-

Once that realization came crashing down on Levi, once he realized he was at a point of no return with you that he could barely process right now, it took him several agonizing seconds before he finally managed to rip his gaze away from you after having felt like he'd been staring into your eyes for eternity and it was warming up his entire body in ways he couldn't recognize.

His grip on your wrist, tight even in its unconsciousness, finally loosened. He let go as if it burned to hold you any longer and he couldn't bear it, stepping away from you.

You stumbled back a little as he did this and you blinked yourself back into reality the moment he practically pushed you away and also because the lights above the two of you went dark as well the second he let go of you.

You somehow knew you should have cared about that, or alarmed, but you weren't. You were just too lost, too dazed to care. You were still trying to get your mind to catch up, to process, and to replay everything you just felt; wondering if it was only in the heat of the moment, if it was real, and...if he felt it too.

You were still having a hard time trying to grasp what just happened, what you'd felt just seconds ago, what you and Levi did moments before.

A switch went off in both of your brains, just not in the same way. You saw it in his face, in the way his eyes hardened again in a split second and pushed you away.

You lowered your arms back to your sides, slowly. God, you could still feel his touch ghosting over you. Now, as the lights dimmed down, you and Levi just stood there, separated, neither of you knowing what to say next.

What could you say next? What were you supposed to say? Your mind was still reeling and your voice was failing you. You were filled with this electrifying feeling of adrenaline and it vanished in a second, now you felt empty and dazed.

You seemed to know exactly what you were feeling just seconds ago, but now it feels like you couldn't form a single coherent thought. Your heart was still hammering inside your chest, that's for sure. That hadn't changed.

You started to look around and register all the gang members around you there were knocked out cold, unconscious, all around you and Levi. You still couldn't believe that happened.

But at least it was finally over. The fight was over. For now at least. You should feel relief, but instead, all you could feel was him, even if you parted from him. It was suffocating you in an unbearable way.

And speaking of which, you looked back up at him and your eyebrows furrowed with concern. He was taking a couple stumbling steps backwards from you, retreating away from you, clearly wanting to get some distance, and his eyes were looking everywhere around the two of you, but you.

Is he giving you the cold shoulder? Is he feeling the same shift as you were? There's no way he's not feeling it right now. His body was rigid, his eyes that were so wild and dark just seconds ago were suddenly hardened in an instead. He shoved you away. You couldn't ignore that no matter how much you tried. Had that all... just been you?

He looks apprehensive, tense, awkward. Did what happened just then really shake him up that much? You don't blame him, honestly. You were still feeling pretty out of sorts too.

The more you watched and observed him, the more something inside you itched to ask if he was okay, especially what just happened. Though, a voice in the back of your head warned you not to do it. But, you ignored it. But you really shouldn't. You shouldn't have ignored the alarms blaring in your head.

"Hey," You said, with your voice coming out softer than you expected, and Levi's head turned to look at you upon hearing your voice, but your eyebrows creased together in concern at how startled he looked, but you still decided to continue.

What was the matter with him? You're genuinely trying to figure him out. It's like he's shut down.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" You asked, genuinely wanting to know if he was alright after what just happened. He couldn't even keep eye contact with seconds at a time.

It seems that even for a moment, just before, there was some sort of reconciliation and the two of you could see eye to eye for once. You don't want it to have caused a dent instead. Just minutes ago, the two of you had been moving in perfect sync, fighting, reaching for one another, and standing side by side.

You thought there was something solid now. You didn't want that to crumble. As he struggled to answer you, you realized that as he stood there not being able to move an inch closer to you, something had either just been created between the two of you, or something had broken instead and things would never be the same as they were.

You didn't want it to be that way, but just from watching Levi be visibly avoidant of you in a span of seconds didn't exactly feel like a good sign.

When you waited a couple seconds for Levi to say something, and he didn't, you began to get worried. He wasn't looking around anxious anymore, he had this dazed, far-off look in his eyes that concerned you. You decided you wouldn't push him anymore if he wasn't ready to talk about it.

Deep down you knew you weren't either. So, instead, you decided to bring up something that you remembered from before on the spot now that all of these gang members were dealt with.

"Oh, before I forget. I made a report before I found you earlier. The police should be here soon," You said, but as you watched Levi's reaction, he blinked himself out of his daze. But when he did, you were nearly taken aback by the lack of...light behind them.

They were devoid of emotion. You started to feel them burn into you in the most uncomfortable way possible, and even if you wanted to look away, you couldn't.

