CHAPTER THREE

ANYTHING 4 U — LANY
I'll go to hell and back if I have to
I'll do anything for you

JJ WOKE UP in a daze, squinting at the bright light peaking through the closed window blinds. The dream he had of Stella twirling in a field of flowers slowly faded from his mind, but he could still see her smile at him over her shoulder as his eyes fully opened, transporting him back to reality. But luckily for him, his reality wasn't far off from the dreams of his deepest desires. In both, Stella was by his side even if it wasn't in the same way.

With his free arm tucked under his head, he looked down at the girl nestled contently into his side. His other arm was trapped between her neck and the bed, acting as her pillow. There was a prickling sensation crawling up said arm, but he didn't care much for it. Stella looked peaceful and he didn't want to wake her, no matter how numb his arm became. Though, he wasn't suffering in silence because suffering in the presence of Stella Marx was simply impossible.

A soft smile came over JJ's lips as he recalled one of the many instances Stella gave him an in-depth summary of an article she had read. According to science, sleeping next to someone you love could reduce depression. As he watched her take steady breaths, her chest rising and falling in an ever going cycle and nose scrunching as a strand of hair fell in her face, he knew that it was true. Having Stella as the last thing he saw at night and the first thing he saw in the morning made him happier than he had ever known was possible.

Because of Stella, he had come to know what love was—what being in love was. It was letting her sleep as his arm grew numb under her. It was getting weak in the knees when she laughed and daydreaming when they were apart. It was being her biggest fan, but her toughest critic. It was listening to her ramble about things he didn't understand, but urging her to continue anyways. It was trusting her so much that he told her everything about himself, even the things he was ashamed of. And it was scary—goddamn terrifying, really—but it was safe.

It was safe because it was Stella. And it always would be Stella.

JJ knew she would never hurt him intentionally. But despite the safety Stella Marx gave him, doubt was a menace that lived in the shadows of his mind. No matter how confident he was in the fact that Stella would always be a constant in his life, the idea of rejection was too daunting.

And while JJ was no stranger to pursuing intimidating goals, never caring much for fucking up or the consequences of his actions, he knew he had to be careful with Stella. Their friendship was too important for him to act recklessly.

Every time he thought about telling her how he felt, he found himself biting his tongue, waiting for the perfect moment to come along or his courage to build. One day, he promised himself. One day he would tell her exactly how he felt about her.

From outside of the bedroom, the sound of a flushing toilet caused Stella to stir. A light groan escaped her lips when she opened her eyes, and she took a moment to adjust to her familiar surroundings. Her gaze shifted from the ceiling to the pictures on the wall then finally, to JJ.

"G'morning," Stella yawned, covering her mouth with her hand.

JJ stared at her briefly before shaking himself free of his thoughts. "Morning," he greeted, stretching the arm that had fallen asleep and tucking it under his head.

His attention quickly shifted when he saw the bedroom door crack open with John B peering into the room wearing a smug grin. Removing one of his arms from under his head, he leaned over Stella and grabbed an empty beer can from the bedside table. He threw it at John B and it clattered against the hardwood floor. "Dude, come on," he scolded, unhappy that his time with Stella was interrupted. "Get out of here."

John B chuckled and closed the door, shaking his head at his best friend's warning glare.

When the door clicked back into its frame, JJ's attention returned to Stella and his arm found its way back to the spot under her head. "How you doing, sleepyhead?" Any trace of annoyance was now gone, replaced by soft satisfaction.

"I'm good," Stella hummed, stretching as she did. "You?"

"Fabulous."

Stella nodded, wondering what had him in such a good mood. "That's good," she replied, choosing not to think too much of it. It was still early, after all.

Her sleepy voice made the corners of JJ's lips curl and he decided that he'd never get used to the sight before him.

Stella closed her eyes again, leaving JJ's gaze to wander freely. He debated telling her how his heart stopped whenever she looked at him, but his thoughts were disrupted by an involuntary yawn leaving her lips for the second time.

He chuckled and pulled the girl closer to him. "Go back to sleep, Stel."

Stella nodded, allowing JJ's body heat to consume her, and her eyes fluttered closed. "That's a good idea."

As the minutes passed and Stella returned to her dreamland, JJ knew he was fucked.

Completely and utterly fucked.

WHEN STELLA WOKE for the second time, she was still in JJ's arms except this time, she was the one studying his sleeping figure. With a mischievous grin, she slipped out of bed and joined her friends in the kitchen. No more than five minutes later, they were bursting into the spare room with water guns, shouting at the top of their lungs and laughing as JJ rolled over onto the ground.

