gif by my lovely friend @egocynical

He wasn't there for a while.

He knew a small group followed Noah to Virgina to see if a place was secure, he knew they came back, and he knew Tyreese was dead. He knew he was suppose to comfort Sasha, he knew he was suppose to comfort Maggie, he knew he was suppose to put Judith asleep each night, he knew he was suppose to eat and sleep himself. But, he didn't. More so, Austin couldn't.

He was always one of those people that would get annoying with characters in movies and tv shows when something bad would happen and they wouldn't move for days. He'd think, just eat something to stay alive, just let people know you were there. But, back then, he didn't know what it felt like. His mom was the beginning, but Beth broke him in two and put him in such a bad mental state. Everyone worried, because if Austin was the one to break on them, then what hope did they have for the world?

He was kept in the middle of the group at all times as they walked. He didn't know it, but he kept turning back every few minutes, wanting to be back by her grave. Carl and Glenn had to prey him away from it when it was time to leave, but he couldn't remember that happening.

"Hey, come on." Glenn held him softly when he turned back. "We have to keep going."

He didn't talk, but they all knew he was trying to go back for her, and her alone. Austin turned back, holding Glenn's hand as Carl and Michonne walked behind him. Rick would turn to look in worry every few minutes. He was his son, and he knew that what he felt after Lori could easily pass to him.

Even now, after three weeks, it felt like so much as three days to him.

There had been a few conversations going on around him, like Gabriel's voice, Carols. It sounded like he was underwater though, muffled by the memories of her that filled up his ears and mind. The good part about this way this pain kept his mind off the hurt in his stomach, his bones, from the lack of food he'd had in many days, if not weeks.

"Austin." Glenn squeezed his hand to get his attention. "We're going to the side of the road, to take out all the walkers."

He didn't realize they'd been following. Carl took Austin's hand and pulled him to the side with him and Judith as they group all lead the walkers off the side of the bridge until Sasha stabbed one, her anger being taken out the same way Austin's had three weeks ago. The group flooded in fighting, killing the walkers. Austin watched, his eyes didn't follow, staring as some of the walker blood flew onto his face.

He was getting tired, almost falling asleep while standing with his brother and sister. Carl tugged on his arm. "Austin."

But, he was ignore. Or, not so much ignored, more so unheard. Glenn took his hand again, taking him back to the road to walk once again. Daryl went back into the woods while Maggie searched the cars, Rick held Austin's face, pulling his jaw to make him look him in the eye. "Son."

Austin stared back at him, staring into his eye, but he hadn't totally been there. Rick held his head tighter. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

After Lori, that's what Austin needed to know when someone would die. His dad was there, and that's exactly was Rick was trying to show him. Maybe Austin heard him, maybe he didn't. But, he said it, and that's all he could do right now. Tara came to his side with a nod, indicating she had him for now while Rick lead once again. She linked their arms together, keeping Austin on track.

He turned around again, Tara kept him straight. "Hey, no. We have to keep going."

They all sat, which was good for him. He couldn't turn back and get confused. Glenn encouraged Austin to sit down betwen him and Tara, she exhaled as she looked toward Abraham. "So, all we found was booze?"

"Yeah." Rosita answered in return.

"That's not gonna help." Tara rubbed her weakening arms, one still linked within Austin's while Glenn held his other hand. Partly to show him they were there, anything because after what happened at the hospital, every single one of them feared he'd lash out on one of them or himself sooner or later.

"He knows that." Rosita nodded, refusing to Abraham, who was devouring the booze they'd found.

"It's gonna make it worse." Tara pointed out.

"Yes, is is." Rosita agreed again.

"He's a friend man." Eugene spoke now. "And I truly do not know if things can get worse."

They couldn't, Austin knew that. He was starting to hear again, his eyes actually moved as his head sat up. They all watched, because that was the most he'd done in three weeks. Even if he flattened out seconds later, it was something.

"They can." Rosita inhaled. The rustling sound echoed, three dogs coming from the woods and barking at them. Austin's head moved slowly to watch them, a blink that was more so considered a small nap, was given as Sasha shot the three.

They were feed.

"Hey." Carl sat next to Austin once the dog was cooked up. "You gotta eat."

But, he wasn't moving, and he wasn't even completely there. Carl exhaled, scooting in closer as he pulled a piece of meat off the stick, pulling his brothers jaw open. It was easy, he wasn't forced or fighting against a single thing. It was like he wasn't there, like he was just a body. It scared Carl, but he feed him and forced him to chew, tilting his head back to get a swallow.

They were back on the road the next morning, walking and keeping him in the group again. He stopped trying to turn back now, which was a relief. Judith wanted Austin, that was so very clear. Carl walked close to him with the baby in his arms to try and give his siblings some form of comfort all together. Glenn would trade off between him and Maggie, he'd hold Austins hand and give a squeeze to his palms every three minutes.

They each gave him gentle conversation, slow and light. He never talked back, but he was slowly started to show signs that he'd heard them. A twitch to the eye, a strain in his neck, a heavy exhale, a squeeze to the hand. It was the small things, but right now, the small things were considering the absolutely biggest things for him.

They came across a sign, a little paper that read they had a friend. Austin wanted to be alarmed, but he was flattening out again. His head was dropping, stumble over every now and then. Glenn and Tara kept him up right. Maggie wanted to be Austin's rock, just as he wanted to be it for her, but they both reminded the other all too much of Beth.