All he said was; "Let's get out of here," He muttered, and you didn't miss the way as his eyes flickered away between you and anywhere else nervously, as if searching for an escape, turning away and walking away. You stood there, alone, puzzled. Drained.

You slowly turned your head to the side and saw him walking away, not getting your feet to move, but then you realized that without Levi, you wouldn't be able to get back to his car with him so that was enough of an incentive to snap out of and start running after him.

"Levi! Wait up!" You said, not wanting to be stuck here and not be able to get home. But as you tried to catch up to him and continued to call after him, he wasn't answering, he wasn't slowing down, he was speed walking, and was it you or was he walking faster? What's the matter with him? You could barely keep up.

It didn't get any better after that. After you finally caught up to Levi, everything felt like a blur to you. It was just incredibly awkward. He didn't speak to you unless it was to ask for your wrist so he could use his powers to take you both to his car since the two of you were still lost in an alleyway and were just as far from the car as before.

The two of you had gone in circles so you understood and handed him your wrist. You knew he could take you both back to where he parked his car because he could picture it, and it would save you both a lot of time. You didn't object, even if he was clearly only speaking to you if it's necessary for you to get home.

You tried to ignore how different it felt now the moment that Levi held your wrist again. It didn't feel like last time. It felt so charged with sparks that ran through your entire body. Any physical contact he made with you now felt so much stronger and you didn't know what to do with yourself.

You hoped you played it off well enough, that he didn't know that there was just no control over your own thoughts, even as you notice that it was clear that he flipped a switch in a second the moment the two of you came back to your senses.

You couldn't help but think if maybe...he was having the very same thoughts you were having running through his head rampant. And he was hiding it better, or at least trying to. Is he just as affected? You truly want to know.

The car ride itself was just as painful. It was just unbearable silence with you wanting to make conversation but it went nowhere. You were just met with nothing in response and after a while you just gave up.

You kept to yourself with your arms wrapped around yourself, wondering why Levi wasn't directing a single word towards you, just looking ahead at the road with a deeper glare on his face than you've ever seen. Like he saw a ghost.

His jaw was clenched, his body was visibly stiffened and he was gripping the steering wheel so hard this knuckles were turning white. Did he think you couldn't tell? You were left wondering; Did you do something wrong?

Did you say something to upset him? Since you met him, you've at least gotten one word responses from him even when he's not in the mood. This clearly isn't like that.

The rest of the car ride was you sneaking glances at Levi, fidgeting uncomfortably, looking out the car window because there was nothing else to do and even the sound of the engine running was too much for you.

You wanted to think of every possibility of what could have him acting like this, but none that seemed realistic came up in your head. There was one possibility that did cross your mind but you discarded it just as quickly.

Because there was no way. You hated to admit it but it feels like you two went right back to square one and you hoped that wasn't the case.

And once the two of you got to your apartment and Levi parked his car in the free spot next to yours, a lot faster than you've ever seen him do, you still got out of the car and closed the door behind you.

But just before you could head towards the elevator, you heard the car door slam next to you and you turned to see Levi walking towards you, making you halt in your steps towards the elevator.

You observed his movements, and once again, he was looking everywhere but you. You nearly scoffed and once he finally approached you, without warning, he grabbed your wrist with his tattoo on it and kept a firm grip on it for a second or two before you could even process what he was doing.

Because next thing you knew, you opened your eyes, and looked around seeing that you were no longer in your parking lot, but in the hallway of the floor where your apartment was.

You turned to look to your side and saw it was your apartment door. You turned to look back at Levi and saw that he was still looking elsewhere. And then the realization hit you. Could he really not bear to be a second with you alone in an elevator?

Was it really necessary to get a shortcut? What did you do to not make him want to be around you or even glance in your direction? It was ridiculous.

But then he takes you by surprise when you finally hear his voice again. "We're here. Safe and sound," He said, and without any warning, he finally finds the courage to look at you. But when he does, you nearly gasp as your eyes widen the smallest of fractions. You wish you hadn't.

Your breath hitched as his eyes locked into yours for a split second with something so raw and unspoken that you were so desperately trying to see through to see what he could have made him so agitated.

Having him look at you for once again made you realize how uneven his breathing is, his body was rigid and he couldn't decide where he wanted his hands to be.

He was looking at you like you were a ghost, something he wasn't sure was real at all and wasn't allowed to and would not allow himself to touch or get caught up in. He was unreadable, distant and cold.

And while it felt like you had been looking into his eyes forever, wanting to take in as much of it as you could from how much he's avoided doing it until now, he suddenly ripped it away, let go of your wrist and you realized how it actually was.

