He looks around the hallway to see if anyone might have heard me. He closes his front door with his foot and I shout under his hand until he lets me go.

'Don't fucking touch me!' I shout, straightening my suit.

Shawn apologises and takes a step back, creating distance between us. A distance that I really need before I punch him in his face this time.

'Am I going to prison?' Shawn asks.

I feel the anger in my chest rising higher.

'Oh! Apparently, we're making progress!' I turn around looking over Amsterdam, absolutely outraged. 

'You are not even going to deny it this time!' I turn around to look at Shawn. 'Maybe I should be thankful you kept me out of this shit!'

He blinks and opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

'Stealing cars? Really?' I sound disappointed. 'You're so smart that you're fucking stupid! We are not in America! You cannot go around stealing a car in every city and expect to never get caught! This country doesn't have different states with different rules! Should I really explain this to you?!'

'No, I know about that.'

'That was a rhetorical question!'

I see in Shawn's eyes that he isn't sure what to do. He just stares at me with a stupid "I just got caught" expression on his face. I inhale sharply and feel the anger being replaced with disappointment. 

What was I thinking? Once a liar, always a liar. 

I sigh and close my eyes for a moment.

'I'll make sure you won't end up in prison. If you don't give me a real and honest explanation, consider us over. I am sick and tired of not trusting you! I am sick and tired of looking into your eyes and not knowing if you'll be there tomorrow! It's exhausting, really.'

'Can you just trust me with this, Beth, please? It's not what you think.'

'It never is! Is it?' I drop my purse onto the floor. 

'You come up with these excuses every time! I forgave you for killing someone!' Low blow Elizabeth... low blow. 'I forgave you for abandoning me! I forgave you for moving on with that blonde lady! I forgave you for lying! I forgave you for everything, but you just can't stop, can you? So, how am I supposed to trust you if you keep secrets from me?!'

'What lady?!' I see a dangerous twinkle in Shawn's eyes.

Of course that's the only thing he hears after everything. Maybe he's going to deny it too, even after I sent him the picture.

'The one you almost kissed in The Hague!'

'Oh, please! That was a publicity stunt!' 

I frown.

'Hailey Baldwin. She wanted her boyfriend to propose to her so we staged a fake "relationship" so the press could take some pics and he would put a ring on her finger to make sure he wouldn't "lose" her to me!'

I roll my eyes.

'See?! Not everything is what you think it is, Elizabeth!'

'Ok, I got this one wrong. But what do you have to say about the stolen cars, huh? Did Tristan put you up to it again?' I make a pouting face, mocking him.

'Actually, yes, he did!'

'Of course.' I scoff. 

'You never take responsibility, do you? Tell me why the fuck Tristan needs you to steal cars for him, give me one good reason!'

'You tell me why the fuck I would feel the need to steal cars?! I have more than enough money, and I am certainly not the adrenaline junky in this relationship!' He shouts.

It goes on like that for a while, shouting at each other, saying things that hurt. I ask myself why I'm defending Tristan right now. He is the reason for all of this but there is one difference. After everything that happened, Tristan hasn't lied to me once. Murderer or not, somehow that makes me trust him more than I trust Shawn.

'Are you seriously asking what makes a drug lord and a murderer dangerous?!' Shawn scoffs. 

'He is the fucking reason for all of this! For our fights! For your pain! Your mistrust! And you keep defending him?! What makes him better than me?' I see in his eyes that I hurt him.

'At least he never lied to me!'

'He is the one that makes me lie to you! Don't you see that? You have no idea how dangerous and powerful he is. He got my own father holding a gun against my head! He plays with minds! He's a fucking sociopath, do you think he gives a fuck about you, huh? He does not!'

'I know that! I'm not stupid! It just doesn't make any fucking sense!'

'It doesn't have to when it keeps you alive!' He shouts so loud that I'm sure the other side of Amsterdam heard him.

'You did this to keep me alive?' My anger becomes less now.

'I would do anything to keep you safe and alive! That little date you and Tristan had when you got all drunk and upset with me... It was a warning. Tristan showed me how easy it is to get close to you and how easy it would've been for him to put something in your drink or slit your throat in an alleyway next to the club.' He takes a step closer.

The scenarios go through my head and I see myself dead on the floor in the extremely crowded club and dead in an alleyway with blood pooling around my body. 

He is right, I know better than to trust men like Tristan, but sometimes it's hard to control my feelings. Tristan was so nice to me that he honestly came across as an honest and decent man...

'I know you're right, but that still doesn't change the fact that I don't trust you. You can never be honest to me as long as you keep working for him. We can never be together if I can't trust you.' I sigh.

'What are you saying?' His voice breaks.

'We're over, Shawn. Even though you gave me the truth, I am not going to be with you as long as you work for him. I'm not doing this again.' I inhale sharply. 

'I didn't learn it the first time. Now I did.'

'What if I stop working for him? Will you be with me?'

I think for a moment.

'It will take a long time for me to trust you again, but I would give you a chance, yes. But aren't you the one always telling me that there is no way out without sacrificing innocent lives.'

Shawn nods, grabbing my hand and pulling me to him a little.

'Will you forgive me if I will do whatever it takes to be free of Tristan just so I could be with you.' I frown. 'And no, I won't be sacrificing innocent people, Beth.'

I nod slowly.

'Yes, I will forgive you.' I look at our hands. 

'But until then, you're not my boyfriend and I need you to stay away from me.' I pull my hand away from his, a tear rolling down my cheek.

His eyes meet mine and I look away before I have a mental breakdown in front of him again. He blinks a couple of times, tears welling up in his eyes too.

'Goodbye, Shawn.' I walk past him to his front door and close it behind me without looking back.

I rush down the stairs, breaking out in tears. I can't do this anymore. As soon as I get outside I walk to an alleyway and put my back against the wall, getting overwhelmed by the pain in my heart. 

I slowly lower myself against the wall to the ground, crying into my hands. I'm probably ruining my suit, but I really don't care. I can't handle all this pain. How many times is my heart going to break before it's permanently broken because of him? 

Can I really forgive him for what he's going to do to get rid of Tristan? What if I can't and we end up hating each other for everything we've done. What if I hate myself for becoming that kind of person that goes through fire for a man?

I need to burn that camera footage of Shawn stealing cars, but how am I going to do that? 

I need to keep him safe, keep him from going to prison. While he takes care of Tristan, I need to make sure we even have a chance to start over without Shawn being in prison. 

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