As the day progressed, the winds picked up and the news of Hurricane Agatha hitting the island earlier than expected spread like wildfire. Kie and Pope retreated to their own homes at the request of their parents and promised to stay in touch if possible.

When Stella found out that the storm was coming that evening instead of later in the week like her mother had predicted, she went into full panic mode. She hated hurricane season—she always had. As a child, it was the roaring thunder that frightened her, but as she got older and her knowledge of life's dangers expanded, it was the well-being of her loved ones that caused her to worry.

With extreme weather came increased hours of her mother's already long shifts at the hospital. While her mom was tending to victims of the hurricane, Stella was stuck at home hoping that no harm would find her on her way home, that no tree would fall over and crush her car, or that no driver would accidentally turn into oncoming traffic blinded by the heavy rain.

Stella was terrified of something bad happening to those she loved and storms only increased those odds.

Knowing her better than anyone else and sensing her panic, JJ suggested that she spend the night at the Chateau with him and John B. It wasn't a big deal as she never needed permission to sleep over before, and that way she wouldn't be alone. She agreed, knowing that her mother would rather have her with the boys than all by herself in a lonely mansion.

Before the weather could get too bad, Stella decided to go grocery shopping. John B's cabinets were practically empty, but that could be expected considering the circumstances he found himself in. So while John B was having a meeting with his social worker, lying about his uncle's whereabouts to prevent his entrance into foster care system, Stella had dragged JJ to the Northside grocery store.

"How long do you think it'll take for the power to turn on this time?" JJ questioned, bending down to grab a case of water.

Stella shrugged as she held the shopping cart steady for him. "Last time the power went out it took a month," she pointed out, recalling the last time a storm thundered through the island. "I wouldn't be surprised if the Cut was out for the whole summer."

"I'm giving you a heads up now," JJ started, straightening his back after loading the bottom of the cart, "if that happens, I'm staying at your house. Free food, wifi, air conditioning, a pool—Hey, why don't we hang out there more often?"

Stella walked further down the aisle. "Not sure," she replied, turning a blind eye as JJ slipped a package of Sour Patch Kids into his pocket. "That's actually a really good question considering you each have your own room."

The blond caught up to her, walking by her side as she entered to cereal aisle. "I've been meaning to ask you, have you seen my hoodie? The grey marina one?"

Stella turned her head to avoid his gaze. "No," she said innocently, knowing full well that she had stolen it and it was currently hanging on the back of her chair at home. "I haven't." She reached for a box of cereal only for JJ to grab it before she could.

His eyes were narrowed with suspicion and without breaking their stare, he placed the box in the cart. "So if I were to go to your house right now it wouldn't be in your room?"

The corners of her lips quirked as she tried to fight off a smile and she shook her head. "Nope," she denied, leaving the aisle.

After years of getting in trouble with him, Stella had nearly mastered the art of lying. Nearly.

She showed none of the usual tells used to identify a falsehood. Her eyes didn't dart back and forth, she didn't touch her face or blink rapidly. There was no purse of her lips or excessive sweating. She never faltered when spinning a tale and she never cracked under pressure. It was what made her such a good partner in crime.

Anyone else would dismiss her words as the truth, but JJ knew better. 

JJ often prided himself on how well he knew Stella. No one knew her better than he did and that was a fact that he revelled in. He knew the way her hair fell in the morning when she first woke up and all the weird ass things she liked in her coffee. He knew the commercials that made her cry and the way she needed space when she was hurt. He also knew that her smile was different when she lied.

"You're a shit liar," he stated, his expression filled with amusement.

Stella's brows furrowed and she lightly smacked him across the chest. "I'm an amazing liar!" She defended as JJ's laughter rang through the air. "Not that I'm lying about your sweater though, because I'm not."

"Mhm," JJ mused, clearly unconvinced.

"I'm not."

"You can lie all you want, Stells, but you can't lie to me."

Stella stopped walking and JJ followed suit. Their eyes locked, challenging each other into giving in and taking back their argument.

She tried her best to keep a straight face, but with JJ's shit-eating grin right in front of her, she couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "Okay, fine," she caved. "It's hanging on the back of my desk chair."

JJ nodded and continued walking through the store. "Thought so."

Stella rolled her eyes at him and shook her head, the smile she wore still firmly planted across her lips. With the promise that he'd replace the sweater with another one, she followed after him and the pair finished their shopping.

JOHN B DIDN'T take hand outs. He knew that his socioeconomic status made it so he had to work harder than most, and yeah, hand outs would make his life so much easier. But he wasn't a charity case and he didn't want to be treated as such.

