ੈ♡˳ FOUR
eyes don't lie

TIREDNESS IS A DEPRESSANT. like alcohol or any other depressant within the group, it slows down your brain and your reaction time until you become sluggish and struggle to function normally. tiredness turns your body to jelly. it makes your eyes fight tirelessly to keep open, wanting desperately to stay alert and refusing to fall into the realm of sleep.

grace was tired. she'd gotten maybe four or so hours of sleep since the brick incident, and she could feel that her body was ready to shut itself down on the spot to obtain the sleep it deserved. but the moment she laid eyes on lando norris, clad in all black with a fluffy white beanie, it was like she had never been tired in the first place. it was like she had all the energy in the world.

brain slow, she didn't think, she just acted. as he stood there, one hand on the door and one hand in his pocket, he didn't even have a chance to fully open the door. one second, she was outside the apartment, and the next, she had crossed the threshold with her hands placed on his chest in a rough shove.

lando, caught off guard, stumbled back and quickly caught himself from slipping. grace didn't stop there. with the strength that had miraculously returned at the mere sight of the boy before her, she kept pushing against the plush material of his hoodie, shoving against the chest that she could feel was more defined than it used to be, until he finally snapped out of his shock and locked her wrists with his hands in one simple manoeuvre.

"what the fuck?" lando spluttered. winded, he tried not to cough as he fought for his breath back. "jesus, grace."

grace. "you fucking piece of shit," she fought to try free her hands, but her energy crashed all at once, and she was instead left with trying to keep herself upright while fighting back tears. she would not give him the satisfaction of watching her crumble, even if it meant fighting herself to do it. her feelings were scattered: was she angry? upset? something else? they twisted up until the only outcome was confusion. "fucking cunt—"

"enough," lando told her sharply. his eyes cut like knives as he stared down at her through long eyelashes. she was almost everything he remembered her to be; the same blue eyes, but they were heavy with sleep, her hair was blonder, and she still had that mark under her eye. a mark that he had thought would heal with time, yet it had transformed into a dented scar instead. she was everything he hadn't thought of in years, everything he had kept pushed so far back into his mind until there was nothing left to create a mental image with. grace summers stood in front of him, bringing it all forth until he was forced to remember what he had desperately forgotten.  "god, it's almost midnight! why the fuck would you come here now?"

"let go of me," grace ignored him, her efforts futile to free her wrists. he was stronger, too. there was once a time she could free herself from his grasp; she should have expected it — this wasn't the same boy she remembered. she kept forgetting that simple fact.

"are you going to start up again?"

"probably, yeah," she glared at him with the response he knew to expect. his eyes were darker than she remembered, and they looked so dull. had they always been? when he still didn't let go, she venomously spat, "i hate you." the words left her mouth so fluidly that it almost didn't sound like her own voice. she hadn't expected everything to bubble out of control the second she saw him, but maybe that's what five years of nothing did to a person. the anger had been so deeply repressed that all it took was to see his damn face after years of avoiding it like the plague to explode.

"okay," she barely registered lando's simple response. still, he let go of her wrists and took a few steps back, as if her presence were poisonous enough. the distance stung. over a thousand kilometers between them had grown easier for grace to deal with once he left, but now the distance of barely a metre seemed to hurt impossibly more, as if every centimetre from him was dangerously dipped in venom. she assumed that being too close would feel exactly the same, too. she was in limbo standing in his apartment. "can we talk about this tomorrow? it's late."

"is it?" grace gravitated towards the glass side table near the wall. all that sat on top of it was a bowl filled with keys, and she turned and half-sat on it in an attempt to keep herself looking awake and alert. "didn't notice when i haven't been sleeping because of charlize."

"that's not my fault," lando argued. he crossed his arms over his chest, an unimpressed look in his tired eyes. "i didn't tell her to go all psycho on you."

