I whistled my way into the home. I was just done with my shift at the bar and I'm ready to knock out after a hard day. The house was quiet. No Letty, no Coco. Well, his bike was in the driveway. So he had to be here

"Coco?" I called out as I reached the bedroom. The bathroom door was closed. I tossed my bag and my shoes in the corner. "Hey I'm home. I was thinking we order something for dinner." I knocked on the door. There was no answer. "Coco?" I tried to open the door and it was locked. "Coco." I checked around the room. His stuff was still here. "Coco, come on, answer me."

"Please, come on." I took a step back. I kneeled down and looked under the door, I saw him in there. That's when a full panic attack kicked in. I started banging on the bathroom door as hard as I could. "Coco! Open the fucking door! I'm not playing around!" I backed up, my hands in my hair. I was scared. "Johnny! Coco!" I banged on the door again, started to kick it, use my body to get it open. I was now sobbing, pacing around the room, jiggling the doorknob. "Fuck!"

I finally got the door open and there he was. Coco was on the floor, laying there. He OD. I fell back. I couldn't believe my eyes. I crawled my way to him, humming, sobbing. I turned him over and looked at him. He was gone.

"Nooo!" I cried into his chest. "Coco!"

—

I jumped up, sweating. I looked to see that I was in my room and it was all a dream. Coco never OD. The panic was gone but I knew something felt off, but I pushed it to the side.

My dad was downstairs, making breakfast as I got down to the kitchen. He looks at me and then looks back at the pan. Something was bothering him, something always did.

"Eat." He put a plate of food down and hands me a fork. "Where did you go last night?"

"Out." I ate a piece of bread. He looks at my hand. I can hear him in my head saying why wasn't I wearing my ring.

"What happened to you and Coco?"

"He called it quits." I shrugged off. "I dont want to talk about it."

"Did he hurt you?" I dropped the bread onto my plate.

"Stop acting like you care okay? I know what you're doing and I hate it when you do that."

"Is that why you were drunk last night? Passed out in the front lawn." Here we go yet again.

"What I do is none of your concern." I whispered to him.

"But you are my daughter and I care about your-"

"No dont. Stop with the lies okay? You're just saying that because you want to be the good guy. The 'i tried to help her' guy. Dont." I finished up with my breakfast and washed the dishes.

"You're a drunk."

"Im not a drunk dad!" I turned around to look at him.

"Look at you!"

"So having a couple of drinks makes me a drunk?" I pointed to myself. "I'm not a drunk. Im done having this conversation." With that, I grabbed my bag and left. The headache was gone. I needed to go back to Carlas, after yesterday, I needed to go. Andres wasn't there and Carlas car was in the driveway. I rang the doorbell and waited. As she opened the door, we stood there. Carla hugs me.

"Can we pretend what I did wasn't weird?" She said to me.

"It wasn't weird at all." I told her.

"It was weird, but we don't have to talk about it." I pulled her back, actually looking at her.

"Carla, i uh, i kinda liked it." She clears her throat.

"Oh." I chuckled for a bit. "Hey, i just don't want to ruin this, what we have."

"No I get it. I like being friends."

"Good." We went to the living room, she sat down on the loveseat and I sat on the couch. "Was that your first kiss from a girl?"

"Yeah." I got red. I was curious when I was a teen but I ended up with Roberto, I never got to experience it and then I was with Coco so I really didn't think about it. Girls do catch my attention but Im just so scared that either they'll think that I'll try to hit on them so I stay quiet. My family didn't know of any of this because i mean, we're Hispanic. Im just a closeted bisexual.

"Ill heat up some pizza from last night, want in?"

"I'll help." We got up and head to the kitchen. The doorbell rang. "I got it." I wiped my hands with a towel and opened the door to see Leti. "Leti, are you okay?" I let her in.

"No! God I fucking hate Coco!" Carla stopped what she was doing and I let Leti sit on the couch. "He's fucking unbelievable!"

"Leti, take a deep breath."

"He's been gone for days! And all of a sudden he comes back like nothing! I was worried! You were worried!" She runs her hands through her hair. "I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna see him."

"You can stay here." I turned to Carla, who nods. "Coco-"

"How you stand here and defend him!?"

"Im not defending him Leti."

"He broke your heart." Right. It was still new. I keep forgetting that we were over. That he broke up with me. "He chose drugs over you." We jumped as Andres came home from work.

"Andres..." Carla bops her head to the kitchen to leave us alone.

"You can stay here. We can talk to Coco-"

"He won't listen." Typical Coco.

"Okay! Okay." I calmed her down. "Come on, we're gonna eat." I pulled her to the table. "Leti, this is Carla and Andres, my friends, guys this is Leti, Cocos daughter." They all waved At each other.

"You like pizza?" Carla asked Leti.

"Yeah." She sits down and I served her. The four of us sat in silence and eyeing at each other. This was awkward. "Thanks for letting me stay."

"Hey, Marisol cares about you, its all good. The door is always open." Carla smiles.

"Thanks." I patted her shoulder. What am I going to do? Do I take Leti away from Coco? I just don't wanna be the bad guy here. She doesn't deserve to be alone in the house or even be around drugs. It was like Celia all over again.

It was past 12, Leti was getting tired, falling asleep on my shoulder as we watched a movie together. I gently woke her up and took her to my room and helped her to bed.

"Good night Leti." I said as I head to the door.

"Good night mom." Mom... That word felt good to hear. I shut the door and grabbed my bag.

"Where are you going?" Carla asked as she sat up from her seat.

"Im just going to get something from the liquor store, ill be back. If Leti wakes up asks, just tell her Ill be back." I headed out and walked my walk. The streets were quiet, some people were out minding their business. "Hey Omar." I sniffed as I passed him and head to the back. I picked out some tequila and headed to the front.

"Busy night?"

"You know, we were running low on stuff, they sent me." I lied. He scanned my bottle and paid him.

"Be careful out there Marisol, you never know what will happen." I salute to him and left. I stopped to open my bottle, taking chug after chug. Then a group of motorcycles pulls up in front of me. Men started jumping out and head towards me.

"Get her! She's one of them." One pointed at me.

"Fuck!" It was Stockton. I started to run but others came out from the shadows. They slapped the bottle out of my hand and punched me. My head flew back and I was on the ground. They kicked, spit, and swore at me. I covered my face, crying.

"Paybacks a bitch!" One of them yelled.

"This one is for Paco!" One of them hit me in the stomach and they ran away. I laid there, gasping for air, crying. I crawled my way to an alley and curled up in a ball, sobbing.

I wiped the blood from my nose and slowly picked myself up, spit out the blood and limped my way to Carlas. With every sound, I jumped, thinking they'll finished the job.

I got to the fence, holding onto it. Just a few more steps.

"Marisol." Andres ran to me, helping me up. He took me inside and I laid on the couch, grunting as the pain hurt more as I moved. It hurt to breathe. "What the fuck happened?"

"Oh I tripped."

"Knock it off." He went to the bathroom and grabbed some supplies. He kneels down, pulling my shirt off and looking at my side. "You're gonna be in pain for weeks."

"Im used to it." I sniffed as I grabbed the bottle from the table. "Wheres Carla? Is Leti still sleeping?"

"Carla went to bed and Leti is still sleeping." Andres looks at my cuts on my face. He sighs. "Who did this to you?"

"Stockton Mayans." I forced a laugh but it became a wince. "Ambushed me outside of Omars."

"Why are you involved with them?"

"Thought I could help the Mayans, sort things out. I was the queen." I shook my head. "Now that the border is closed, business is slow and people aren't happy. They know me because Bishop introduced me to them all and well, Ez and Angel."

"Its not a life for you."

"Thats the only life I know. They're family, those assholes treated me like a daughter more than my own father."

"Im sorry to hear that. Felipe sounds like a great man." Great man, okay... I snorted. Andres started to stitch my cheek and my upper eyebrow.

"Can you not tell Leti about what we did? Just keep this between us?"

"Yeah." He doesn't look at me. "She isn't yours right?"

"No, she's as good as though. I care for her like I would if I had a kid. She came from a fucked up household and I just want her to feel safe."

"You're a great person. A lot of people wouldn't do that, usually they'll leave."

"I try my best." I grabbed his arm, stopping him. I looked at those brown eyes of his. "Do you think I'm a good person?"

"I like to think you are. You care about your brothers a lot. Usually its the older siblings that looks out for the younger one." He got closer to me, kneeling between my legs. He ran his thumb over my cheek. "Eres delicada," he said with his thick accent. "Tanto dolor para alguien tan delicado."

"Im not delicate." Andres wipes the single tear I had down my cheek.

"Si." He kisses my lips softly. He lifted my shirt off of me and gently laid me back on the couch. Andres stares at my body, all the scars I had. He felt bad for me. "Oh baby you're breaking my heart." I turned away from him, but he gently turns my chin. "I can't imagine the pain you have."

"I dont wanna talk about it." I sat up and grabbed him and started to kiss him.

—

Andres passed out on the couch, I watched him as I gathered my clothes, putting on my underwear and his shirt to go to the kitchen for something to drink.

Delicate. Was I really? I've been broken so many times is that even a thing for me? I was probably so used to the pain, I just didn't care anymore or just got used to it. I laughed at the thought.