3
—

Fear consumed me. I heard the shrill and feminine scream and then the sound of him rolling up the windscreen. I watched in horror as he rolled back down before the car. My eyes searched around. No witnesses as far as I could have detected. The drag queen groaned on the road.

I reversed and paused. My expression faded into nonchalance and then I drove over the man, silencing the almost muted cries for help.

I drove away, feeling absolutely and completely nothing.

★・・・・・・★

I dashed the coffee across the table at her. My mother picked it up and observed it. I expected a little smile, a nudge of the head—some sort of acknowledgement of my presence as her son—but nothing came. She rested it down and returned to her phone.

I scoffed and ran up the stairs to my room.

★・・・・・・★

The next day, I picked up my mask, adjusted the voice moderator, and went live. My eyes scanned the comments. Apparently, I had been all over X. At first, I thought I got caught. I really did. Somehow everyone knew that last night I killed a guy. But they were only discussing the truth I never got around to telling them.

I looked at the views to see ten thousand, prompting me to begin. "I am either a pussy or a logical human being. You decide. As of late, I have realised that we just might have been going about things the wrong way. All we do is discuss 'Jude's Philosophy of Gay Cancer' but never do we take action. Things are different now.

"About a week ago, I was going for a drive. I was going to get something special for my mother—you know we must always love and care for our... lovely mothers—when something caught my eye. It was a drag queen. I hadn't ever seen one in real life before, so at first I was intrigued. After that, I ran him over with my car. Thrill consumed me while I was evaded by even a trace of guilt or fear.

"During my last stream, I was about to reveal my identity, but now, it doesn't seem to be the most logical thing to do. If I want to continue to act without getting caught and cover more ground, I'm going to need my identity protected from the law. You should do the same. So get your masks and your bats and go fuck shit up." I smirked as I ended the stream—the smirk that slipped the second my expression was blind to my minions.

"Do you really mean that?" Ciro asked, as his eyes seared through my face.

He stood beside the monitor as if he were one of the viewers. The only difference was that only I could see him—only I could feel his judgment.

Obviously, I ignored him, eyes frozen on the monitor.

"Jude."

Given my lack of response, he approached me, commanding my attention with his proximity. He was standing while I sat, so when I turned my head, I was met with his crotch. I huffed before my eyes ventured up to see how his chest shakingly rose and fell. I had yet to see him this vexed before. He was glaring down-nose at me.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked again, adding emphasis to every word.

"Yes," I huffed, making sure to smile subtly.

"No fear, no guilt?"

"None. Not even for a second."

His eyes studied my face, eyes darting back and forth between each of my features. I had no idea what face I was making, but I hoped it was convincing.

"I don't believe you," he declared, completely thwarting my hopes and smile.

I loosened every muscle on my face to whisper, "I don't care."

He crouched down so now his face was inches away from mine, his face softening before he grazed my jaw. I pushed his hand off me and when our eyes met again, he said, "Don't be like this with me, my prince. You know you can tell me the truth."

"I am," I replied coldly.

He sighed before nodding and trying to leave.

I stopped him before he could. "Fine!" I got up from my seat and he faced me. "What do you want me to say? I feel guilty. I feel regret. I feel so fucking terrified that any second now, the police could rip through that door and lock me away. Is that what you wanna hear?"

"Yes, Jude. I want you to tell me exactly how you feel. I want you to feel those things because it's only human, and that's how you deserve to feel. You did a terrible, terrible thing and acting as if you feel no remorse is even worse!"

"Fuck, then if you're so bothered by it, why don't you just turn me in yourself?"

"Because I know that's what you want! The guilt is tearing at your insides. You feel disgusted with yourself—"

"That's not true," I whispered.

"—you know they're not going to come for you and that makes you feel worse because if no justice is served, the guilt will only brew."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is! You want to be reprimanded. You want me to do the heavy lifting and turn you in, but I'll never do that. You need to work up the courage and do it yourself. You need to take full responsibility for your actions, Jude."

"You're getting this all wrong, Ciro. This is your biggest fault. You always think you understand someone, but you never do. Of course, I feel guilt and fear and regret, but not as much as you want me to—not as much as you need me to. I'm not going to turn myself in because I know I'll get over it. You won't do it because you're scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

"No idea, but—"

"I'm not going to argue with you, Jude. I see it's not going to go anywhere."

He turned to leave.

"Are you gonna turn me in?"

He turned back. "No, but you're right. I can't stand the thought of being the reason I don't get to see you again. I'm terrified of that, so I'm leaving this up to you."

"But that makes you just as bad—just as responsible."

"I know." He finally cracked open the door. "So whatever decision you make, once again, I'll stand with you, my prince."

★・・・・・・★