Tony was sleepless and restless.

His hand gently ran through Nora's hair, brushing a strand out of her tear stained cheeks. She was curled up against him, so still, so silent– that her rhythmic breathing was the only thing indicating life in her.

He had seen Nora break before, the circumstances were ironic almost, while they both were sitting, she was injured–his gaze flickered to her bandaged hand, gently adjusting the blanket around it– and she told him about her past. But, he couldn't help but think there was more of it, her emerald eyes were not only filled with the soul crushing grief that had resurfaced with her memories–but they also held fear and desperation.

It was a brief flicker but it was there, the fear that was in her eyes, the desperation with which she held his hand or buried her face in his neck–almost like...he was going to disappear from her sight. Disappears from her life leaving her all alone.

'Please don't ever hate me'

Why would he? He already knew HYDRA had destroyed her life, forced her in this bloody game of life and death where she didn't belong to, robbed her out of her only happinesses too and her innocence too. That did leave a bitter taste in his mouth, his hand twitching to kill someone– that one person.

How can he? How can anyone do that to someone? To a child?
God knows, what Nora might be facing when she got to know all that, she was shaken up that was visible by the blood marks– that were now bandaged–that her hands had left, he wanted to find them and kill them, torture them, make them feel the pain tenfold that they had inflicted on her. It wasn't often that Tony had this level of violent thoughts, but then again since she had entered his life the definition of his normal behavior had been altered.

He gently pulled the blanket up to cover her form, placing a kiss on her forehead before slipping away from the bed.

***

The door to the cell opened without much sound, just a swift whoosh.

Apparently, due to the sudden depressing turn that the weather took last night. The wind howling and rain hitting the window panes with such speed that the sound resonated in the hall, it was decided that until the weather is cleared and it is safe for choppers, that man would be kept in the tower in the sterile cell, under strict observations.

No one was allowed to enter the cell. But Tony couldn't help himself.

His violent thoughts had finally reached their limits, and he needed to let go of that anger before it consumed him. Of course, there might be several other ways that would not include harming someone that was still due for interrogation, but that someone was apparently the cause of it all–his anger, Nora's pain that still consumes her now, and even of the one that was going to crush her and Tony soon.

But Tony wanted him to feel pain, even if it would be just one-tenth of what he had given Nora. He wanted to see pain and agony consume that monster–Damir– body, he wanted to kill him– to be frank– but it was not possible before the interrogation would be done, so he would just work with torture or something along those lines, for now.

"Stark," the man acknowledged him, with a smile that had mockness written all over it, "how can I help you?"

"By dying–of course, a brutal death, but dying nonetheless,"

Damir raised an eyebrow at the obvious poison in Tony's voice, his eyes narrowing a fraction, strange he should be with Erica right now, the poison in his voice and bitterness and rage in his eyes should be directed at her, while he would enjoy the peace of the cell. He sighed, his expression taking a exaggerating somber look, "I would suppose she hadn't told you everything,"

Tony's thumb stilled over the button he was so close to pressing– the one that would sent electric current all over his veins, tearing apart his cells– his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed, he knew there might be something she wouldn't have told him, it didn't matter though she would when she could, it was enough she had told him whatever she had when she was breaking down, "I know enough," his voice was gruff.

"No, you don't, if you would have you wouldn't be here trying to give me pain because of your oh-so beloved Nora," Damir sneered, his gray hair, formed in a clump by blood sticking to his forehead, "you would be there in front of her probably raining hell on her, as one should to their parent's murderer,"

The world tilted and for a second it felt like Tony had forgotten how to breathe, and his heart had forgotten how to beat.

No.

Of course, he must be lying–he has to be lying.

"This monster must be lying, you must be thinking along these lines," Damir tilted his head, giving him a smile that was a mix of sadism and recognition, "why not you check the database you have acquired from our base, nine days before christmas–what would be the date, oh yes, sixteen december, nineteen ninety one, ten thirty-two PM, ring a bell? That was the date and precise timing when she had executed her first mission successfully,"

His grip on the button tightened, his hand trembling with a mix of rage and disbelief. He couldn't believe him, he wouldn't believe him, after all what he was? Someone who had destroyed thousands of lives...but there was something in Damir's voice that seemed to claw at certainty like jagged glass.

