It's been four years since we broke up. We both separated and led new lives. You were known as Gloss, then rose to fame by the name of Suga. But to me, you will always be Min Yoongi. And I will always be supporting you—from the distance this time.

I stepped inside the cafe, and the sweet smell of milk and coffee immediately welcomed me. The door swished to a close and the soft jingle of bells resonated within the area. 

The seat located at the side near the window panes beckoned me. I sat down and proceeded to watch different people with different lives pass by. This became my daily morning routine, and when I realized it, I never bothered to stop.

"What would you like to order, miss?" one of the waiters approached my table with a notepad in his clutches, he smiled at me with a sense of familiarity. 

"The usual, please." I answered, politely beaming.

He dipped his head in complete understanding and began scribbling down notes. "One caramel macchiato coming right up."

My attention was pulled away from him by the sound of a person's voice. His voice.

I looked up and saw the television on, revealing a music awards show. It showed seven handsome and classy young men onstage, and one of them leaned closer to the microphone so that he could start his speech. 

My eyes were glued to him. Min Yoongi.

Yoongi sharply inhaled, it was one of his habits before he speaks his mind. He never changed that part of him, huh.

"Oh wow," he smiled, just with a breath, his fans automatically screamed before letting him continue, "Thank you so much to ARMY for giving us this award. We'll keep working hard and make you guys proud."

The audience roared, waving their ARMY bombs. Their lightsticks shining brightly with the spotlight upon their idols, BTS.

Yoongi let out his iconic gummy smiles as he gazed at the trophy in his hands. I felt my chest tighten. Back then, I was one of the only few who can see that smile. Back then, that gaze would only land on me.

Now it's different. 

"AAAAH, YOONGI OPPA!" the female students at the other table gushed.

"That's my boyfriend guys, don't steal." One of them said, her head held high. 

"And that's my ex." I muttered under my breath, rolling my eyes at them.

The clinking of bells could be heard again when another customer entered the cafe. A huge grin could be seen on both of our faces once we saw each other. It was my best friend, Jiwoo.

"I knew I'd find you here." She sighed, sitting beside me.

"What do you mean by that?" I tilted my head sideways. 

Jiwoo squinted her eyes at me, seemingly about to criticize. "Don't try your 'i-have-no-idea-what-you're-talking-about' trick on me, young lady. I know why you keep going to this place."

She hesitated for a bit before she continued, "This is where Yoongi introduced you to caramel macchiato, right?"

"So?" I crossed my arms, acting nonchalant, "I just like how their coffee tastes, that's all."

Jiwoo shook her head, disagreeing. "It's been four years, you idiot. Why are you still not over him?"

"I am! I'm doing great on my own! I've applied to a job I like, and I'm expecting good results! I have good friends, and I keep contact with my family every now and then!" I spread my arms, trying to be convincing, "See? I'm completely fine without him—"

A figure passed us by and I noticed him through my peripheral vision. I stood up and attempted to tap his shoulder but when he looked back, I froze. In a blink of an eye, the person I thought to be Yoongi turned out to be someone else.

Embarrassed, I quickly sat back down. Jiwoo raised her brows at me, spreading her lip disappointingly as if saying, Told you.

I released an exasperated exhale, "Ugh, I'm trying my best, okay? It's just that, oh I don't know, he keeps popping everywhere. In my dreams, in my head—crap, I even see him walking down the streets when he's not actually there..." 

I gulped. I then grabbed Jiwoo on the shoulders, panic bubbling within me.

"Oh God, Jiwoo, am I going crazy?!" I gasped, shaking her vigorously.

She slapped my hands away, making me whimper and behave. With an encouraging smile, she finally responded, "Y'know what? I'm going to hook you up with someone so you can forget about that conceited mister."

"Hey! He's not conceited!" I retorted, "And also, EW, NO WAY. I'm not thirsty for men. Maybe you can find another girl who does."

"You're thirsty for him though." She talked back. I almost spat out my drink.

