THE ILLUSIONIST WOMAN

eleven. Everyone Fears

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A NASAL CRY WAS music to Ximena and Adora's ears as she held up her friend's newly born baby girl in her hands. She was wrinkled and bloody, swollen through and through, but Ximena had never seen anything more beautiful in her life. Her eyes teared up as she turned to Adora, placing the newborn on her awaiting chest with a watery smile.

"She's gorgeous, Dora. Muy Bonita," She whispered, feeling a tear slip down her face. Ximena wiped at her body with a soft towel, grinning when her friend started laughing with joy. Adora's gasps mixing with elated tears. The pure love in her eyes was unmistakable. "What are you going to name her?"

"Catalina. Catalina Torres." Adora looked both completely exhausted and exhilarated at the same instant. It was an ethereal moment Ximena couldn't describe. The simultaneous expression of starry-eyed wonder and pure adoration left Ximena speechless. "Mena, what if -- what if I can't do this? What if I can't protect her?"

She laid a gentle hand on Adora's arm, bending down to place a sweet kiss on her crown. "I have no doubt that you'll do everything you can to be there for her."

Adora nodded emotionally, lightly running her fingers over the crown of her daughter's head. "I'd jump in front of a bullet for her," She professed wholeheartedly.

"You'll give your best and that's more than enough... Well done mama," Ximena praised, sniffling briefly with a watery smile.

It was a little while later. When Ximena got Adora all cleaned up and taught her how to nurse that she finally got a chance to breathe. She wandered out to her back patio and leaned against the door frame. A drying towel rag between her wringing hands.

Ximena loved babies, children in general. She didn't grow up with any siblings, which was a shocker in the forties in a Mexican household. But her mother never hand anymore than her and because of this, Ximena sought out friendships and subcultures to build her outlook on society.

Her mom was more so like a best girl friend. She was authoritative, of course and she had a wicked right hook. However, the close bond with her mom made her desire that type of relationship in the future. The late night gossip sessions over carnitas in their shared full sized bed. Her mother slipping drinks under her watchful eye. Walking down the street from the babysitters to the bodega. Even sneaking her into dancing clubs when her mom was invited out with friends. Ximena was one of the Señoras.

The Illusionist couldn't help but want that for herself with her own little baby. A bond with a family forged by herself. She almost had it with Daniel, but fate had other plans. The dream was simply that – a fantasy.

She watched Logan outside with Jesus, lazily kicking around a soccer ball. In actuality, Logan was just shifting his foot through the same motions while Jesus did all the work. It was amusing to see the unimpressed expression marred on his face. His lips naturally wrapped around a cigar.

As if sensing her eyes on him, he glanced at her over his shoulder. A subtle twitch in his lip that made her heart skip a beat. Logan waved a hand towards the teenage boy, excusing himself from the mostly one sided game.

"Everything go alright?" He drawled, plucking the cigar out of his mouth. "How's the baby and all that?"

Ximena made an amused sound through her nose. Her face the perfect picture of serenity. "She's incredible. I've never seen a woman more in love than when she first holds her baby. Her names Catalina," The brunette sighed and Logan could hear a hint of forlorn. "They're inside resting."

Logan surveyed her quiet temperament, the methodical way she continuously wiped her hands with the towel. He found himself wondering what was going on inside her head at the moment. What made her more shut in than usual. "What you did was amazing, you know that, right?"

She felt her cheeks heat at the compliment, feeling suddenly bashful. "I'm a doctor, it's what I do." Her shoulders raised noncommittedly.

"Yeah, but you're a friend first and I'm guessing Adora needed her friend's support more." His lips parted with a puff of smoke. A share of heartfelt eye contact allowed Ximena to breath, take everything in. She didn't comment on his statement further. There was nothing more to elaborate on. It was like Logan's unrelenting nature was unintentionally forcing her to accept the compliment.

Ximena surrendered to his domineering persona just this once; smiling in appreciation.

"Are you ready to head back to base, partner?" She nodded her head to follow her, padding inside her home with purpose.

Logan arched a brow in surprise, unknowingly finding himself comfortable in her house. "Today?"

Pursing her lips, she glanced to the small watch on her wrist. "I'd say about in half a hour or so. The Professor is expecting us -- or will be." She smirked at him and it clicked for him that she had foresaw the scenario before.

"What about your friend," He titled his head towards the upstairs bedroom the new mother was in. His thick brows furrowed in the middle of his forehead. 

"Adora will be well taken care of. I have a midwife coming to stay for a couple days to keep an eye on her healing progress. Plus, everyone in this house is like a big family. We take care of each other."

Unfortunately, Logan didn't know that lifestyle. A community of people who only wanted you to succeed. People, who cooked you a meal before you ever asked for it. Who cared if you didn't show your face for a couple days. Logan didn't remember ever encountering a familial environment and truth be told, it made him want to spend time with Ximena more.

"I'll be ready within the hour," He grunted.

