- 22 -
Jeongguk tensely clenches his teeth and keeps a firm grip on the steering wheel of his expensive Mercedes as he drives along the rain-soaked motorway to Busan.
Jimin sits next to him and stares out of the window. He watches the landscape pass them by and the rain pattering against the windows. A radio station with popular pop and indie songs plays in the background, preventing it from being completely silent in the car.
Immediately after they set off, the driver took them back to his apartment, where they switched cars. The atmosphere had been tense ever since. Neither Jimin nor Jeongguk said anything. Jimin felt it was inappropriate and Jeongguk needed the peace and quiet to think.
Along the road, Jimin turns to Jeongguk and tries to read his mind. Jeongguk's gaze is hard, and his brows are furrowed. He knows that Jeongguk is worried about his father for whatever reason, but he doesn't know how to help him. Hours pass before they reach Busan and drive through a small town on the city's outskirts.
Jeongguk parks the car and gets out when they arrive at the hospital. The warm summer air presses down on them, and Jimin has to make an effort to keep up with Jeongguk. Because he hurries ahead of him with quick steps to get to the ward as quickly as possible. Jimin can't blame him. But this creeping feeling of nervousness and uncertainty makes him swallow hard. He hadn't intended to meet Jeongguk's parents in this way. But there's nothing he can do about it.
A short time later, they reach the reception, where they register and are told the room number. The nurse points out that visiting hours are coming to an end soon and looks at them with a tired and apologetic expression. The exhaustion is written all over her face and posture. Jeongguk is certainly not the first person to give her a dark look about visiting hours.
Following the nurse's instructions, they turn the corner into a long corridor and walk down it to the end. Other patients pass them by, and Jimin senses how anxious it makes Jeongguk. Jimin instinctively grabs Jeongguk's hand and slides his thumb over his knuckles. At the same time, Jimin feels a pulling sensation in his chest, accompanied by a warm tingling in his stomach. It obviously helps Jeongguk because he tightens his grip and loosens his jaw muscles.
Jeongguk stares fixedly at the black room number next to the door in question as if hesitating to step inside. A muscle twitches in his jaw. Jimin squeezes his hand encouragingly and smiles at him when their eyes meet. A promise in his voice. "I'm hopeful that your father will be okay. Although, if anything wrong happens, I'll always be here to support you."
Jeongguk averts his eyes and takes a deep breath, nodding. With his free hand, Jeongguk pushes down the door handle and is the first to enter the hospital room. Hand in hand, he and Jimin walk towards the occupied bed where Jeongguk's father is lying. Neither of them lets go.
Jimin's gaze immediately falls on the older woman with chestnut brown, shoulder-length hair sitting at the side of the bed. Jimin recognises her immediately. It's Jeongguk's mother. They look too much alike to mistake her for another visitor. He chews nervously on his lower lip and takes in her appearance. She sits bent over at the foot of the bed, holding the other's hand and pressing her lips together in a thin line. Her eyes are moist, and she seems on the verge of bursting into tears. Something about this sight makes Jimin's chest constrict.
He peers at the elder man. Jeongguk's father is asleep and connected to a drip. He looks pale, tired, and exhausted. Jimin can't imagine the pain he must be in. Whatever snake bit him seems to have had a major effect on him.
"Mum."
Jeongguk's mother looks at them and smiles faintly. A glimmer of relief appears in her eyes.
"Jeongguk," she says, posture slumping with relief. "You're here."
Her gaze wanders to Jimin, briefly studies him, and then gives him the warmest smile she can muster in this situation. "You must be Jimin."
Jimin nods in surprise. Has Jeongguk told her about him?
Jeongguk's mother continues to smile. "He's told me a lot about you. It's nice to meet you even though it happens under such circumstances. I am Dahee."
Jimin feels his hand closing tighter in Jeongguk's, making his heart beat faster.
