۫ ּ ִ ۫ ˑ ֗ 𓏲˖ 𑁍 ࣪ ִ ۫ ּ ִ ۫ ˑ ֗
࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ  ✩◿𝓘𝓓𝓐◸ 🂱 ࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ
CHAPTER SIXTY—
haven't i given enough?

tw: suicidal thoughts and slight self harm.

Austin stabbed those walkers like his life depended on it.

Natalie needed to go to school so she'd gone back, leaving him out there to finally let that anger out. He didn't have to worry about scaring her, he could do whatever he wanted. He yelled out when he stabbed those walkers, loosing his knife and resulting in shoving their heads against the tree barks. He huffed with each hit, over and over again. The way it's head bashed in, turning into nothing, made him see flashes of Glenn laying there right behind him.

Austin fell back and hit the ground with a deep exhale, a shaky one as he held onto the side of his head. It kept replaying, it didn't stop. It never stopped, it was on an endless loop. The sight, the sound of bones cracking, the feeling of his blood and brain slinking all over him. Austin pulled his knees up and held onto his head tightly, rocking slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it."

"Stop what?" Glenn asked, sat infront of him. He didn't look the way he did in the infirmary last night, half his face was bashed in and he was bleeding.

Austin exhaled as he hit himself in the head over and over. "Go away. Go away."

His eyes opened, staring at the space Glenn was just seconds before and found it empty. He exhaled in relief, but didn't feel much better. He looked up at the sky, the sunrise only making the sky a blue shade that illuminated all over Alexandria. He stared at that stupid sky and shook his head, his eyes getting heavy and filling with stupid fucking tears again. When did it end? When was it over? Hadn't he given enough?

Clearly not.

"Fuck!" he yelled out into the sky and squeezed his knife hard in his hand, the blade piercing his palm as the bright red blood poured into the sand. He didn't feel it at first, not until he let the knife go and the wind hit the open wound. He stood up with a deep inhaled, feeling a hand on his shoulder. He knew the touch, making him shut his eyes and shake his head. "Get out of my head."

"Don't think that's possible." Glenn spoke from behind him.

"What else do you want from me?" he cried out and spun around with wide, large eyes. He was yelling, yelling so loud that he didn't even care if someone heard him shouting at someone only he could see. "I don't know what to do! I don't know anything anymore! I didn't protect you, and now you're dead. You're dead, and i'm here all alone without you! I don't know what else there is to do!"

"You think I want something from you?" Glenn stared at him in the face. "I think you know why i'm here."

"What? To tell me i'm insane? To tell me to stop seeing you? I've tried!" Austin pointed to himself as he laughed and threw his hands up, those stupid fucking tears falling and reddening up his face even more.

"You know what i'm here for." Glenn looked at the knife in Austin's hand. "It's what you wanted to do this whole time, isn't it?"

Austin slowly looked at his knife, his bloody hand still dripping onto the ground. His eyes, Lori's eyes, shifted to look at Glenn again. "You just told me yesterday not to. You told me to live for you."

Glenn shrugged his shoulders. "Who cares what I want? I'm dead, remember?"

Austin looked at that knife again, holding onto it.

"You told me once that maybe Beth had it right, from the beginning. When she slice her wrist with that knife." he nodded to it as Austin stared at it. "Don't you miss her?"

He looked up and felt a weight on his chest. A weight that always hit him when he thought about her, which was a lot more often then he liked to admit. "Of course I miss her. I love her!"

"You love me too. You love your Mom." Glenn listed on as he stared at him. "Don't you think it would be so much easier to be with us? You can finally stop feeling this way."

He felt comforted by the idea, like a weight was off his shoulders. He shut his eyes and imagined a life with them. The four of them, Abraham and Tyreese too. Hershall. Noah. Everyone he cared for that he'd lost. They'd all be together, maybe back at their home in Atlanta with the wall he ran into and Rick blamed on himself. Or the movie theater he use to work out. He'd lay with his Mom every night, he'd fall more and more in love with Beth then he had before, he'd laugh with Glenn and know they all had eternity together. What a life, what a beautiful vision.

He pressed the knife into his wrist, it didn't hurt at first, too over clouded by the beautiful dream he put in his head. It grazed his skin, not enough to bleed yet, but enough to prick the skin.

"Austin!" the yell was from a distance, but when he spun around Natalie was running for him. She hadn't seen, he hid his knife in his waist band. "Hurry. I need your help."

"What happened?" he gave her a fearful look. Glenn wasn't here anymore.

Natalie had a faint gloss over her eyes, but fear and worry clouded that. "It's my Dad. He's with the boys."

Austin knew that if she had shown up a minute later, she'd have no one to save her brothers from the man that traumatized them on the daily. Just like last night, their little faces saved him from doing something to leave. They needed him. Every time we was confident he wanted to leave, they'd need him the most.

The familiar trucks lined Alexandria as the pair ran in. The saviors were in each house, Natalie informed him they'd been at the bar. Rick stood in the front with Lucille in his hand, looking back when Austin ran over. "They're okay. I've been out here the whole time."

"Is he in there?" he asked, nodding to the bar.

"What happened to you?" Rick looked over his sons state. Austin then remember that he was covered in blood and guts. He yanked his shirt off and used it to wipe every bit off his face before he ran into the bar, somewhat clean and knowing he wouldn't scare the boys.

"Oh!" Negan smiled at the pair. "There's my girl!"

