CHAPTER FORTY

WALKING AWAY — CHELSEA CUTLER
'Cause I let you down when I lost my focus
I tried my best but you didn't notice

"UH, POPE? YOU'RE driving pretty fast."

The trees lining the dark asphalt passed in a blur as Pope sped towards Freedman's Church. He was going at least twenty miles above the normal speed limit and none of his friends felt comfortable with the way he was swerving in and out of the lane.

Stella held onto the door handle, bracing herself for every bump and turn. JJ's arms were wrapped around her waist to keep her in place. There were five seats and six of them, so she had offered to sit on his lap which JJ (of course) gladly welcomed.

Her boyfriend's grip tightened as Pope ran over a pothole. "Pope," he called out, "last to judge, but I think you should slow down a little."

Pope shook his head. "That would definitely delay our arrival to the cross. We gotta get there."

In the passenger seat, Kie looked back at her friends with panic written all over her features. "Why did we let him drive again?"

"He said he'd rip our ears off."

"I said I'd rip your ears off!" Pope replied cheerfully, unaware of the stiff looks being shared amongst this friends. "I was joking about that, by the way."

"It's always laughs with you, isn't it, buddy?" Stella patted his shoulder, causing him to completely turn his body around to look at her. The car veered off to the side of the road and her eyes widened. Using her hand to push his face forward, she spoke again. "Whoa! Pope! I know you're hopped up on adrenaline, but can you keep your eyes on the road?"

He swerved back into the proper lane, practically jumping in his seat. "I feel fantastic! I don't know what JJ's cousin gave me, but I am moving!"

He took a dramatic hold of the steering wheel and turned it like a child. The truck instantly filled with shouts of protest and when Pope stopped, John B leaned forward. "I don't know if you noticed, but there's these giant oak trees all along the road. They're like six inches off the road."

Pope ignored him and swerved again, trying to pass the car in front of them.

"Don't do that. You don't need to pass."

"Pope, don't— Oh, shit!"

He drove straight into oncoming traffic, narrowly missing a car that was headed towards them. The tires screeched and Stella could've sworn she saw her life flash before her eyes.

The boy in the driver's seat remained unbothered and looked back at his friends. "What an asshole, right?"

"We're not gonna get to the cross if we're dead, Pope!"

"We're not gonna die," he scoffed. "It's our divine right to get that cross."

"Pope! Look at the freaking road, dude!"

Stella wasn't sure what happened. All she felt was JJ's arms tighten around her, pushing all the air from her body, then a hard smack as her forehead hit the back of Kie's headrest. When she lifted her head, she groaned in discomfort. The dull ache in her side would surely remain for the rest of the night and she was bound to get a headache. "Is everyone okay?" she asked, looking around the crashed truck.

When the pained grunts and coughing subsided, John B repeated her question. "Everyone good?"

Sarah nodded weakly. "I think so."

"Never better," JJ chimed. He brushed the hair away from Stella's face. "What about you, baby? You good?"

She gave him a tightlipped smile and pushed the car door open. "Just peachy, I love getting thrown around in a metal death trap," she muttered, almost stumbling from the backseat if it wasn't for JJ grabbing her arm.

The blond got out and looked at her in concern, searching for any injuries she may have acquired. His hand brushed her forehead and he pursed his lips. "That is the last time you drive, Pope."

Kie got out next and walked around the front to assess the damage. "My dad's truck!" Pope had driven headfirst into a nearby tree and the car was obviously totaled. "My parents are gonna kill me for real this time."

"Yeah, well, weren't they already gonna do that anyway?"

After a few moments of silence, Pope joined Kie's side and stared down the dark road with his hands on his hips. "We're gonna have to walk the rest of the way."

This friends looked at him like he was crazy. "Just relax for a second."

He shook his head and started down the road with determination written all over his face. John B moved to stop him, but he was harshly shoved off.

"I'm getting my cross."

"We just crashed the car," Kie argued. She followed after him once he stepped into the middle of the road. In the distance, they would see a pair of headlights driving up and if Pope didn't move, he'd probably be hit.

John B pulled him back and the pair struggled, only stopping when the upcoming vehicle passed by.

Rafe mother-fucking Cameron sat in the passenger seat with his elbow propped on the open window and a small smirk planted on his face. His eyes met Pope's and he winked, chuckling to himself as he turned away and shook his head. His gaze lifted and he looked out the window again, this time making eye contact with Stella. She was leaning against the wrecked truck, her hand rubbing the side that he had shot. He glanced at her, then the truck, then back at her. When he deemed that she wasn't hurt, he blew a smug kiss in her direction.