The Marx women, on the other hand, didn't take any of John B's shit. Every protest was rejected and every attempt to be completely independent was ignored. Emma constantly had to remind him that he was just a kid and no child of hers was going to face life's troubles alone.

They had an agreement. Emma paid for the Chateau's bills since her offer to have him live with her was denied, and John B paid for his groceries. Reassurance and compromise.

But just because Emma and John B had an agreement didn't mean that Stella abided by it. So when John B returned home later that night to find JJ putting groceries away and Stella cooking dinner, he let out a heavy sigh.

"Stella, we talked about this," he reminded, sitting at the dining table.

Stella looked over her shoulder at him and raised a brow. "It's funny how after years of friendship you still think you can tell me what to do."

"We had a deal."

"No, you and my mom had a deal," she corrected. "And by the looks of it, you weren't upholding your end. Peanut butter and jelly can only be so nutritious, JB."

JJ finished what he was doing and crumpled the paper bag he was holding into a ball. "Dude, just let her buy you stuff. It's free food." He walked over to where Stella was and leaned against the counter. "Besides, she eats most of it anyways."

"Nah." John B shook his head. "I think that's you, JJ."

He was met with nothing but a paper ball to the face.

Later on after dinner was finished, Stella excused herself early, knowing that she would have a hard time falling asleep thanks to the storm that raged on outside. With a chorus of 'good night' and 'sweet dreams', she disappeared into the spare bedroom leaving John B and JJ by themselves.

The two boys cleared the table, the manners Emma Marx instilled in them shining through, and grabbed drinks from the fridge.

"So," John B started, returning to his seat at the table. He nodded down the hall to the room where Stella was. "You two looked cozy this morning. I'm surprised you didn't get a hard on."

JJ sat across from him and chuckled at his best friend's teasing tone. They both knew there was a sliver of truth behind the joke. "Trust me, I am too."

"You two together yet?"

JJ shook his head and took a swig of his beer. "You know the rule, man. No Pogue-on-Pogue macking."

John B knew that the rule they created as kids was nothing but an excuse and tilted his head. "Since when do you care about following the rules?"

"Since it has to do with my friendship with Stella. Besides, I don't want Kie on my ass if I break it."

"She won't be," John B promised. "We all know you have a thing for Stella, the only one who doesn't is Stella herself. You should make a move."

JJ almost laughed at the suggestion. "You think I haven't?"

"This is Stella we're talking about. She's the smartest person I know, but she can't take hints very well. You gotta be straight up with her."

"And have her brutally reject me? Yeah, right."

John B gave him a flat look. He couldn't comprehend how blind his two friends were. It was so obvious that they loved each other, but neither of them could get past their fears to see it. "You're such a dumbass, JJ. Truly."

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know."

Their conversation didn't last long after it shifted to John B's meeting with his social worker. When the time came around to sleep, each boy retreated to their respective bedroom.

Stella stirred as JJ climbed into bed next to her, but he quickly lulled her back to sleep and almost instinctively, she buried herself into his side.

His arm found the back of his head and stared up at the blank ceiling listening as the winds blew a whistle through the air. The harsh rain provided a soundtrack to his thoughts as he let his mind wander back to the conversation he had with John B.

JJ often wondered what it'd be like to date Stella. What it'd be like to hold her whenever he wanted, to kiss her whenever he wanted, to memorize every inch of her, both body and soul. What it felt like to be loved by someone so passionate and caring as her.

She was a catch and everyone knew it. JJ knew it, she knew it, and anyone who's ever crossed her path knew it. The person who got the privilege of dating her would have to be the luckiest person on the planet and that simply wasn't him.

It always seemed that whenever his life was going well, the universe just had to throw something bad at him.

Hope was a dangerous thing and JJ knew that better than most.

If there was the slightest chance that Stella returned his feelings, JJ didn't know if he'd let himself believe it. She was too good for him. She was the sun and he was nothing but a speck of dust floating in the wind. He couldn't let himself be hopeful because he knew it would just be pulled out from under him.

So as he laid in the bed of his unofficial room with the girl he was wholeheartedly in love with, he decided that he wouldn't make a move like his best friend suggested. He'd let their love story unravel on its own and maybe, just maybe, he'd build up the courage to tell her everything he felt.

RAE SPEAKS !

i feel like this chapter was a little bit of a mess, but this is where JJ's at. he's in love with her, but he doesn't really know what to do because he thinks she's too good for him.

anyways, can we please talk about this??