He swallowed, unwillingly, reliving that night–that cold December night. He was back at home for some time for Christmas, to lay his head on his mother's lap while she would stroke his hair, to taste the deliciousness that would pour from her hands in the food. And then there was nothing–everything broke just like that. He had always believed it was a car accident, and somehow even now he desperately wanted to.

"Shut up," Tony growled through gritted teeth, His body was taut, a tightly wound coil ready to snap. "You're lying. She's not... she wouldn't—"

Damir's smile widened, as he titled his head, "I am many things, Stark, but not a liar. Not today. How about you come to your own conclusions? As far as I can assume, if she remembers everything then–did she look at you with those terrified eyes? Did she beg for your forgiveness? Did she? If she did, than what do you think it was for?"

Tony took a step back, the reality slapping him with such a force that left his dazed. The way she clung to him, like she was drowning, her repeated apologies with a brokenness in her tone that was new. How she looked at him like he would vanish.

His chest tightened painfully. No... it can't be her. It can't be true.

Damir watched Tony's torment, his voice almost mocking, "Check your files, Stark. The truth is in there. HYDRA made her do it, yes... but it was her hands that pulled the trigger. Her hands that killed them."

Without a word, he left the cell feeling like the world was crushing him. He exhaled deeply, his hand on his forehead, "Jarvis?" he whispered, "run...run the scans on the data we occupied from the previous base, I-want the date when Nora was given her first mission,"

The truth was what broke him completely as he slumped down the wall, a fist pressed against his mouth.

***

Nora awoke with a start, her hand instinctively reaching toward Tony's side only to find it empty–cold. Tony wasn't there. She sat up, her heart thudding in her chest.

Her fingers briefly traced the bandage on her arm, He should be here. She thought desperately. After last night, she needed him close. Needed his warmth, his presence, to anchor her from the darkness inside her, to let her feel what might be the last time. But he wasn't there.

With trembling legs, she rose from the bed and slipped out of the room, her bare feet padding quietly across the cold floor. The hallways seemed endless as she moved through them, the echo of her steps the only sound breaking the silence. Where was he?

"Jarvis where is Tony?" she asked her pulse thudding in her ears.

"In the second hallway, near the med bay, Miss Nora,"

Med bay? Her heart lurched, why was he here? Did something happen to him? Finally, she turned the corner of a hallway and saw him. He was standing there, his back to her, his frame rigid with tension. His shoulders seemed heavier than ever, as if the weight of the world had just doubled on them.

"Tony?" her voice was soft, hesitant. Her steps slowed as she approached him, her heart pounding louder in her chest.

He didn't move. Didn't turn around. He stood as still as a statue, the silence between them so thick it was suffocating.

"Tony?" she called again, her voice trembling now. "What's going on? You... you weren't in bed. I—I got worried."

Still, no response.

Nora felt her stomach twist. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. She cautiously reached out, her hand gently touching his shoulder, her heart aching at the coldness that seemed to radiate from him.

Tony flinched under her touch.

His jaw was clenched tight, and for a moment, she saw his breath hitch, like he was fighting a war inside himself. Then, his voice came out low, venomous and cold.

"How long?" His voice cracked, and the weight of those two words made her feel like the floor had vanished beneath her.

Nora's breath hitched, her stomach twisting. "How long... what?" her body trembled. She knew what he was asking, but her mind refused to accept it and yet her heart thudded painfully in her chest.

No, she didn't want him to know like this.

Tony stepped forward suddenly, his movements sharp and deliberate, shoulders tensed with the repressed rage he held inside, Nora instinctively took a step back, her eyes terrified and hands shaky, only to find herself trapped between him and the wall. His gaze was locked on hers, and she could feel the heat of his anger radiating off him.

"Don't play dumb," he growled. His voice was strained, and though it was angry, she knew him enough to recognize the pain it was filled with, pain that was so deep it made her chest ache. "How long were you going to keep lying to me?"

Nora opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She was frozen, staring into the eyes of the man she loved, the man who was looking at her now like she was the enemy, a darkness.

"Tony, I didn't want to—"

"Didn't want to what?!" His voice rose sharply, and in one swift motion, his fist slammed into the wall beside her head. The sound of his knuckles connecting with the concrete made her flinch as she staggered back even more on the wall–it was an unwanted sound, the one that just made her relive the past, of how the cold concrete scrapped her skin, how unwanted hands shred apart her everything–it just made thinking properly more difficult for her. The force of his fist left cracks in the wall. His body was so close to hers now that she could feel his ragged breath on her face.

