HEARING DAMAGE
TEEN NOLA - CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE !

THE STORM HAD RAGED on for many days and nights. They all had been trapped inside the cabin, suffering in silence as they all suffocated from the thick weight of guilt that weighed so heavily upon them, crushing them, smothering each and every one of them any time they glanced Shauna's way and caught sight of her curled up on the cot, eyes open and unwilling to move as she mourned the loss of her baby.

Barely a word had been spoken amongst the group of survivors in all of those days. The storm had gathered heavily outside the cabin door, forming into a thick wall and making it near impossible for any of them to get outside and gather more snow to melt into drinking water, forcing them all to nurse the small little cup of water, taking it sip by sip to stave off dry mouth and dehydration. The fire wood had dwindled quickly. By the third day, they were out leaving them no choice but to huddle together, buried under anything that could possibly provide some warmth.

Nola sat picking at the skin that sat surrounding her nails, tugging at it hard with the curve of her nail, ripping it away layer by layer, leaving a crimson mess in its wake. Blood had become caked all over her hands, wedged in the crease of her fingers. It hurt like hell but she didn't care. She couldn't stop. It felt as though she needed to be punished in some way, to feel the pain that Shauna felt. It didn't seem right that Shauna was consumed with the agonising pain of losing her child and Nola was useless in helping her.

She felt such an immense guilt, it ached so violently in her chest that it stung every time she glanced at the Shauna or caught sight of the bundled up baby, still tightly wrapped up in a blanket, curled in her arms and held tightly to her chest. Shauna had refused to let him go,not even for one second.

From where she sat, crouched down at the foot of Shauna's cot, she could hear the faint murmurs of Taissa attempted to get through to the heartbroken brunette. "You need to drink some water, Shauna." She then extended out her own cup of water. "Come on, just a little bit."

             Instead of conceding and accepting the cup, Shauna chose to turn over onto her other side, facing away from Taissa and over in Nola's direction instead. Nola's inability to meet her eyes ever since the baby had died allowed Shauna the ease of facing that way and not having to deal with the festering rage and violent sickness that settled along the lining of her stomach at the mere sight of them all.

Taissa's shoulders shuddered from the deep sigh she let out. She returned the cup to the floor beside her before looking back up in time to see Lottie turn her head curiously towards the window. "Lottie, what is it?"

"The snow." The Matthews girl pointed out. Her words caused many to glance over at the windows and peer out at the weather beyond. "It finally stopped."

           It was true. The dangerous flurry of snowflakes had finally come to a halt, clearing up the sky. They no longer had to look at a blizzard spinning wildly out of control. They could finally see the trees that surrounded them, the very same trees that had grown to detest seeing with every passing day that they remained stranded.

           Right away, everyone minus Shauna hopped to their feet and the strongest of the group gathered around the door. With their feet planted firmly to the wooden floorboards and Travis at the forefront, the boy quickly grabbed hold of the doors handle while the rest grabbed hold of him and each other, they got to work attempting to pry the door open. They pulled and tugged and yanked at the door with all their might, trying their best not to lose their footing as the others watched on with bated breath.

           They were all desperate to be free of the cabin which had begun to smell pretty ripe when deprived of fresh air and filled with a group of unwashed teenagers.

The door was finally beginning to give way, now wiggling either each new tug. As he felt the door begin to shift, Travis yelled out, "It's moving! Don't let up. Pull up."

His announcement gave those behind him a surge of energy. They continued to pull, now using every single bit of strength they could muster up, until the door finally allowed itself to be yanked open, sending the mountain of snow that had become piled against it to flow like a river into the cabin and onto the floor, skiting over their feet.

            Nola couldn't help but smile in relief though that quickly morphed into a frown as she caught sight of Taissa attempting to coax Shauna from the coat. "I can come with you if you want." The Turner girl offered, trying her hardest to help Shauna. She wanted to convince her to take a walk, feel the cool air on her skin, something to take her mind off of her agonising loss, even for just a couple seconds.

           "Tai, why don't you go get some fresh air? I'll stay here with Shauna."