Jiwoo slammed her hands on the table, now frustrated with me. "Come on, lovesick fool! I can't help you if you keep rejecting me like this!"

"I'm fine with that." I evaded her stare, playing with the coffee mug instead.

"I'm worried about you," she said at last, putting her palm over mine, "Please. Do this for me."

With her looking at me like that, how could I refuse?

"Alright, alright!" I gave in, clicking my tongue, "Just make sure he's decent and fits my ideals."

"You got it!" Jiwoo saluted, winking slyly.

✧

This guy is not decent and DOES NOT fit my ideals.

Somehow, I ended up in a nightclub, swallowed by dozens of people dancing around the center. I try to squeeze my way out, but to no avail. The disco lights were blinding, the music was super loud, and almost everyone was drunk and half-naked.

Yoongi would never dare bring me to a place like this.

"Hey babe," my supposed date slurred as he managed to drag his body towards me. He wasn't walking properly, constantly bending back and forth, "are you having fun?"

I can sniff the alcohol fuming out of his mouth. I tried not to gag.

He leaned in closer as his arms snake around my waist, trapping me in his grasp. I pushed him away, but he doesn't budge. Instead, he puckered his lips and was ready to kiss. I screamed, but the people around us didn't bother helping, so caught up in the blasting tunes.

Tears blurred my vision. This isn't what I needed.

What I need right now is...

Unconsciously, his smiling face jogged up in my memories. If he was here, he would protect me. He would punch this maniac in the face without any doubts. He would embrace me, caress my cheek and say everything's okay.

"I promise you," Yoongi's voice echoed, "I'll be there whenever you need me. Just say it, and I'll appear right next to you."

"Liar!" I cried out, slapping the man in front of me. He blinked at me, confused to why I did that, and held his stinging cheek.

With a rush of adrenaline, I ran to the exit and went home.

✧

I locked myself in my apartment for the whole day, binge-eating my stock of ramyeon for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I stayed in bed, wrapping myself in the warm comfort of my thick blanket, and staring at particularly nothing.

My phone buzzed on the table, but I ignored it. Jiwoo's voicemail rang across the stillness of the room.

"Hey," she called out, an obvious guilt trailing with her tone, "I'm sorry. I never knew he'd turn out to be a real jerk. It must've been traumatizing."

I leaned against the wall, trying not to listen.

"You don't have to forgive me," she implied, her voice cracking, "but... please don't shut yourself in. All I ever wanted was for you to feel like you're not alone. I know you're lonely. I've seen it all the time and I couldn't do anything to help you."

She was sobbing now. I gripped onto my blanket tighter.

"I'm so so sorry..." I heard her say again before the voicemail ended.

I am pathetic. I sank lower under the sheets and let my mind get carried away.

Memories played like a forgotten film.

I couldn't help but think of your smile, a smile that used to brighten up my days. I think of your laugh, a laugh that used to make me laugh with you. I think of your hands, those hands that used to be intertwined with mine. I think of your gaze, a gaze filled with so much love and sincerity.

But then that smile disappeared, that laugh faltered, those hands chose to let go, and that gaze no longer landed on me but towards the crowd of people cheering for you on stage.

I think of your back facing me, your steps walking away. You loved another, and you chose it over me. It was Music, it was your dream.

I know. I know that much. I had already accepted that fact.

Yet look at where I am now. Crying alone in my room as the dark envelops my trembling body. Four years had passed, but why am I still unable to get you out of my mind?

"I promise you," 

"I'll be there whenever you need me. Just say it, and I'll appear right next to you."  

"...I need you." I whispered, tears trickled down my cheeks.

Suddenly, I heard familiar footsteps approaching. I looked up, eyes wide and mouth agape.

It was as if my frozen time continued to flow the moment I saw you once more.

"Yoongi?" I stared at him in disbelief. He did too, his expression clearly shocked.

"Why am I...How did I..." His head whipped right and left, eyeing the situation he was in. But my state was worse, I think I'm straight-up insane. My imaginations of him are getting more and more realistic.