You blinked and turned your head to see him walking away, fast. And then you realized you didn't want him to go, you wanted to talk to him. You wanted him to stay. "Levi," You called out, but he just continued walking towards the elevators and your heart rate began to pick up.

You decided to try again. "Levi!" You called out, a lot more loudly than before. But he still didn't take a moment to even glance back or acknowledge you.

When you realized he was reaching the elevator, you decided that your last chance to get even a word in with him tonight would be this and you didn't want to lose it. When he turned a corner, you panicked.

You finally got your feet to move and started to run after him and hope that you weren't too late. You heard the familiar sound of the elevator doors open and you picked up the pace, knowing Levi must be stepping inside at that moment too.

Just as you rounded the same corner, you got to the elevator, but what you saw sent a jab to your heart that left you frozen in place.

Levi had already gotten into the elevator and all you could see when you finally turned the corner was the doors closing and a glimpse of Levi as they did.

He was staring dead ahead, not even acknowledging or reacting that you'd appeared in front of him just as the doors were closing. His usual gunmetal eyes were empty, devoid of anything, his lips were pressed in a hard line, his hair was falling over his eyes.

It's as if you didn't exist or weren't standing in front of him at all. It seems like the doors of the elevator were closing in slow motion as your eyebrows pinched together, your eyes softened sadly and your mouth went agape and your expression only deepened when the doors finally closed and Levi was gone.

You turned to look at the elevator monitor and saw that it was starting to go down. You lost your chance. Now, you were left standing there wondering to yourself over and over again what you did wrong.

But what you didn't know is that what you were thinking is the farthest thing from the truth. It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong, and you shouldn't blame yourself.

Levi knew this was on him and that he was fucked. It's not that he doesn't want to be near you, the problem is that there's a voice in the back of his head telling him that he wants to be near you like he was in that alley and he didn't know what to do himself.

Levi could see you, as opposed to what you were probably thinking, but he just didn't know what he'd do if he made eye contact with you for more than a second until he got his thoughts in order.

He did acknowledge you and everything you did. And it's exactly why he couldn't bring himself to look you in the eye or be in the same vicinity as you, at least for now.

And the second that the elevator door closed and Levi knew he was in the clear, he exhaled loudly and bent over as if he could longer keep the burden of the weight in his chest any longer.

His face twisted with discomfort as he straightened back up and then back backwards until his back hit the elevator wall and he tipped his head back, closing his eyes as his chest started to heave up and down uncomfortably.

After a couple of seconds, Levi parted with a soft breath as he straightened his head and looked ahead. He was suddenly becoming painfully aware of the fact that his heart was pounding against his chest, and so much so that he was starting to hear it in his ears. He couldn't hear himself think and his breathing was getting heavier.

Everything was distorted in his head and all he could do was raise a hand out of his pants pocket and slip it under his jacket, over his crisp white shirt, and on top of his chest. Where his heart lies.

Levi's eyes were wide and frantic as he could physically feel the pounding just over the palm of his hand and his fingertips. How does he make it stop? Please, God, how does he make it stop? He keeps wandering over and over.

And then, somehow, he let his mind trail over tonight. Why did he think it was a good idea to deal with the gang the way that he did? Now, all he can think about was how contact with you felt a whole different way.

He remembers every part of it so vividly. The way that he wouldn't let go of your wrist and hold it securely, and even letting himself go so much to the point that he danced with you by his side without the need of holding your wrist at all.

The way his brain is wired suddenly changed when he saw the single light singing down on the two of you as he spun you gracefully and securely, highlighting features he didn't appreciate the same way as before. And when the song ended?

God, he couldn't stop thinking about that either. His fingers could feel those same sparks resurfacing just from remembering how he held onto your waist as he kept your body pressed up against his

Levi has been with women before that he's been set up with, sure, but it's never been serious and they've ended pretty quickly and he never gave it a second thought, much less fall for them or feel the electricity up and down his body that just the thought of you was causing but now, all he can think about his you and all these reactions you're causing him that he can't explain.

He didn't think something like that would ever crawl into his mind. Ever. He doesn't know how to get rid of it, or if he even wants to. He remembers looking deep into your eyes, seeing details about you up close under the moonlight that he's never had a chance to see, with his hand in the back of your head and under your jaw, and holding you close at a proximity that just felt right. At the time, at least.

Now he's just kicking himself wondering at one point the two of you felt comfortable enough to hold each other the way you did, breaking boundaries that he thought the two of had put in place.

How did it come to this? Why was he fixating on this so much? Why were you any different? Why couldn't he get the feeling of your touch out of his head?

