I open the door of my own room, which feels weird after sleeping in the crowded barracks for months. I'm grateful for the privacy, now shielded and safe from other riders or cadets... However, not from a dragon, right Sgaeyl?
"That is right, Celebrian," Sgaeyl grumbles. I chuckle as I examine the room. It is small, I mean smaller than Garrick's room which is more understandable since he is a second-year. A knock on the door makes me glance over my shoulder to see Xaden in the doorway.
"Hi," I say and send him a smile. He flashes me a small smile, entering my room.
"I bet it feels much more private than those barracks," he grins. I watch him gaze at the sword on my desk with blooded cloths beside it.
     "It was my mother's," I say in a soft voice. It is all I have left from her.
"It makes you the person you are today," Sgaeyl speaks. A faint smile plays on my lips.
     "It suits you," Xaden says. "It is an elegant way to honor her." A sigh leaves my lips as I move to throw away the blood cloths. "What did happen during Threshing?"
"It took several boring hours of crossing dragons with whom I felt zero connection. I watched the sun move before I finally thought of the idea of climbing a tree," I explain. "Then I saw a few dozen cadets still wandering around, which eased my nerving feelings, and then, I saw Sgaeyl approaching and landing on the field. I climbed down and fell out of the tree because I heard a voice in my head." Thank you for that.
"How was I supposed to know that you were climbing a tree?" Sgaeyl counters in a sassy voice. I suppose she couldn't have known. "Exactly."
"The voice told me to fight and that they have been waiting for me. So, I fought three cadets because they were grouping up on Sgaeyl. I killed one, wounded one and Sgaeyl torched the last one," I end. "It was when I finally realized that Sgaeyl had chosen me as her rider." Xaden nods.
     "Sgaeyl made the right choice in choosing you as her rider," Xaden says. I tilt my head, questioning why he says that.
     "Whatever do you mean?" I question, crossing my arms over my chest. He scoffs a small smile before walking up to me. He has his eyes fixed on mine.
"Sgaeyl had my great-grandfather as her rider," he breathes. My eyebrows furrow as the question instantly pops up:
"Why did she choose me instead of you?" I question. He sends me a faint smile as he shrugs.
"We do not question the choices of dragons," he replies. "That does not mean that I don't understand why Sgaeyl chose you."
     "Remember when I first flew in?" Sgaeyl questions. I nod, I remember that day in vivid detail. I doubt I will ever forget Conscription Day.
     "I looked at you and I saw a survivor, a strong warrior who will not hesitate to make a choice," Sgaeyl explains. It makes my heart soft.
     "Are you alright?" Xaden questions. I focus on his eyes and I notice concern. His hands grab my shoulders as if I'm about to fall.
     "I am, it's just the reason why Sgaeyl chose me," I whisper. "She told me a moment ago." I feel my eyes getting watery. "I'm alright, really." He remains silent and just pulls me into a hug. I hide my face in the crook of his neck, silently sniffing.
"I hate emotions," I sniff. I hear Xaden chuckle and I feel the vibrations through his chest.
"My room is just across from yours," he whispers. "If you ever need me, just remember, my door is always open for you." I like the way of us being on good terms, however, his anger still bothers me.
"Aren't you mad at me anymore?" I murmur. Xaden gently pushes me away from him to look me in the eyes. I try to read whatever emotion is in his eyes.
"What should I be mad for?" he questions. I swallow a breath, taking a deep breath before telling him.
     "Well, you seemed quite mad when you found out I slept with Garrick and you were being rather curt with me," I say. Anger flashes through his eyes as his grip around my shoulders tightens. It is all for a brief moment before his grip loosens and his emotion disappears.
"It is your life to make your choices," he says. "So no, I am not." I look him in the eyes and I sense his words are honest. I nod and I send him a faint smile.
"I'm grateful for the things you have done for me. I'm most grateful for being my friend, you know that, right Xaden?" I say. It feels like I'm stabbing my own heart, telling Xaden he is a simple friend, rather than telling him  I love him. A soft sigh leaves his lips before he nods.
     "I value your gratitude, but I value our relationship more than Navarre ever gets to offer," he says, caressing my cheek with his hand. His touch is soft as I fight the urge to give in.
I love you... ... ... It is wrong, but it feels so fucking right. Even though I am not supposed to love him.

The next morning, we stand in newly arranged squads as the death roll is read. I look down at my new flight leathers, which are thicker than our usual ones. Unlike our regular uniforms, these leathers bear no insignia except for our rank at our shoulders. No names, no patches. Nothing that would lead to danger behind enemy lines if we were separated from our dragons. Besides that, this uniform has lots of empty sheathes for daggers.
     After the dead roll is read, we stand on the flight field in front of our dragon. My hands are clasped behind my back as my head is turned to Professor Kaori. His hand is up, using simple magic to project his voice for everyone to hear.
"Thirty-three unbonded riders," he speaks. "The unbonded would kill to be standing in your spot and it is known amongst the dragons that your bond is at its weakest point. If you fail to keep yourself alive, there is a good chance your dragon lets you once it thinks the unbonded is a better choice." I swallow harshly for a moment, then realize I will not fall.
     "I'd kill myself if I die," I mutter. I hear Sgaeyl producing noises which is close to a laugh. I suppose.
     "Now, we are going to mount and follow a series of specific maneuvers your dragons already know," he says. "Your task is simple, stay in your seat." He finishes his talk and sprints towards his dragon before making a vertical climb to mount. I turn to Sgaeyl, taking several paces backward before I launch into a sprint to make the mount.
     "That will need some work," Sgaeyl lectures. I roll my eyes as I climb onto her back. It's not that I have much experience mounting dragons. Sgaeyl spreads her wings and shakes her head.
