(𝐏𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐋𝐄) 𝐇𝐘𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐇:
― 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠.
― 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.
― 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚢.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

❝ FATAL HYACINTH. ❞
minsuwoong // word count: 2,688.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

Suwoong could still remember the day that he first laid his eyes on Kim Minsu. His hair was dyed a soft lavender, he was dressed in a casual outfit that consisted of a baggy white t-shirt that was tucked into a pair of body hugging black skinny jeans, a pair of cheap sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose, and a cigarette hanging from his delicate lips. He looked like a model, and effortlessly so, as he very clearly wasn't trying to impress anyone. Minsu was the type to care very little for the opinions of others, -he was his own person, and as far as he was concerned, if someone didn't like him then that was a them problem.

He radiated the kind of confidence that Lee Suwoong wished he could have.

But Minsu was nothing but trouble, and in retrospect, Suwoong, without a doubt, had known that all along. Anyone who knew all the right things to say was bad news, because it was representative of the fact that they'd said those things a million times before. Suwoong, however, couldn't help but to fall for each and every one of those regurgitated love lines that Minsu consistently pulled out of his hat. Every word that fell from his rogue pink lips had been stolen from the mind of someone who'd come long before him. He was living on borrowed time and speaking with the tongue of another. Nonetheless, Suwoong dove in headfirst with his heart on his sleeve, foolishly believing that Minsu had any intention of keeping it safe.

Not that it was entirely any fault of his own. Minsu hadn't grown up in an environment that was rich or overflowing with love. In fact, it was much the opposite. He was the son of a man that was married to his work, leaving his actual marriage to be nothing more than a loveless affair that stemmed from a mistake made in their youths. His mother and father had gotten engaged for all the wrong reasons, or rather, for one wrong reason that proved to haunt them for the rest of their lives. His mother had fallen pregnant, and with her parents being very traditional and customary, her family had pressured her to get married in order to give their child a stable home.

And so they did, but heaven knows that Minsu certainly did not receive a stable home out of the deal. He was born into and raised in the dictionary definition of dysfunction, and he had no idea what it was like to truly love someone. He searched high and low for it, at the bottom of a bottle, in between the legs of random people, and even within the pages of a plethora of holy books. But none of that ever felt as good as Suwoong's strawberry kiss or his cotton touch. Nothing ever felt as satisfactory as hearing the younger boy's dulcet moans or watching his hickory eyes roll into the back of his head as he reached his bodily limits.

Lee Suwoong was different, but Minsu couldn't see that at the times that it truly counted.

They met in late July when the heat was sweltering and their hormones were completely out of sync. They explored one another's bodies, stripping down into nothing more than bare flesh under the moon's hefty glow, and Suwoong worshiped Minsu like a God. He was careful, precise in his movements, and he did just as he was told because the elder male always made it worth his while.

Suwoong remembered their first time like the back of his hand. He'd been nervous, incredibly so, because he was a virgin and had never even thought about having sex with anyone before Minsu came along. The younger boy was anxious, so much so that the fingertips he allowed to trail across Minsu's skin were shaking wildly. On the other hand, the soft lavender strands of hair that the elder male sported did not, at all, coincide with his rough approach to all things in life, including sex. He wasn't anywhere near as gentle as Suwoong expected him to be, but at the end of the night, they both enjoyed themselves and that was what the younger male thought truly mattered.

But having sex and leaving it at that was a foreign concept to Suwoong, so he clung to Minsu as if his life depended on it, and the elder boy dared to venture a bit deeper with the innocent blonde who looked at him like he put the stars in the night sky. It was a tragic turn of events, and deep down, the both of them knew that it would never truly work out. . . They were just far too different, too unalike to ever find common ground. Minsu was a free spirit, someone that couldn't be tied down to anyone or anything. He went where the wind blew him, whilst Suwoong was an idealistic survivor, a college student that was just hoping to get by in his lifetime while living as best he could and finding the good in all things.

He even found the good in Kim Minsu, the boy made of shattered pieces of glass that were being held together by kids glue. Instead of seeing the elder male as a lost cause like most did, he looked deeper, searching into his soul to see the hurt and the desire for love. Suwoong believed that Minsu was much like him, -someone that was attracted to differences. . . But in reality, he wasn't a profound mind or a lost soul searching for a place to fit in. Minsu was just an utter mess, a hurricane of hurt and betrayal, -the walking, living, breathing embodiment of wrath and lust. He found pleasure in sex, nothing more and nothing less, but when it came to Suwoong there was just something so different and unique that Minsu wound up being intrigued.

Not necessarily in a romantic way, but the blonde haired boy certainly did peak his interest. With his infectious smile and his cheerful outlook, Minsu couldn't help but to wonder how Suwoong had managed to stay so pure in a world like theirs that was filled with nothing besides liars, cheaters, and con artists.

Suwoong could also recall the first time that he ever saw Kim Minsu cry. It was on a crisp September night under a starless, cloudless sky; -beneath a blanket of thick, unforgiving indigo. There was no desolate sobbing, but rather, it was surprisingly subtle. In spite of the raging storm inside of him, Minsu simply shed a few tears whilst Suwoong hummed a gentle tune, an affable breeze grazing their skin, setting the somber mood even further. Suwoong had done his best to keep everything in check. . . He worked up all of his courage, reaching out to place his warm hand atop Minsu's freezing appendage, only for the lavender haired male to mumble something about being "alright" as he pulled his hand away from Suwoong's touch.

He should have known right then and there that Minsu was a lost cause for him. But he made yet another excuse for his lover, and he told himself that the elder boy was just scared. He told himself that Minsu would come around eventually, that he would change his mind, -that he would one day open up his eyes and realize that all the affection he could ever ask for in his lifetime could come from a boy with large doe eyes, supple skin, and loose strands of soft, sandy hair. Nevertheless, Suwoong made no plan of escape. He chose to stay by Minsu's side, and he chose, of his own free will, to stay caught up within his web up copious lies.

Looking back, Suwoong truly wished he hadn't been so naive. He wished that he hadn't been so infatuated with Minsu to the point in which he began to lose himself somewhere along that tragic line. He wished he hadn't ever dared to let himself fall in that deep. Too little, too late for that, however. . . Far too late. . .

Minsu was nothing but trouble. He did nothing more than cause extensive heartbreak, and yet Suwoong fell for him anyway. He fell for him with every ignorant and unknowing cell in his fragile body. He fell for him in spite of Minsu's jagged edges and instability. Whether Minsu ever truly realized it or not, Suwoong doesn't suppose that it really matters now. Even so, the blonde couldn't help but to wonder if his feelings ever really reached the elder male's frigid heart; -he couldn't help but to wonder if they ever warmed him at one point or another. And maybe it didn't truly matter in the grand scheme of things, but Suwoong couldn't stop himself from questioning it. He couldn't stop himself from questioning whether or not there was ever a place in time where his feelings made Minsu feel special, needed, and loved.

He hoped so.

With every fragmented piece of the heart that Minsu had left in his wake, Suwoong prayed that he knew, even if only for a second, that there had been a time when the younger male would have done anything in the world for him, even if it would have killed him.

At night, in the same manner that Minsu used to slither into Suwoong's bed on those lonely nights, the lavender haired male can be found creeping into the blonde's dreams, his honeyed voice imprinting itself upon the younger boy's eardrums all over again. Come sunrise, Suwoong always wakes with a reeling heart and the feeling of bruised lips. On some days, he's even come to convince himself that he can taste Minsu on his tongue; -that familiar flavor of desperation, anguish, and unequivocal lust.

The flavor had always been toxic. There was never a time when it was good for either of them, -not once. It was poisonous. It would had killed the both of them eventually, and Suwoong knew that, even if he didn't want to admit that to himself. It hurt to say that the desires he held onto so tightly were virulent. But the most painful thing in this life is losing yourself in the process of loving someone just a little too much. . .

And he did. Suwoong loved Minsu far too much, and it would have killed the both of them if narcotics hadn't taken the elder male first.