Why is he letting his mind take control like this? He wished he could say he wanted to erase the memory of you, your warmth, your presence, your goddamn voice calling after him out of his system, but somehow, he knew that's not what he wanted. Deep, deep, down.

He didn't see you this way before the two of you got lost and got separated. In fact, he felt the exact opposite way. What changed?

He feels like he's physically burning and he thanks any force out there in the universe that lets him get away from you in time so you don't have to see him like this. It's killing him.

And then it hit him. Was Onyankopon right? Were human emotions really taking over him and he didn't even realize it? He fought the urge to groan because it meant one thing.

Levi always thought love was a foolish emotion but now...he might be experiencing it himself? Ever since he met you, he keeps these changes that he doesn't want and that he's never felt in two centuries until he got caught in all of this with you.

Did this mean that Onyankopon was right, then? Was that dream of a memory in his past life only the beginning? Is he able to stop any of it?

The resurfacing of the memories, these human emotions, and everything that came with it? He didn't want it. How does he make it stop?

How does he make his heart stop beating so hard as it'll fall out of his chest in a way it never has before just from you flashing over his mind? Was this all inevitable?

Every moment since he's met you also flashed through his mind, making him wonder if there's anything else in the past that could have indicated any of this happening.

He doesn't know if he should welcome it or if he should fight it. His mind is in shambles and he hates it. It's suffocating him. His grip on his chest tightened as he tried to steady his breathing, but it was no use, his body betraying him in ways he felt frustration growing on him because he was usually so in control. What were you doing to him? Love? No. It can't be that. He refused to believe that for a second.

But at the same time, why can't he stop thinking about every touch with you that was making his skin tingle? Why was the memory of your gaze locked into his feelings like it's branded into his brain?

He tried to shake away the flashes of your smile in his head or blink them away. It was no use. Tonight obviously did not go how he thought it would, and if it could've prevented it, he would've never taken you to that dinner. Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?

Would he have not had this realization crash into his life if he had just let you go to dinner with Erwin instead, and then he would've gone on that team dinner alone? He can't help but think about that fact intently.

He clenched his jaw and forced himself away from the elevator wall. He looked at the monitor on the wall and noticed that he was almost on his way down to the lobby.

The weight of what was pressing down on him became even more prominent even when he tried to stand on his own two feet and not have the wall for support. He knew what he needed.

He needed distance, some control. He couldn't let this get any worse, because if not, he didn't know what would happen. He can't allow it.

-

A little later that night, just as Levi was starting to head back to the Scouts Foundation, the rehearsals at the organization were still going well.

Now that Levi was absent because of his job being your bodyguard, Onyankopon has taken the lead in the show that Petra has spent so much time practicing for, and tonight was one of those nights of endless rehearsal.

But, either way, it's what she loved to do. Though, she has been kind of bummed that Levi hasn't been around to watch her perform as much recently, despite how much he tries to promise otherwise.

Right now, she is up on stage, doing her thing and performing her dance with swords as she usually does while Onyankopon was on the front row of the auditorium making sure that everything was going smoothly.

There were dancers in the back accompanying her, the musicians just backstage playing the music, and the lights were being operated as if it was the real thing. The show was getting closer after all.

These shows have become more noticed nationally and internationally recently. Petra has definitely been in the public eye because of it, and she has been working extra hard because of it.

Many people around Paradis and around the world have been interested in coming to the foundation just to see her show and demonstrate the history of Paradis and honor the heroes of the past through her performances, given that so much of the past has been hidden from the general population.

The Scouts Foundation is the only organization nowadays out there willing to show the world how it is that the country of Paradis truly came to be in the past.

But just as Petra was finishing her dance number, and Onyankopon was watching with pride written all over his face, the music came to an end and Petra dropped her swords as she winced and held her right hand in her left.

She nicked herself with her sword by accident. Onyankopon's face widened upon hearing the slight sound of pain from her, and immediately stood up from his chair.

"Petra, are you okay?" He called, starting to head up the stairs that led to the stage. Once he did, he turned to some employees who'd been watching the performance on the side of the stage.

"Get the first aid kit!" Onyankopon said, and the employees nodded surely and rushed off backstage to find the first aid kit. Onyankopon rushed over to his coworker to get a better look at her hand.

"Come on, let me see," He said as he got to Petra and grabbed her hand gently to inspect the injury. He sighed in relief when he realized the sword didn't cause that much damage. That scenario would've been very bad.

