Warnings: Dazai, Dazai being suicidal, Horrible Alpha joke, You are a total maniac and menace to society, Tanizaki siblings.

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'...huh?'

"Kid. if you wanna curse someone, curse Dazai. Otherwise curse yourself for being wrongfully chosen by the staff." Says Kunikida with both arms crossed.

'Maybe not curse at all like a good kid? :)'

"It's just as he says Atsushi-kun. In other words this was a sort of entrance exam." Says Dazai, holding up a finger. ( it's giving 🤓☝️ lmao-)

A troubled look crosses over Atsushi. "Entrance...exam?"

"Exactly."

A new figure walks in. A beautiful bbg dilf- I mean, a handsome young (not) man with long silver hair, which ends just above his shoulder. Metallic blue eyes which appear to have wrinkled eyebags under them. Wearing a green yukata under a black haori with golden borders with a zigzag pattern, and zori with white tabi.

RŌMAJI
Fukuzawa Yukichi

KANJI
福沢 諭吉

Ability: All Men Are Equal (人上人不造ヒトノウエ二ヒトヲツクラズ | Hito no Ue ni Hito o Tsukurazu)

Atsushi looks over to the new voice while you were already starting to go simp mode.

"President." As soon as Kunikida calls the man 'president'-

"P-PRESIDENT!?"

'Atsushi, ily, but pls don't scream in my ears☹' *mentally sad noises*

"Dazai over there told me that we had two "capable youngsters". So I had your spirits tested out." The person, who you knew as 'Fukuzawa Yukichi', spoke.

"That's when Dazai opens his mouth. recommended you, but in some ways you're still a monster designated as a danger by the town. While [Name]-chan, isn't really a criminal or sort, but as she has never been seen in Yokohama, let alone any parts of it except just appearing before us that day. That means it is the agency's responsibility to keep an eye on her as well. We have already decided who will look after you."

'Wdym I'm def not sus :3'

Dazai continued, "And so, this is what the company decided to do."

"What's your verdict president?" Asked Kunikida.

The president looks at Atsushi with a stern gaze before closing his eyes. "They'll be under Dazai's care." And with that, he walks out the crowd.

"You passed!" Dazai beamed.

"yay." The voice came out so unenthusiastic that even the starting letter wasn't capital. Though, under the Ultimate skill, [ Poker Face ], you were dying of happiness.

".........." Atsushi didn't get paid enough for this- not that he ever even got paid. But hey, atleast he has a job now and he gets paid!

"M-meaning...you assessed what I can do, and I'll be working..."

"Here." Dazai finished for Atsushi.

"Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency."

'Rawr ur alpha passed the test🐺'

The boy pretending to be the bomber spoke, "Heheh, nice to meet you!"
Naomi then jumps at his brother's (💀) back. "T-THAT HURTS! I said it hurts! Sorry! I said sorry already Naomi!" You just love that look of panic over his face.

RŌMAJI
Tanizaki Jun'ichirō

KANJI
谷崎 潤一郎

Ability: Light Snow (ささめゆき | Sasame yuki)

Atsushi was really questioning his life now. You just looked away. Even though you're brain definitely doesn't work as normal, you still had the decency in you to not watch THAT.

"Y-you went this far...j-just to test me?"

'He wants me fr' while Atsushi was having a crisis, you were busy being delulu.

"If this much surprises you already, you won't last long!" Said Dazai with a sus smile, definitely not suggesting that he would make Atsushi do worse jobs.

"Even better." It really shocked Atsushi at how you were so chill.

"NO, NO! THIS RECKLESS AND DANGEROUS WORKPLACE ISN'T FOR ME!" Atsushi was panicking and probably scared for his future, which he should be.

A creepy smile made it's way to your face. "Hey sushi, I think you should accept, not because of morals or whatever shiz, but...you do realize that you're currently considered as a threat by the people?" You love Atsushi, he's such a cinamin roll, but that won't stop you from trying to traumatize him. What can I say, you're an 'Asagiri kinnie' afterall🙃.

"[ N-name]-san?..." safe to say that Atsushi was scared shizless from you.

"Aha! You get my point [ Name]-chan!" Dazai also joins in bullying and traumatizing Atsushi. "There's also no shelter for you, I don't really think that's safe!"