Stella scowled as the truck passed.

Immediately, Pope took off in a sprint. The Pogues followed closely with one thought running through their minds. The cross. The cross. The cross.

The cross was gone when they got to the church.

"No." Pope shook his head in denial as he stared at the empty space where the cross used to be. When the brief shock subsided, he kicked a nearby pew. "No!"

"It's gone."

"I'll tell you what, Sherlock Holmes. You are unbelievable."

An object flying across the room caught Stella's attention and she turned to see JJ throwing the dusty pew cushions at the wall.

"Damn it!" He exclaimed in anger. "I knew I didn't hide it well enough!"

Sarah looked around. "Okay. What do we do? What's the plan?"

JJ turned to his fellow blond. "Alright, here's what we do. We grab some kerosine from the Chateau then we... we go to my dad's shop and grab some dynamite. And then we drive down to Charleston and tell this lady who she's messing with! Because this is some bullshit!"

Sarah glanced at Stella with a questionable stare to which Stella responded with an innocent shrug. Turning to the boy, she stated, "That's not gonna help."

"Well, what is, Sarah?"

Stella came to her defence. "We can't just blow shit up, JJ."

Pope had gone quiet. Stepping up to the pulpit, he looked around at the rotting wood and pictured his ancestors two centuries prior. "Denmark would've stood right here," he began. "Preaching to everyone he set free. A slave, the sole survivor of the Royal Merchant, he got the gold and the cross, and he brought them both to shore and used it to free every person who walked through those doors. He made a church, a family, a congregation... a home." His stare hardened. "And the Limbreys took everything from him. They sicced dogs on his wife and his kids, and when he tried to get her remains, they hung him. Well, I'm done. I'm tired of that shit."

"That is not how this is gonna end," his friends assured. They knew what this meant to Pope. This wasn't about getting rich anymore, this was about family legacy. And they weren't about to let the Heyward's get exploited again.

Pope stepped down to their level and gave a curt nod. "I'm going to get my family's cross."

And with that, he walked across the room and exited the church. His friends were left in silence, only to be broken by Stella when she lifted her head and turned to her boyfriend.

"Well, I think he's got you beat in the speech department."

HALF AN HOUR later, Stella found herself walking up her driveway scared out of her mind.

After leaving the church in the Twinkie, the Pogues drove back towards the Cut only to find that Kildare Police Department found truck they crashed earlier in the night.

Shoupe pulled them over without an inkling of surprise on his face. "Well, lookie here," he said to them, shining his flashlight in their faces. "I pulled the tags, and I know whose truck that is."

Pope tried to take responsibility for the accident, but was brushed off with a dismissive wave.

"I'm taking you home," Shoupe said to Kie. The Pogues expected him to leave it at that, so it surprised them when he turned to John B and said he'd be giving them a police escort to the North side of the island.

"Why?" he questioned, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Dr. Marx called the station six times today. Said Stella missed her shift at the hospital and she couldn't get a hold of you, Stella, or Maybank over there."

A sinking feeling erupted in Stella's chest as she glanced at her dead cellphone. Her mom probably thought something bad happened to her because she rarely ever forgot about a shift.

Shoupe drove behind the Twinkie and watched as it parked on the street in front of Marx Mansion. He didn't wait for Stella or John B to get out before leaving to drive Kie home.

Inside the Twinkie, Stella, JJ, and John B wore matching expressions of hesitance. None of them wanted to face Emma's wrath.

Beside them, Pope was getting antsy. He understood the problem at hand, but it wasn't his problem. His problem was getting the cross back.

Seeing his impatient fidgeting, Stella turned to her two friends and roommates. "I'll go in and handle my mom," she stated. "You four go and get the cross."

John B gave her a look. "Are you sure? Because I can go in with you, she's mad at me too. The others can go without us."

She shook her head at her honorary brother. "They'll need all the help they can get. Go get the cross."

Sarah leaned forward and squeezed her hand in reassurance. "We'll text you later to see if you're still alive."

With a nod and a kiss on the cheek, Stella turned to face her house. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she walked up the driveway and she could feel her hands start to shake. She didn't like getting in trouble with her mother. Usually, she could sweet talk her way out of any situation, but with her mother, that wasn't the case. Her mom saw right through her.

The house was silent when she entered. "Mom?" she called out, her voice echoing against the walls.