"It looks superficial, but you should still clean it up," Onyankopon said as he gathered the swords from the ground with one hand and started to guide Petra along with him down the stage and towards the chairs in the front row where he was sitting before.

"That's never happened to me before. Why was that sword so sharp?" She said as the both of them sat next to each other and an employee came rushing with the first aid kit.

Onyankopon thanked the employee as he grabbed the box and sat down on his lap. As Petra held her hand and inspected her cut, Onyankopon's curiosity got the best of him and turned his attention to Petra's swords that he'd set aside.

He grabbed one of them and started to delicately run his hands along the blade while Petra watched him silently. "Wow, you must've gone pretty hard there, huh? You must've really been in the zone. These swords are pretty dull to have caused a cut like that," Onyankopon said as he set down the sword and then began to open the first aid box to take out some disinfectant, bandages and so on.

Petra continued to look at her cut and a slight frown crossed her face as she sighed. "It's not my fault. My swords definitely felt different today," She said, watching Onyankopon in the corner of her eye.

"Well, all that matters is that the cut isn't any deeper than that," Onyankopon said as he closed the box and held all of the things he needed in his hands, and Petra was quick to notice, extending her hand out. "I'll do it," She said, wanting to take care of the cut herself.

Onyankopon was reluctant but he still handed the disinfectant from his hands and then began to treat the cut. She sprayed a little on a cotton ball and little began to dab it on her wound while Onyankopon waited until she asked for the bandages.

But as comfortable silence enveloped the two of them, while Petra continued to dab onto her wound to clean it up, she let out an exhale through her nose as another thought crawled into her head.

One that she's had on her mind even when she was performing. "Can you believe the show is just around the corner and Levi hasn't bothered to show up?" Petra said out of the blue, as an unexpected subtle tone of bitterness took over her tone.

She didn't mean to, but she just misses having him around the foundation to come see her performances, give his input. It matters to her.

Onyankopon gave her a look of sympathy and put a hand on her shoulder, hoping to try and help her feel better. "It's not that he hasn't bothered, Petra. He has other things keeping him busy nowadays. You know he shows up when he can," Onyankopon reasoned, but Petra stayed silent as she extended her hand out and Onyankopon handed her the bandages.

As she unrolled it and started to wrap her hand, her coworker decided that because of her silence, he'd take another route. "Besides, I'm here. Isn't that enough?" Onyankopon sent her a gentle smile, nudging her arm a little.

A small smile twitched in Petra's lips. "Yeah, I guess so," She said, but then that smile was wiped off with yet another thought that crawled into her head. "Hey, you know more than me about what Levi's been doing. You're his assistant," Petra inquired, and Onyankopon nodded, not knowing where she was going with this.

Petra simply inhaled deeply and prepared herself to ask yet again the very question that everyone around her was avoiding to answer at all costs for some reason. She wanted answers.

"Is there...is there really something going on between Levi and that girl?" She asked, and Onyankopon froze. Honestly, he didn't know up to that extent that Petra seemed to be insinuating.

All he knows is that he's been spending more time with you recently, but nothing that has to do with a relationship further than a bodyguard agreement.

Sure, he tried to tease Levi about it with the movie, the bodyguard rules, the hidden message under the proposal because he thought something was going on, but maybe he was wrong. Levi had been pretty adamant about that not being the case.

"Um-" Onyankopon started but Petra rolled her eyes, knowing where this was going. "Come on, don't lie to me. It's all you and Levi have done every time I try to ask. You keep leaving me in the dark. Now, what's going on?" She insisted, quickly finishing up wrapping her hand and then turning her body in her chair to face her coworker.

Not knowing what to say, because he doesn't know that much either in regards to you and Levi recently, Onyankopon needed to find a way to give her an answer that could satisfy her.

"I can't say what you want to hear because I don't know. Levi has been pretty secretive lately," He said, and Petra dropped her hands on her lap as she deadpanned.

"He's always with her at her office and they're always with each other," She said, and Onyankopon let out a breath, running hand back and forth on his head. He shrugged and shook his head with an apologetic smile.

"Well, yeah. That's kind of the whole point," He said and Petra fell back against her chair again, handing the bandages and the disinfectant back to Onyankopon.

"You know what I mean," She said in defeat and when Onyankopon turned to look at her, his eyes softened and raised his hand to put it on her shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly. He has an idea of what she must be thinking.

"I know, I know. But either way, I don't think you should worry. Levi has a heart of steel, you know? You know how he is. You've known him for over 20 years of your life. He won't forget that," Onyankopon pointed out but all Petra could do was lean her elbow on the armrest and put her chin on her fist as she looked out onto the stage.