But that, Suwoong has come to think, happened for a reason. He's really come to understand that maybe he'll never truly know that reason; -maybe he won't ever be able to understand why. Nevertheless, he can't help but to believe that there is one, and whether he'll ever be able to comprehend it or not feels much more like an afterthought than it does anything else. Maybe it's just not for him to understand, and in most ways, he's come to be accepting of that. He's made peace with it.

It wasn't okay, but it would be one day. Time would heal the wounds, -time would heal the void in Suwoong's empty chest, and eventually he would find it within himself to be able to love again. He would find it within himself to be able to give his heart to another, -he would find it in himself to be able to open up to someone fully one day, and he would tell them about Minsu in hopes that his memory would never die. No matter the pain that the elder male caused him, Suwoong would always think highly of him. . . Minsu wasn't a bad person. He wasn't a good person either, but he did good things; -or at the very least, he tried to. He did his best with what he had, and though he lost his fight, Suwoong knew that Minsu had never been weak.

Not even for a second.

Even in tears he'd swallowed his words like thick, hot cum and he'd said that he was fine when he was so far from the surface that there was no question as to whether or not he'd be downing.

He put on a mask, and it faltered ever so slightly when Suwoong reached out for him. But Minsu kept ahold of it, and he never allowed the blonde to see his despair. Even if he'd never been in love with Suwoong, he did love him in one way or another. He had needed him at one point in time, he craved him, and that Suwoong was more than well aware of.

Nevertheless, the blonde hoped that Minsu had been in love with him at one given point in time. He prayed for that to be the case, and because the elder male was no longer around to tell him whether that was the truth or not, Suwoong chose to look at things through rose-colored glasses. He chose to believe that that was indeed the case, because those nights of passion that they shared had to have counted for something. . . Didn't they? If they hadn't, Minsu wouldn't have held him the way that he did. He would have pushed him away after the deed was done, but on most nights, Minsu held him like his life depended on it.

The lavender haired male could fake many things, like a smile or his state of mental health when in public, but Suwoong knew that he couldn't fake the tenderness of a lover's embrace. Minsu was inexperienced, and his muscles told the blonde everything he needed to know. The tautness of his body, the fear seeping from his pores, the anxiety thrumming through his veins and flashing through his eyes; -he'd had sex before, but when it came to Suwoong, he knew that he was different. The blonde knew that he wasn't like any of the others, especially in Minsu's eyes. He was special to Minsu. He knew that.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

With a bouquet of purple hyacinths clutched tightly in his shaking hands, Suwoong made his way through the piling snow with numb fingers and a stinging nose. Tears welled in his eyes as ice crystals crunched underfoot, and Suwoong brushed a few strands of his newly dyed raven hair out of his face, swallowing down the bile that was rising in the back of his throat.

The young man had cried enough for fifty lifetimes, and frankly, he was tired. He was tired of crying over something that could never be changed, -tired of crying over someone that he knew he would never see again. So instead, as Suwoong placed that bouquet of purple hyacinths down atop the snow that had gathered around Minsu's otherwise untouched, unvisited grave, he smiled.

He smiled for Minsu, and for all the times that they spent together. He smiled for the late nights, the sweet kisses, -for the feeling of Minsu's warm, gentle breath fanning against the shell of his ear on those tempered autumn nights. He smiled for the lessons that Minsu had taught him, he smiled for the feelings that the elder male had awoken from deep inside of him. . . He smiled for the memories of his first love.

He beamed as if Minsu was begging him for it. He beamed as if the older boy was standing right in front of him, perfectly immortalized as the wild, free spirited boy that Suwoong loved with every fiber of his being, and would always remember no matter how much time had passed since his death. He would stay that way forever; -eternally twenty one with soft, fading lavender hair, and a heart that beat only for Lee Suwoong.

Suwoong would grow up, graduate from college, and he would leave this life behind him. He would leave this small city behind him in lieu of something much bigger than himself, -but Minsu would always remain forever in the frosty, glacial winter of 1999.