Jimin isn't sure what to say. He's surprised and touched simultaneously, but he's also nervous about what she thinks of him. Jeongguk hasn't said much about his parents. When he brought up the topic of family, it has always been in private and calm moments.
"It's nice to meet you," he finally returns. "I hope your husband gets better soon."
"Thank you, Jimin," Dahee says. "I hope so, too. He's stable, but he's still in pain. The doctors say he's doing well under the circumstances. But he has to stay in hospital for a few more days."
Jeongguk takes the floor and swallows nervously. "What exactly happened?"
She turns back to her husband and puts her hand on his, forcibly exhaling. "A snake bit him," she states, and a knot forms in Jimin's stomach. "From what I know, Siwoo was watching the sheep in the pasture and wanted to stop the snake from attacking the sheep. Despite wearing boots, he somehow fell, and the snake attacked him. He was then taken to hospital. Fortunately, the doctors said the bite was not life-threatening. However, he has also sprained something in the leg. The doctor wanted to tell me more about it later."
Jeongguk takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. That's when Jimin feels his hands start to sweat, and his heart begins to beat faster, breathing a sigh of relief. "That's good to hear," he says.
Dahee turns to her son again. "I'm so glad you're here, Jeongguk," she says. "I know you're worried. I'm sorry I was so upset on the phone. I didn't mean for you to drop everything and come here right away, but at the time, I was just panicking."
Jeongguk shakes his head. "It's alright. I would have reacted the same way."
Suddenly, the door swings open and a young woman enters the room. She is about the same age as Jeongguk and has long, black hair, tied back in a neat ponytail and pushed through the hole in her olive-green baseball cap. Her beige top is tucked into a black skirt, and the black trainers on her feet make her look sporty.
Jeongguk immediately grimaces at the sight of her and tenses up. He inevitably wrinkles his nose, as if an unpleasant scent is wafting at him. Questions flash through Jimin's mind, to which he has no answers.
"Whoβ" Jimin escapes in a whisper, but the unknown woman's anxious voice cuts him off.
"What happened?"
"What are you doing here, Hana?" Jeongguk scowls angrily.
The woman, Hana, casts him a disdainful look and clenches her jaw, gnawed by Jeongguk's words. Jimin stares at herβher white painted fingernails, her crooked grin and her piercing gaze sends a shiver down his spine. "I heard Dad is in the hospital. I wanted to know how he was."
Jimin stifles a surprised chortle. He didn't realise that Jeongguk had a sister. Jeongguk never told him about her or mentioned her. "Of course you wanted to, if you haven't contacted me for what feels like years."
Jeongguk's laughter, which usually sounds so joyful and bright, now echoes mockingly through the hospital room and doesn't sound like him.
"Stop accusing me of that when you know it's not true. Besides, I'm not here to see you," Hana snorts angrily and clutches the leather strap of her tiny black bag hanging around her shoulders.
They exchange an angry stare. Just like Jimin has seen in films, his fingers twitch involuntarily, and the tension in the room increases. Jimin feels out of place, like a stranger. Dahee wears a bitter smile on her face as she lets her eyes wander back and forth between Jeongguk and Hana.
"Then why are you here?" Jeongguk presses out without mincing his words. His feet start to move, and he steps out of Jimin's grip.
"I've already said that," she rolls her eyes, annoyed. "Don't act like I'm not family just because you don't like me."
Jeongguk snorts indignantly and stares at her with a direct and open gaze that lacks any warmth, making Jimin begin to doubt whether this is the Jeongguk he has come to know. The muscles in his jaw flex again as he grits his teeth and clenches his fists.
"That's enough now. Please don't fight, or fight somewhere else." Now Dahee rises from her chair and looks at them both gently yet pleadingly. Jimin can't help but feel empathy for her. Even as an outsider, the tense atmosphere makes him uneasy. "Your father is lying here, and you have nothing better to do than continue your argument."
