This chapter is dedicated to PTV_SWS_TOP_MCR_9 for always making my day with her beautiful support and comments ❤️ I truly appreciate it 🙏❤️

C H A C E'S P.O.V

I wasn't able to sleep a wink. My mind was flooding with tons of unwanted thoughts, it didn't help make the ache in my chest go away.

For nineteen years, I've never experienced this type of pain. This pain that is believed to make you develop several doubts about yourself, you can't explain it.

This pain that constantly crushes a side of your brain, you suddenly forget what it's like to think freely.

This pain that reminds you are never going to get second chances. It is this pain which keeps getting worse, I'll never be good enough for anyone.

Not even for Hurricane, Jaden or Reed for that matter. I tilt my head to the side, she is fast asleep on my arm, her hand hugging my waist. I find it ridiculously adorable when she snores, her breath tickling my neck, I can't help but smile. If I could go back and take back the horrible things I said to her I know she will never walk away. I want to open up to her and tell her about who I really am, the real me.

The actual me .

I want to muster up my balls and tell her about my miserable, fucked up childhood. But at the same time, I am not obligated to do so, her life is nothing compared to mine and I shouldn't be drawing any forms of comparisons. Hell, she shouldn't be here lying next to me.

I shouldn't be wasting my time with her when I know we are not going to go anywhere.

I guess I finally understand why I don't deserve a wonderful person like her and it is time I accept it. I don't think I'll get the latitude to love someone ever, again. There's a poison inside me that refuses to go away a poison that controls how you need to act, but you end up acting and saying things the opposite of what you should be saying.

I never asked for this.

I sometimes wish if I were like the other guys who are in relationships and treat their partners the way they should be treated, it scares me and I don't want to wake up Hurricane and tell her all these thoughts, all these things that are corrupting the air surrounding me, I can't breathe. I can't see clearly. I can't think straight.

As much as I hate to say this, she is partially to be blamed. It is best if I'm not around her anymore. She doesn't need a screwed, washed up guy like me who tries everyday to clean up his act, missing her is going to be a problem I'll never be able to overcome. Would she feel the same if we switched positions? I don't think she will. I don't have a direction I don't have a purpose.

I don't want to continue remaining in this rut that forcibly conditioned me into what people picture me as today. Some lowlife who creates a lot of shit, society can shove their opinions up their ass. Had they been kind enough to sit down with me to understand what made me like this, it wasn't voluntary. I probably wouldn't bother to unravel shit about myself, I will have to let go of it someday.

Will that day come?

What day will it be?

Do meaningful conversations even exist? Is it still prevalent?

I'm in the principal's office, my nostrils flaring with a mix of-tired-of-my-parents-kicking-me-around-bullshit and getting ready to handle whatever life has to throw at me, come what may. I feel great on not giving a damn.

"Mr. Lambert.... H-how do you explain those... those marks on your hand?" His brows raise with concern, I am close to laughing.

It is not normal for a nine year old to be perceiving shit like this. Maybe I'm not normal, not that I'm ashamed.

I am still silent and stare at the photo frame a picture of him smiling, hands wrapped around a woman who's smile is as bright as the moon, along with two boys who are my age. I am tempted to smash it against the wall. "If I said yes, would you judge me?"

Principal Ervin is taken aback by my response , scrubbing a hand against his face, up and down before shifting his focus at me. "Mr. Lambert I'm only asking as a matter of concern."

"Will you be doing anything about it once I tell you?" It won't make a difference once I do. He's not my guardian, he's asking for the heck of it. It is surprising to notice the adults don't understand complicated shit when the kids can know them automatically, I have facts to prove the elderly aren't always right.

The evidence is present in front of my eyes, I bet his mother might have raised him in a flower pot, watching principal Ervin bloom into an idiot. It's not his problem to be keeping an eye on me. "It is not about the difference, son. I haven't"- "we are done then."

My eyes open, I slowly get up and slide my hand from Hurricane's grip, I cover her lithe body with my blanket and carefully get out of bed. Once I'm out of the room, I dial Reed's number.

"Yup?"

His voice is heavy with sleep.

"Dude, what was the name of the place you went to?"

"What are you talking about? What place?"

I sigh, withholding my calmness. When Reed asks one too many questions at the same time without a pause, I want to chloroform him and dump his body in the construction area and watch him falling prey to the vultures.

"Never mind, I remember it."

"Are you ok?" He asks. "I don't have to get your ass out of jail, do I?" I huff with impatience.

"You wouldn't be asking since your intuition knows more than you know me," I retort, dropping a ball and catching it. He chuckles on the other side of the line.

"What's going on?"

"I'm leaving town and I don't know how long it's going to take me, but it won't be for long. Mrs. McIntyre would be the last to know about this. I'm trusting you to watch out for Ivy," saying her name felt weird. "You also have an idea on why I'm doing this, I'm not going to explain it."

"Shit, man. Why didn't you call me?"

"With what you and Jade have going on, bro you know me." There's a pause. Reed exhales and speaks, "I'll take care of her. I know what happened at the party, I feel like a complete dick."

"When are you not?" I don't bother hiding my accusation. "I get it, I get it. But she has our back." "Thanks, man. And not a word about this. Don't even mention it." I cut the call and clench it, close to crushing it.

I will never forgive myself for doing this to Hurricane. But this is for for her. I am doing this for her.

****

IVY'S P.O.V

The sun is up, hitting my eyes when I wake up, stretching my arms wide. I turn to my side with a soft smile spreading across my face, I can't believe I'm waking up next to him again. I think this is the millionth time it's happening, I've never kept tabs on the times we spent a night together. This might also be the right occasion to have a conversation with Chace, and make him feel comfortable, not rushing things. If he doesn't want to talk about, he doesn't have to talk about it. But I want to know what drove him to the extent of standing up for a child when no one had the confidence or the drive to do so.

My heart skips a beat when my arm limply falls down on the plush pillow next to me. He isn't here. I jolt awake, frantically looking to see if he is hiding someplace. I check everywhere, bathrooms, kitchen, he is nowhere to be seen. I find a note sitting on the kitchen island, he could have gone to the supermarket perhaps. Opening it, my heart skips a beat. Pulling out my phone from my pocket, I dial his number, it goes directly to voice mail. I go onto Instagram and type his username on the search bar, his name is nowhere to be seen. He blocked me?

I send him a text via messenger, the message bounces back. I can't move, I can't blink, my face paralyzed with indescribable sentiments.

He isn't coming back, isn't he?