-

Everything from the moment you were forced to let go of Grisha felt like a blur too and you haven't been able to register anything properly since. It was the hardest thing you've ever had to do, and it had been a long time since you've experience agony like that clawing inside you. That day, you experienced the kind of pain that you were trying to recall how it felt, how open, raw, and jagged it was to sob and cry out like that as you felt like you've lost the one thing, the one person, that was keeping you together.

It felt like your soul shattered and Grisha had been an integral part of you. Losing him felt like losing your parents all over again and when you went through that, and Grisha found you, you never thought you'd have to relive that. But you did. The feeling of grief and losing someone like that when it had been such a good day up until that moment hit you in a way that left you completely breathless and empty inside with nothing else to give.

You couldn't remember exactly when it turned into numbness, and when it felt like you weren't in control of any part of your body anymore and that your senses were dulled. Though you suspected it was the moment that you vaguely remember Levi having to rip you away from Grisha, fighting his hold with the last shred of energy left in your body after crying your eyes out painfully like you'd had for who knows how long.

You started to realize that it must have been a long time because by the time he took you away, iot had stopped raining and Levi did it despite it being you kicking, screaming and begging, feeling like you were the helpless little girl you met Grisha as all over again, wanting to stay with for as long as you could, for the very last time. You didn't want to abandon him.

You'd screamed for him to let you go back and hold Grisha one last time, but Levi had refused and continued to hold you close to him and drag you away or else you'd only hurt yourself damage your psyche even more if you stayed with Grisha's body any longer. You suppose that's when it happened.

Being dragged out of the greenhouse once it had stopped raining and Levi begun to take you back to the car made a sharp ache inside you be followed with a cold and empty void inside you that left you in a daze, unable to control your own limbs all on your own. The only thought in your mind was trying to convince yourself that none of this was your fault, that you couldn't have possibly seen that coming.

It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault. You repeated like hazed mantra over and over in your head as Levi held your hand and dragged you back across the house and back towards the car parked out front.

You kept trying to convince yourself that there's nothing you could have done differently to prevent this, and that hurt more than any other revelation. You couldn't have seen it coming or have done anything else to stop it from happening.

But you wish you could have told him how much he meant to you before that if you knew the last time you spoke to him would be the last. You hoped he knew that in his final moments.

You couldn't have possibly been quicker or clairvoyant because you knew that somehow in the back of your mind, that if it happened as suddenly as it did, it was premeditated and nobody could have seen it coming. Not you or anybody. You had let yourself get comfortable with with what the doctors had told you about him being in good health, which is why finding Grisha as you had felt like a dagger straight through your heart.

And the realization that you the hardest and that was the most painful to bear, was the fact that he never got to see you get married before he died like he told you he wanted. All you wanted to do now was go back in time and and give one those blind dates he'd set you up on another chance and maybe he could have seen you find someone like wanted.

And now you wish you hadn't been so picky as you were and made him happy. You weren't even capable of doing that before he died and made sure one of his wishes for you came true.

And now somehow, you were standing in front of Grisha's memorial service, in his mansion, in the backyard you'd never expected to ever not stand in without him. Its only been a couple days since you'd found him but his absence was already setting in and everything felt so out of place.

This yard used to feel so full, alive, and now the void of him not being there was more noticeable than ever. The faces around you were familiar, but also so distant at the same time. You were still coming to terms with accepting that this was reality and things wouldn't ever go back to the way they used to without Grisha here.

The backyard was set up with multiple tables for the guests invited to the memorial service, all organized by the older members of the family like Zeke, Karina, Gabi and Falco's parents, and so on. Everyone was wearing black. They hired catering, picked the decorations, did the guest list, and everything in between.

You could hear the soft murmur of voices of the guests behind you that was watching your family mourn, the shuffle of shoes on the lawn, the soft clinking of glasses, the breeze from the soft wind brushing against you as you stood still, not moving an inch.

And right now, you and the family were standing in front of a memorial made for Grisha. There was a picture of him set up with multiple white flowers all around the frame and some candles. But even if the birds were singing up in the trees at that moment, those bird calls were all drowned out by the painful sobs of your family.

And even now, as all any of you had to remember Grisha in that moment and how he was the very center of the family that kept it together was just a framed picture of him, you were only reminded of the fact that now that he was truly gone and you and your family members would only become more divided with nobody to be the glue anymore to hold it in place or to ever say anything about it.

And you were seeing it right now. You could see it clearly. It was ridiculous how even now, when you're not supposed to be divided and in the face of loss, it's clear that not even the grief for someone so integral to the family could bring any of your family members together. Not even that could break down their walls.

The adults and their kids were up front; Zeke, Karina, Yelena, Floch, Gabi and Falco's parents, Gabi and Falco, and Reiner. Then right behind them, were Eren, Mikasa, Armin. And then there was you. You were behind all of them, listening to your family's sobs as your chest began to rise and fall unevenly, trying not let yourself cry again, not knowing if you'd be able to stop. Apparently Colt hadn't been able to make it because of some important work issue he couldn't get out of.

Somehow, even in a moment like this, it hit you. you couldn't feel like anything but more of an outcast in this family. You weren't related by blood, you've never been, and you knew that now that Grisha wasn't around to stop them from alienating you, include you and make sure you were always present with the rest, you knew that it would be harder for them to start accept you now than ever before.

It was clear that the distance between you and the rest of the family would only grow. There was no one else to be your pillar of support amongst them, and just from the way the family was divided like this by simply mourning Grisha, you knew for a fact that this wouldn't change for a very long time. It only get worse from here.

So, you realized only had Eren, Armin, Mikasa, but just barely because they were so busy and caught up with finishing college that you didn't want to disrupt that and then there was Erwin, but even he was losing notion of time with his own job. You were all alone in this family, now more than ever.

Sure, you were close with Reiner too, but he was rarely ever around, Falco and Gabi were always off in their own world, and the adults were no better, always pretending you weren't there and did just below the bare minimum to make efforts with you.

You listened to all of them cry and you took a sharp inhale as you prevented yourself from doing that too. You were all cried out, even as you felt heat gather behind your eyes and they got redder, and as your chest heaved with emotion, you remained as strong and firm as you possibly could as you stared directly at Grisha's picture from afar. As your eyes trailed over each and every one of your family members in front of you, all you could remember was how the funeral was earlier that morning.

You couldn't even remember it without that being another catalyst for your tears to fall because it was just far too painful to remember. It was another reminder for you to remember that they had free reign now to treat you like even more of an outcast than before. You just needed to get through today, that's all. You could do that, right?

Even if the funeral had been just earlier that morning, it was nothing but flashes in your mind, and your memory decided to pick and choose on what to let resurface. It was hard to explain because while you were completely conscious and aware of your surroundings, it felt like you've been in a hazed fog for days. In the funeral, you'd been surrounded by people but none of them felt real, like shadows that your eyes refused to focus on. It felt like nothing mattered anymore.

Seeing Grisha for the last time in the funeral felt like a punch in the gut, being forced to see him again just as the day you found him. It just just the same if not more, but you fought with every fiber of your body to allow that moment to be a good final goodbye, not wanting your last moments seeing him to be riddled with the grief inside you wanting to come out so desperately.

The ceremony had been a simple service and procession that only family attended, but everyone's words felt hollow. The adults were the only ones who delivered eulogies and were selected to do so, like Karina and Zeke. But just as you'd expected, their words felt to you like something had been missing.

Almost like they didn't mean them and while you knew they were grieving like anybody else in the room, you've known them for long enough to know that there was a certain tone that they spoke with when they really meant something.

And that didn't feel like one of those moments. But you pushed those doubts to the back of your head and focused on the fact that despite what they really meant, despite all the differences they had with Grisha before he passed, it didn't mean they weren't grieving.

They expressed their grief differently and you were nobody to judge, so after hearing their words, the world became distorted for you during the funeral, and nobody in that room knew how to process the loss. Just as you'd felt like you were all out of tears to shed and grief to feel to the point of just feeling numb and unfeeling,

-

Earlier that morning, just as you had arrived at the actual funeral, the moment you'd stepped out the car even while feeling you had no control of your own body, the cold weight of what the day ahead of you implied suddenly pressed down on you. Levi had remained in the driver's seat, giving you space to breath and to gather yourself before bracing yourself to face what was outside your car door.

He'd noticed that just like the last couple of days, you'd taken them off of work and you'd barely talked to him, but he knew who you were about to see at the funeral all over again. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Erwin, all of them—they were all dear to you, even if they weren't tied to you by blood, but you still had shared memories, hardship and an unspoken bond that no one could break, even in moments like these

As you got out of the car and made your way towards them, your heart began to race, which felt foreign to you after feeling like nothing could get you to show a single emotion the last few days, and it felt surreal. Your eyes had landed on the trio immediately, and the sense of familiarity washed over you. It was as if all of the emotions that buried themselves inside you finally found an anchor and resurfaced.

Eren was the one who saw you first, and you could instantly see the way his whole body showed his relief at your appearance, despite the heartbreaking look of his red and teary eyes. The way his eyes softened made something inside you flicker and ache.

But before you could get closer, he took the initiative and started to make his way towards you too, and Armin and Mikasa were quick to follow. It was like the three of them had been waiting for the moment that you would arrive to lift their spirits. The moment you'd arrive to hold them together, not let them fall apart, just as much as they would do the same for you.

In a second, Eren pulled you into his arms with a firm embrace, almost desperate, afraid of letting another person he cares about go and disappear from his life in the blink of an eye. Mikasa was just as quick to follow, wrapping her arms around you from one side, and Armin being right behind her and wrapping his arms around you and Eren, pulling all of you tighter in a single group hug.

And it wasn't just a comforting hug that all four of you desperately needed, but it was a promise to be there for each other through such a painful moment in your lives, not letting each other face it alone. Nothing mattered in that moment other than the four of you.

And it had only shattered your heart hearing the tremor in Eren's breath, and also feeling the way his body shook violently against you as he held you close, trying his best to stay strong for you, for his friends, and for his entire family. Holding in raw emotions was becoming far too far for him. His grip and hold on you tightened, holding onto the person he's always relied on for anything.

You didn't miss the way Mikasa's arms wrapped around you as her strength grounded the rest of you, noticing that even she was on the verge of letting her emotions spill over as her body trembled and it was her silent admission to you that the grief was too much.

Armin was the quietest out of the four of you, but his emotions had always had a depth to them that he didn't need any words to express. His hands were resting gently yet firmly around you and Eren, reassuring you and his best friend that he wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here, with the people who mean the most to him. His head rested against your shoulder, and the weight of it was enough for him to convey the sadness that he's wordlessly carrying, just like the rest of you.

You could desperately feel your tears wanting to fall, but in that moment, you knew that it didn't matter at all. It didn't matter who was crying or who was trying their very best to hold on for the sake of the others, but all that matter to the trio is that you were just there. That you were there with them. You were the trio's role model, their pillar. You've always been. You were their safe space.

You allowed the grief to grow further, allowing yourself to let tears start to fall. You thought that you'd shut off so much that you wouldn't be able to, but you realized you've been holding onto it for far too long already. A couple tears fell down your eyes and you started to tremble.

No words were exchanged as a steady rhythm of breaths as the four of you stood together, holding one another tightly. It wasn't a moment of sorrow that any of you should have to face alone, because it was a shared feeling and all four of you knew all too well how the other was feeling.

The shared recognition is exactly what each other needed more than anything in the world right now, to be able to get through this.

But just as you'd thought that nobody would say anything at all, you heard Eren inhale sharply as he let out a weak laugh. "You're here. You're really here..." He said, and you tried to ignore the way your heart shatter at how tired and defeated he sounded, but even if he couldn't see your face, you mustered up a smile through your tears and answered too, patting him comfortingly in the back.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss this..." You whispered, and as you said that, on either side of you, you felt Mikasa and Armin hug you tighter, making a lump form in your throat as you tried not to cry.

But Eren wasn't making it any easier on you. The moment you heard him let out a choked sob as he started to shake against you, you closed your eyes shut and hugged him tighter while even more tears fell down your cheeks.

"It hurts, y/n...it hurts so much," He whispered as his voice cracked and hugged you even tighter. He lost his father, and he's still trying to be strong.

You're always going to admire Eren for trying to be there for everybody else, even if he himself is hurting just as much, but right now, he couldn't hold back any longer and knew he could break down right in front of you and you wouldn't leave his or his friend's side for a second.

"I know...I know," You whispered back in his ear as your voice began to waver too, all the while tears began to free fall down your face and you couldn't hide the way your body was starting to shake as well.

You rubbed an arm up and down his back, and when you felt sniffles behind you, knowing it was Mikasa and Armin, it was becoming increasingly harder to continue being their pillar and try to be the one who remains strong for them.

But as well as you thought you were hiding your emotions, Eren was the first one to pull back, just enough to look at you, with his hands on your shoulders.

Mikasa and Armin followed, moving a little closer to Eren on either side of him. You looked up at him and saw that all of their eyes were glassy, but they had comforting smiles and expressions on their faces.

There was something behind them, a vulnerability that they were willing to share with you, especially since they could see clearly the way you also had tears running down your face and your face was full of sorrow, just like theirs.

They were silent for a second, but then Eren decided to speak up first. "I'm sorry," He muttered as he swallowed hard and looked away for a second, but your eyes still widened. Why was he apologizing? He had nothing to be sorry for.

"Why are you-" You started, wanting to ask him exactly what you were thinking, but Eren raised a hand to cut you off and let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. "Look, I know what you're going to say, and you don't have to face this alone either for our sake, y/n. I don't know how to be strong for you. For anyone, really, but I tried. I just want you to know...I'll always be here. We'll all be. You can always count on us," Eren said as he, Armin and Mikasa exchanged glances of agreement. Your eyes darted with confusion across all three of them, and then Mikasa's voice was the one to cut in next.

Her voice was soft, yet steady. Her grey eyes were gentle and comforting. "You're not alone in this, and won't let you face it all by yourself. We need each other now more than ever," She said, smiling at you softly and assuring you that neither of them will leave you to face this alone, just as long as you promised to do the same for them.

You saw Armin smile weakly at you, even if his baby blue eyes were riddled with sadness. "Yeah, they're right," He chimed, and took in a breath before he continued. "We're all in this together, always," He assured you, and as you smiled at him and let your eyes trail over all three of them, you felt your vision becoming blurry once again. Even so, you smiled weakly and laughed softly as you nodded silently.

Your heart simply swelled at their words, and for the first time in days, you didn't feel as lost as you did. There was just something so comforting in knowing that even in the most painful of moments and while mourning someone that was important to all four of you, that they were here for you just as you were there for them.

Starting today, you'd be even more united that you've ever been and you'd share each other's strength to at least get through the day. That was the main goal. If you could all get through today, then any day after that would be a lot easier to manage. That was a promise to each other that neither of them would have carry their pain alone.

Your exchange with the trio didn't go unnoticed by the very man who brought you here in the first place. Levi remained at a watchful distance from you, still keeping an eye on you, whether it was just for the sake of the fact that he was your bodyguard, or because today out of all days was one where he suddenly grew with an instinct to look out for you.

His eyes never strayed from you, and remained out of the spotlight of everyone else, even if many people noticed his presence. Even as you'd stepped out of the car before, he knew you'd practically be walking into a battlefield of emotions.

Now that he's been here for a while, he's noticed that it's been enough for him to notice how deep your pain actually ran, even if you continuously tried to bury it under a shell of strength for everyone else to see.

After witnessing a heartfelt moment like the one you had with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, he could somehow feel a very faint sting, or rather a flicker, in his chest even from as far away as he was and he couldn't hear what you guys had been saying to each other.

Levi was trying to give you the space you needed, not wanting to crowd you as you tried to get through today unscathed. He witnessed firsthand how Grisha's passing was more than traumatic for you, so seeing that you'd found people to carry the burden with you, relieved his concerns about you.

When he witnessed Eren, Mikasa, and Armin suddenly pull you into their embrace, he could see that there was a certain strain in Eren's arms to pull you into his arms, with a grip and desperation to hold on, not to mention Mikasa and Armin fell in right behind you, forming a protective barrier around you that made Levi start to wonder to himself as his eyes narrowed and he observed. It sent a weird feeling in his chest seeing the way your body trembled against them, finally letting yourself go, and feel.

You have a support system from people in your family who you have a bond with that runs deeper than he'll ever know. He wasn't one to let his emotions show, he's learned how to hide it, and what he was seeing made him understand that there was a connection you shared with them that has been growing for years.

The last few days, Levi has watched you fall apart and try to deny it with a strong front, trying to pretend you could handle and carry what you were feeling all on your own, but seeing you show such raw emotion with people so close to you, he knew the walls had come down. And then he suddenly felt a pang of something. He knew it wasn't pity, but rather a sensation of recognition at the depth of your grief.

You'd been holding everything together for everyone else, for yourself, and trying to be their anchor while you tried to figure out what your own emotions were, all the while losing a battle with your own heart. Damn it, Levi thought to himself. Was it wrong for him to want to be the one you could start to see that way too?

That you knew you could be vulnerable with him too? There was nothing he could do, and just like he thought that night, this wasn't his fight, it wasn't his place and you were far too fragile and filled with despair for him to try and add himself into the mix.

There were just some things that just couldn't be filled with just words or actions, but they had to be endured and wait until things found their way. Words have never been his strong-suit anyway, so as much as he tried to maintain a distance like his job as a bodyguard entailed, the one thing he couldn't shut off the sudden sense of overprotectiveness he's starting to feel for you, and not just because it's his job.

He might not be able to show it outwardly like he'd want, but he could see how much you're carrying and he wants to be able to read you better, even when you think you're hiding your emotions well, to be able for you to share your burdens, to trust him through and through.

Levi shifted in his spot slightly, feeling tense and rigid, remaining in the back but still following wherever you went while he still kept his distance. This is all he had to do now, and he'd continue to do his job as he promised he'd do.

Everything after the funeral felt overwhelming, but comforting at the same time, and it's only because the trio stuck to you like glue during the entire service. The only reason you felt isolated, is because you were quickly starting to see the effects of Grisha not being around, because now they didn't have a reason to be around you. Nobody has to please anymore or make happy and get approval 24/7.

When Zeke spoke in front of everyone, he said the words he'd written out in honor of his father but there was a certain cold formality to his words, as if he was detached entirely from the meaning of what he was saying. His eulogy for Grisha sounded more like a duty, like he had to do, more than a heartfelt tribute, and that didn't sit right with you. You knew Grisha and Zeke had their share of problems, but today of all days, you hoped that he could see past that and at least try to make it look like he cared.

Even when he finished his speech and you briefly spoke with him afterwards once he approached you first, he simply greeted you, you greeted him back, made small talk, and that was it.

He wasn't as good as he thought he was at hiding his emotions, so you could see his true intentions through his voice, his posture, his eyes, everything. Is that all he had to say for the man that raised him? Despite all of their differences in the past-

Zeke has always been distant, but today, the absence of his own father only amplified that gap. You didn't know if you're the only one who noticed, but it was hard to watch. And as for Karina, she had the same issue. None of Grisha's one family members actually cared about him and they weren't trying to hide it at all through their words. You knew they were after one thing knowing that Grisha was gone.

Grisha's inheritance will fall once he passes, and it's like they were speeding through the service. They were sick, sick people and you didn't have the energy to care about what they did or didn't do. It's clear that they were putting on a show to every close friend of Grisha, every trusted employee, and family member in that room. You hated it.

At the very least, after that part of the funeral was over, you finally had a chance to speak to Erwin, since right after you'd finished talking to Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, it had been time to start the service right after. But Erwin was the one who decided to approach you first as he noticed you standing alone in a group of people once the trio had drifted away from you for a second.

He approached you with warmth and understanding that you could sense from a mile away and that had immediately cut through the haze of sorrow in your eyes. Once you made eye contact with him, you could see that through his blue eyes, he was hiding something much deeper that he was trying to hide for your sake, to be able to make you happy and lift your spirits and so that you couldn't see through his pain. Erwin has always been good at that.

Erwin's compassion for you never wavered and once he approached you with a soft and gentle look in his eyes, offering his undeniable support for you even when he needed it himself too. With his father being so close to Grisha, yet always on business trips, Erwin grew up around Grisha since he took care of him as a small boy and became one of the most trusted people in his life, personally and and at work.

Though, he had an idea on what kind of pain you were in. He was your father figure, he saved you as a little girl, he gave you hope, helped you build your life from the ground up, and Erwin couldn't imagine how you were feeling, having lost your role models and people you cared about the most two times in your life without warning.

He'd go to unimaginable lengths to make sure you were happy, and this was one of those moments where he would put aside his own pain just so he could get you through this and see you smile. He'd know if you were okay once you did.

After realizing that, he knew that there was nothing that he could say that could turn back time, that could make things better, or could possibly change things but he knew that you were aware that his presence is the only thing you needed, that both of you needed.

All the two of you needed after that was silent communication and Erwin had simply moved to stand next to you, shoulder to shoulder, and didn't move unless you did. Both of you were grieving in different ways, but Erwin's silent support helped you find solace in the midst of the cruel reality that all of you were currently facing.

His companionship and his friendship was exactly what you needed to fill the gaps after hearing the eulogies of Karina and Zeke, and after the trio had been approached by a couple people who knew Grisha and wanted to talk to the, leaving you alone. It's like Erwin always knew exactly, where to be, when to get there, and how to help you. Having him by your side to feel like you weren't completely alone was exactly what you needed.

The two of you stood in silence next to each other, side by side, giving each other glance every once in a while with comforting and heartfelt smiles that still had a lot of pain behind them, but that the two of you were still able to endure until the service ended and it was time to head back to the memorial service in Grisha's house.

-

And just like that, you were brought back to reality, not wanting to bring yourself to tears further with your own memories from just a few hours ago. You brought yourself back to reality and suddenly sounds that had gotten muffled once you went deep into your thoughts suddenly became clearer again upon hearing more sobs from your family in front of you.

Once you had time to digest what happened at the funeral, you were starting to wonder what was true, what wasn't, who really meant what they said or did. You supposed you shouldn't be surprised when it comes to your family.

You tried to keep a steady stance, keeping your head high, and even if your body and your back was facing the guests, you still tried to keep your tears at bay. You tried to keep a steeled and neutral expression but it was becoming harder and harder to do that. You felt so...mindless.

Your family member's backs were facing you, so nobody was able to see just how much you were threatening to fall apart right then and there and you were at the very back too, so you tried not to let that fact bother you because this wasn't about you. You were all here mourning all the same, for one person. You'd focus on that.

But of course, the more you looked at your distant family, all you could think about as you tried to convince yourself you deserved to be there with them, the more you began to wonder. Why am I even here? I've never belonged here, have I? Why do I keep pretending that I do? I'm here to mourn for the same reason as them, for someone I care about, but all I feel is like more of an outsider.

You kept your fingers tight at your sides, and a very quiet voice in your head keeps urging you to maybe step closer to the family, but would it feel right? For you? For them? You couldn't get your feet to start moving.

But there was one person who wasn't falling for it. Levi was standing back with the rest of the guests as him and everyone else gave the family a moment of silence, and all he could do was observe you from afar, intently and carefully.

He wasn't one to overthink things too much, but in that moment, you were holding yourself up so firmly that he wondered what he'd see if you turned around, if you would still hold yourself up like that, and if you would still be holding up a front for everyone else to see.

He was there the night you fell to pieces, and had to be the one to make sure you could continue to see yet another day, so he was starting to find little things about you that could tell him whether you were okay or not. He could tell that this wasn't just about losing Grisha, but its the weight of everything that you're clearly trying to carry all by yourself.

You're trying to be strong, but what about you? Who's going to be there for you while you're there for everybody else? Who will truly stick around to make sure you didn't destroy yourself from the inside? Levi would like to think he could be that person.

Would you be able to disguise it well enough if you turned around right now? How was it fair that you had to stand in the back behind all of your family members? You were grieving too and trying to show your strength in a moment like this, despite being treated like another outcast but you didn't have to. Why were they so comfortable in alienating you the way they were? Seeing the scene in front of him made a strange feeling settle in Levi's chest.

At the very least, he was glad to see the trio standing farther back than the adults at the very front as a stand of not wanting to be associated with them, but its still clear enough that they're all family. Still, Levi started to wish that you didn't have to feel the need to stand farther back than the rest.

Levi wasn't the only one who was standing back with the rest of the guests. Hange was standing next to him with a look full of sorrow and concern for your well-being. Not only that, but a couple of your employee's were also invited to the memorial service because a part of you decided that they should be here too. You spend so many hours of your day with them that it wouldn't feel complete. You've been working alongside them actively lately and you knew it'd be better if they were present.

Out everyone, you decided to invite Connie, Jean, and Sasha to be a part of this event. It felt right to have them there as well. But as they noticed how far away you were from your family and how rigid you stood, not to mention how drained you seemed when you welcomed them to the memorial, the three of them stood right next to each other as they started to feel pity, sadness and compassion for you. Even if you were just their boss, is there anything they could do from a distance to make this better for you?

The day that it happened, you'd looked so upbeat and calm at the office, but from one day to another, it looked like you had no energy, no life left inside you to continue. They wondered what they could possibly do for their boss in a moment like this when it seems like all is lost.

Connie gulped and turned his head to the side to look at Jean, nudging him, who looked just as conflicted as his friends the more they looked at you. "Jean, look at her. It looks like all life was sucked out of Ms. Y/n overnight. She didn't come to work yesterday either," Connie pointed out and Jean nodded slowly in agreement, but still keeping his gaze forward as he took in the scene in front of them. It was hard to watch for them and the rest of the guests alike.

"I know...I can't imagine what she's thinking right now," Jean said as he sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. Sasha turned her head to look at both of her friends as her eyes downturned with sadness and empathy for you, frowning at the sight. You look destroyed, even with your back to them.

"She must be in so much shock. I heard she was really close with the chairman," Sasha pointed out, and both Connie and Jean turned their heads to look at Sasha and nodded, suddenly understanding just how much more this must be for you. Their conversation didn't go unnoticed by Levi either.

The more they revealed what they knew about your relationship with Grisha, things you've only seemed to be comfortable revealing in bit and pieces over the last couple days, the more he felt like he wanted to find the right time to talk to you about this and see if there was anything he could do.

He was slowly starting to comprehend humans, he was starting to comprehend you too. Especially in such a tragic gathering like this one. As his duty as your bodyguard, he realized it wasn't just about protecting you physically, but emotionally as well. Levi would do it in the best way he knew how.

"Do you think we should go comfort her?" Jean asked Connie, and his friend turned his head to look at Jean, but Connie simply looked at him with uncertainty. Feeling completely at a loss. Neither him or Sasha knew how to respond to that. How far did your relationship with them go? Even if it didn't go far, it was the right thing to do, wasn't it? They really didn't want to say or do something wrong when you were as vulnerable as you are.

Hange heard your employee's ask themselves that and they quickly turned their heads, looking at the trio sternly. They knew exactly what you needed in this moment, after knowing you for as long as they have, and they had to warn the others to not do anything rash, because they were right about one thing. You were fragile, vulnerable, and shattered on the inside. Hange knew exactly how to handle this and they took it upon themselves to be the one to help the others know what to do. They knew that would be a way to help you, even if it was from afar, because even they were hesitant to approach you despite you having known Hange for years now. It wasn't the right time.

"Don't bother. If you try to console her now, it will only remind her of what she lost and it'll hurt her more. Just...keep your distance for now. She invited you here because your presence is enough for her," Hange said and Jean, Connie, and Sasha all turned their heads to look at Hange in surprise, who was looking straight ahead with pain embedded deep in their eyes while they kept their gaze locked on you. Full of concern, but with restraint and knowingly being aware that they should stay right where they are.

It also didn't help that you being crowded wasn't what you needed right now especially since Grisha's funeral was filled with photographers and journalists that were there to document the event, since Grisha and your family in general are always in the public eye because of the company.

Hange knew that you wanted a chance to be able to tune all of the flashing of cameras and wanting to pretend as if they weren't there. "Trust me, staying right were you are is the best thing you three can do for her," Hange said solemnly, and the trio all nodded absentmindedly, yet taking in every word your assistant said. They did as told and remained right where they were, standing next to each other and hoping that would be enough to give you consolation.

But as Levi stood next to Hange, taking in their words with a grain of salt, he had no choice but to be forced to look at you again and remember everything that happened that night where your world fell apart and he was the only one there to pick up the pieces as best as he could. He knew you didn't remember it as best as he did because he knew you've been blocking most of this whole situation out of your head, but he could recall very clearly what happened.

-

He hated to have to be the one to have to pull you away from Grisha like he had, but it had to be done or you'd only be hurting yourself further. You'd fought against his hold as he dragged you away and you continued to reach out to Grisha. Your sobs and cries had intensified as he did that, but there came a point as the two of you went back to the house where you'd just...stopped.