"What else are we gonna do?" Tara asked, referring to the unknown paper.

"Not this. Not with him like that." Rick spoke about Austin, because his state was reaching a month now, and he couldn't imagine getting into a situation where his son couldn't fight back or run if he needed to. "We don't know who left it."

"If that's a trap, we already happen to be in it." Eugene spoke honestly for the group. Judith gave a cry for Austin, Carl kept her away as much as he could. Unlike how it was with Lori, how Judith comforted Austin when it cane to his mother, she only made it worse when it came to Beth. "But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend."

The multiple water bottles and jugs were standing high at their feet, the paper had been laying upon it when they first came across it.

"What if it isn't? They put something in it?" Carol spoke up honestly.

Eugene lunged for one. "Eugene!"

"What are you doing, dude?" Tara gapped.

"Quality assurance." he spoke in return, Austin rubbed his eyes as his head started to fall to the side. If he was sleeping, it wasn't ever such. The sunken in eyes, dark circles, and all around terrible state made that clear. Rick messaged the back of his neck to keep him up right.

Abraham smacked the water out of Eugene's hands before he could drink it. The group all gapped as the red haired man simple backed up. Rick looked back for Carol to take Austin's arm. "We can't."

Thunder tumbled above them, the rain started to pour. Austin blinked as he looked up, his neck cracked. He stared up at the sky as the ones around him laughed, opening their mouths and laying on the ground. Gabriel cried as he apologized to the Lord.

"Everybody, get the bags. Anything you can find." Rick spoke up as they all started to spread out. Maggie looked to Austin, then to Sasha. They all seemed to be in the same boat, only one was grieving in anger, the other in sadness, and the other in torturing silence.

"Hey." Glenn took Austin's fece in his hands as the thunder roared loudly, Judith's cried echoing. "Feels nice, right?"

"There's a barn!" Daryl called out.

"Come on." Glenn encouraged, wiping the dirt from Austin's face as they followed the group. Daryl and Rick checked the area, Austin leaned on the side of the barn as the rain poured down on him. He started to move, walking somewhere he wasn't sure.

"Hey." it was Rosita, one of the few people that had done much for Austin. "Get back here."

She drug him back to the barn as they all went inside. A small fire was started, but the wet sticks were making it hard. Austin watched Carl sleep, hearing voices speak but not understanding them. His head leaned to the side, staring at the wall.

"Austin." Rick tried to call out to him, but he hadn't heard him.

"He'll come back." Glenn promised him. "He's tougher then the rest of us."

"I'm worried about him." Rick shook his head. "He's like me."

"He's exactly like you." Carol agreed.

Austin stood up.

"Hey." Michonne tried to stop him as he started to walk to the door. "Austin."

"Son, you gotta stay." Rick stood up quickly. "We can't go back."

He grabbed the door. "Austin."

"Wait." Glenn grabbed him quickly. "Just, wait."

They watched as the door was open, Austin simply standing in the rain as he took deep inhales. Glenn looked to Rick again. "Give him a second."

Glenn walked out of the barn, down the small steps as he stood behind Austin in the pouring rain. "Hey."

Austin blinked slowly as the cold fell onto his cheeks. Glenn walked to stand by his side. Despite the rain, it was quiet for them, like it hadn't existed. "What's going on in your head?"

Something no one had asked. They'd ask how he was doing, if he needed anything, what they could do, if he was okay. But never how he truly thought.

Austin swallowed. "Dying."

His voice was scratchy and barley there, the lack of speaking for a month doing that to his vocal cords. Glenn tried not to gap at his first words in so long, looking over quickly. "Dying?"

"Beth had it right." Austin inhaled, when he said her name, immediately tears and a tightness formed in his chest. "Get it over with before anyone has the chance to. The only thing you have control over."

Glenn realized they never stopped to think about if Austin would develop suicidal thoughts. He was such a strong kid for the longest time, now in his adult hood, it never crossed their minds. Glenn yanked his gun from his waist band to keep away from him. "No. You look at me, i'm not doing this with you anymore."

He circled him and took his face in his hands, making Austin look at him. "The world isn't fair, what happened wasn't fair. Non of it is, it sucks! This world completely sucks and me and you are having to live out the shitty days. But, we're going to. Together."

"I don't want to." Austin whimpered in Glenn's hands.

"I want you to." he nodded, staring at him. "I can't loose you. You're my best friend, i'd loose it without you. You can't leave me behind, okay? Promise me."

Austin started as Glenn's eyes watered. "Why are you crying?"

"Because you're getting me emotional, you ass." Glenn smiled as he pushed Austin's head slightly, making him almost smile back. "Don't leave me behind."

Austin inhales. "I miss her."

"I know." Glenn frowned, pulling him into a tight hug as Austin cried into his arms, in the pouring rain. "It isn't fair, i'm sorry."

They stay that way for a while, it was good for Austin, a healing process. Without Glenn, without the first person he could ever truly call his best friend, that wouldn't have happened. "I won't."

"What?" Glenn asked.

Austin swallowed harshly. "I won't leave you behind."

•

kylie speaks

i promise i didn't abandon you
guys, i just had to take on
7 more books bc a new season
of ST came out. BUT i only have three/four episodes left for the
books so i'll be back to updating
my favorite baby