"I'm sorry, Mother," Hana apologises and gives Jeongguk one last sullen look before stepping closer to the bedside and placing her father's hand between hers. Concern overshadows her features, and she pulls her lower lip between her teeth. Her mother sighs lightly and slumps back into her chair.
Jimin watches the scene, stunned, overwhelmed by what has just happened. His tongue burns with the longing question of how they came to hate each other so much, but he swallows it quickly and tugs on Jeongguk's wrist.
"Follow me," he says quietly, nodding towards the door. "Let's go outside for a minute."
Seeing that Jeongguk has a sister inevitably makes Jimin think of his brother. Heavens, how he misses him and wants to hug him again. But the uncertainty of how he will ever be able to face him again has demotivated him to seek out his brother and his family. This makes it all the more painful for Jimin to see Jeongguk and Hana not getting along.
Reluctantly, Jeongguk follows him into the hallway, where they both now stand. Jeongguk gazes at him with a questioning expression, desperately awaiting an answer. Jimin, on his part, is nearly convinced that pulling Jeongguk out of the room and leaving the tense atmosphere behind was the best course of action. The longer they stand in the corridor and say nothing, the more Jeongguk's posture and facial muscles relax. The tension gradually leaves his body, and Jimin is not entirely unaffected.
The proximity between them and Jeongguk's unexpected step forward, returning Jimin's gesture from earlier, takes his breath away. The touch of Jeongguk on Jimin's fingers evokes a fluttery sensation around in his stomach, like the wings of hundreds of butterflies, making him feel alive.
"Are you... feeling better?" Jimin asks in a whisper as if someone is listening to them. Lost in thought, his eyes wander down to his hand, which Jeongguk holds gently, filling him with warmth. Jimin purses his lips. "That was something just now... So it seems you have a sister...?"
"Yes, Iβyes, you could say that. Hana, and as you've noticed, we don't get on very well."
"Is that why you never told me about her?" he asks, and Jimin can't hide the undertone of sadness in his voice. He's a little disappointed that Jeongguk never mentioned her.
Jeongguk sighs and shrugs his shoulders. "Somehow I didn't get the chance and, to be honest, I didn't want to mention her. I wasn't ready to talk about her beforehand because it hurts."
Jimin's brows draw together, and he looks at Jeongguk thoughtfully. Guilt spreads through him. "If you're not ready, you don't have to talk about it. It shouldn't sound like an accusation."
"It's okay," Jeongguk soothes his feelings and lets go of Jimin's hand to put it in his trouser pockets. A minute passes and Jimin thinks that Jeongguk won't say anything else, but he's wrong. "We were like best friends when we were little. We shared secrets and sometimes even slept in the same bed."
His gaze wanders to the window behind Jimin and he smiles sadly. "We were an unbeatable team until we graduated from high school and grew apart. Hana had this one friend who, it seemed, was only interested in me and that's why she was friends with her. I didn't realise it or noβI didn't really notice it because she didn't try to get my attention every minute. She seemed more reserved and not like someone who was treating Hana badly."
Jimin scrutinises him in silence and waits until he has finished speaking. Guilt flashes in Jeongguk's eyes. He slumps his shoulders and chews his lip as his gaze wanders around the room, unfocused. "I realised too late how she treated Hana and I..." he swallows around the lump in his throat. "I'd already lost her at that point. I tried to fix things, but it was too late. She had gone to an international university to study abroad. I only realised I'd lost her when she messaged my parents, but not me. She had ghosted me. I wasn't there for her and didn't believe her when I should have been and done it."
Jeongguk takes another step towards Jimin and gently rests his forehead on Jimin's shoulder, as if he wanted to recharge his batteries. Jimin inhales sharply, hoping Jeongguk can't hear his racing heart. "Every time I see her or hear about her, this indescribable rage bubbles up inside me. Not because I'm so terribly angry with her, but because I blame myself for no longer having her by my side as my best friend."