"Right? There's even daily expenses and food to worry about! I wonder what you will do on streets...without any job, or money at all!"

'Please save me God 😨'

[Congratulations! You have completed a side mission!]

Traumatize Atsushi: ✅

Rewards: +2 Creativeness, +1 Intelligence.
That's all!

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Current Location: Uzumaki Cafe.

"I'M SORRY!"

BANG!

'I think people nowadays love pain, Because WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU BANG YOUR HEAD ON THE TABLE FOR APOLOGIES'

"Huh?"

"About the test, I mean. I said and did some really horrible things to you..."
Tanizaki apologises sincerely. But even if it ain't sincere, nobody gonna know that cuz he's a god level actor.

"Ah, no, don't worry about that-"

"I will never forgive such a heinous act! This is highly offending!" You in your lawyer era???

Tanizaki did not know how to respond to that. "I- uh- I'm really sorry! U-umm I'll try to do anything to repay you-!"

"Perfect :3"

you stop the recording- oh yeah, you were recording the entire conversation so that you could take advantage of Tanizaki and make him buy you anything! Mwehehehehe :3

'The poor boy had no idea what he was getting himself into.'

"...Tanizaki, I don't think it's necessary to apologise. Afterall, it was your job-"

Before your chance of getting anything was ruined by Kunikida, you cut him off.

"Well then! By that logic, I was also considered a civilian at that time. And, since you have scared and possibly traumatized a normal civilian, I don't think you can go without compensation :3" yeah, you were toooootally scared for your life.

Dazai chuckles. "Kunikida-kun, I think [Name]-chan is right! We should atleast give her a proper apology, along with a gift." God bless this man for supporting you, well, supporting the idea of buying you something.

"......Anyways brats-" "I'm not a brat! Thank you." "Ugh.....anyways, from now on, you both are a part of the agency. So please refrain from doing anything that will cause trouble to others and give us a bad name." When will you stawp. "I, as
well as the rest of us, will make sure you don't. Right, Dazai?" He asks.

'You think he listening to allat💀'

"If I asked that beautiful waitress...'I want to die, please kill me', Do you think she'd do it?" Said Dazai, clapping his hands.

"She wouldn't." You answer for Kunikida.

"Aww man..."

"But I'm sure I'd like to strangle you instead :)"

"Really!? Well then! I hope you don't mind Kunikida-kun!" He takes your hand in his and almost gets you to strangle him......except, it's 'almost'.

SLAP!

"YOU SUICIDAL MANIAC-! ...ahem...please excuse us." Kunikida just slapped this mf and then proceeds to walk somewhere nobody sees them but...noises can still be heard. ( damn why this sound so sus💀)

*beating noises :3*

Atsushi is scared, the siblings are...doing their own thing, While you are smiling like this doesn't bother you in the least.

' :3 '

After some time, Kunikida finally returns with Dazai, dragging him back to where they first sat. Dazai looks very beaten up, still bbg tho.

"Yo, you fine there?"

"No ;) Kunikida-kun is so cruel...he didn't even stop when I begged for mercy!" He starts whining while over-exaggerating every single detail. Kunikida looks like he's really holding back the urge to beat him up again.

"Dw I'm always open for therapy sessions. Free btw :3" 'Free'...are you sure abt that? 🤨

"Um... I'm a bit curious,
I hope I'm not intruding...what did you guys do before joining the agency?" Atsushi finally opens his mouth, well, he was too scared to do it earlier since he was in a room full of weirdos, but decided that he too was a weirdo himself.

.........

The silence is overbearing.

Dazai chuckles. "What do you think we did?"

'If I hadn't known any better, I would've said drug dealers. Kinda Dazai's past line of work lmao.'

He continues, "it's kind of a tradition here to see if the newbies can figure out everyone else's old jobs."

"Huh?" Atsushi goes into a thinking position. "Hmm...well then... Tanizaki-san and his sister... are students?"

"How did you know?" Asks Naomi.

Atsushi answers, "well, you're wearing your uniform, as for Tanizaki-san...you look like you're about the same age."

"Not bad. What about Kunikida-kun?" Dazai gestures towards Kunikida.

"STOP IT! MY FORMER JOB-!"

"My turn!" You cut him off. "A boring math teach right!?" You said while smiling teasingly at Kunikida.

"Correct [Name]-chan!"

"Ugh...that's the ancient history. I don't want to remember it."

'I can kinda see it...but he'd hit me if I said that.' Thought Atsushi with a sweatdrop. His imagination was quite something.

"So, what about me?" Dazai points at himself.

"You were..."

" :3 " he gives a 'just a silly' smile.

'I HAVE NO DAMN IDEA' Atsushi look at the man, wondering what his job is.

"Don't waste your time brat-"

Aaaand he's cut off again.

"How long does the offer stand for?" You ain't listening allat.

"Hm...well, you can answer whenever you want!"

"Great. There must be a reward then? Hey sushi, you go first!"

"Huh- me? Oh okay." Atsushi then questions, "by the way, what's the reward? I mean, if there is one."

"Oh, it's currently 700,000 yen." Dazai answers.

Suddenly, all the motivation in history is transported in Atsushi's soul, his eyes shining with determination.

"And you'll really give it to me if I guess
it?"Atsushi confirms for one last time.

"A suicide advocate never goes back on his word."

"Salary man."

"Wrong."

"Scientist."

"Wrong."

"Factory Worker."

"Wrong."

"Writer."

"Wrong."

"Actor."

"Wrong, but... I'm flattered you think I could be an actor." Dazai blushes like a high school girl, placing a hand on his cheek.

'I mean... you're hot-'

"So you were either jobless or homeless, right?" Says Kunikida looking doubtful if Dazai even had a job in the first place.

'Does a shipping container count-'💀

"Nope." Dazai says as he stands up. "I won't lie about this. Hehe do you give up? You'll be covering the bill then-"

"Leave poor sushi alone." You hug Atsushi protectively from the side, pouting at Dazai.

"Oh How I'm hurt [Name]-chan! Why don't you ever care about me in the same way~!" He starts whining and doing over-exaggerating actions and gestures, which don't sway you in the slightest.

Atsushi looks grateful about you saving him. He quitely whispers, "thank you [Name]-san."

"👍"

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

'HOLY SHIZ IS THERE A BOMB HERE!? 😨💀'

IT'S..........Tanizaki's phone...yeah.

"Huh?" Says Tanizaki.

'"Huh"..."HUH" TF!? "HUH" MY AS-FOOT'

You were fuming inside because this ringtone had just gave you a heart attack.

Meanwhile, Tanizaki: "A job?"

'Rawr ur Alpha on the way to higuchi girlboss 🐺'

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Current location: idk don't ask me.

'A short, young woman, with blonde hair
that come down to her shoulders, neatly brushed. Wearing a black suit and a white shirt properly buttoned....

That's higuchi alright.'

"Well then...let's see about your request." Tanizaki immediately gets to work.

"So...beautiful..." but of course, the day cannot go without Dazai harassing a girl for double suicide. He takes the girl's ( known as 'Higuchi' ) hand in his own and kneels down on a knee beside where she is sitting.

"Your beauty is like the elegance of water lily..."

"HUH!?"

"Would you do me the honor of committing a lovers' suicide with me-"

Smack!

"Wh- Wh- Wh-" *confused noises* the pretty woman looks absolutely confused at what happend in the span of 5 seconds.

"I'm sorry. Please forget that ever happened. "

Kunikida had had enough of his shiz. He drags dazai to a room, and you know what's going to happen.

*beating noises :3*

'Lmao get wrecked bozo'

The girl, 'Higuchi', then dismisses the previous interactions.

"Anyways..."

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END!

Words: 2053

Hope you like this chapter.

I think this chapter was quite alright? Anyways, I'm recently obsessed with Odetari's songs- like, they're so addictive.

Question: should I make chapters out of the main events? Like, just after the gangster paradise, I can make a chapter meeting with another character yet to be introduced in the main events? Or, maybe you know...a date w Dazai😏😏

If you think I should make them, you can choose one of these options.

1. Date w Dazai.

2. Date w Ranpo.

3. Date w Yosano.

4. Meet w Fyodor.

5. Meet w Nikolai.

6. Meet w chuuya.

7. Anything else you wanna comment.

I will choose the one with most comments.

Also, here's something I drew in spare time.

How do you think it looks?

Also, do you want me to draw another fanart for [Name]?

That's all. Bye and take care!

♡☆SAYONARA~☆♡