Petra didn't have the best upbringing, and when she was a kid, Levi took her out of the conditions she was living in and gave her a better life, letting her stay at the foundation.

"And still, nothing's happened," She muttered, but Onyankopon moved to put the hand that he had on her shoulder over to her back and started to rub it comfortingly.

"Hey. You know Levi's a pretty handsome guy, and he's been single for 200 years. There's a reason for that, you know? I don't think he's met anyone yet that's managed to penetrate that cold exterior of his that way yet," Onyankopon pointed out.

He's known that all interactions Levi has had with other women because he thought he could give having a relationship a shot, but in reality, it could barely qualify as a relationship anyway and they never really lasted.

Onyankopon didn't think Petra had anything to worry about, because as far as he knew, there wasn't anything that indicated that you and Levi were crossing that threshold. He didn't know if he wanted to be wrong or not. He wasn't sure at this point.

He just hoped his sincerity and telling Petra exactly what he thought about this whole thing would be enough.

"But you know, I can't help but be really worried about him. I have a really bad feeling about that girl," Petra sat up and then turned to look at Onyankopon with a concerned and unsure expression on her face. That was another thing.

Aside from the feud that you and Levi had at the beginning to get him to be your bodyguard and to make an agreement, there wasn't anything about you that he's heard that's any cause for suspicion. Though, he understands if Petra might think that.

Nobody's told her anything and she's been forced to draw up her own conclusions. Everything she knows is details she's had to pry out of Onyankopon, not wanting to be left in the dark. She's just very protective over Levi after everything he's done for her. It's just a natural question to have.

"I haven't met her yet, but based on what Levi has told me recently, she doesn't seem so bad," Onyankopon said, trying to get Petra to give you a chance and to see the silver lining in all of this. But it seems that he had to work a little harder.

"Was being her bodyguard really the only option?" She asked Onyankopon, wondering if the situation was really as serious as it was that there was no other role Levi could have in order to be closer to his tattoo. Onyankopon exhaled and nodded sincerely. "It's Levi's best shot right now," He admitted truthfully, and Petra's eye downturned dejectedly. She assumed so.

Petra looked away and decided she didn't want to talk about this anymore, even if she was the one who brought it up. She needed to continue practicing, and that was the only thing that could get her to take her mind off of this for a while.

She stood up with a huff, grabbed her swords and started heading towards the stairs that lead to the stage. Onyankopon watched her walk away and looked at her with surprise. "Wait. Don't you want to take a break?" He asked, and without turning around, Petra shook her head.

"No, I want to keep going. This show is already around the corner as it is and I'm behind. I'm short on time," Petra said as she looked down at her hand and then started walking towards her backup dancers, who were just talking across the stage.

"Hey, from the top," She said, catching their attention. They all nodded and started to get into position while Onyankopon stayed in the first row, observing Petra carefully and her behavior. She usually blew off steam practicing over and over again, and this seems to be one of those cases.

-

Levi's mind was spinning the entire drive back to the Scouts Foundation. He felt like his body wasn't his own, and he wasn't in control anymore. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he thought it was a miracle that he didn't crash on his way back.

As soon as he got out of the elevator, he made a beeline to get as far away as he could. He wanted to go back to his office, hope nobody was there, and be alone. His entire body felt like it was on fire and he just needed to find a place to get his thoughts in order.

As soon as he parked in the Scouts Foundation parking lot, he stepped out of the car, slammed the car door behind him and immediately started making his way towards his office, doing everything in his power to not run into anyone.

He's not in the state to talk to anyone right now. He has no idea what he's feeling and he wouldn't be able to explain it to anyone. Even the sound of his own footsteps as he made his way across the halls of the building felt far too loud for him.

There was just this visceral and impending feeling inside Levi's chest that he's been trying to shove down because he didn't want to acknowledge it for a second.

And just as he felt like he'd been walking forever, he turned a corner and he could finally see the door of his office in sight. He picked up the pace. As soon as he reached the door, he slammed it open, harder than he intended.

Not that he cared right now anyway. Once inside his office, he went straight for the bar with a fast stride and his eyes zeroed in on a wine bottle sitting on the counter. He got to it, popped it open with the cork clattering on the counter, and grabbed the nearest wine glass in sight, pouring himself a little.

Or maybe more than a little. He allowed himself to have a little more. As long as he could drown out all of these thoughts about you in his head, he'd do it no questions asked.

Levi didn't waste a second to set the wine bottle down, grab the wine glass, raise it up to his lips, take a big gulp, feeling it burn his throat, and then set it back down.