There was an uneasy silence. Yoongi's gaze went back to me, and I could feel my heart thumping loudly against my chest. I missed him. I missed him so much.

Realizing this hushed quiet won't end unless one of us says something, Yoongi sharply inhaled. I knew he was about to say something and start a conversation. Despite him having a new identity to the public, he still acted the same like he did back then.

"So, I, um, wow this is awkward." He stammered, rubbing the nape of his neck, "You're staying in an apartment. That's, uh, good. You're doing great."

His voice got a bit deeper. And husky. But that's not what I should focus on.

"M-My imagination can talk?!" I stifled a gasp, scooting farther away from him.

"Wait, what?" he furrowed his brows, perplexed.

He then shifted his attention towards the messy pile of ramyeon packs scattered on the apartment floor. Yoongi groaned as he kicked a few out of the way.

"You're binge-eating ramyeon again?!" he exclaimed, nagging like he always used to. In this kind of scenario, I would've been annoyed, but right now, I was just grateful to hear him. It's been a long time since he scolded me like this.

Yoongi didn't notice me staring, he just kept going on and on about health and life priorities. "Didn't I tell you before? You should learn how to cook! You can't keep relying on me anymore—"

He paused. I knew why he did. I felt a lump forming in my throat.

This imagination of mine talks a lot for some reason.

With a heavy exhale, Yoongi stepped into my kitchen, disappearing within my range of sight. Even though I was just imagining things, I still didn't want him to leave.

I didn't want him to leave me again.

Another memory flashed inside my head. This time it was like a story book, about us, about our life together. We were still immature, yet we found each other.

"I like you." He once told me. I remember being flustered when he confessed, but I was happy. I said yes. We started dating, everything felt like a dream. 

But of course, things took a sad turn.

"Yoongi?" I hugged him from the back. To my surprise, he shrugged me off.

"Sorry, I'm busy today." He explained, not even looking at me directly in the eyes. I could see what he was working on, it was one of his albums he planned to sell on the streets.

"But you're always busy. You never talk to me anymore." I softly whined.

"We're already talking though, what more do you want?" he snapped, whirling at my direction with angry eyes.

"It's our monthsary." I wanted to reply, but the words failed to come out from my lips.

Days passed and our relationship worsened. When we're together, we refuse to say anything. Like falling leaves on a cold autumn afternoon, everything felt dull. It felt dead.

"Yoongi?" I bit my lip, teary-eyed, "Do you still love me?"

He never answered my question. Instead, he stood up from the bench we were sitting on and walked away. He left me, all alone in the dusk-filled park.

I couldn't take it anymore. One day, I finally told him.

"Let's just be friends." I said coldly, gazing into his beady black eyes.

It took him a while to respond but he did. "Okay."

I felt my whole world collapse. That was it? He didn't try to fix it? He didn't embrace me and tell me we were still fine?

His back was turned. I wanted to reach out to him. I really did.

But I couldn't. I watched him leave.

I was pulled away from my thoughts when I heard Yoongi's raspy voice calling. Before I could even realize I was zoning out, food was all I could see in front of me. The scent was nostalgic. It was my favorite meal, created with his secret recipe.

"Eat up." He uttered as he placed a mini table on the bed where I was sitting.

I gawked at him, bewildered, "Whoa, my imagination can cook too?!"

He flicked my forehead in irritation, which made me rub the pain away.

"Ow! That hurt!" I pouted.

"You deserved it, stupid." Yoongi grabbed a pair of chopsticks and began wolfing down the fried rice he cooked, nodding approvingly when he checked how it tasted. "Now, are you eating or not? Soon your stomach will bloat from all that instant ramyeon you gobbled up."

"Y-You're real." I stuttered, my hand still on my forehead.

"Took you a long time to figure that out." He simply commented, biting off the edges of a sunny-side-up egg.

"But h-how—"

"Shh..." He placed his index finger on my lips, forcing me to stop. He quickly pulled his hand away, faking a cough. "Just eat, okay?"