           Nola's suggestion was met with a nod. Taissa wouldn't admit but she was thankful to be away from Shauna's side for a moment. It hurt so badly that her friend was hurting and she was incapable of doing anything about it. Taissa quickly headed for the door, leaving the two former lovers alone in the cabin that sat still.

           Nola quickly took a seat where Taissa had been sitting, right behind Shauna who continued to curl in on herself, holding her baby's body, that was now reached complete rigor mortis, close to her chest.

            "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I'm just gonna sit here with you, okay?" She felt like such a coward as she spoke to the back of Shauna's head, but she lacked the courage to travel round the cot and meet the girls eyes. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat just as she began to utter the words she was too chicken to say to Shauna's face. "I love you, Shauna, and I'm so sorry."

           The grieving brunette chose to remain quiet. She couldn't look at Nola, not without seeing it. The horrific sight that appeared every time she closed her eyes. It was too real, too vivid to have not really happened. Blood covered their mouths, a wild hunger danced in their eyes.

          When Shauna refused to utter a word, Nola just internally sigh. Her shoulders fell as she reached out and lay her hand upon Shauna's arm only for her arm to jolt forward, shaking Nola's fingers free from the fabric of Shauna's shirt one-by-one. Hurt flashed within the Rilke girl's eyes as a faint, strangled gasp left her lips. No matter Shauna's reasoning, it still ached in her lungs all the same. She couldn't even touch Shauna now without her flinching away. Pain bloomed in her chest as she realised that on top of her blaming herself for Shauna's baby dying, Shauna blamed her too.

          She could have stayed. She should have stayed but with the realisation weighing on her chest, crushing it and leaving her breathless, Nola had to get out of there. She was on her feet in seconds and racing towards the opened cabin door, ready to distract herself by helping the others heave the snow from the cabin's small porch. Anything was better than allowing the guilt, that had just grown ten fold, to suffocate her inside that tiny cabin.

As her hands stung from the freezing cold snow she scooped and scrapped away, she nearly missed the faint crunch of footsteps heading pasting her. Nearly. She glanced up just as she shoved her hands in her pockets, desperate to restart the flow of blood and warm them up, just in time to catch a bundled up Shauna treading away from the cabin, the baby's body still wrapped up in his blanket held in her arms.

Only a few weeks ago, Shauna had asked Nola to help her raise the baby, that there was no one else she'd rather raise the baby with, and now she was going about burying him all on her own. Her eyes quickly ached as tears began to form. Instead of allowing the tears to flow free and allowing herself to mourn both the baby and her broken relationship with Shauna, Nola ran the fabric of her jacket harshly across her eyes, wiping them away.

The crunching of snow continued on though this time Nola didn't glance up, not until the sound stopped right next to her and the person crouched down next to her. Her eyes darted over, the girl now seeing Stevie next to her.

After seeing Shauna so blatantly ignore the brunette who had stuck by her through literally the worst things imaginable, always there to forgive, understand or console, it maddened the McClane girl. She felt for Shauna. She couldn't even begin to imagine the agony of being deprived the joy of hearing her baby's first cry as it entered the world. That didn't mean she didn't also feel for Nola, who had quite literally nearly died only a few weeks earlier and who had always been there for everyone else. She'd forgiven Shauna but Shauna couldn't find it in her heart to forgive her?

She wanted to say something but she could tell Nola was far too fragile in that moment, so instead Stevie chose to just nod her head, send a small smile that she hoped conveyed the message that everything would be okay.

Thankfully for the young Rilke girl, who had become far too hard on herself ever since the first fall of snow, her pain was granted a quick reprieve when it was replaced by shock and confusion as her Coach came barrelling out of the cabin, tears in his eyes and the scream of a name on the tip of his tongue. "Paul!"

"Coach!" Taissa exclaimed in concern, looking over at the man from where she sat next to the iced over fire pit and a wide eyed Van. "Are you okay?"

            The small group that remained close to the cabin watched the man with worry etched upon their faces. It had been longer than any of them cared to admit since the man had eaten anything. He was surviving solely on water for the dehydration and remaining stationary most of the time so as to not overexert himself and waste unnecessary energy.