You stopped fighting, you stopped looking like yourself, and you stopped looking like you were in control of your own body. Levi had gone to restraining you to just have to hold your hand as he took you back to the car and you trailed behind him absentmindedly, like you just weren't functioning anymore and you were in autopilot. You had this dazed look in your eyes, a certain slump to your posture, you were dragging your feet.

Levi didn't know how to react to seeing you like that but he was determined to get you back to the car back then. He also had to make sure to tell the security employee's at the gate so that they could go get help for Grisha. Levi didn't want you to stick around any longer and have you witness Grisha be taken away when the guards found him.

After that, Levi did exactly what he'd settled on and as soon as he got to the car and to the passenger seat door, he'd opened it for you, gently helped you get settled in inside, put on your seatbelt on you without any protest from you, and watched as you continued looking forward blankly. He hated leaving you alone but he had to.

He shut the door next to you, being careful not to make you flinch from the impact of the door closing, and then ran off to the gates to alert the guards. He'd explained the situation to them as quickly and concisely as he could, and the security guards didn't waste a second in running off to go inside the house to go to the greenhouse and get Grisha help. As soon as he watched them go into the house, Levi rushed back to the car, got to the driver's seat, opened the door and slid inside, closing the door next to him.

Levi turned his head to the side to see if you were okay and saw that you were still exactly as he'd left you. He sighed and his lips lightly turned downward when he saw how unresponsive you still were. You were like a zombie and the only movement you made was to blink, and he could see that by the look in your eye, it was as if you were replaying everything that just happened over and over in a loop in your head.

Your movements looked like one of a zombie and Levi knew in that moment was the only thing he could do was to take you home and get you there safely. So, with that said, knowing you were at least secure in your seat, Levi put on his own seatbelt and started driving, heading straight for your apartment building. Though, on the way there, he had some thoughts.

A dilemma suddenly arose in his mind and he realized that you were far too fragile in that moment to just drop you off and hope that you were able to figure out the rest yourself. You could barely get your limbs to move without Levi being the one to guide you.

He quickly figured that he could just call Hange right now and have them go to the apartment right now so that they could take care of you and Levi's job would be done for the day and he could leave it in the hands of your assistant. But then he realized, it was pretty late at night already and he had no idea if Hange would be willing to just up and leave to drop by.

Maybe they could ask them to come by early in the morning and Levi could just leave you all settled into your apartment before making his way out later tonight. Its the only logical option right now and it would leave his mind at ease knowing he could ensure you were safe in your home before he left.

So that's exactly what Levi decided to do, even if the back of his mind said that he was crossing a certain boundary that the two of you hadn't gotten to quite yet, but then he remembered this was the bare minimum. He had the decency to make sure that you'd make it through the night before he took off, right?

After the two of you were out on the road, with the most uncomfortable silence he has been a part of with you, Levi had finally made it to your apartment building. Once he made it down to the garage, parked in your usual parking spot, turned off the car, took off his seatbelt and sighed, preparing himself for the process of getting you up to your apartment safe and sound.

Levi turned to the side, opened the door, got out of the car, shut the door behind him, and then started making his way around to your side. When he opened the door, he reached over you to take off your seatbelt, and when it was out of the way, Levi let out a huff when he realized that getting you out of the car was a whole other challenge. It had been easier to get you inside it.

You were still as sluggish as before, so Levi doubted he could just grab your hand like before and bring you up to your apartment that easily. He did have another idea in mind, but once again, would it be too much? But then, an idea suddenly came to mind. Levi leaned down, grabbed your right hand and then maneuvered to put your arm around his neck, starting to slowly pull you up with him, swiftly and easily, making sure you didn't hit your head.

Once he was able to get you out of the car and you'd found your balance, he closed the passenger door, and then wrapped his left arm around your waist, securely. "Okay, up we go," Levi said with a slight groan after he pulled you up with him and made sure your stance was stable given that you would also have to put an effort to make the trek up to your apartment with him.

And with that, feeling the weight of your body leaning against him, Levi started to walk across the parking lot and towards the elevators, but that was where another tricky part came in. As the two of you approached the touchpad, Levi sighed and realize that he'd have to get you to tell him what the code was and you had already been far too unresponsive. He had to try, though.

He turned to you and saw that you were still pretty dazed, but he could see that you've somehow gotten a semblance of what was happening around you. "Y/n, what's the code?" Levi asked as he turned to you, watching your expression.

After a few seconds, for the first time since he pulled you away from Grisha, he saw that you finally blinked a couple times and your face shows the faintest signs of recognition of his words. You were still trying to get your mind in order and try to process everything, feeling like your mind was still spinning painfully, but you could hear Levi speaking to you loud and clear.

You nodded and swallowed nervously as you darted your eyes back and forth between him and the keypad. "O-Oh. Right..." You muttered, racking your head quickly to remember the code to enter the elevators, but it felt like your mind had frozen and all of the most important details you knew just evaporated in thin air.

Levi watched you actively trying to remember the code, his eye softening just the slightest bit, but soon enough, he realized it himself and the cold and pragmatic part of him started kicking back in. He needed to focus, even if it was starting to affect him seeing you like this. "Y/n," He said with a low and steady voice, but there was a tone of concern in his voice that he had no idea where it came from. "What's the code?" He repeated, leaning over slightly to see you better.

You blinked a couple times as your eyes flickered up to the keypad, to Levi and then back down to the keypad. Your gaze was vacant, unfocused, and for a moment, Levi even wondered if you even know where you were. But even so, he remained patient with you as he waited, and after it felt like hours of you staring down at the keypad, you shifted a bit in his hold and then looked at Levi. He looked right back at you, making direct eye contact.

In a voice barely audible, that Levi wouldn't have heard if he wasn't as close to you as he was, you began to say the numbers to him in a voice that nearly got caught up in the back of your throat. "4...2...6..." You started and Levi quickly nodded and turned his attention back to the keypad, brushing his fingers against yours as he entered the code into the keypad as you listed the numbers for him.

