Time.

It was a funny thing. You take it for granted, don't realize what it is and how fast it goes. You don't realize that there is always a time on what you do, who you have, and your life in general. The thing was, teenagers weren't suppose to have to worry about time. Their parents were suppose to live forever, to be there at their wedding, their kids birth, and every day forward until they're old. That's when you think about time, after having years together, that's when time only ever mattered.

Not when you're seventeen years old, and so suddenly and unexpectedly, your mother is gone.

Time hadn't just been about death, Austin didn't know that until he'd slipped away on the steps infront of prison. He blinked, and hours had passed. Where did he go? How did times pass that quick? He couldn't hear or remember everyone trying to get him to move, to try and get him to move, trying to help him. He didn't remember any of it. Maybe because he wasn't there, he'd just slipped away.

Mom. His mom.

The sunrise was what brought him back, all night he'd been out there. People came and went to check on him, to try their hardest to help him move. But, only Lori would have been the one to do so. The sunrise. It brought him back, because it had more meaning. He made it another day, he saw another sun rise. But, she didn't, she didn't get to. Austin blinked. his vision was still blurry. When he stood up, his legs wobbled. His back ached from how he'd leaned over the entire night, throat aching of pain.

Everyone looked over when the doors opened. It wouldn't be possible for Austin to ever look necessary bad, he took after his parents and inherited their good looks. But, that's didn't stop him from looking rough, damaged. For a second, they thought he could have been a walker. His eyes were bloody shot red, under eyes heavier then usual, his breathing was ragged, and he walked so slow. No one knew what to say as he walked in, mainly because he was looking around for just one person.

A little baby cry.

Beth had been holding her, the morning bottle coming to an end. Austin looked over, and he just gapped slightly. It took a second, multiple actually, but it sunk in. He walked closer. Beth stood up. Austin swallowed. "Can I.."

Beth was gentle as she passed him the baby, Austin holding her in his arms as he sat down. Maggie and Glenn shared a look. Austin gave her a little smile, his eyes started to water again as his voice broke. "Hey, little lady."

Carl was hesitant, but he walked closer. Beth moved out of the way, giving him the space to sit next to him. Austin looked over at him, giving his best sad smile. "Hey, little man."

Carl wrapped his arms around his waist, laying his head in Austin's shoulder as his older brother had been granted the emotions, the right to cry as he held them both. All three, without a mother. The gate creaked. "Everybody okay?"

Dad.

"Yeah, we are." Maggie looked over. Rick seeing Austin was a relief, last he'd seen he was frozen on the steps in the middle of the night, shaking in pain and from the cold.

Rick walked further in as he looked around. He didn't look so good either, going off the rocker like Austin had, only worse. Hershel looked at him. "What about you?"

Rick didn't look at the baby when he spoke. "I cleared out the boiler block."

"How many were there?" Daryl spoke up to ask.

"I don't know. A dozen, two dozen." he shrugged in return. Austin held the baby close to him when he heard her breath. "I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl and Austin."

"Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies." Glenn stood up before he could walk. "You don't have to."

"No, I do." Rick corrected him, waking to Daryl. "Anyone have a gun and a knife?"

"Yeah. We're running low on ammo, though." he said in return, leaning on one knee.

"Maggie and me were planning on making a run this afternoon." Glenn admitted with a nod of his head. "Found a phone book with some places we can hit, look for bullets and formula."

"We cleared out the generator room." Daryl added in. "Axels there trying to fix it in case of emergency. We're gonna sweep the lower levels as well."

"Good. Good." this time he really did walk off, quickly as he pulled the door shut.

Austin saw black spots as his head pounded. "Carl, take her. Take her."

He did quickly, Glenn looked in worry. "Austin?"

He stood up, and stumbled immediately. Beth hurried to grab him. "It's his wound. I told y'all, he lost too much blood."

"Beth, get him fixed up." Hershel spoke up to her. "We'll get something into his system. He needs rest."

"Do you have her?" Austin looked to Carl.

"Just...get better." he looked up at him.

"I will." he promised, his voice broken and scratchy.

Beth helped him to the infirmary, Austin leaned on the little bench to shut his eyes and regain some form of balance. His eyes opened again when he felt Beth grab at the bottom of his shirt, raising his arms as she pulled it over his head. "Lay back, you need to save your strength."

Austen did so, his eyes hurting and reopening as he propped himself up on his elbows to see what Beth was planning to do with this wound. He watched her wipe the blood off his side, gentle and delicately. Her fingers grazed across his skin, he felt too cold. "How did this happen?"

