15
—

I sucked in a breath and asked, "Are you fucking my mother?"

The look of confusion was mild on the man's face, but it was so ample within him that it stuck his vocal cords together.

I turned back to my wall and said, "I hope not for your sake. She has AIDS."

★・・・・・・★

There was a knock at my bedroom door. "Jude?" It was my mother.

"Come in," I returned, failing to move from the last position I inhabited.

I listened to the door open again, followed by the footsteps, and then the weight on the bed beside me. Contrary to the man, however, she lay beside me. She didn't touch me, but she didn't have to. Her presence and proximity were enough.

She chuckled. "You're so weird." She giggled even more. "From the moment you were born, I could tell you would be the oddball in the family." Her laughter soon dwindled out into deep thought. I turned to her to see that even her smile was gone. "Who would have thought it would be just me and you now?"

There was a long, yet necessary pause.

She faced me and scoffed, struggling to shrug off the melancholy. She whispered, "I hope you know I'm glad you're the last one I ended up with. I really do love you, Jude. And no matter what—" she closed her eyes and shook her head "—insane stunts you pull..." She opened her eyes and revealed a gentle smile that I reciprocated. "...that can never change."

I couldn't contain myself any further. "But I... I'm not a... good person, mom." I just couldn't say it. No matter how hard I tried, my body itself rejected the words.

"I don't care. You can be a murderer or a terrorist... or even be a queer..." My heart dropped at the word. "I don't care. All we have is each other now. Everyone will eventually leave, but we're forever, Jude."

I scoffed, unable to contain the sudden warmth that flew through me. I sat up and she tussled my hair, getting up from my bed to leave.

I was finally ready to do it. I could finally tell her the truth.

"Mom, I'm—"

"But not a gay though," she added with a chuckle, wiping the grin off my face and making me swallow those bad, bad words. "Good night, Jude," she said finally as she closed the door.

"Good night, mom," I murmured monotonously.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed it out of my system. Picking up my phone, I found the one contact to whom I could tell anything. The only person whom I could tell I was homophobic, a murderer, or well, gay, and they would accept me as is.

I zoned out for a moment. I hated the way it sounded, don't get me wrong, but it was refreshing to admit.

It was true. 'I'm gay.'

I called the contact, "Ciro?"

"Yes, my prince."

I let go of an unintentionally loud sigh, overjoyed to hear his voice after so long. "I need to see you."

I nearly teared up at the sound of his hearty laughter, my heart banging in my chest with excitement. "I can make some arrangements for that. Go pack your bags, I'll come pick you up."

I straightened my posture. "Now?"

"What better time than now, my prince? This very moment we have here is spectacular. We should revel in every passing second!"

"I never thought I would miss your... unwavering optimism."

"It's finally being appreciated, is all." I heard some tussling, and then he said, "Go pack your bags. I'm staying at a motel tonight and I want you there."

"You do?"

"Of course."

I beamed in response because when he said it like that; I thought it would just be me and him at the motel. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.

The entire ride there was amazing. I planned exactly how I would deliver my news and enjoyed every moment we spent together, just as he said. It wasn't until we reached the motel that I realized he had knocked on the door instead of pulling out some keys.

The bleach-haired Asian opened the door and blessed us with his glorious, stoner smile. He was already twitching, high off of God-knows-what.

We all maintained a good distance. Fegan sat on the carpet, Ciro occupied the bed, and I leaned up against the desk near the door.

Ciro sighed, "You guys want to play truth or dare?"

"Sure."

I scoffed, "I'm not playing truth or dare with a f—"

Ciro was clearly unamused. "Yeah, you better stop yourself."

"Fag?" Fegan asked.

"What?"

He chuckled, "Why are you answering to it? You're outing yourself, bad bro."

I frowned.

"Come sit, dude," he welcomed, and I reluctantly did, maintaining my distance. It was the least I could do for projecting my own insecurities onto him for so long.

Ciro joined us.

Fegan was pondering with exaggeration. Ciro seemed to be amused by this. "I have one! I dare you two to kiss."

I froze.

Ciro chuckled, "You're not funny, man." He turned to me. "I'm sorry for going mad last time over nothing. I told him about that and he's been teasing me ever since." Fegan laughed at this. "Come here, my prince. Let's get this out of the way." With that, he crept over, held my face and planted the gentlest kiss on my lips. It was soft and warm and short; it was perfect. Ciro went back to his spot and turned to his friend. "Happy now?"

"Very." He smiled.

I would be lying if I said I didn't hate him slightly less after that. I fought back a smile, and well, I didn't manage to, but they only smiled back at me.

This was my moment. I had to do it now. My heart was pounding in my ears and my mind screamed its objection, but I couldn't keep it in anymore. I simply had to get it out.

"I'm gay."