She followed the light at the end of the hall to the kitchen. Her mom was sitting at the dining table with a glass of wine in front of her. She expected the woman to say something, but she never did. So when the quiet grew suffocating, she stepped through the doorway. "Mom?" She wrung her hands in front of her then fiddled with her necklace. "...Hi."

She was met with more silence.

With a sigh, she continued, "I'm sorry I didn't pick up your calls. I... My phone was dead and so was John B's. Even if they weren't, we wouldn't be able to go on them much anyways because something happened with JJ's dad, and then Pope, and I know it's not an excuse, but... I'm really sorry for disappearing."

Her mom looked up. Her face remained stoic as she stared at Stella. "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

The sharpness of her tone startled her. "Right," Stella nodded. "I'll give my supervisor a call in the morning."

"Where's John B?"

"With the others," she replied. "Kie was just dropped off at home.

"Yeah, you guys stole her dad's truck today, right?" At her daughters surprise, she let out a lowly chuckle. "Shoupe mentioned it when he called to say he found you. Sit down, we need to have a talk."

Stella inhaled slowly and stepped further into the kitchen, taking a seat at the dining table. She watched as her mother finished her glass of wine and stood up to place it in the sink.

"Do you understand why I'm upset with you?"

Stella didn't know whether or not to answer.

"I've always been lenient with you. I want you to learn from your mistakes, so I give you room to make your own choices. And for the most part, they've always been good. I mean, you're a really good kid. You're polite and kind, you have amazing friends, amazing grades, a bright future," Emma listed, turning to the young girl with a tired expression. "I know that you and your friends have been through a lot—too much for any group of seventeen year olds to ever go through. But lately..."

Stella braced herself for whatever her mother may say next.

"I don't know what's going on with you," Emma admitted. She sounded more worried than angry. "You're sneaking off to Charleston, skipping school, missing shifts? Stella, this isn't like you."

Stella felt shame wash over her. A unsettling amount of dissonance pulled at her very being. She sat frozen in her chair when all she wanted to do was scream I'm here! I haven't changed! I'm still the same girl I was before the summer! But she knew that wasn't true, and she couldn't help but fear that her change in character meant sacrificing everything she ever wanted. Was everything as big as a deal as her mother was making out to be? Had she set herself down a path where her future turns bleak? Where her grades suffer and people frown at her wasted potential?

"I'm asking for honesty." Emma didn't care about Stella missing a volunteer shift or occasionally skipping school with her friends. She cared about the reason why. Stella's well-being was her top concern because the last time she acted unlike herself, she was hunting treasure and her best friends ended up lost at sea. If she was dealing with something bigger than herself, then Emma would help her. But if Stella was acting out for the sake of recklessness, then that was a big problem. "What's going on?"

Stella's hand lifted to fiddle with her necklace. She could tell her mom about the cross. She told her about the Royal Merchant and how Rafe and Ward Cameron were murderers. She could be honest and make her see that she was wrapped up in a mission to save Pope's family legacy. She could, but she wasn't going to. A part of Stella knew that her mom would never understand the urgency she felt. Her mom would see imaginary flashing signs that read DANGEROUS! in bright red lettering.

"Nothing."

And just like that, she sealed her fate.

"Nothing?"

Stella nodded. "Nothing's going on."

"Then I'm disappointed."

She felt sick.

"I thought your behaviour might've been for a good reason—"

Everything felt like it was crashing down and all of the validation Stella held so close to her heart spiralled down the drain.

"Half of the things I did were to help my friends," Stella defended. "They were the right things to do!"

Emma scoffed and she walked around the kitchen island with a firm look on her face. "Stealing a car was the right thing to do? Abandoning the scene of an accident where someone could've gotten hurt or even killed was the right thing to do? I raised you to know better than that."

She shook her head and looked off to the side in disbelief. When she met her daughter's gaze again she pursed her lips. She gave her a chance to come clean but she didn't take it and that was on her. "You're grounded, Stella."

Instantly, Stella stood up. "Grounded!? I haven't been grounded since I was twelve!"

"And you haven't acted this recklessly since you were twelve!"

Emma's outburst ricocheted against the pristine walls and Stella knew there was no changing her mind. Though, that didn't stop her from trying.

"Mom, I'm sorry," Stella pleaded, desperation laced in her tone. Keeping her away from her friends was the one form of discipline she hated most. "I'm sorry for skipping school and missing shifts and lying to you. I'm sorry disappointing you, for not being this perfect daughter, okay? I'm sorry, but you don't need to ground me."