     "Humans." I pat Sgaeyl's scales: "I love you too, sweetheart." She crouches before ascending us into the air. The wind tears my eyes as I feel the wind brushing my scalp. I let out a cry of joy, how fucking awesome is this! Kaori banks right and Sgaeyl follows. We dive down as I clench with my legs.
     "This is amazing," I cry out.
"Not as amazing if you're Gleann's rider," Sgaeyl mentions. I glance around but it has no use since Sgaeyl is huge compared to me.
"We already lost a rider?" I question.
"Gleann chose poorly. He never bonds strongly anyway," Sgaeyl grumbles. The wind makes my eyes tear, forgetting I have my flying goggles. Ugly things they are but I feel instant relief once I lower them.
Later on, Sgaeyl lands on the flight field and allows me to dismount. Class is over, meaning Sgaeyl is released to return to the Valley.
"You did well today," Sgaeyl says. I turn to her as she lowers her head. I gently stroke her nose as she almost purrs.
"Thank you," I smile. Sgaeyl opens her eyes and her golden eyes fix on me.
"Don't expect it every day from me tell you," she grumbles. I chuckle and press a kiss on her nose.
"I wouldn't dare," I smile, watching Sgaeyl take off. She is growing a soft spot for me even though she does not want to admit it.
"I can hear you."
     "Vervain." I glance over my shoulder. I watch Xaden approaching me as I let go of Sgael's nose. She hisses a puff of steam down at us as if she doesn't like Xaden.
     ''What's up?'' I question. His eyes find mine, eyes I always found handsome to look into.
     ''Do you have any plans for tonight?'' he questions, stuffing his hands into his pockets. I take a moment to think, remembering I have.
     ''I am to spend the evening with Garrick,'' I say, crossing my arms over my chest. ''Why?'' It is a genuine question. My eyes slightly narrow, wanting to know what goes on in that brain of his.
''You don't want to know,'' Sgaeyl sighs. I frown at her comment but I ignore it.
"Okay, then he will take you to the meeting," he mutters, more to himself than to me. I scowl and tilt my head.
"What meeting?" I question. Xaden turns his head as if no one is allowed to hear what he will say.
     "I'm setting up a meeting with our kind because I am determined to keep all of you alive," he slightly grits through his teeth. I need to moment to process his words. He must have seen the confusion in my eyes but decided to remain silent.
"To ensure our safety? But how?"
"I cannot ensure it for a hundred percent," he dismisses. "However, if I can put up these meetings to expand our time in this Quadrant I will. We start with a few but every year we will grow."
"Then I will make sure to be there tonight," I say. A small smile lingers on his lips as he turns away. I turn to Sgaeyl who had her eyes already upon me. I flash her a smile before she takes off.

Later that night, Garrick did take me to that meeting. The two of us wore dark cloaks and our faces were hiding underneath the hoods. We join a group of at least ten marked ones. I push my hood a further back, exposing my face to the darkness of the night.
"Thank you for coming here tonight," a voice enters the group. All eyes, including mine, turn to Xaden. "I invented these meetings because the Quadrant will find a reason to call you a traitor."
"What if they find out about these meetings?" a fellow first-year asks. Xaden simply waves away her concern with a wave of his hand.
"They will not find out because no will not tell. And if you tell, I'll know," he speaks in a calm tone, which makes the threat even scarier.
"Like it or not," I step in. "We are going to have to stick together if you wish to graduate." I cross my arms over my chest as eyes turn to me. I keep a mask of calmness and stare down the doubting eyes.
"How many of you are getting your asses handed to you?" Xaden questions. Three hands shoot into the air causing him to curse.
"I'll teach them," Garrick fills in, however Xaden shakes his head.
"You're our best fighter—"
"You're our best fighter," Nymeria cuts in with a grin on her lips. My eyes find hers and I fail to suppress a grin.
"Dirtiest maybe," I snort.
"Fucking ruthless is a better description," Garrick adds. I shift my gaze to Garrick, who sends me a subtle wink.
"Garrick is our best fighter so you will train with him," Xaden decides. "What else is giving you trouble?"
"I can't do this."
"What do you mean?" Xaden questions, his tone on a hard edge.
"I can't do this! The fighting, the surviving, the death. Any of it." His voice rose with every statement. "I want to go home, can you help me with that?"
"No," Xaden shrugs as every pair of eyes turns to him. "You will not make it then. Better accept it and quit wasting my time." Soft gasps rippled from our throats at Xaden's harsh comment.
"Wasn't that a little harsh, cousin," Garrick says. I watch Xaden's eyes shift to Garrick and cocks an eyebrow.
"I can't save everyone," he snarls. "Especially someone who isn't willing to save themselves."
"Way to give a pep talk," he mutters and even I roll my eyes.
"If they need a pep talk then they will definitely not fly out on graduation day. Let's face it, you have no use for empty promises. Better a harsh truth than pretty lies," I say. I feel Xaden's gaze upon me and I meet his eyes. I notice a hint of pride in his eyes.
"During the war, people die. It has nothing glorious like the songs. It is a hard, cold reality just like this Quadrant. So, you either get your shit together and fight to live or stop wasting my time." Only the sounds of the night animals are breaking the silence.
"Now, someone give me a problem I can actually solve," he orders.
"Battle Brief," another voice adds itself to the conversation. "It's not that I can't keep up, but the information is just...—" she shrugs.
"Keep what you know and recite whatever they will tell you to," he says. "Anyone else? We don't have all night." The silence gave Xaden his answer before he sent us away. I watch Xaden walk away and I intend to follow but then Garrick lays his hand on my arm. I glance over my shoulder to meet his soft eyes.
"Do you wish to spend the night with me?" I notice a dangerous sparkle in his eyes, hinting me what will happen if I enter his room. I cock an eyebrow and extend my hand to him.
"Lead away."