Her chest tightened, tears welling in her eyes. "Please, Tony, just listen—"

"Why should I listen?!" he roared, his voice raw and broken. His eyes blazed with fury, but behind it, she saw something worse—devastation. "You killed them, Nora."

The words felt like daggers piercing through her heart and she had to close her eyes tightly to avoid looking into his–the ones that were always so loving and caring and now were filled with what she could feel but would not name-hate–she shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "No, I-I didn't-" she gasped, her voice trembling. "I didn't know... I didn't remember until last night, Tony, please—"

Tony let out a bitter, humorless laugh, stepping even closer, forcing her back fully against the wall, her breathing ragged, body trembling. His hands were shaking, and for a moment, she thought he might lose control. "I don't care!" His voice dropped, breaking, "You knew. You knew the moment your memories came back. And you... you didn't tell me. You were in my bed, lying beside me, after all this time, knowing what you did." His voice cracked; his breath shaky.

Nora's heart shattered at the cold accusation in his voice and the tears that shimmered in his eyes, how she could feel him falling apart even if she was not touching him. "I love you," she sobbed, the tears finally spilling, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. They forced me, Tony, HYDRA—"

"Stop!" Tony shouted, his hands coming up as if to ward her off. "Just stop, Nora." His voice was a mixture of rage and something else—something broken. "Do you know how long I've lived with the weight of their deaths? Do you have any idea what it's like to find out that the person you love more than anything is the one who took them from you?"

Nora's sobs became uncontrollable, her entire body trembling. She pressed her hands to his chest, feeling like a hole was carved open, its edges bleeding, "Please, Tony, please... I-I was just a child, I didn't know..."

"But you know now," he whispered, his voice barely audible. There was so much pain in his eyes that it was suffocating, feeling like it was cutting her lungs out, all while keeping her alive, "And you didn't tell me."

Nora shook her head frantically. "I didn't know how to tell you," she whispered, her voice breaking with tears, "I was scared. I was so scared you'd hate me, that I'd lose you." Her voice was thick with grief, her words tumbling out in desperate pleas. "You're everything to me. I didn't want to lose you."

Tony's face contorted with a mixture of anguish and fury; his breathing harsh. He slammed his fist into the wall again, this time with less force, but the action made her flinched nonetheless. He closed his eyes, his chest rising and falling with the weight of his emotions. "You already lost me," he said, his voice breaking.

She saw him walking away, her heart lurched with desperation as she grabbed his wrist, her voice pleasing, "Please-Tony..I didn't want to, please I can't–I can't liv-"

It took all his self-control to not yank her hand away, but he resisted the clenching of his muscles when he could felt the bandaged hand of her's, "Nora, stop it, just stop it," his voice was broken and defeated all at once, tears spilling down his eyes too, "do you want me to love you like nothing ever happened, hold your hand knowing that-...they had my mother's blood on them?"

Her heart fractured at those words. Tony unwrapped her hand gently, the tenderness in his touch a painful contrast to the words he spoke. He looked down at her injured hand, his fingers brushing the bandages for a moment, as if conflicted between his rage, his grief, his pain and the clenching of his heart he still felt for her.

"I can't..." he whispered, his voice hollow and broken. "I can't do this, Nora. Not now. Maybe not ever."

Nora reached for him once again, feeling like the world was collapsing on her but stilled at his words, "Maybe you were right–you did taint everything around yourself with darkness, and blood of your past, and maybe I really can't build a light to navigate in it,"

That broke her, her hand going limp by her side,

Of course, of course, she had always known that. Then why the sudden desperation for him to prove that wrong?

Why was she expecting that from him, when he had already given her more than she had ever deserved?

He stepped away, his warmth, his presence retreating. Nora's heart shattered into a thousand pieces as she watched him turn and walk down the hallway, his steps echoing in the silence. Her knees gave way as she collapsed against the wall sobbing, hands pressed to her face, she looked down to her chest and was surprised to see no blood there.

How can something feel this painful with no physical wound, how can an injury feel so consuming like it is picking pieces from her life force while she is alive?

How was she supposed to ever heal when she can't even see the hole that had been carved?

a/n; I don't think I have cried this much writing a chapter...but well this is just a start for a few more soul crushing chapters. :(