After he finished putting in the numbers, Levi let his shoulders sink in relief as he heard a soft approving beep, followed by the door unlocking next to the both of you. He didn't waste another second, so as he tightened his hold on your waist and on your arm, Levi started to take both of you towards the elevators.

Once the two of you made it to the elevators, pressed the button for it to go up, all the two of you had to do now wait. He remembered what floor you lived in from the last time he was here, so as soon as the elevator doors opened, he brought you inside with him and then turned to press the button to your floor. The doors closed shortly after that and now, it was another matter of waiting.

It wasn't that the elevator ride was uncomfortable, but it was just deathly silent. For once, Levi actually hoped he could make conversation with you to fill the space, even if it was just small talk, and he'd know you were getting better. But your silence was only worrying him.

As the elevator ascended, each floor passing was a weight that was pressing on Levi's chest and it was becoming harder to focus on the task at hand, making sure you were stable and okay to get your apartment at the very least, but it was really hard not to feel the weight of the responsibility that was on him.

He was the one who was handling everything, even if it was his job for him to make sure you were safe, and in moments like these where you looked so broken and lost, it was beginning to hit him harder than he expected what his responsibilities were when it came to you.

As soon as the doors slid open, Levi continued to hold onto you securely with his arm around your waist, steadying you. Your weight on him didn't really bother him, and that wasn't a concern for him and it hadn't been an issue.

Though, your entire presence had felt like an anchor that he wasn't sure he could carry much longer. Did doing this go far beyond from his job of being your bodyguard or was this part of it? What were the rules? He tried not to show his doubt, but the frustration of trying to figure it out was starting to creep up on him. If he couldn't help you in other ways, he knew for a fact he could still help you like this.

Once the elevator doors opened, once again helping you step out of it, and then starting to walk across the hallway that led to your apartment. You said yours was at the end of the hall, so that's exactly where Levi was heading.

With every step the two of you took, the automatic lights turned on above you from the sensors and the only sounds that could be heard were echo of both of your footsteps against the polished floor. Eventually the two of you made it to your door and Levi realized that there was another touchpad, but this time, it wasn't for numbers but for fingerprints. Levi couldn't help but let out another sigh.

He turned to you, and saw that your demeanor was becoming just the slightest bit more aware. "Y/n, put your finger on the pad," Levi said gently, and you turned your head to look at him blankly but then swallowed and nodded. You slowly reached over and put your fingerprint on the touchpad. Letting out a breath of relief, Levi heard a beep and the sound of the door unlocking. He reached over the doorknob and opened it widely enough for the two of you to head in at the same time.

"Let's get you inside," He muttered to you as he guided both of you inside, not helping but letting his eyes trail around the space he walked into. So this was where you lived, huh? From the decorations and how its arranged, he could tell it was all very...you. But he focused on the task at hand and started heading straight to where he thought your room was so he could at least leave you settled in there. He'd call Hange after and ask if they could head here in the morning.

Eventually, when he reached a door in the far side of the room, since he'd just walked across your living room, he reached for the doorknob and then peeked inside. It looked like a bedroom, but was it yours? Either way, whether it was a guest room or yours, it would have to do. As long as he could get you to go to bed and get through the night, its all it matters. He hoped you were far too out of it to remember he was doing any of this or he'd never hear the end of it.

Levi opened the door further and started guiding you into the room and as soon the two of you reach the bed, Levi realized something. He knew you were far too out of it for him to just set you down and for you to settle yourself in it alone, so it hit him what he had to do. He cursed mentally and then swiftly leaned down to wrap his free arm under your legs, hoisting you up in both of his arms. He could see the brief shock in your face for a second as he did that, but it didn't last very long because Levi didn't waste another second to set you down on the bed.

He could see that the moment your head the pillow the creases in your face immediately softened and you let out an involuntary sigh of content solely from the feeling of the blankets and the pillows against your body. Levi was quick to tuck you in, pull the blankets over your body and he could already tell you were fighting your need to fall asleep from exhaustion and all the crying and grief that happened not too long ago.

Your eyes were fluttering open and closed as you tried to keep yourself awake, knowing that the moment you closed your eyes, you'd relive what you just went through even in your dreams.

But Levi did notice the way you were curling in on yourself on the blankets that Levi was pulling over you. After that, Levi realized that he did everything he could up until this point and from the way you were failing at keeping your eyes open any longer, he knew that from the moment Hange arrived in the morning, they'd take care of the rest.

As Levi straightened up and was about to walk away with a huff, with his back to you, he suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard you whisper something. He didn't hear what you said that well, it came out muffled, so he stuck around for a couple more seconds to see if you said it again.

And you did. "Stay..." You whispered deliriously and Levi hung his head low, keeping his back to you. He already felt like he did everything he could on his end and he was already overstaying his welcome. You'd been able to fight your exhaustion just to say that, with the last bit of energy left in your body. Levi can't move, he doesn't know what to say to you. "I- I can't..." He says, not wanting to turn around and see the disappointment in your face. He finally got his feet to start heading towards the door again, but not before he heard you speak again.

"Thank you, Levi," You muttered, just as deliriously and out of it as before, but Levi knew you meant every word. Just as he'd put his hand on the doorknob and was about to open the door to head out, he paused and took a hard swallow as his eyes closed for a second, he opened them back up and only partially looked back."Don't mention it," He said, loudly enough for you to hear and process, shutting the lights on his way out, and then finally stepped out of the room.

Levi headed towards the island in your kitchen and leaned back against it, quickly fishing for his phone inside his jacket. When he had it in his hand, he unlocked it and quickly started looking through his contacts and find Hange's.

He really hoped they were awake at this time of night, because he really wanted the reassurance that if he left right now, that someone else would be here bright and early to take care of you. Hange had a better handle on it than he ever could.

As he searched up Hange's name and it popped up, he didn't hesitate in tapping their contact, and then the call button. As soon as it started dialing, he raised his phone up to his ear, hearing the dial tone a couple time, all the while Levi prayed in his mind over and over for the hope that they'd pick up. He couldn't help but glance back at your closed bedroom door and then back forward. He would be so much more at ease if he could know that he could leave and you'd be safe.

And thankfully, his prayers and hopes were answered, because he heard the other line pick up, but he was also met with Hange's loud and energetic greeting. "Hey, Levi! What's up?" Hange quipped happily, making Levi wince and pull his phone away from his ear for a second, not expecting to be greeted like that. Levi brought his phone back to his ear and his eyebrows pinched together. "How on Earth are you this energetic this late at night?" Levi said into the phone, bracing himself for Hange's energy for the rest of the phone call.

"Research waits for nobody!" They said, and Levi just shook his head as he raised a hand to press to the bridge of his nose, letting out a breath. He had no idea where to start with what he needed to say, but to get Hange to get here, he needed to be as clear as he possibly could. "Anyway, I just called because...y/n, she- she needs you," Levi said as he put a hand behind him on the counter, hearing as Hange's voice changed drastically with concern on the other line.

"Oh no, what happened? Is she okay?" Hange said with worry. It was only natural for them to wonder what went wrong that Levi was calling at this hour and what could have happened after they left the office and Levi offered to take you home. It took for a while for Levi to answer, but he realized that if he needed to be blunt, then so be it. So he just came out and said it. "No. She's not. Grisha's dead," Levi bluntly, closing his eyes as he hung his head low, hearing Hange's loud gasp on the other end. But at the very least, Levi finally got it out in the open.

"What?! What do you mean he's dead? Wow. Way to break the news, Levi, geez...." Hange said, and Levi felt like now that he finally revealed the news, it would be a whole lot easier for him to explain to Hange what he actually called to ask.

"Yeah. I can't get into it right now and explain what happened in detail, and I also can't stay here all night. I just brought her to her apartment because I was with her when she found Grisha. I finally got her to sleep just now, but the point it, could you be here when she wakes up tomorrow morning?" Levi said, getting straight to the point and not wanting to continue dragging it out.

It took a couple seconds for Hange to answer, but eventually they did. They were trying to process everything Levi just told them. "Oh- Oh, yeah. Definitely. Of course, i'll be there as soon as I can. God...poor y/n. She must be crushed," Hange said as their voice wavered with worry for you, wondering how you must have taken it. They didn't even want to think about what Levi meant when he said; 'when you found Grisha'. Your whole world must have been upside down.

Levi nodded, having been there firsthand and not being able to take your sobs from replaying over and over in his head. "Yeah, amongst other things. I did the best I could on my end, so you better be here tomorrow," Levi said sternly, wanting to make sure that you wouldn't have to wake up by yourself with nobody around. He wanted to know that Hange would be here no matter what.

After hearing what Levi was asking of them, they didn't hesitate in responding and agreeing immediately. "I'll definitely be there. Don't worry. You did a good thing taking care of her like that and bringing her home. Though, I'm sure you've got it covered! Just keep an eye out for her for the night, okay? I'll be right over bright and early. Promise" Hange said and Levi's eyes widened as he heard this. He couldn't stay the night. He was just about to leave as soon as this call was over. He'd just hope it was enough that he knew you were asleep, he could leave, and you'd have another person to the moment you woke up. He couldn't stay.

"I hate you. I can't stay here, I have to go," Levi said firmly, but Hange refused to listen. Would he spend the night on your couch? He can't just go into a room and stay there without you knowing.

The only way he would do it is if he actually spent the night, Hange would keep their word, be here bright and early before you woke up and he'd switch places with them. He just doesn't know how he would handle things if he was the one you woke up to. He doesn't know how he's made it this far and did what he did up until now.

"Sure you can! Love you, too! Bye!" Hange quipped cheerfully nonetheless and hung up abruptly on Levi after that. Levi was left in silence after that, taking a couple of seconds to actually pull his phone away from his ear and stare at his screen blankly. He looked back at your bedroom door you were just behind in.

For a second as the conflict began to filter through his exterior. Should he take a chance and hope that Hange can take his place before you wake up? He thought it'd be enough for him to know if you were okay if he was the one to bring you here, but he knew better than anyone that sometimes people needed space to heal, even if it was in ways you couldn't control. He didn't know if he would be the person you'd rather see or would rather receive comfort from. He's not great with words, he's never been, how would it work? How would he go about it? It's all Levi could think about, and all Levi thought about as he ended up doing exactly the opposite.

-

After that night, somehow ended up doing exactly what Hange had asked of them. He didn't know what compelled them to do it, but at the very least, Hange did end up coming to your apartment bright and early before you woke up and Levi had been able to leave then. Knowing he couldn't fall asleep, not knowing when you'd wake up, he stayed awake for most of the night so he could stay alert.

Now, as he looked at you, standing in front of Grisha's memorial looking no better than that night a few days before and as if the life had been sapped out of you, he started to wonder to himself that if maybe he had been the person you had woken up to, maybe he would have put just a little bit more effort, he could have somehow helped you feel more strength to get through this.

He was sure that Hange was just as good of a person to see when you opened your eyes again, not knowing what you saw in your dreams, but he still wonders if it would have made it easier to bear if you knew you had more people by your side to endure your loss.

And as for you, your mind had gone from being in a mindless fog to suddenly start to block out everything else except for what you were focusing on. Grisha's picture. And because of that, you felt like you were being forced to remember the very first time that you met him as just a 10 year old girl, having gone through the worst pain imaginable. You didn't know back then he'd become one of the most important people in your life, but looking back at it, you have no complaints.

He helped you get to where you are today and you wouldn't be here without Grisha. Now, you had no idea how to go on without him, making sure he took his medicine for his knee, to make sure he didn't overwork himself, to make sure he took his checkups. Or for him to set you up in blind dates, always worrying for you and offering his help, never forgetting important dates for you that even you managed to forget. You took for granted when he was in your life, forgetting entirely what a life without him would be like. And you were remembering it now.

-