He put his hands on the edge of the counter and leaned against the counter, hanging his head low. His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was gripping it. Now that he was officially alone, he felt like he could finally let himself unravel. Just a little.

His heavy and erratic breathing could be heard across the room as he closed his eyes shut and raised one of his hands from the counter to press against the ridge of his nose.

There was something truly wrong with him. He's been trying to figure out when all of this started to surface but everything came out blank.

Could he...could he really be starting to see you in that way? He wouldn't call it love. Not a chance in hell. But the idea that this could lead to something like that? It made his stomach churn.

It flipped his entire world upside down. All he could think about is if Onyankopon was right. It keeps coming back to him at the worst times; back at the alley, when he was in the elevator, and now that he was alone in his office.

It felt like it was hitting him harder now than all of those other times. Him? Falling for a human? He swore to himself he couldn't and wouldn't cross that boundary for anything, but he should've reminded himself not to get too close a lot more often or he wouldn't have to be fighting his own demons inside his head to stop getting more attached to you by the day. He was worried from the beginning that would happen but he always assumed that he was stronger than that.

Levi shook his head, trying to physically get these thoughts out of his head, but he couldn't. Nothing is working. Not even the wine. The more he resists, the stronger the realizations becomes.

He lowered his hand from his nose and looked down at his own wrist. Where his tattoo used to be. He glared at it and his hand balled into a fist. He can't hold it together for long.

He was becoming more human by the day without it and he wouldn't be able to stop the memories from resurfacing, he wouldn't be able to stop feeling these rush of emotions he swore he could've spent a lifetime without, and no matter how much he tries to spend holding onto your wrist for 'charging', he knew these feelings for you would continue to grow whether he liked it or not. Without his tattoo, he'll never be the same as he was before. It's all slipping through his fingers and he knew it.

As for you, you were also going through the events of the day and what happened with Levi, especially. Just a little differently than him. You'd made it back inside your apartment after the elevator doors closed on you when Levi left.

It took you a couple seconds to realize that it was out of your control now and it was pretty late already as well, so you might as well just start getting ready for bed and sleep on all of this. It's been an incredibly long day and maybe some sleep would do you good. As much as Levi refused to leave your thoughts.

You'd stepped into your apartment, headed straight for your room and decided to take a shower, washed your hair, tried to let the hot water mellow out the very continuous and torturous way that your mind was constantly trying to remind you about Levi.

When you stepped out of the shower, you wrapped your hair up in a towel, put on your pajamas, your slippers and moved in front of your mirror to start your usual nighttime routine.

You'd washed your face, and so on, and now you were brushing your teeth. But as you brushed in silence, once again, you couldn't escape the intrusive thoughts that were pushing into your head.

You stopped brushing your teeth slowly and pulled out your toothbrush from your mouth. You didn't want to get carried away, you wanted to be completely sure in your head of what you've seen from Levi.

He was looking at you with such contempt before and it made something inside you sink. You didn't know if you should be worried about how much that hit you when he did.

He's so, so hard to decipher. You never know what he's thinking and this has been a problem since you've met him, but you truly wanted him to be clear this time around.

One minute, he wants to constantly be holding onto you, the next he's looking at you in a way that makes you rethink everything you think about him, and then he treats you in a way that makes you remember exactly why you've pushed any feelings for him away.

You've been feeling many unusual things for Levi recently and it definitely skyrocketed the moment the two of you got stuck in that supply closet.

You've been blaming it on the adrenaline this entire time, but now that you've calmed down from the day, could you still do that? You keep wondering if he's thinking the same thing you were, trying to figure you out as much as you were with him.

If he's even feeling the same way you do. You don't want to continue playing hot and cold with him. You wanted an answer, but you were terrified to your very core to ever bring it up with him. Though, you'd feel less alone if you knew.

You knew that the biggest indication that these growing feelings for him were the butterflies every time he found an excuse to hold your wrist or make any kind of contact, or even when he just simply looked at you.

You thought this would be an agreement that would never end in either of you getting attached but you might just be the first victim. You wanted to believe that there was anything behind his eyes that indicated that there might be something stored for you too, even if he doesn't have it figured out, because that's okay. Neither do you.

All you wanted was a sign from him, anything at all would help you tremendously. You were tired of him acting like you were invisible, especially like it happened out there in the hallway and you never know the reason behind it either. You didn't want to feel like you were crazy for thinking this.

You sighed and finished brushing your teeth. How long do you have to put up with this? Is he having as hard of a time with this as you were? What do you do with these feelings? Where do you put them?

