Ariana Grande - God Is A Woman, Bilal Hassani - Jaloux

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Oh there she goes again, every morning is the same. She stands up, walks to the kitchen, drinks a Red Bull, grabs a blanket and sits down on the couch, watching The Originals. This has been going on like this for the past two weeks. 

Since Beth can walk again she has created this cycle of depression and, yeah, I understand you can't - mentally - heal within two weeks, but she can't go on living like this.

Later today I return from the gym and take a shower before sitting next to her on the couch. I press a kiss on her cheek, but she ignores me completely. 

We sit there in silence and I hear her chuckle softly a few times when Klaus Mikaelson starts ripping people's hearts out again. 

When the episode ends, she turns around to look at me and suddenly starts kissing me passionately. 

This happens. Every. Single. Night. And quite frankly it's starting to annoy me. 

Beth sits down on my lap and rubs her hips up and down my crotch. I feel my blood rushing down between my legs and I have to stop this before it's too late.

'Stop.' I say.

At least that still works on her... She looks at me, rolling her eyes - clearly annoyed - and removes her hands from my neck before standing up and walking away. Why does she do this to me? 

I try to get my emotions and thoughts in the same place. I'm turned on and I want to fuck her up against the wall, but I can't let this behaviour continue. 

I am her boyfriend and yes, I love it when she does this to me, but lately I get the feeling she's using me to distract herself from her own pain.

'Way to kill the mood.' She whispers while opening the fridge.

I stand up. I am done. I have kept my mouth shut for two weeks and I let her treat me the way she wanted to.

'I'm killing the mood?!' I walk around the couch.

'Are you deaf? Yes. You are killing the mood.' She points at me with a bottle of water in her hand.

I inhale and exhale a few times, trying to not snap at her right now. 

She stares at me while raising her eyebrow. If I didn't know any better I might start to think she wants to start a fight.

'Talk to me, Beth.' I say with a soft voice, trying to be the bigger person.

'I was about to fuck you on that couch and you stopped me.' She points at the couch with the same hand.

'You have been fucking me on that couch for the last two weeks!' I point at it too. 

'As a matter of fact, that is the only place you allowed me to fuck you for the last two weeks!' I raise my voice.

This is not even about sex. It does bother me a little, but that's not the reason I'm angry at her.

'So what?!' She spreads her arms in the air. 

'You should be happy I'm having sex with you in the first place!' She yells back.

I start to laugh and I shake my head.

Oh, yeah, now she has triggered all the anger I've been holding in.

'Go on! Let it all out!' I yell too. 

'Tell me what I should be happy about in this relationship! Tell me why I should be happy about your sick and toxic behaviour. Tell me!'

'You know what? I have no time for this shit.' She walks away.

'No time?! What are you going to do? Continue binge-watching The Originals?'

'Don't test me, Shawn. I am not in the right state of mind to put up with your shit.'

'Oh, yeah, sorry, I'll shut up ma'am.' I say, turning around and putting my shoes on.

'Where are you going?' She yells, walking in my direction.

'I'm leaving.' She stands next to me and I stand up to look her in the eyes.

'I have been there for you. I have done everything for you. I took care of you. I got Andrew coming here every week to check on you. I cooked you a meal every night because your dad doesn't like you eating take out. I sold your car. I did everything a good boyfriend would do! And I understand that you've been through shit! But I am trying - trying so hard - to make you feel better!' Tears start to sting my eyes.

What the fuck? I never get emotional like this.

'But there is so much one person can handle...'

She stares into my eyes and I blink a couple of times to get the tears to disappear. I am not having a breakdown right now.

'I'm sorry.' She whispers.

I look into her eyes and behind the big wall of ice, I see a glimpse of warmth. I inhale sharply and wrap my arms around her, pressing her body against mine. How could I stay mad at her?

'It hurts.' She says. 'It hurts so much and I just can't make it go away. I want to forget it, but it keeps coming back.' She sniffles with her head on my chest.

'Listen Elizabeth... you have a million different faces and they will never understand unless you let them in. You cannot keep the darkness and pain separated from joy and love, they must be accepted to be healed or else it will consume you...'

'I know, but I'm not good at healing. I just ignore the pain and wait for it to disappear in the air.' She responds.

'It doesn't work like that. Apparently, your darkness is stronger than you think, and to be honest, that's the only part of you I have been seeing the last two weeks.'

She pulls away from me and walks to the kitchen island, climbing onto it. I walk to her and rest my hands on her thighs, standing between her legs. She puts her arms around my neck and I look into her beautiful eyes.

'I love you and if you let me, I can help you.' I say, giving her a soft smile.

'I don't know how you will heal me. I can't even heal myself.'

I want to say "from the inside" but maybe it's a little soon to make a dirty joke.

'Communicate.' I decide to say.

She frowns.

'We talk. That is the best part. That's why I always ask all those questions. Talking, getting to know each other in a way no one knows us... The great sex was just a bonus.' I chuckle and so does Beth.

'So please, just talk to me.' I move my hands to her hips.

She nods and kisses me on my cheek.

'I have just one other question.' I say.

'What is it?' She rolls her eyes with a grin.

I squeeze her thighs and she giggles. 

She is the only person I know who would die laughing when you touch her legs. You can touch her everywhere but if you lean on her leg with your elbow she would burst out into laughter and try to get your arm away from her leg. 

Only the thought of it makes me smile every time I squeeze her thigh.

'Why on the couch tho?' I ask, looking at her legs. 'And on top?'

'Since... you know. I like to look at you when we fuck.'

I don't know why those words turn me on.

'You always look at me when we fuck.' I respond.

'When I'm on my back, I close my eyes. And when I'm on my stomach I can't see you at all.'

'Oh, yeah, that makes sense. These past two weeks, I just thought you wanted to be in control.' I chuckle.

'That too.'

My eyes get big. She can't be the one in control! I'm the one in control. Well... in the bedroom.

'What if I also wanted control in the bedroom?' She pulls me closer to her body.

'That will happen when hell freezes over.' I respond.

'Haven't you heard? Elsa just stopped by there. It's Frozen.' She bursts out into laughter.

I start to laugh too. It's such a horrible joke, it's actually kind of good. 

When I try to change the subject she stays focused on the "control" part. She keeps complaining and bribing me, just so I will let her.

'Just one time? Please? If you don't like it we'll never do it again.' She looks at me with puppy eyes.

'Fine!' I sigh.

She starts to wiggle her whole body with a stupid grin on her face before jumping off the kitchen counter.

'Your safeword is... Frozen.'

'That's just wrong.' I shake my head with a smile. 'Plus, I don't think I'll need one.'

'Suit yourself.' She pulls open a kitchen drawer.

When she puts her hands up in the air, I see her holding the black handcuffs I gave her a few weeks ago. She smiles at me. Why the fuck does she want to use those on me?!

'No.' I shake my head. 

She starts to laugh. 

'No!' I smile too.

Ten minutes later I'm completely naked and handcuffed to Beth's headboard. 

How the hell did I get here? I never thought I would be the one ending up handcuffed to a girls bed. I laughed so hard when Brian told me he let his girlfriend tie him up last Christmas, and now I'm the person being handcuffed. 

The amount of things I would do to Beth or let her do to me is dangerous. If she would ask me to jump off a building with her, I would fucking do it. Even when I know it will be the last thing I would do, at least it would be with her. 

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