The next few months were awkward and in all honestly dreadful. I hated every waking moment seeing her face. At first I was just sad, sad that we were living together out of pity. But soon after a month of seeing her go to therapy, ignore everything they told her to do, and not try to recover, I could feel the anger. I was absolutely destroyed. I was paying for her therapy, for her to live under my roof and she wasn't even trying. I tried to confront her gently, telling her how she needed to try and get better because we are adults now and everytime she would just burst into tears and say she was trying.

I gave up yesterday.

I can't try to help her anymore I'm not taking care of myself anymore or winning as many fights because I'm concerned for her. But after yesterday I just can't keep doing this, I have offered her nothing but support and encouragement and yet somehow yesterday, I found her digging through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. She didn't seem to notice me through the crack of the door as she found what she was looking for and stared at the orange bottle for awhile. I waited. And waited for her to say that she simply thought it was advil or that she didn't know what she was doing. Instead she dumped the entire container into her hand and brought her hand to her mouth, the white pills in it rolling around. I burst in suddenly connecting the dots and made her spit out all of the pills.

I have no words. She really tried to end her life again, with me in the house. I could feel the betrayal settle in as I sat in front of her awestruck but her actions.

Quickly I got up and went into my room to pack my bags. She didn't understand why I was "overreacting" that it was an accident and I should stay but i didn't. I left and stayed the night at Alex's house. In short Alex hates Lilah, everytime she's over the tension is there and Alex glares. The time with Alex was short, just the weekend. And well I was shocked when I got home.

Lilah was gone the only thing left of her was a note, her and her goddamn notes. I didn't read it and I know its still tucked away in a drawer somewhere but I haven't seen her in a week so I'm guessing she's gone for good. As bad as I feel, a small relief is there in place of the reminder that I wasnt good enough for her. It's a peaceful feeling really.