Emma remained firm in her decision and shook her head. "You're grounded. No hanging out with your friends for a week, and when John B gets back, we'll be having a similar conversation."

Without another word, Stella turned on her heel and walked away.

She could feel her heart aching in her chest, beating faster as she approached her bedroom. The walls of her reality were quickly closing in and she felt she couldn't breathe.

It was normal for teenagers to argue with their parents. It was inevitable no matter how close of a relationship they had, but that didn't make it hurt any less. Nor did it stop Stella from feeling like shit.

For years, she was praised for being the Golden Girl of Kildare. Perfection personified, the beauty in the eye of every beholder. Greatness was expected from her by her mother, her teachers, and every person who lived on the godforsaken island save for her friends. With expectations like those, she was bound to base her worth on the constant feeling of validation. So when the unavoidable clashing of opinions reared its ugly head, all Stella felt was shame.

Her door closed and she sat on the ground in front of it, pulling her knees to her chest and running her hands over her face.

She missed when life was simple. The simplicity her life had before the summer was a distant memory she would sell her soul to get back. Back then, she knew nothing of buried treasure or bedazzled crosses and her biggest worry was keeping JJ out of trouble. Now, her priorities diverged from the future of medicine she so desperately craved. Now, her main focus was keeping her friends from risking their lives.

She missed her old self the most.

An aching pain settled into her bones when she realized that she'd never be that person again. She could search for her old self all she wanted, but she was nothing but a ghost. A spectre of an unattainable goal.

"This is so shitty," Stella whispered to herself.

Sighing, she shook her head and wiped away her tears. She was being stupid, she thought to herself. Some of her friends didn't even have a mom and she wanted to cry about hers grounding her? At least she cared. That was a lot more than what JJ and John B could say. And hey, at least she wasn't a murderer like Ward!

The more rational part of Stella knew it wasn't a competition of who had it worse, but focusing on that was better than thinking about the look on her mother face when she voiced her disappointment.

Stella wasn't sure how many hours she spent sitting on the floor of her bedroom, but eventually she was pulled out of her self-loathing by the sound of pebbles hitting her balcony doors.

"Pope?" She called, leaning over the edge. Another pebble came flying upwards and she had to duck to avoid getting hit. "Dude! What are you doing here? Why aren't you getting the cross?"

He waved her down frantically. "I tried!"

"Stop shouting," she hissed. "I'm grounded and you're going to be me in more trouble!"

"We need to go! Come on!"

"I can't leave—"

He threw another pebble at her. "Come on!"

"Stop throwing shit at me! I'm coming, gosh." Stella's irritation faltered as she swung a leg over her balcony's railing. She knew her mother would be livid if she found out about this. With a hesitant glance at her bedroom door, she came upon one conclusion: her friends needed her help, so she was going to help.

When her feet touched the ground, she and Pope started jogging to where Kie parked her car. It was then that Stella managed to get a good look at the boy. "Why are you all muddy and gross?" she questioned, taking in his disheveled state.

"Round three with Rafe," he huffed. They got to the green SUV and settled in.

The familiar scent of Kie's vanilla air freshener filled Stella's senses and she felt comfort wash over her. The curly-haired Pogue pulled out of the driveway and looked over her shoulder with a raised brow. "Glad to see you aren't dead, Stells. How'd it go with your mom?"

"Grounded for a week. You?"

"Grounded and threatened with exile. One of those farms for trouble teens like you see on Dr. Phil."

Stella let out a low whistle. "Your plan to run away to Spain sounds better each day."

After helping Kie geo-locate JJ's phone, Stella slumped into her seat. She hadn't realized how tired her was, both physically and mentally. The conversation her friends were having faded into static noise as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. And as the sun began to rise over the horizon, she remained blissfully unaware of what was to come.

RAE SPEAKS !

i wanted emma and stella to have a little bit of a dispute because having her mom be all sunshine and rainbows all the time isn't realistic, you know? in the past, stella's always been this really good kid who only got in trouble with her friends for petty things, so it only makes sense that her mom is worried about her big change in behaviour following the events of the book.

and of course, stella feels super bad about it because that's just the type of person she it. she spent most of her life receiving (and almost relying on) external validation so the thought of disappointing anyone much less her mother who also happens to be the person she loves and respects the most is nauseating to her. poor sunbaby :(

anyways, i'm finished my exams so i'm free for a while... meaning regular updates again! (even though there's only a few chapters left lol)

stella currently: