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Song: Desire by Years & Years
'Is it desire or is it love that I'm feeling for you?'

Justin's POV:

I knew as soon as she had fallen asleep, her breaths had become softer and more shallow, the crease above her brows had softened to a non existent line. Her facial features had completely relaxed. She looked so at peace.

She was such a beautiful sight, this girl was making my heart twist and pull in all different directions.

I kept rubbing her back slowly, my thoughts kept wandering back to tonight's events. When I walked in and saw her on the floor, a sobbing mess. My heart shattered. I was never expecting this beautiful girl to experience something as traumatizing as panic attacks.

I never wanted to see her so broken ever again, the look in her eyes, the emptiness, sadness and heartbreak that swirled around in them was enough to bring any man to his knees.  She was one of those people that could be completely sobbing and you don't even have to know the reason behind it, but seeing them so sad breaks you to the point you want to cry with them.

Memories of her trembling body in my mind made me wrap my other arm around her and hold her tight to me. Like some how the the tighter I held her, less chance she would ever tremble again.  The way she was breathing during her panic attack, I was sure she was going to end up fainting, no matter how hard she tried to get air into her lungs, it wasn't good enough, and soon her body would have given out on her.

What amazed me most, was the fact that her father couldn't snap her out of it, I know how important he is to her, and in that moment, this beautiful girl only wanted me, she needed me. I was her saving grace in that moment in time. And that made my heart swell.

I placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head before carefully slipping out from under her. I watched to make sure my movements hadn't woken her up.

I slipped my shoes on and made my way out of her room, closing the door behind me. I descended down the stairs and slowly made my way through the kitchen.

I spotted her dad sitting at the dining room table in the corner, drinking out of a bottle, whiskey, probably.

"Sorry for taking long sir- I mean Julian, I was going to leave but she asked me to stay an-" "I heard the conversation, I was in the hallway." He interrupted me. He looked over to me, "I'm not upset Justin, the fact that you were worried about disrespecting me, made me have so much respect for you." I watched as he swirled the bottle, making the booze spin around the glass bottle. "I can't thank you enough for making my little girl feel safe. I didn't even think of how she felt when she lost Tyler, I was being such a hard-ass." He  sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"It's okay, we all forget sometimes. Julian if I can be honest with you for a second, I just want to let you know, moments before she came inside, I wanted to tell her to stay away from me. I knew what you thought of me, and although it was over silly reasons, I already knew that you wouldn't be fond of me. But when I looked at her, standing there, looking absolutely breathtaking while doing absolutely nothing, I knew I couldn't ask her that. I made the selfish decision to keep her in my life. Hell, I wouldn't be able to stay away from her if I tried, she's intoxicating. She even has my sister on her side. Sir, I haven't had an actual friend that's been a girl since I was little because my sister scared them off, but Selena, she made my sister come around and that made me realize, how much this girl impacts others lives. She's truly extraordinary." I sighed, looking up at the ceiling, as I finished my speech.

I blushed knowing I had completely let loose in front of her father.

I looked at him to be surprised by the smile spread across his face. He shook his head in disbelief, "You guys keep saying you're just friends, you two must be blind. It's clear, you guys won't be just friends forever. " I looked down at my feet, not knowing what to say.

"Justin, would you like to go out for coffee with me sometime, just us two? I would like to get to know you, properly this time." Julian smiled at me. "I would like that." I smiled small.

"I should be heading home sir- I mean, Julian, I don't want to worry my parents." He got up from his chair and walked over to me. I eyed him, not knowing what was going on. I was surprised as hell when he pulled me in for a hug. "Thank you again, Justin. Really." He clapped his hand on my shoulder.

I nodded my head at him before slipping out the front door. I sighed in relief as the fresh air engulfed me.  It wasn't until I got outside that I realized how exhausted I was. I could only imagine how exhausted Selena was, especially after her panic attack, she will probably be tired for a couple days from that, usually Jenna is. It takes a toll on your body.

I watched my shoes as they scuffed along the sidewalk.

I opened the door quietly, trying not to wake anyone up. I headed upstairs to my room. Slipping my shoes and shirt off, I sat on the edge of my bed, my head hung low and resting in my hands.

"Are you okay?" I jumped at the sudden voice. My head shot up to see Jenna in the doorway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She apologized. "I'm okay." I smiled small. I waved her over to sit on my bed. "Rough night?" She questioned. I looked to her, "She has panic attacks too, Jen." She looks at me confused, "Who does?" "Selena."

"Oh wow." She breathed out, I nodded in agreement. "I thought I was the only person experiencing that." I shook my head at her. "It scared me Jenna, for a moment, I honestly thought she was going to end up in the hospital, I've seen and experienced yours, but I didn't realize how different they are for everyone." I sighed.

"Her own dad couldn't calm her down. That's why I ran out of here, he called me and was in complete panic, I rushed over because he didn't tell me what was wrong, and I saw her, on the floor, almost convulsing, sobbing, hiccuping, her eyes were so wide I almost thought they would fall out of their sockets. The only thing I could do was hold her. And god did I hold her tight. I held her like I was going to lose her." Jenna placed her hand on my shoulder, making me look at her.

"Justin, it's okay. You did the best thing. You went for her. She needed you. She might not have even known it right away, but she needed you and deep down you knew you would be the one to help her." She smiled at me.

"I know that when I get into them, you are my comfort, you are everything to me, so I know how she felt in your arms. You have this natural calmness to you. It's quite weird actually. A hug from you can instantly make anyone feel better. It makes me feel like when you hold me close to you, that you are holding all my broken pieces together, you're the glue, and I'm just a million pieces of a girl that breaks every so often. So I could only imagine how it must feel when the person you are falling in love with, is there to hold all your pieces together." She smiled looking at her lap.

Falling in love with? Could that possibly be true? Could Selena be falling in love with me? The thoughts swirled around in my head and honestly made me scared. I've never had someone in love with me before, let alone did I ever love anyone else.

I've dated a couple girls, but they weren't anything, they only ever lasted a couple months, we would hang out, let everyone know we were together, we would bang, and then after a while it would end. That's usually how it would go, but was Selena any different? Who am I kidding, of course she was.

I've never met someone so intoxicating. She makes me feel all sorts of things, but not anything I have yet to label as love. A strong liking maybe, but I don't know if it's love.

"Stop doing that." Jenna hissed, I shot her a confused glare, "What?"

"Stoping telling yourself any excuse to scare yourself away from the idea of falling for someone, I know you Justin, I know you really like her, and I know for a fact that even you know that you are starting to fall for her, you just don't want to admit it to yourself, she isn't like Chelsea or Nicole, stop trying to label her like them. Selena is good for you. And you know it. If you didn't, would you have ran to her without a second thought, not knowing the situation? No. You would have made an excuse to not go there, but instead, you got scared that something bad happened to her, that you were gonna lose her, so you ran to her, like your life depended on it. Now stop trying to stop yourself from falling for the one girl I know is good for you." When she finished her rant, she walked out, didn't even give me a chance to defend myself.

Although, she did leave a valid point. If I wasn't falling for this girl, would I have actually went to rescue her? I wouldn't have worried about something bad happening to her and making me unable to ever hear her laugh, see her smile, look into her beautiful caramel irises, ever again.

Maybe I was falling for her, and maybe for once, falling for someone wasn't a bad thing.

The one thing that worries me, is that she has yet to know about my reputation, if any of those girls got to Selena before I did, they could ruin every thing that was ever possible between the two of us.

I have to tell her before she gets false information.

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