"𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞."

❦❦❦

－ 𝖣𝖠𝖭𝖨 𝖡𝖤𝖫𝖫𝖲 －
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌

I entered the house, slamming the door behind me, my mother followed calling my name. I ignored her, consumed by anger and frustration.

"Dani!" My mother shouted.

"No! Leave me alone!" I yelled back

"Oh my fucking God, You're being so dramatic!" My mother yelled

"No!—You said that you were done!—You said that you were going to stop for Dad!" I cried out.

My mother rolled her eyes sighing. "Dani shut up and listen to me!" My mother said angrily.

"You're an asshole, mother!" I continue to rant.

I felt the sting of my mother's slapping hand connecting with my cheek, a sense of shock washed over me. It wasn't the first time she had struck me, but it had been a long time since her anger had led to such a violent outburst. As I stared at her in disbelief, I felt my anger rise even further, fueling my desire to lash out at her back.

"Did— you—just touch me!?"

"You wasn't listening to me."

"And when do you ever listen to me!?"

"You told me and dad that you would stop drinking, you know how you get when you drink."

"You get abusive and crazy!"

"You broke your promise." I continue to rant on.

"So what!"

"You body shame me and called me slurs when you were drunk, why do i feel like you think that's okay?" My voice softens.

"Because I don't care Dani, they're just words."

I scoffed, "just words, got it."

She sighed.

"And You didn't even care to ask how my day at school went," my voice softens.

She responded with a scowl, "Well, how was your day at school?"

My frustration only grew when she finally asked. Without a word, I turned on my heel and stormed upstairs to my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

"Dani wait—

❦❦❦

I angrily tossed my jacket onto the floor and threw myself onto my bed, burying my face in the pillows. The plush softness of the pillows provided little comfort as my anger continued to bubble beneath the surface.

Frustration and hurt consumed me, and tears streamed down my face as I buried my face in the pillow, screaming out the pain and anguish that swirled within me. Even as I tried to release the tension, the physical and emotional pain persisted, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and helpless.

My tears mixed with the fabric of the pillow as I silently wished for the type of mother I had always yearned for - one who truly listened, one who genuinely cared about my well-being, and one who treated me with the respect I deserved. Instead, I was stuck with a mother who saw me as nothing more than a burden, a source of disappointment and frustration.

I wept into the pillow, tears slowly soaking the fabric, I couldn't help but feel a bitter jealousy towards those who had what I longed for so desperately, a loving and caring mother who treated them with respect and kindness. It was an envious feeling, one that fueled the pain and hurt that continued to gnaw at me.

As I lay there, my face buried in the pillow, I heard the sound of a knock at my door. It was my mother's voice.

"Dani, come out and come eat. You've been in there all day," my mother called out, her voice filled with exhaustion.

"I'm not hungry." I responded

"Just come out and Please eat something." She begged from behind the door.

Silence.

"Fine, don't eat then." Her footsteps disappeared.

Wasn't planning on it anyways..

I slowly pushed myself off the bed, my tears still streaming down my face. I knelt down next to my bed and reached under it, pulling out a small shoe box.

I opened the lid of the shoe box and began to sift through its contents, I found various items jar of pills, pocket knives, and photographs of my dad and me during happier times. I picked up the picture of my father and I together, his arms wrapped around me in a protective embrace.

I know he's disappointed of me, of what I do and what I'm about to do, but this is the only way I can cope with my emotions.

By hurting myself,

Physically.

I grabbed the pocket knife and held it against my skin near my wrist. Tears began falling out as I continued to stare at the picture of my Dad.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered.

❦❦❦

I undid my braids slowly, one by one, feeling a sense of relief as my natural hair finally sprang free. As the tight braids unwound, my hair revealed itself in its natural 4B state - a wild yet beautiful canvas of long, spiral curls.

"Why are you taking your hair out?— you didn't like the braids?" My mom turned the living room tv off to get my attention.

"The braids are old mom, it's time to take them out."

"But I liked them though." She said

"Ok I did too but now they're frizzy." I replied

"Why can't you love yourself."

"Who said that I didn't love my self." I said hesitantly.

My mother sighed, "I'm going to my room, make sure the dishes are clean Dani." She walked away.

❦❦❦

As I diligently scrubbed at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, the sound of someone rapping on the front door startled me. My heart quickened slightly at the unexpected interruption to my quiet chore.

I approached the door and opened it to find Lucifer standing on the other side, one hand casually tucked into his sweats pocket and the other scrolling idly on his phone.

The unexpected sight of him caught me off guard, and for a brief moment, I wondered what he was doing at my door.

"Dani?" Lucifer said suddenly, his voice tinged with surprise as he looked up from his phone. I couldn't help but be taken aback by his unexpected presence on my doorstep.

"Lucifer?" I replied, my confusion evident in my voice. "What are you doing here?"

"santo cielo." he replied back

(Translation: holy fuck )

INSECURE
004. ❦