"you didn't have to!" she threw her hands up, irritation clawing through her tone. "god, she's your ex, lando. that's more than enough to make it your fault." it hurt to say, and watching lando's face morph into something unreadable just made her feel worse. the past hit them both unexpectedly hard, leaving them both worse off than the other could imagine. lando's fists clenched in his pockets, and grace dug her fingernails into the back of her hand as if it would make her feel better. "but you just had to see her again, didn't you?"

lando fell silent for a moment. for just a second, time had stood still. he could see how bad she was hurting, but he refused to look any further. he couldn't. "how'd you know?" his voice wasn't as rough this time, but still on the very precipice of friendly, if you could even call it that.

"you told me you hadn't seen her in three years . . ." grace broke eye contact with him. she distracted herself by looking around the apartment she assumed he had been staying in for as long as he had been gone for. it was all very grand in white, but it had personal touches to bring it to life: family photos, keepsakes, the odd hoodie hanging over a piece of furniture, photos of friends both new and old . . . photos she couldn't find herself in at all. not that she was surprised, but seeing your old friend group all in one photo that you were cropped out of still was enough to muster hurt. "you went back to her. d'you see why all this bullshit is your fault yet? selfish prick," she muttered the last part under her breath, but still loud enough for him to hear.

"not everything is about you!" bothered by the slander he was receiving in his own home, he moved past her to close the front door before he ended up with a noise complaint. he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, and the feeling only got more intense when his fingers pulled too hard on knotted curls. "how many times did you go back to sarah? to alex?"

her jaw dropped at the sheer audacity of him. "they weren't insane," she scoffed at his poor attempt to bring up the exes she had back as a teenager in order to make himself feel better. "charlize is . . ." her words faltered, broke, "she . . ." her throat closed up like a bad allergic reaction at thoughts that she couldn't get herself to voice. not when she was a tired, emotional mess feeling claustrophobic in his apartment, where she swore she could see the walls beginning to close in like an elaborate trap. but she didn't need to voice anything. lando knew exactly what she was going to say.

he knew what she was trying to say, and for a millisecond, she swore something in those dark, jaded eyes flickered. but it was gone, and grace was left to assume it was her imagination making an appearance instead of his sympathy. "grace . . ."

she shook her head, straightening back up with the poise she had grown up with. she'd been raised to be elegant and untelling, to keep what she truly thought locked behind steel bars to please who she needed to please. years of being a spoilt child being whisked around to classy events under the care of her parents made sure she was well-mannered and didn't tip the scales. one move out of line, one slip of the tongue, one tantrum, and she would never hear the end of it. her mother named her grace after all, it would be unjust if she were anything but graceful, sophisticated and refined.

"i'll call you tomorrow to work something out," she steeled her voice until it was as icy as the weather outside. her voice, however, was betrayed by the hint of softness her eyes held. no matter how well she could hold herself, her eyes were always the one that gave her away. they were slate swirled with periwinkle, the gorgeous blend of gray that she had always hated because they broadcasted her true feelings to the word. maybe if her eyes were darker, she could hide better. maybe if she'd gotten her father's eyes rather than her mother's, lando wouldn't be able to see through her like she was a transparent piece of fragile glass. "i just need your help, and then— and then you can forget me again."

she turned her back on him to turn the front door's handle. she didn't waste a second in stepping out into the fresh air of the hallway, and suddenly she could breathe again. the walls stopped closing in, he was out of sight, and every familiarity disappeared with it.

lando couldn't move from the spot he was bolted down to. he could only watch her leave in a dazed flurry of blonde hair he used to remember the feeling of. the door was slowly closing as he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

it didn't matter, anyway. she was already gone as the door clicked shut.

x

AS MUCH AS SHE would love to put the blame solely on lando, grace couldn't deny that she was partially to blame. though, it had been lando's lie that had spiralled into some of the blame landing on her . . . it was all too complicated. she just knew that one night, the core group of three were closer than ever, and the next, a fight at an afterparty undid everything.

she liked to think that the tiniest slither of blame could hold her accountable. she was fine with that.

her day had been alright so far. after walking through the dark streets of monte carlo to get back to her hotel room last night, she'd fallen asleep almost immediately. the disruptive seven hours of sleep were enough to make her feel a lot more alive. the oceanic air helped, too — she felt a lot more energised breathing that in rather than the london air.

