myself, "the more he does see my face up close, maybe he'll finally realize how ugly I am. And how I'm nothing, and then leave me..."

And that's exactly what happened...

"(Y/N), you know what your main problem is? You keep getting jealous over things you don't necessarily have the right to be jealous over. He broke up with you, (Y/N). Let it go.."

"God damnit already Rio! Don't you get it?! I KNOW he broke up with ME! I know he doesn't like me, and I know he never did to begin with! I know he was probably just using me! I know I'm not good enough! I know I'm ugly! I know I'm annoying! I know I'm selfish! I know I'm just a jealous bitch over that other girl I hate. But in reality I know more than what you think of me! I know i have absolutely no right to hate on Okuda-San! She's a sweet, nice girl but i still can't bring myself to like her. Because every time I look at them, I can't help but think that could've been me with him!"

I was silent for a second. Out of breath even. But that didn't stop me. I wanted to yell to the world how I felt. It was so unfair.

"And I know that literally no one cares about how I feel, but all I want is someone to save me. I finally admitted it to myself! I'm fucking depressed? Happy now?"

I raised my sleeve and showed it to her. The scars from months ago still there, and the freshly cut ones covered with bandages.

"You kept asking why I always wear long sleeves? You kept asking why I never want to swim? You kept asking what those little scars were way back then when I first started? Well guess what, I DON'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING CAT! And no, I didn't just start because some fuckboy left me! I've been doing for almost a year now! I just secretly hoped that someone would notice that I wasn't being myself. And no one did. I kept praying for someone to save me from this hell! And someone did..."

I wanted to glance over at him. But I couldn't because I knew if I did I'd start crying.

"Someone amazing came... their smile would make me so happy. When they hugged me I felt so safe. When he'd text me things like "goodnight" or something so little, I'd feel so loved. Because even if it something dumb like that, it made me think that he was thinking about me. Just hearing him laugh would make my heart melt. And for the first time in awhile, i felt happy! I stopped cutting when i was with him. But I'm an idiot! I was way too shy to tell him things! I was too shy to say goodnight to him! I was just too shy to do anything."

"When we talked I'd hide my face because of how ugly I am. When he'd hug me I never hugged back because I got too shy. When he'd text me wanting to talk, I didn't answer because I knew if I did I'd mess things up. I kept telling myself, this is my one angel sent from heaven to me. They finally had answered me and I didn't want to mess everything up. But I did! My savior is gone now! He's with Okuda-San! All happy and they love each other. And although Okuda-San may seem like a shy person, she's not around him. She's herself and she feels comfortable. If I only could've been the same way..."

"I know I never said it... but I truly loved him. And I can't even bring myself to say his name... when he'd say I love you to me... I'd never say it back. Because I felt like we'd start having those stupid I love you more fights and then I'd end up believing him. I kept preparing myself for the time he does leave me. And when he did, I still wasn't. I went back to cutting! I went back to starving myself because the only food I could bring myself to eat was his cooking. But now it was gone. I went back to crying every night to bed thinking where I went wrong. How I wasn't enough while I knew he was peacefully sleeping or thinking about Okuda-San"

I felt tears going down my cheeks. I knew I'd regret saying all of this but it felt so good to let it all out. I looked over at him who was now staring at me along with the whole class.

They all know everything. I tried so hard to keep it to myself, I hated seeming vulnerable. But now people I don't even know that well knows everything about me.

I smiled and closed my eyes at him. It wasn't a fake smile like how I've been doing it since he left me. It was real... but it was a sad smile. Like a goodbye. One to thank him for all he's done for me.

Although he kept bringing me pain, he brought me more happiness. When I was with him, and he did hurt me I'd tell Rio. She's always say break up with him then.

I know he was the only one who had brought me this much pain, but he was also the only one who had brought me this much happiness. So I couldn't.

And finally, I said it to his face...

"And Karma... thank you so much. For everything, and I just want you to know I do love you. I'm sorry it took me so long for me to say it you..."

I sighed and looked around. Everyone was quiet. And although I somehow had the bravery to say all that, it was definitely gone now.

I hated when people looked at me. I quickly hide my face and ran out of the classroom. Not knowing where I was even going...

Karma's POV:

I knew (Y/N) was hurting after I broke up with her. And it hurt me so much seeing her like this. But I felt like was just ruining her life.

I didn't want to be the only reason she was happy. I wanted her to find it on her own, and not be depending on me for it.

That's why I left her. Plus, I couldn't help but think that deep down she didn't even like me that much. I'd text her, and she'd leave me on read. I'd ask if he wanted to talk about anything, reassuring her that I was always here if she needed to talk.

She'd usually answer with "no it's fine". I wanted to be there for her, but it seemed she didn't want me.

All I wanted was for her to be happy. And felt I was the reason she wasn't. I thought maybe she was just too shy to actually break up with me. So I had to do it for her.

I started dating Okuda, she was a nice girl. But she wasn't (Y/N). In a way I was using her as a rebound.

At nights I'd lay in bed thinking about (Y/N), wondering if she was doing any better since I left her.

I wanted to get over her, so I'd ignore her. I didn't want to look over at her, but I secretly hoped she was doing much better.

And damn was I wrong.

I almost started to cry when she yelling all that stuff about me. I regretted so much.

I wanted to just get up from my seat and hug her and tell her how sorry I was. But Okuda was grabbing into my arm because she seemed to be scared.

"And Karma... thank you so much. For everything, and I just want you to know I do love you. I'm sorry it took me so long for me to say it you..."

I felt my eyes watering. No, (Y/N)... no no no. You were never too late...

When she ran out, I didn't even think twice. I pushed Okuda off of me and ran after her, hearing people back in classroom cheering for me. Saying "go get her" or shit like that.

I could even hear Okuda crying. But I didn't care. All I cared about was finding (Y/N) and telling her everything. And hopefully I got to her before she did something bad.

Because i had a feeling she was going to...

I had to find the only girl I truly loved...

-Hope_Full

And I oop-

Date: July 21, 2019
Word count: 1810 words