            Slowly Ben's eyes came back into focus. His head just barely moved as he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." He numbly murmured in response. An almost tranquil smile formed upon his lips suddenly. "I'm gonna be just fine."

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            A PANICKED MISTY HAD soon corralled everyone inside the cabin, citing it necessary for them to regroup as she had something 'super important' for her to discuss with them. They all were grateful for the opportunity to warm back up after braving the cold despite having been practically foaming at the mouth to escape the cabin.

As Nola had shuffled back inside, she took note of two things. One, that Shauna had still not returned from when she disappeared off into the forest, her baby's dead body in tow, and two, that Coach Scott had given himself a shave. The wild, bushy beard he had been growing ever since the first snow fall was now gone, leaving the man looking exactly how he had looked as he stood on the sidelines of the soccer field, offering up advice to the girls as they practised. It confused her greatly. Only a short while ago, he had seemed on the verge of a full mental breakdown, screaming out at no one with a lost look in his eye. Now, he looked more clear minded than she'd ever seen him, like he had been given a new found sense of clarity.

            What that clarity was, she didn't know and didn't get the time to dwell on the matter further once Misty appeared in front of them all, a look of nervous determination etched upon her face.

            "Thanks, um...thank you all for gathering." The bespectacled blonde worriedly uttered just after clearing her throat to get their attention. She looked quite jittery. "I know that we're all still very sad about the baby. It was a terrible, extremely sad and-and tragic thing, but...we can't let it cloud our minds."

            This was the first real mention of the baby ever since his passing. Hurt swelled up in everyone's chest as they remembered the horrific sight of his little body, still and unmoving. Though she too felt extremely sad, Misty continued on. "The snow has stopped, and we need to go out there and we need to look for Crystal, because she could still be out there. Alive."

       "Misty's right." Ben suddenly announced, sending the young girl a kind smile, one that was usually only reserved for Javi these days since he could barely stand to look at the rest without seeing flashes of them devouring Jackie's body. "If Javi could survive for a few months out there, then maybe Crystal can make it for a few days."

            Misty then turned towards Nola, an almost unrealistic level of desperation upon her face. "Can you hear anything? Can you hear her?"

            Nola had no choice but to shake her head. A frown formed upon her lips. "Sorry, Misty." She softly muttered, her fingers now twisting at the fabric of the baby blue coloured skirt of Jackie's that she had begun wearing over multiple other clothes, once the temperatures had dropped.

It pained her to admit that she'd been deaf to the Wilderness for quite some time. It felt as though she was being punished for something though what she wasn't sure? She was just like Lottie, she believed in its teachings, believed in the idea that it would save them if they just listened and went along. So why? Why was she being stripped of the gift that had been bestowed upon her long before Lottie? What had she done that was so wrong and how did she fix it?

She felt lost without it. Without the ability to hear exactly what the Wilderness wanted left her unbalanced now. She felt incomplete.

"But what if the Wilderness, like, took her?" Melissa suddenly suggested to the group. She then grimaced. "What if it took the baby, too?"

Gen then decided to chime in. "Then maybe it'll give us something back."

           "What?" Taissa questioned, her voice dripping with incredulity. What could the Wilderness possibly give them like equalled the loss of both Crystal and the baby?

             Akilah thought for a moment. "Like it made the blizzard stop." She pointed out, turning her head briefly towards the window where the snow had completely settled.

            A scoff of disbelief from Gen caused the group to glance at her. "That's the trade? Two people dead for a...a break in the snow?"

Melissa was quick to sigh. "God, that sucks."

Lottie's head shook. She disagreed with their reasoning. It didn't sound like the Wilderness to her. "No, it doesn't work like that. It doesn't trade or haggle. It...the Wilderness, it hears us. It gave us what we wanted, Shauna lived." She emphasised. It was true. They had asked for Shauna to survive, not really imagining the baby would pass in her place.

A slightly hopeful look appeared on her face as she turned to stare over at Misty. "Might do the same for Crystal." She was met with a grateful smile from a teary eyed Misty.