and maybe seeing lando helped. maybe, possibly . . . probably. she hated to admit it, and never would openly do so, but grace hadn't realised how much she needed to see him until that exact moment. she hadn't caught a glimpse of him in half a decade, and although she didn't think about him, she had always been curious . . .

if his hair still curled the way it once did. if his eyes still sparkled with youthful mirth. if he still enjoyed the old, classy music they used to dance to together at their families' business events . . . if he still knew ballroom dancing like the back of his hand. because she did, and hadn't forgotten a single step of it since he had first taught her when they were eleven.

she could remove anything that reminded her of him, but all the things he had showed her remained intact. when he taught her to dance so she was never left out at the 'grown-up events', when he taught her how to go-kart so that she could help him train, when he taught her the correct way to sort a puzzle or helped her learn the difference in forks or—

"shut up," grace verbally silenced her thoughts as she watched the waves lap against each other in the distance, the gorgeous shade of turquoise always a friend. there was something so freeing about the sea; it never had anything tethering it to place, always free to drift on forever, to travel the world and never be alone. the air was freezing as she sat at the edge of the jetty near the famous yacht club, but bundled up in a thick coat, a white beanie and a scarf, she find herself enjoying the serenity the mediterranean sea brought.

"you tellin' me to shut up?"

or, was enjoying the peaceful serenity.

"depends on what bullshit you're gonna tell me," she didn't miss a beat, not even turning to look as lando finally joined her at the edge of the jetty in the place he had asked her to meet him. he was five minutes late, which wasn't really a lot, but when she already wanted to throw him into the sea and watch him sink, it irritated her more than anything.

he sat down beside her, legs dangling over the edge and above the shimmering water below. a black beanie sat atop his head, and a few untameable curls stuck out annoyingly. a black coat that matched his gloves kept him warm enough, but every breath he took could be seen floating up into the atmosphere. "actually," he corrected, "it's whatever bullshit you're gonna tell me." he paused, his eyes meeting hers. grace looked away. "what happened?"

grace didn't say much, just reached into his pocket to pull out the note and passed it to him. "orange string, lando," her voice was almost lost in the breeze. "do you get it now?"

he unraveled the note laced with orange string and scanned the contents of it a few times. in his other hand, he twisted the string around his fingers in thought, "you're being punished for what i did," his tone matched her own as thoughts clouded his head. the severity of the situation finally collapsed on top of him, and he realised that the most he could do after everything was to help out with this little thing. and, like she said herself, he could forget about her again when it was all over.

he does have a brain, she fought the urge to roll her eyes. "i need charlize off my back, and you're the solution."

"that's a lot of pressure," lando tied the string back around the note and handed it back to grace. "what do i have to do?"

although the way he said it was as if he had to complete some kind of chore, grace was at least thankful that he had stopped complaining and started helping. "i need you to call her," she said firmly. "and you're going to tell her you want to see her."

loudly, lando sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "you're fuckin' kidding me," he complained, but with one unimpressed look from grace, he pulled his phone and took off his right glove so that he could could open his contacts app. you're not kidding, he thought, scrolling until he found charlize's contact.

before he could click on it, she asked, "why did you go see her again? after everything?"

lando's lips formed a thin line in thought. "she moved here not long after i did," he shrugged like it was nothing, "guess it just kinda happened."

grace could've said she didn't believe him, that she wanted the truthful answer, but what was the point? she knew when he was lying, something that clearly hadn't changed. he broke eye contact, he played with the silver bracelet on his wrist, he made everything seem less than it was, all like he used to. she caught herself. why should she still care? it was clear he didn't.

"when you call her," grace cleared her throat, "can you tell her you want to meet this afternoon?"

"this afternoon?" he asked, and grace left it unanswered. tapping a few times until his phone began to call charlize's, he thought, that's hardly enough time to mentally prepare—

the call connected so quick that his eyes widened. putting it on speaker, he set his phone down on the wooden dock. "is the lando norris calling my phone right now?" grace facepalmed, her stomach twisting into knots as charlize's high voice ruined the calamity of the salty air.