"Does she know why you fight every time, or does she do it because she's still mad at you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're such a little fool, but I like you for it." Jeongguk lifts his head and gives him a shocked look, which Jimin ignores. "Jeongguk, why don't you tell her how sorry you are and how you really feel? It may not be the most appropriate moment, but why don't you try to put your anger away and tell Hana how you feel and that you're sorry. I can see you longing for your past relationship."
"She didn't let me get a word in edgewise and told me to leave her alone. Hana triggered something in me and I said something I regret. I was too angry that she was going to leave and didn't tell me without realising the consequences," Jeongguk admits disappointedly. Jimin would like to hug him and say everything will be okay, but it won't be without working on it. When Jimin's heart contracts from the fraction of what happened, he doesn't want to imagine what Hana felt.
"And how many times have you seen her and tried to talk to her? Don't get me wrong. Communication can be difficult and I'm not saying what you did was the right thing," Jimin says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "You're both human and have feelings, and everyone reacts differently. She may have felt extremely hurt precisely because you were close. But if you give up and get into an argument with her every time, you might be letting her know that you don't want her in your life, and you're not trying to fight for it. Is that what you want? You shouldn't force her, pressure her or do whatever to be able to talk to her; give her time, give yourself time to come down."
"I'm afraid she'll reject me again..."
"I hear you," Jimin replies, smiling tentatively. "I guess it's something you have to risk. It won't get any better if you don't do anything."
Jimin suppresses an ironic snort. After all, how can he give Jeongguk advice when he doesn't even have his own life under control? How can Jimin talk about feelings and how Jeongguk should face up to them if he can't muster up the courage to go and visit his family?
"You're right." Jeongguk nods, and Jimin can't hold back an encouraging grin. Seeing a spark of hope in Jeongguk's eyes cheers him up.
Finally, they decide to go back to the hospital room. When they open the door, Jimin sees that Hana and Dahee are still at the bedside. Hana has her arm around Jeongguk's father and looks at him lovingly. The atmosphere is still tense, but Jeongguk seems to have decided what he wants to do.
Jeongguk steps in front of Hana with his shoulders slumped forward and nervously fiddles with his hands, "I want to talk to you."
Hana looks at him distantly and sceptically. "What do you want to talk to me about?"
Jeongguk hesitates for a moment before looking at Jimin. His eyes wander around the room, but they quickly find their way back to Jimin's. When their eyes meet, Jimin raises a brow challengingly, and Jeongguk's courage seems to grow as he turns back to Hana.
"Can we talk somewhere else?"
Hana nods with a sigh. She doesn't seem keen on the idea of talking to Jeongguk somewhere else. A sinking feeling spreads through Jimin's stomach as he watches the scene.
He stares at the door behind which they have disappeared and tries to imagine what they might say to each other. He can imagine Jeongguk asking Hana for forgiveness and telling her how sorry he is that he left her hanging back then. Jimin can also imagine Hana not wanting to believe Jeongguk or being unable to forgive him.
Jimin would prefer to accompany him and be there for him because he doesn't want to see Jeongguk come back disappointed. He sees how Jeongguk is suffering from the situation and wants to help him reconnect with Hana.
Jimin stays there for a few more minutes. He exchanges some words with Jeongguk's mum and tries to divert his thoughts from the buzzing anxiety in him. He has no idea how the conversation between Jeongguk and Hana will go and if they will eventually become closer again, breaking the barrier.
Jimin turns around and leaves the hospital room. As he closes the door, he feels his thoughts about his brother arise again. He stands in the hallway and instinctively reaches for his new phone and types in the familiar number he knows by heart. Jimin doesn't press the call button, though, like he initially wanted to. He can't bring himself to call. He is too unsure of what his brother will say. Will he reproach him? Will he hate him?