"Pulled my knife too quick." he answered, inhaling sharply when she dabbed at the wound. "Is it bad?"

"No, you'll just need to wrap it up." she spoke, finding the ointment near the counter. "Any deeper and it would have needed stitches."

Austin watched her, Beths right hand placed on his hip bone, the left dabbing the wound as much as he could. Her hair hung over her forehead slightly, dangling down but hadn't seems to bother her. Austin reached forward, pulling the piece to tuck behind her ear. Beth looked up at him with a little grin. "Thanks."

He nodded, swallowing. "Thank you for looking after Carl last night. I just-"

"You don't have to explain yourself." she cut him off with a look. "I'm just sorry, Austin. It isn't fair."

"No, it's not." he answered her honesty, looking away with a swallow. "I feel like..."

She looked up at him as he shook his head, looking for the right words. "There's my life, it's shaped like a heart. And when my mom died, the heart just got smaller."

Beth frowned, grabbing his hand as he met her eye. "Your mom loves you, and she is with you, no matter what. I knew her too, and I know that she would want you to stay strong for yourself. She'd want you to beat this world."

He nodded his head, swallowing hard. Beth stood up to hug him tightly, Austin's arms locked tightly around her as he squeezed his eyes shut.

He wasn't sure when everyone buried Lori, possibly when he was stuck on the stairs. But, either way, he was thankful for it. Judith was asleep and Carl was with Beth, giving him the opportunity to go sit by the lopsided cross that had his mom underneath. He had one of her shirts in his hands, finding it in her bag after laying in her bunk for a while. He was never one to do something like this, and she knew it. "I feel stupid for talking to dirt on the ground."

She didn't answer, but he hadn't expect her to. "Like, I never understood why people do stuff like this. I thought it was dumb, but I guess that makes me ridiculous."

He squeezed the bridge of his nose when hearing his own voice crack, inhaling to try and keep it together. "I'm sorry I didn't meet you there like I promised."

His side was hurting, but he was free of infection. He thought about Carl, about Judith, about his dad. "I don't wanna do any of this without you. I don't know how."

Austin inhaled, rubbing a hand over his face as he laughed at himself, shaking his head. "I still think this is dumb."

"Austin." a new voice brought him back. For just half a second, he thought it was his mom. He thought she was here, like her dying was one big joke and she was still here. He didn't see her body, so just for half of a second, he thought it was her. "What are you doing, son?"

"What are you doing?" Austin got to his feet to stand infront for his Dad, seeing him covered in walker blood.

"Burnin' em." Rick looked to the pile of walkers behind him. "Just burnin em. You need to go inside, getting dark soon."

"Come with me." he spoke in a begging manor.

"Gotta do this." Rick ignored him, going to walk off.

"Dad." Austin repeated himself, being ignore. "Dad, look at me!"

Rick paused at his tone, the way he yelled as him. Austin was never the one with much of an attitude, especially growing up. Carl was always a lot more snappy then he had been, their oldest was always such a go with the flow type. He'd only ever get mad at him, argue some, but never yell. Rick turned around to look at him. "Watch it."

"You have to stop." Austin repeated himself his way. "You have to."

"The world doesn't just stop!" Rick yelled at him with a finger risen in his direction.

"Don't you think I know that!" Austin yelled in return.

"Then act like it." the oldest Grimes spoke. They never looked unlike until right now, both angry and hurting.

"I'm trying." the teen gave a sad laugh. Maybe that's why Rick always had such a hard time getting mad at him, never having the need to yell at him. Maybe it wasn't because he didn't deserve it, but the look he had when he was sad. His eyes would tear up, sucking his lips in, face swelling to a red shade, resembling just a sad little kid that made it hard to get mad at him. "But, I need you."

Rick inhaled, staring at him. Austin shook his head, whipping his face. He was like that now, always afraid to make his dad think he'd been weak. Carl was four years younger then him and didn't cry constantly, he was getting through it. Austin was tougher then Carl was, Rick didn't understand how Carl could take it but Austin can't.

"I can't do this by myself." the younger boy stared at his silent dad. "I can't stay strong for Carl, I can't raise a baby on my own, I can't be the face of the new group. I need you in there with me. I'm not gonna be able to act like the world goes on unless I know I still have my Dad."

Rick flattened, shutting his eyes as he squeezed the bridge of his nose for a second. Austin waited, because this could go over many different ways. He was gonna turn around and sit with his mom again, but Rick timed it too good. He walked forward, wrapping his son in the longest, tightest hug he'd ever given him.

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kylie speaks

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