"uh, looks like it," lando felt awkward as he tried not to cringe at her voice. "uh, how're you doing, char?"

i'm gonna be sick, grace didn't bother to hide her distaste as lando dropped the nickname she hadn't heard in years.

"i'm great!" charlize giggled into the phone. lando bit the inside of his cheek; it wasn't soft like grace's giggle, it was more jarring. yet another thing he didn't miss about the girl on the other end of the phone call. "there's this huge fashion ball i've been preparing for that's soon. i just have to finish up the fifteenth dress and i'm done."

fifteenth? grace had to cover her mouth with her hand before she laughed. to be allowed to show off your designs at the mediterranean, you had to have more than one collection . . . and a collection is typically twelve designs. although fifteen dresses was technically enough, it wasn't as pleasing to look at when there were designers showing up with twenty-four or more designs. lando noticed, and just for a second, his grimace slipped. just for a second.

"oh, cool," lando nodded slowly, trying to feign interest. "i've heard about it, i think. the mediterranean, right?"

"ye— wait," the two former friends could picture charlize's smile dropping as her words did. "you know about it? don't tell me you still talk to grace."

lando swallowed awkwardly. "grace? like, gracie grace?" he closed his eyes so he couldn't see grace in the slightest. "nah," a short chuckle left him, "you know we don't talk, c'mon."

'you know we don't talk'. grace stiffened, her spine straighter than it had been a moment ago. had they talked about her after they both moved out of london? had they talked about her like she was nothing but the dirt under their shiny white shoes? she wouldn't be surprised if they had, especially with the person lando had become since she last saw him.

charlize giggled again, "well, you never know. you know, i heard she got invited to the ball on valentine's, too."

"oh really?" he tried to sound as surprised as possible. acting wasn't his strong suit, but charlize was also not the brightest person he knew.

"i don't think she'll show," charlize said. grace could picture her looking at her nails like the girls in movies do when they think they've just done something incredible. "you know what she's like—"

"do we have to talk about her?" lando cut her off, boredom in his tone. "y'know, i had a better idea . . ."

"mhm," charlize hummed, "does it have something to do with why you're finally calling me now?"

"well, y'know, uh," he fiddled with the silver bracelet around his left wrist. he looked over at grace, but she was glaring down at his phone like she was tempted to throw it into the ocean. he hoped she didn't. "i was wondering if i could come over in a few hours."

charlize didn't hesitate, "of course! you know you're always welcome around, lando . . . is around four okay? i need to clean up a bit."

looking at grace, lando saw her nod, and so he answered, "yeah, four's good. see you then, char."

"bye!"

he hung up after that. "so . . . four o'clock," he said to grace.

grace nodded stiffly and stood up, rolling her shoulders as she did so. "four o'clock," she looked down at him for a second. "can you pick me up? i don't know where she lives."

"yeah," lando shrugged, "alright." the uncomfortable silence covered them until they were colder than before, unsure words left unspoken, forever trapped in the void in between.

grace went to leave, but she stopped for a second, looking back down at lando, who was pocketing his phone back into his coat. "why is it that you never answered my calls? i'm sure she called you, and that you answered."

she scoffed as he left it unanswered. he didn't even look up at her, barely making a move to acknowledge that he had heard her — he had, her voice wasn't as quiet as before. grace looked away in case he looked up at her and her eyes betrayed her again. hoping it was just the cold making her eyes water instead of the boy still sitting silently at the edge of the peer, she wiped her thumb under her eyes before her makeup had a chance to run. that would be the real embarrassment on her flawless face.

"i wish i knew what i did to you," grace blinked a few times to try rid the thin, glassy sheen coating her eyes. "because i would take it back a thousand times if i could."

she didn't bother to wait to see if he had an answer. she turned and walked back down the jetty, heading back towards the warmth of the ruby ferrari pista she had rented out for the span of time she was in monte carlo for.

it didn't matter, anyway. lando kept silent as if he didn't hear a thing.

x

note !

bit more lore in this one 👀

the playlist i've made for this my beloved