You stepped out of your bathroom and started heading towards your bed that you've been looking forward to all day, but still wondering if you were the only one letting this blow out of proportion in your head? Were you this touch starved?

Were you just missing the feeling? Why was he so cold to you before? You genuinely had no idea. You had all of these thoughts crawling around in your head and you wanted answers for them.

You slipped yourself into bed and let out a breath of relief at the feeling of finally being under the covers. And once you were finally laying down, you stared up at the ceiling and started to think.

You were overthinking this way too much, and if that was the case, maybe it wasn't the best thing to pursue right? Even if you did want a straight answer from him, you didn't want to keep guessing with him unless he said things to you straight up. You don't want to feel like you've felt today again.

You're not waiting around for him anymore, you need to continue going your own way as if everything that's happened today hasn't bothered you and kept you thinking as much as it has.

You can do that, right? There's a lot of things you still have to fix, like corporate sabotage and family drama in your life, before you can even start thinking about pursuing something with somebody right now.

The only kind of 'love life' you could pursue right now was the one that was substantial to your problems, which you were reminded to you when you turned on your phone and saw the notification on your phone reminding you of your blind date tomorrow with the guy you were supposed to go out with instead of Levi that one time.

You sighed and realized that there was one thing you needed to do before you swore yourself off Levi and shoved down any feelings for him.

You sat up in your bed and realized you need to make one more stop before you go to bed. You looked down at your phone to look at the time and see it just hit 11 PM.

You almost backed out of doing this for a second, but you know for a fact you wouldn't be able to just go to sleep now not knowing for sure. Once you did, you could start to move forward on your own and focus on what's important right now.

You were tired of letting these thoughts suffocate you anymore, and there was only one way to know, right? You needed to know. Even if it's not what you wanted to hear. Even if you hated the answer.

If he was hot or cold for you. If he liked you or not. That was the only way you'd be able to focus on any of your other issues right now and before you could go on that blind date tomorrow. You needed to know if any of this mattered to him at all. Everything always circles back to him.

That's why you're now in a cab headed to the Scouts Foundation, knowing this conversation with Levi will determine that blind date. You know he doesn't want to get married, but if he is in the same place as you, you decided you'd be willing to put on hold a marriage for a bit until you figure things out with him.

You don't know how it came to this; from you and him agreeing to simply help each other reach your goals, to you having a very big part of you wonder if things had shifted between the two of you in a way neither one of you expected.

You also try to remember that while you're doing this because you know you can't move forward until you get an answer from him, you're also doing this for yourself.

Its not for his validation or anything. You just want the truth whether it'll hurt or not. You have too much to think about to continue wrestling with whatever has you spiraling whenever Levi sneaks into your head.

You're sure that this is what you want to do. Yeah, you like him, but if he doesn't, you'll accept that and go on that date tomorrow and find someone to marry like you've been planning to do.

The only difference is that if Levi actually does end up feeling the same way, you'd be willing to wait to get married just a little longer. You knew exactly what you wanted going into this.

As soon as you realized that, you jumped out of bed, got ready all over again and before you knew it, just as you turned your head to look out the window, you noticed the cab was taking a turn and was pulling up right in front of the stairs of the Scouts Foundation.

Once the cab came to a stop, you felt your heart involuntarily start to race and chills ran up and down your body. You were really doing this, weren't you? It's not like you were regretting it or anything, but now that you were here, everything just became that much more real than when you were in your bed deciding it. But you still weren't backing out now. You can do this. You can definitely do this.

"Miss, we're here," The cab driver said, making you blink yourself out your daze and look ahead at the cab driver. You nodded, turning your body towards the door, grabbed your pursed, wrapped your hand around the handle, opened the door, stepped out, and then closed the door behind you.

You inhaled deeply as you looked up at the sign in front of the building with the Scouts Foundation name on it, lit up and bright in the night.

It suddenly truly hit you that Levi was inside. You needed to steel your nerves and prepare yourself for anything if you wanted to do this right. you heard the cab driver drive off behind you and you decided to finally head inside.

"I can do this. This is it..." You muttered to yourself as you reached into your purse, pulled out a compact and opened it, holding it up to your face so you can see yourself in the mirror. You fixed your hair, checked to see if everything was in order.

You closed it, put it back in your purse and then looked down at your outfit to see if you looked okay. You brushed off your clothes lightly and adjusted them. When you were ready, you took a quick breath and stood tall.

Just this once, you're allowing yourself to find things out for yourself instead of continuing to guess. This needed to happen. You got your feet to move and finally started to make your way up the steps of the building.

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