Lottie soon stepped forward, her hands extended out for those around her to clasp onto. The group quickly joined her, holding one another's hands as they moved in close. Lottie cleared her throat before uttering, "We hear the Wilderness and it hears us."

"We hear the Wilderness and it hears us."

While many of the others chose to head out in search of Crystal, Nola chose to remain back at the cabin until Shauna returned. She didn't want to go out looking for someone else until she was sure the brunette was safe and sound back in the cabin. Shauna returned not long after they left, shrinking in on herself and sliding down the far wall until she sat on the ground, her knees pulled to her chest.

Van had decided to strip the cot of the sweat drenched blankets that Shauna had been laying upon for days. She'd tugged back the first layer to reveal the now blood soaked baby blanket Lottie had made for the baby and gifted to Shauna on the day of her baby shower.

Shauna's gaze seemed to be drawn to it. Her pupils shook as her breathing grew more fast paced. Without a second thought, she'd risen to her feet, stomped to the blanket and ripped it from the cot. Then she charged towards the burning fire and flung the blanket like a whip into the golden embers. All the while, everyone that had remained still watching as Shauna stared down intensely at the burning blanket, the smell of singed fabric and iron from the blood seeping into the air.

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HER SKIN BURNED FROM the ice of the air that nipped at her face. Nola had headed out of the cabin, ready to join in on the search for Crystal. Her warm breath grew visible in the air as she huffed and puffed while trekking through the snow, every now and again calling out for the lost girl.

She'd grown quiet a while ago, now just keeping her ears sharp for any slight sound that seemed out of the ordinary. Perhaps if she couldn't hear the girl with the help of the Wilderness, then maybe she could hear her all on her own. Maybe she just needed to try harder, listen longer. Nola couldn't help but think that the Wilderness wanted to see some effort from her. She didn't participate as much as Lottie and maybe that's what it wanted.

Suddenly she heard the yells of a girl from nearby. For a moment, just a moment, she had been sure it had been Crystal, that she had found her. This belief didn't last long however as once she moved further in the direction of the sound, the growing smile on her face dropped as she found herself peering out through the snow covered trees at a shrill sounding Misty screaming at Coach Scott. Both of them stood incredibly close the edge of a cliff.

"—When the rest of us get saved, I will tell the whole world of our love story. Every last bit of it. I will...I'll tell them even worse."

Nola was incredibly confused initially at what she was hearing. Why was Misty threatening him like this? Though with how close the man seemed to the edge and how clear minded he had seemed earlier, as if he had found peace, Nola didn't have to think for long to figure out that he had been planning on jumping over in an effort to end his suffering. Misty must have been trying to coax him from the ledge. In her own twisted, Misty-esque way, of course.

"Are you listening to me, Ben?" Misty continued to badger the man after having threatened to say he'd tried to impregnate all of the girls there and that he had been the one to impregnate Shauna. She was really grasping for straws at this point. "Okay, I will tell the whole world that you're gay!"

Nola gasped. Threatening to lie was one thing but outing him? Jesus, Misty was going next level with her manipulation tactics.

It didn't matter, however. She watched as Coach Scott sombrely smiled over at the blonde. "Do it. Tell them."

As he moved to face the edge once again, his weight shifted on his crutches, Misty suddenly began to sob. "Wait, wait, wait! Please."

"I tried so hard, I swear to God. I tried so hard...to keep the baby alive. I really—" her entire body shook as gasp after gasp for air let her cracked lips. "I'm sorry. Please, Ben, don't do it. Please."

"Please, Ben. I can't have another death on my hands."

Though it was clear he wanted to tip over the edge, his responsibility as the only adult kicked in. He did care for them, despite their most recent monstrous ways, and seeing Misty cry so brokenly in front of him caused the man to step back. He let out a sigh as he knew he'd live to see another day in this depression, depraved little world they had created for themselves.

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jamielee's thoughts
chapter thirty-nine, not proofread
so nola is guilt ridden. she currently hates herself which sucks plus she's seemingly being iced out by the wilderness and she overheard misty threatening ben lol. anyway I hope you enjoyed :)