Ximena watched him as he jogged up the stairs. Her head tilting slightly in confusion at his dismissal. A soft, "Okay," slipping past her lips like a lone leaf being blown off into the wind. Ominous and completely lacking direction.

...

THE ILLUSIONIST WAS PLEASANTLY surprised when Logan carried her bags to the car and sat himself in the driver's seat of her car. She never asked, nor did she expect him to want to drive back, but there was no way she was complaining about it. Logan looked good in the driver's seat.

His dark eyes narrowed and intent on the road. Large right hand wrapped around the steering wheel while the other sat on the window frame leisurely. He embodied a man on a mission without a care in the world. Logan lived in this theatrical scene as if it was solely created just for him to act out and Ximena couldn't stop glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

"So James," She breathed with a smile. "What do you do with your life other than beating people to a pulp for monies."

Logan rolled his eyes at the use of his first name, settling in the patented seat. "Travel." He spoke shortly, coming out almost reluctantly.

Her eyebrows furrowed in amusement as she leaned against the car door to properly face him with interest. The trees zipped passed them as he drove, which gave the feeling of the two of them being in their own intimate bubble, traveling through time together. "That's it? No... You never thought about maybe settling down, starting a family?"

The Wolverine turned to her with a blank expression. One that was matter-a-fact. And Ximena retracted her question with a slow nod of her head. "Right, you're not the type." She made quotations around the word, lightly rolling her eyes.

He grunted in response, as if nonverbally agreeing with her statement. Logan couldn't or wouldn't imagine himself with a family. Kids and a wife weren't his niche. Especially, because he couldn't remember his past. Who knows, maybe he did have a family before all this. However, as far as he was concerned, he steered clear of commitment of any kind.

"What about you?" Ximena glared at him with pursed lips, but he continued. "Aye, fix your face. You've been alive for what? Fifty years now, at least? You've had time to pop some kids out, start over."

The brunette wrapped her arms around herself as a form of self-defense, biting her bottom lip with trepidation. "I --uh, can't have children."

Logan exhaled tirelessly, shifting his eyes over her face before averting them to the road uncomfortably. "Because you died," He confirmed for himself, to which she nodded.

"Exactly... Plus, it's not like I live a relatively calm life. The reality for us is to not form outsider connections for their own safety. It would be irresponsible to bring a child into all this." She waved her hand around before anxiously running it through her hair.

"And yet, you still want one." Logan concluded in a low, knowing tone.

A silence fell over the car that permeated a melancholy Ximena couldn't put a name to. She turned her head towards the outside of the car because it was too emotionally overwhelming within it. Her knee bounced as she bit her nail tensely, watching the buildings blur passed her steady gaze.

Her stomach rolled from holding the emotion in. A ball forming in the back of her throat that she simply couldn't swallow down. She was fighting it -- struggling to -- but fighting it nonetheless.

Finally, her shoulders shuddered before sagging. A universal sign of release, resignation, confession. Ximena's lips parted and just a breath of a word snuck passed her tongue.

"Yes. I do." Truly, that's all the emotional vulnerability Logan needed to run his fingers over the back of her palm.

The touch shocked Ximena out of her inner turmoil. The feel of his calloused fingers, seeking her company. She warily glanced down to her lap where their hands met. Her lips briefly quirked at the corners. A short wave of serene in the middle of the storm.

Taking the plunge into the great beyond, she wrapped her hand around his, intertwining their fingers with a coveting caress. His thumb smoothed over the inside of her palm and a sensational tingle sung up her arm and down her spine.

A impish smile grew on her cheeks, causing her to childishly glance out the window to hide her blush. She honestly felt ridiculous before she spotted a particular red sign, glowing temptingly off the side of the road.

Ximena squeezed Logan's hand urgently, forgetting completely about her shyness as she faced him. "Wait, pull over!"

Naturally, Logan was startled, the car swerving to the right haphazardly. "What?"

The Doctor grinned, pointing into the glass towards the flashing red 'Hot Donuts' sign outside. Logan scowled deeply, something Ximena didn't let get her spirits down. "Hot donuts! We have to get them, c'mon."

He paused, staring at the side of her face intently. "No." Logan went to start the car back up again but Ximena smacked his hand.

"James c'mon, live a little. Surely one fucking donut won't mess up your benching progress." She eyed his muscular frame suggestively before propping the door open without his agreeance. Although Logan was groaning and muttering under his breath in annoyance, he followed her dubiously. His footsteps heavy against the gravel of the parking lot.

The pair ended up sharing a whole box of freshly made glaze donuts on the hood of Ximena's car.

She leant against the windshield as she stuffed her face, sucking on her thumb to get the glaze off. Logan watched her in bemusement, wiping his lips roughly with the back of his hand. He would be lying if he said he wasn't extremely attracted to her right now. Ximena just being herself, enjoying a sweet dessert. Her inner troubles pushed to the back of her mind for just a moment.

As the sun waned, so did the atmosphere. The sky warmed a honey orange. In her chocolate brown eyes reflected the ethereal glow, framed in long lashes.

Ximena silently watched him as he distractedly watched her. A strange loop with sinuous intentions. "What are you thinking about, Monstruo?" She leaned towards him, tilting her head to the side with a mischievous curl of her lip.

"What if I said you?" He fiddled with the box in his hands, tossing it on the hood before meeting her eyes intensely.

"Sounds more like a fantasy than a rational thought, doesn't it?"

Logan moved closer, hovering above her relaxed frame. Ximena found her sight often seeking his lips. Her heart picking up speed as his hand slid between them. "Certainly darker than your average day dream."

Ximena was teetering on the edge of throwing away all inhibitions and kissing him senseless. The inches between them spurring them both to ruin the friendship. A the last second, Logan precured a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She quickly realized that's what he was reaching for in his pocket.

Her adrenaline calmed with subtle disappointment as lit it and moved back to place it on his lips. "You're a tease," Ximena sneered. She reached forward and stopped his wrist from placing the stick of death to his undying lips.

Instead, she brought it towards herself, turned it, and wrapped her lips around it for her own stress releasing inhale. Ximena could watch Logan's pupils dilate all day. The change of deep, predatorial lust consuming his minds eye slowly before her. 

She blew the smoke in his face before pushing him off her with attitude, standing to her feet with lackadaisical eyes.

"I just wanted to know if you'd go through with it."

Rolling her eyes, she jumped in the driver's seat and slammed it close. Logan got in after her, quite amused with the turn of events. "Logan Howlett and his games..." Ximena tutted under her breath ashamedly.

Her mother warned her about men like him, yet she couldn't shake the allure to the darkness. 

"Mena --"

Raising her hand to silence him, she turned the wheels of the car with the other. "Trust when I say, if you ever get to kiss me," She flicked her gaze to his face intently, eyes narrowing as she grew serious. "It'll mean I'm all in. My cuestión -- is what'll it mean for you?"

For once, he didn't have a sarcastic response.

...

WHEN THEY RETURNED TO the institution, Ximena and Logan split up to do their own things. Truth be told, the Artist needed a break. She had a quick meeting with Professor Xavier before she headed to her classroom and immersed herself in art. She thought maybe getting involved with Logan wasn't a good idea.

He was an unpredictable, volatile man with selfish ambitions despite brief moments of humane empathy. He made her heart pump irregularly and stopped her breath at short times of suspense. But perhaps passion was overrated and perhaps, that's all they really had in common. Sexual energy wouldn't get you through the tough times and it certainly wouldn't last when situations requiring trust arose.

Ximena took out her annoyance on her canvas. Blacks and blue coated her hands and speckled across her face as she made her way back to her room towards the end of the day.

She told herself not to think of Logan, but when she did, she was obviously still thinking about him.

He haunted her till she laid down on her pillow. Hair damp from her nightly shower, she turned on her side to stare out the window to the front courtyard. The light from the moon illuminated her wiped clean, heart shaped face. The stars of the night twinkling as if just for her. She longed for mental silence so she could sleep.

It also didn't help that she already slept beside him the night before. Mostly, because she felt his absence in which she wouldn't initially feel if that never happened.

Her agitation only grew, causing her to punch her pillow and squeeze her eyes shut to force sleep upon herself. For a moment, everything was still. The crickets could be heard outside her window. The deep repetitive breath circling through her lungs.

Ximena was on the precipice of a dreamless night. Until an excruciating scream blared from down the hall like a tornado siren.

Her recovery was instant, jumping from her sheets as she bare feet pounded on the hard wood floors out her room. Ximena rounded the door frame at the same time Ororo left her own room across from her. The two met confused eye contact before they rushed together towards the source of the petrifying sound.

"Somebody help!" A shout sounded.

Regrettably, the noise came from Logan's private quarters. She minutely hesitated before harshly pushing the door open.

In their utter confusion and shock, the teenage girl they rescued was there over Logan's body. Rogue was trembling, stepping away as Logan's hand fell to his side. His face was ashen, devoid of any resemblance of life before his eyes shut and he fell limp onto the cold floor.

Ximena felt panic slam into her with brute force. Scott slipped past her to turn on the light but she wasn't necessarily worried about her sight. She skidded to her knees and hurriedly place a pillow under Logan's head. Her fingers checking for a pulse as her lips trembled.

For some reason, she was terribly overwhelmed. Her senses didn't register the crowd of students that formed. Or a fully healed Rogue hastily padding out the room to avoid their stares. In her mind, she knew Logan couldn't die -- right? But her heart still hammered, she palms grew sweaty and the dominance in her voice to get Logan to her infirmary was ever-present.

Whether she realized it or denied it at all turns, her attachment to Logan was incredibly real. And the hold in which he possessed over her, damn near frightened her to the core.

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Unedited. 6/18/21

This chapter went through many different scenarios regarding fear! Motherhood, loneliness, commitment, death -- I love it! I hope you guys loved it too, please let me know with commenting, voting! I love to see your guys thoughts and comments on the story. Xx