Here is a list of the songs I listen to while writing: Nick Jonas - Chains, John Newman - Love me again, Jay Sean - Down, Justin Bieber - Sorry, Shawn Mendes - Roses, Shawn Mendes - Love me or leave me, Shawn Mendes - Satisfied, Dj Babs - Tout est bon, Twin N Twice - COUCOU, Duncan Laurence - Arcade, Charlie Puth - Attention, Trap Queen Remix Kizomba by Dj Anilson, Marshmello ft. Khalid - Silence.

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Shawn closes the door behind him and looks at me with a dark twinkle in his eyes, damn he's hot. I turn around, pulling the duvet almost over my head. Shawn uses the screen of his phone to find the mattress, and when he lays down, a sigh escapes his mouth.

'Are you ok?' Shawn asks when he hears me sob.

'No.' I say as I start to cry.

'What's wrong?' He asks as he sits up.

'I'm afraid...' I sigh. 'I'm afraid of developing feelings for you. I'm afraid how my family feels comfortable with you like you've always been family. I'm afraid to let my walls down and I'm terrified of your questions.' I sob.

'Why are you terrified of my questions?' Is the only thing he asks after my breakdown.

'The way you ask them, it's like you're looking into my soul.' I say, still crying.

He sits down on the side of my bed. I want to touch him, hug him, kiss him, even my attraction to him scares me.

'Can I lay next to you?' He asks.

'Yes.' I sob again.

'I don't want to scare you with my questions. I think you're really interesting and I just want to get to know you better. I know I ask the most random questions, but I like your reactions and your voice...' He is silent for a minute.

I turn to him, putting my hand on his face. He looks at me, eyes still dark from the lack of light in my bedroom.

'I've never found someone this interesting, this fast. In my whole life, I haven't liked anyone, really.' I say wiping my tears away. 'And you can keep asking questions, I kind of like them.' He laughs.

'I was going to keep asking them anyway.' He says with a big smile.

'I've made you cry already, we don't even know each other that long.' He smiles after a couple of minutes of silence.

'It's my period.' I laugh.

'Come here.' He says, opening his arms.

'What is with you and touching?' I ask, moving closer to his body.

'I like touching you.' He winks.

I ignore his second lame joke today. I decide to let my guards down a little by letting him hold me until I fall asleep. I turn a couple of times before I find a comfortable spot on his hard chest. I doubt a little before putting my hand onto his stomach, feeling his abs through the t-shirt. I hear his heartbeat, it beats fast. He puts his hand on my hand, while his other hand softly touches my back.

'Why is your heart beating so fast?' I whisper.

'Do you want the truth?' He asks.

'Yes.' I say.

'You turn me on.' He says running his finger down my spine.

'Don't I always.' I say with a smile, trying to ignore the feeling between my legs.

Shawn laughs, a little too loud and I'm afraid he'll wake my family, so I put my hand on his mouth to shut him up.

I look at my alarm clock on my nightstand, it's one o'clock in the morning. I'm actually enjoying my time with Shawn right now.

'If you weren't on your period right now, I would take you right here, right now.' He says, completely catching me off guard.

'I wouldn't sleep with you within a week. I'm not that desperate.' I say, laughing his comment away.

'When was the last time you slept with someone?' He asks.

Do I really want to answer this honestly? I have no reason to lie to him.

'When I was sixteen.' I answer.

I feel his head turn to me, he's trying to look at me, but I consciously avoid eye contact. He moves his hand away from mine, touching my face, putting his fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

'You're joking I hope?' He says.

'Nope, I'm serious.' I just don't feel the need to lie to him. I only lied once, no twice, about a cat I don't have.

'Why?' He asks, letting go of my chin.

'My first time was terrible if you can call it the first time. And after that I just didn't want to sleep with anyone ever again, plus, I never liked anyone I came across.'

'Tell me about your first time.'

'No! Are you crazy?!' I whisper loudly.

'I am, a little bit, yes.' He answers. 'Just tell me about it, you're going to tell me anyway.'

'Fucking hell! Fine! But only if you tell me about your first time.' I negotiate.

'Ok. My first time was with a twenty-five-year-old woman - I can't tell you her name - when I was sixteen, and it was fucking amazing.' He whispers. 'That's it.'

'My first time was with some random guy I knew through my best friend. I was sixteen and it was fucking terrible.' I say drawing lines on his stomach with my finger.

'I want details.' He says.

'You don't, believe me.' I say, thinking of the horrible experience.

'Tell me, please.' His voice is gentle.

'I wanted to lose my virginity so bad back then, that I made stupid decisions. All my friends already lost theirs and they made it look like it was something bad to have. So one day at a birthday party, my ex-best friend introduced me to a guy. There was a spark, to be honest, but just because I thought he was hot. Later that night I went home with him and we kissed for a little bit, then he wanted sex and I just decided to go along with it.' I take a deep breath. I think that is the biggest mistake of my life.

'He put on a condom, and he just went inside, but really hard. It was so painful... It felt like someone was tearing it apart down there.' I hold my tears back.

'After a couple of seconds, I told him to stop. I grabbed my stuff and left.' I hate thinking about it.

'So I went to my real best friends house - her name is Zayneb - and I cried the whole night.'

'I'm so sorry.' Shawn says softly.

'I was afraid to go home. My mom just died and my father was overprotective of us, so I just stayed at Zayneb's for as long as I could.'

'What's his name?' He asks.

'Ryder.'

'I wish I was in your life back then. I would've stopped you.' He says.

'It happened, I can't change the past.' I sigh.

'Why didn't you find someone to have sex with after that?' He asks.

'I'm not just going to find someone to have sex with. Since I made the biggest mistake ever, I wanted my second time to be with someone special.' I tell him.

'I get that.'

'Can we change the subject please?' I ask.

'Yes of course.' He yawns.

'We could sleep?' I say.

'Yes, we could.' He turns my body around, my back against his chest.

'I like you, Elizabeth McCullen... Good night.' He whispers in my ear.

His arms wrap around me and he nuzzles his face in my neck, his big hand rests on my stomach as he spoons me. I like it when he touches me, he has this special way of knowing where to put his hands, without making me feel uncomfortable.

If someone would've told me I would be sleeping with a guy in one bed, my bed, this month, I would've laughed at them in their face.

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