Natalie stood really still, swallowing hard. Austin looked down at her as Negan smiled at him. "And where did you come from?"

Austin grabbed the tee shirt from the empty bag down stairs, there incase of an emergency. He pulled it over his head and looked at the boys. Levi was looking down in his lap, refusing to look up while Luke was behind him. "Boys? You okay?"

Levi didn't talk, but that wasn't a shocker. He never talked. Luke looked from behind his brother. "We're okay."

"We're just talkin." Negan smiled as he looked over, touching Levi on the cheek as he jolted away from him. "He looks more like your kid then he does mine, Austin. You see that? I mean, it's real close. I don't know how I didn't see that before. I mean, shit. I see it."

They did look a lot alike, Luke looked like him too. Austin was certain the boys would pass for his real kids if it weren't for the age, but Natalie didn't look anywhere near them. Even being Levi's twin, they didn't have any similarities except for those noses and the occasional smile.

"This is your bar?" Negan laughed as he looked around. "I'm so damn impressed with you. A successful pretty boy, huh? Maybe you are a good influence on my kids."

He stood up and walked closer. Austin stood up straight and held his breath as Negan got right in his face, leaning down on his level some. "Make me a drink."

Austin stared him in the face. Negan saw differently on him now. He wasn't as hurt and sad as he'd been at the line up, he looked stronger but still had that pain he loved to see. It was right in his eyes, Negan smiled. "You don't have your Dads eyes."

Austin tilted just head. "No."

"You got that from your momma." he nodded with a cheeky grin. Austin's jaw clinched as his eyes narrowed, it made Negan laugh as a little bit of spit flew from his mouth. Natalie was behind Austin still, non of them had moved one bit. "That hit a nerve?"

Austin looked toward the bar. "What do you want?"

When Negan finally backed off, it gave him the opportunity to go behind the bar. Natalie still lingered by the door, but Negan went back to where he'd been with the boys. "Why don't you give me your most popular one?"

Austin caught Luke's eye too, giving him that sense of comfort he was able to give Natalie. Not Levi, though. He didn't look up, he kept his eyes down or closed. Austin poured the shot and put it infront of Negan. He smiled at him in that mocking manor he always did. "What do I owe for it?"

Before Austin could say anything, Negan nodded. "On the house, huh? You shouldn't have."

He downed the shot, Austin's hand gripped onto the bar so tight that the blood from his wound stained the bottom. Negan whistled. "Man! Now, that is some good shit!"

He reached for the bottle. "I think i'm gonna take this."

He stood up and rubbed Luke and Levi on the heads. "What about you two? You make up your minds? You wanna come back home?"

Levi just didn't talk. He was dead silent. Luke stepped up, his tiny voice, his innocent little eyes. "We want to stay."

Negan nodded to his youngest. "You wanna stay, huh? You like it here? You like Austin being your new Daddy, Lukie-Pookie?"

Luke looked to Austin, his hands holding into Levis arms. "We...we just want to stay here, Dad."

Negan kissed his own teeth and nodded. "Okay."

Negan exhaled as he crouched down on Levis level. Austin sat up more and tightened his jaw so hard he felt his teeth cracking. "And what about you? You wanna stay too?"

Levi nodded his head, not looking his Dad in the eye. Negan tilted his head. "I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything, Austin?"

He was quiet too. Levi swallowed. Austin always wondered why he didn't talk much, barely any at all. He assumed it had to do with stuff he's seen, his brain shutting down as did his words. But, it was clear right then and there. Negan is what made him go silent. His Dad silenced his voice out of fear of saying the wrong thing, and getting the fate everyone else did. "Yes."

"Yes." Negan whispered, just as Levi did. He stood up and turned to his daughter. "Natty? You wanna stay here too?"

Her blue eyes shifted toward her brother. "I want to stay with Levi and Luke."

"That's fine." Negan nodded his head as he grabbed his bottle off the bar. "That's okay, kids. You wanna know why that's okay?"

He pushed the bar door open but stood in the door way, pointing to Austin behind the bar. "The longer you stay, the quicker he's gonna die."

Austin waited until the door shut entirely to circle the bar fast, Luke already holding his arm out for him fo hold him. Austin picked him up and held the back of his head. "It's okay. It's okay."

Luke laid his head down, waiting for that feeling in his little stomach to go away. He was so little, so young, too young to fear of what would happen right infront of his face. Austin held him and kept him real close, walking closer to Levi as he pulled his head closer against his arm, leaning and kissing him on the forehead. "You're okay. I promise. You're okay."

Levi shifted his arms, kicked one of his shoes off, and wrapped his arms around Austin's waist as his only free arm held onto him. Natalie walked over and hugged Levi too, leaning her
head on his before Austin turned so his hand, with the arm he was holding Luke with, would holding onto her shoulder and encourage her to wrap one of her arms around him too. The four of them sat in that bar and held onto each other, even when the Saviors walked in and took every bit of alcohol him and Enid found together.

"You're okay." Austin promised the kids again. "Nothing will happen to you."

All three of them knew that though. They just couldn't say the same for him.

•

kylie speaks

as the kids become a bigger
part of the plot and as they
grow older, i'm so excited
to get into their characters
more and really get to that
peace and happy side of their
story. i think y'all will really
like the side plot i already have
planned for natalie and two
surprised love interest after the
time jump in season nine *wink wink* and
levi too. hopefully that gives y'all something to look
forward to since there's two
more deaths that i am really
dreading that'll happen before
that.