I gave up. Before I knew it, I was already gulping the food, my bowl wiped clean.

While I was indulging the meal that was finally not ramyeon, I didn't notice Yoongi staring, his chin rested on his palm as he smiled at me. It was like this back then too. It was like nothing ever changed. 

"You still make that annoying chewing sound, huh." He gently chuckled.

"Shut up." I grumbled through my food.

After we finished eating, he offered to wash the dishes with me. It was funny, for there was an obvious gap between the both of us while we scrubbed plates and dried glasses. He's taller compared to the previous Yoongi. But the comfortable atmosphere he exudes was still there.

Then it was time for him to go.

"I have to finish producing the last track." Yoongi informed, heading to the door.

His unyielding passion and dreams are still there too. His love for music, to be honest, I'm jealous of it. But it was his happiness, and I don't want to take that away from him.

"You're going outside exposed like that?" I rushed towards him, examining up-close.

Flustered at the sudden near contact of our bodies, Yoongi stepped back, now against the wall next to the doorway. "W-Well... Do you have anything I can use to cover myself?"

I nodded. With fast-paced feet, I dashed to the closet and pulled out a hat from the drawer. I then swiftly made my way back and handed it to him. He stared at it for a few seconds and then at me, face filled with surprise.

"That's my cap." he pointed at it, blinking, "You actually still have it."

I rolled my shoulders casually, "Yeah, it was kinda hard to throw it away."

Yoongi let out his gummy smile, and my heart drummed louder.

"Thank you for keeping it." He murmured.

In this kind of situation, we used to hug each other goodbye.

Silence ensued. We both glanced at the ground, not sure what to do.

"Bye bye," he hesitantly placed his hand on my head, "I know you've been crying before I came here. Try to take care of yourself."

I pursed my lips. He noticed it after all.

His back turned to face me, and I was reminded of the painful past. 

"Wait!" I blurted out. Yoongi immediately looked at me, as if he already expected this to happen.

"How will I know this isn't a figment of my imagination? That I'm not going ballistic?" 

He grinned, "Meet me at the fan-signing event tomorrow. I'll look for you in the crowd and wave once I see you."

✧

"I'll drop you off here." Jiwoo said, beaming at me proudly, "You go for it, gurl."

She then proceeded to walk towards another direction, separating from me. I bid her goodbye and spun to the two main doors leading inside the fan-signing event.

"I must be going mad." I told myself, yet I stepped up the stairs and the guards opened the entrance for me.

Once I arrived, I was instantly greeted with pterodactyl screeches.

There I saw BTS, all seated behind a long table, where they could freely interact with their fans as they sign their albums. I joined in the huge number of girls taking pictures at the front, easily blending in.

My chest tightened just by watching him hold hands with a bunch of random people, but I could see that he was happy. He was living a good life without me. 

Yoongi gazed at the crowd, eyes drifting from there to here. 

And finally, it landed on me.

I could feel my whole world slow down as his lips gradually drew a smile of recognition. Like he promised, he waved his hand the moment we locked stares.

He loved me. This guy loved me.

I know it's a selfish request, but I want him back.

I need him back.

With a forced smile and teary eyes, I disappeared from the audience.

✧

I tried my best not to be disappointed.

My house was filled with many decorations, all handled by myself. But despite the liveliness it appealed, I ended up being all alone again.

"Sorry! Something came up today!" Jiwoo texted. I stared at it for a few seconds before deciding to grab a champagne from the side. It was already late at night so the city was hushed to a peaceful quiet.

I huffed as I struggled to pull the cork out from the bottle.

"Ugh," I sighed in frustration, "Yoongi would be an expert in—"

My words faded. Why am I still so hung up over him? Get a grip, you fool.

I slammed my forehead against the wooden table, replacing my emotional pain with a physical one. I want to forget about him. But I can't.

"I need you, Yoongi." I mumbled. There, I admitted it. Satisfied?

"What the—" a low voice exclaimed, coming from the shadows. After narrowing my eyes to further inspect the scene, I was shocked to witness Yoongi in pajamas emerging out of nowhere.

"Why are you here again?" I squinted at him, probing.

"Why am I here again?" he countered, crossing his arms. He then noticed the bottle of champagne I was hugging protectively. 

Yoongi sighed and let his hand out, "Give it to me."

✧

"So the reason why your apartment is like this was because you got accepted for the job?" Yoongi asked as I poured him a drink.

"Yep, I was supposed to celebrate it with Jiwoo but she couldn't come." 

He looked at me, a bit concerned, "You were planning to celebrate by yourself?"

"Yep," I nodded with the redundant answer, "but then you showed up."

Yoongi smiled, leaning closer, "It's because you needed me."

I finally understood. We were bind by magic because of his promise. We were given a second chance to make things right.

Tears fell down on my flushed cheeks. I couldn't hold it in anymore. Unexpectedly, he carefully made me lean against his shoulder, his arm wrapped around mine.

The familiar feeling of his warmth was all coming back to me. I smiled, my mind and heart are both at peace. The sound of our laughter from the past made me recall the most beautiful moment in life.

The moment when we are together.

✧

"What is it now?" Yoongi groaned in a tired voice. "Better be quick. We've just arrived at the hotel with the managers. The members will notice my sudden disappearance."

"YOONGI!" I shouted from the top of my lungs. "KILL IT! KILL IT NOW!

He looked up at the ceiling and saw the cockroach flying around the room. Like a flash of lightning, the bug was instantaneously beaten up to death with luxurious hotel slippers.

"I-Is it dead?" I glanced up at him, only to see Yoongi burst out laughing.

"You're still afraid of insects?" he wheezed, teasing, "What a big baby."

"Look who's talking, Kumamon fanboy." 

"Hey, respect Kumamon."

Both of us ended up throwing pillows at each other, not mindful of the time ticking. It was only me and him, under the same roof of this tiny apartment building.

✧

"Let's stop this." Yoongi spoke up one day.

"What? Why?" my eyes widened, anxiety begs to be known.

He shook his head, as if trying to shoo me away, "I can't keep doing this. I'll end up hurting you again."

"Yoongi—"

"I'm busy. All the time." He cut me off, avoiding my gaze, "Time will come when I will get mad at you again for always disturbing my work ethics."

I went silent. He sneaked a glimpse at me before standing up and walking away.

"I'm sorry. You deserve someone better." 

Like the past, I could only stare at him from behind, watching him leave.

✧

Months had passed and I never dared to call him. In the end, magic didn't really help our relationship.

Why would I when I'm perfectly happy with my life right now?

"Do you want a ride home?" my fellow officemate, Sewon, offered. I sheepishly smiled at him as I waved my arms.

"It's okay. My apartment's only a few walks from here."

He chuckled, tilting his head, "Then it'll be a quick car ride. Come on, hop in."

Knowing that he will just keep on persisting, I decided to get inside his vehicle. I sat on the backseat, earning his eye-smile. 

"Quite the shy type, huh." He remarked, revving up the engine. "You're cute."

I awkwardly laughed, suddenly feeling self-conscious. To distract myself and avoid keeping up a conversation, I then started to gaze outside the window, observing the streetlights shining luminously as the citizens strolled along the pavement.

While my eyes were latched onto the view, my ears were focused on the sound of the radio playing. The music faded to a halt and the host's voice came into clearing.

"Ahem, so now we continue reading the letters sent by the mass," he announced, "The last one we're reading for tonight is one of the old letters that we didn't get to read before. We noticed that it actually came from a popular idol group. One of their members sent this a few years ago, and now we will share it to you. Fans, don't get upset."

Uninterested, I leaned against the seat. But what he said next had me completely frozen on the spot.

"Recalling my past love... Year 3 Class 3 No. 13 Min Yoongi." 

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. 

"Raise the volume." I demanded as I gripped onto the cushions tightly, as if hanging onto a small piece of thread. Sewon glanced at me through his mirror, a bit surprised with my sudden actions.