Jimin puts the phone back in his trouser pocket and walks down the corridor. The tugging in his chest makes him swallow hard. He has to realise what he wants first, and he has to think about how he wants to talk to his brother; otherwise, there's no point. But Jimin knows just as well that this is just another one of his excuses to avoid being confronted with reality.
"What the hell am I doing?" he says quietly and throws his head back, groaning. Jimin removes his hat and runs his hand through his peach-coloured hair in annoyance. Will he ever dare to do that?
Just as he is about to go back into the hospital room, his heart suddenly stops in his throat. Jimin realises that he is tense and can't move from the spot. Panic rises in him. He blinks several times and can't believe what he sees. As if rooted to the spot, he stands there and watches his ex-boyfriend, accompanied by an unknown man, talking to one of the nurses at the reception desk. His heart begins to race and he feels warm under his jacket. They talk to each other as if nothing had happened.
Jimin had hoped to have put the past behind him, but once again, it catches up with him, and he feels like he's about to faint.
There's no point in trying to calm him down. His head is spinning and scenes of what happened between them race through Jimin's mind. The arguments, the anger and the suppressed feelings. Wordlessly, he watches as Yunseo smiles and puts a hand around the other man's back, without showing any pain in his eyes or any sign that he cared that Jimin left without a word. He behaves like it's just another day when he leaves for work. Jimin doesn't understand how Yunseo can act as if nothing has happened and how he can suddenly be in Busan, in the same hospital where he is.
The danger of being recognised changes abruptly when Yunseo turns around and heads in his direction. In a flash, Jimin disappears behind a narrow wall that offers him privacy and allows him to breathe a sigh of relief.
He breathes out shakily and puts his hand on the racing heart in his chest. His pulse beats up to his neck, and he gasps for air. He can't breathe, he can't think except for fear and the fact that Yunseo might have discovered him.
Jimin doesn't know what to do. He closes his eyes and tries to concentrate. He can't stay here, but he can't leave either. Caught up in his own thoughts and feelings, he closes his eyes and tries to control his pounding heart. Yunseo no longer means anything to him, and he is finally happy without him.
After a few minutes, his breathing begins to become shallower. Slowly, Jimin opens his eyes and peers around the corner. Yunseo is still there. He is still talking to the nurse and has his back to him.
He watches as Yunseo and the other man say goodbye and then turn in his direction. Jimin instinctively leans back and presses himself into the corner as footsteps approach. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Footsteps come closer.
But nothing happens. The footsteps move away again. Jimin opens his eyes and sees that Yunseo has walked past him in the hallway. He hasn't seen him. Even though he is sure he has long since stopped harbouring feelings for him, the relationship has left deep wounds.
The tension is released when he sees Yunseo walking down the corridor. Jimin breaks away from the wall and returns to the hospital room. There, he realises that Jeongguk and Hana are still not back. Jimin feels disappointment welling up inside him. He had hoped that they would have finished talking by now.
With his head down, Jimin walks to the other end of the room to not disturb Dahee any further. She scrutinises him and seems to have noticed that something is wrong. Her worried look is very similar to that of his own mother. He feels miserable. She doesn't have to say her thoughts out loud for him to know what's going through her mind. Jimin shakes his head and sits down.
The door opens, and his eyes shoot up. Jimin has no idea how much time has passed. Jeongguk and Hana walk in, looking severe, which can only mean that their conversation didn't go well.
Jimin's heart sinks when he sees the sadness and disappointment reflected in Jeongguk's eyes. He is worried about him. "I tried, but she's not willing to forgive me," Jeongguk mutters as he sits down with Jimin. "At least she let me finish and listened to me."
Jimin tries to be positive and smiles encouragingly as he puts a hand on Jeongguk's back to show his support. "You did what you could and her listening to you is the first step. Take care of your father first."
Innerly, he hopes that they will reconcile soon. For the moment, Jimin puts Jeongguk's happiness and well-being above his own and tells Jeongguk another time that he saw Yunseo.
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