"Why, what's wrong—"

"Just do it!"

He immediately obeyed, raising the volume up like I requested. The host's voice was louder now, reassuring me that I won't be missing a single word.

"Hello, I'm Min Yoongi who lives in Daegu. I'm embarrassed that I'm writing a letter to a radio that I've always listened to. Our Korean language teacher asked us to write a letter that could be sent to a radio. I was contemplating on what to write, and I decided to write about my past love while reading Hwang Dong Kyu's 'Enjoyable Letter'."

When I heard the words 'past love', I let out a sigh. I wasn't sure on what to feel. Happy since he wrote a letter about me? Sad because he sees me as someone from the past?

"3rd year of middle school, it might be a tender age to say that one's in love. But it was a memory that held my true feelings from those heart aching memories. I'm embarrassed to say but I liked a girl last year in my 2nd year of middle school."

That's me. Unexpectedly, a smile was drawn on my face.

"Since I'm very shy, I wasn't able to talk to her, so we stayed friends. I became greedier as we got closer. I didn't want to stay a friend, so I confessed my feelings. But she said yes when I confessed I liked her."

I remember that moment like it just happened yesterday. It was beautiful. I liked him too, but I was afraid he didn't like me back. When he confessed, I felt my world sway.

"We ended up dating but that's when the problems started. Because I was so shy, I couldn't act naturally with her now that she was my girlfriend. I didn't pay attention to her and compared to how our relationship was when we were just friends, there was a clear difference. Our relationship became awkward more than anything."

I bit my lip, staring at my feet. It's true. I understood what he meant.

"We didn't date that long and due to all these problems she said let's just be friends and broke off the relationship. When I heard those words I felt like a side of my chest was hollow. I felt deserted."  

Tears started dripping down my face. I thought he didn't care. I thought he wanted it to be over. I thought he never loved me the same way I loved him.

But he did. And I unknowingly hurt him.

"I truly understood where she was coming from when she broke off the relationship and I went into reflection after that. I would think about everything I did wrong and how I could better myself. I also think back now about those days and wish I would've behaved differently."

I did my best to stifle my sobs.

"If I could go back, I would treat her way better and I know I could do more for her. I would tell her I loved her and liked her proudly."  

"Y-Yoongi..." I softly cried out, ignoring Sewon's worried calls.

"Thinking back to those days is hurtful and regretful for me. If she's hearing me speak this confessional letter I want to say the following to her."

I pressed my lips together, preventing myself from making a sound.

"I am very sorry for treating you that way. You must've felt so hurt when I behaved like that. I personally think back and look at it as a good memory now."

Why? Why must you be like this?

"Thank you for making that memory with me."  

✧

After convincing Sewon that I was fine, I managed to drag myself into my lonely apartment.

I fell to the floor, weeping. A rush of emotions were piling up one after another.

Your smile, your laugh, your warm embrace... Everything. All of it. 

I want it back. I need it back.

"Yoongi..." I whispered, clutching onto my chest as I lowered my head, praying you'll hear my voice, hoping you'll be by my side.

I realized you always keep your promises.

"I need you."

Like a spark of a shooting star, you showed up right next to me. Your gaze was quiet and serene.

"So you heard, huh." 

I nodded, sniffling and wiping away my tears.

Finally, you chose to embrace me instead of letting go. Your warmth comforted me. I nestled my head against your chest to focus on the sound of your beating heart.

"I need you, Yoongi." I murmured, wrapping my arms around you.

You kissed me on the forehead, tears shimmering in the corners of your eyes. And with a breath, you finally answered.

"I need you too."

✧

(A/N: Heeey! It's 3:30 in the morning oh my gawsh. I'm so sorry if this sucked and if it's overly dramatic. I'm a little rusty from writing dramatic stories since I've been busy writing action and mystery-thriller ones so it was hard adjusting. Anyways, hope you guys still like it! I did my best! Now I'm going to sleep! I AM FREAKIN NOCTURNAL. Baaaiii~)

- Haneul