TW: suicide

i look at y/n, staring at them with affection. i just asked them to be mine to which they replied with a yes. i felt like i was on cloud 9, the most gorgeous, sweet, loving person just said yes to me. i would have never imagined this to be true. to gain the most perfect person in my life.

we walked hand in hand making it to our spot on a hill that had a perfect view of the starry sky. sitting on the vintage bench. they laid their head on my shoulder as i rested my head against theirs.

i want this forever and always.

-

y/n walks in the gym looking for their boyfriend. they just had one of the roughest days of her life. the constant bullying. the constant need of people to attack them. for what reason?

they see their boyfriend alone at the court practicing his serves, "tobio! hey can i talk to you i'm having a rough day and i-" he cut off his significant other before they could finish their sentence.

"not right now y/n," y/n was in need of comfort wanting some type of validation. someone to tell her it's okay. that things would get better.

"please i just need to-"

he cuts her off once more, this time yelling at her, "Y/N I TOLD YOU NOT RIGHT NOW. I NEED TO FOCUS ON VOLLEYBALL, BUT I CAN'T WHEN YOU'RE BEING SO CLINGY."
shocked, they lowered her head. y/n walk towards the boy giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"sorry tobio, i'll go. don't overwork yourself, please."

with that they leave the gym tears, slowly but steadily, treading down their face, with the boy not noticing. leaving him confused and a bit guilty for yelling, but not questioning their words.

if only he did.

-

i stood there at the front door of y/n's house, confused. confused because one, we had an argument the day before and i still haven't apologized. and two, it was her sister that contacted me. i really hoped that she wouldn't try anything with me, knowing that i love her younger sibling very much. i hope she wouldn't try doing anything that made me uncomfortable or let y/n get the wrong idea.

standing there awkwardly, the door opens. my eyes widened a bit seeing y/n's older sister, mai, look distressed with red puffy eyes. now that i recall, i don't remember her coming to school. or y/n.

i see her holding a box with a lock on it. she then holds out the box signaling that she was giving it to me. confused, i tilt my head.

"if you're trying to confess or something, please don't. i'm not interested plus where's y/n? i didn't see them at school today," i say looking over her shoulder, not seeing them in sight.

tears started dripping down her face, while she kept in a choked sob, arms still extending out giving me the box, "t-that's the problem."

this makes me even more confused about what was in the box. "huh? what do you mean?"
she starts crying even more now, having a hard time breathing, making me unsure what to do. "y-y/n they... they committed last night."

i stood there paralyzed, not believing a word she said.

"what? what do you mean she committed? no, she didn't,you're lying, right?" i became hysterical at the thought. it can't be true.

"Y/N, IF THIS IS A JOKE IT'S A SHITTY JOKE SO YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING NOW," i say trying to laugh to see if she would pop out of maybe behind me or behind the door. just somewhere.

"kageyama stop. they're not here. they committed last night and all they left was this note."

she hands me the slightly crumpled note. i take it, not wanting to read it.

-

dear mom and mai,

hi i'm so sorry i had to leave so abruptly. i couldn't take it anymore. i'm sorry i disappointed you mom, mai. please know i love you both very much and you should just move on and live your lives to the best. don't blame yourselves. also please give this box to tobio, this box is specifically for him, since the lock has a date only he and i know. again, i'm so sorry.

with love,
y/n <3

-

i folded the note back up and handed it to their sister, taking the box out of her hands.

"thank you," mai whispers looking at the bright blue sky filled with clouds and random black birds flying around.

i just simply scoff, "what for? i couldn't even keep her happy."

she looks at me giving me a gentle smile, "then tell me why when we found her she had a picture of you and her both in her left hand."

that's when i lost control of my emotions. it's my fault she's not here. if i just talked to her yesterday, i'm such an idiot. i'm so stupid.

just like always in every single situation, i'm so selfish. and it's my fault.

-

i ended up walking back to my house immediately wrapping myself in the blanket she got me. i start crying silently.

they're gone. they're actually gone. why y/n, you could've stayed stronger for a little longer for me. no, this is my fault if only i'd listen.

y/n please come back. please.

and before i knew it i passed out from exhaustion.

-

it's been a week since i've gotten the box. i haven't opened it because i was afraid of what was contained inside. it was pretty light but even so, i was afraid.

so much has changed. i already knew what happened, so when the teachers informed us about what happened it wasn't a shocker to me. many people were shocked, some saying their condolences to me and their family, some even crying. making me confused and angry. enraged even. why would they have the nerve to even show sympathy now. but then again i can't really say much, when again, i did nothing to check up on them constantly.

they were pretty close to the team, so when they found out they were devastated. especially yachi, who was a childhood best friend of theirs.

finally, friday. the week went by slowly, yet at the same time went by in a flash. everything was just a blur. practice was canceled, making me feel even more guilty.

i missed them so much. it was really painful. i just wanted them back.

i just wanted to be in their embrace.

-

i made my way up towards the hill, bag over my shoulder with the box inside. i decided to see what was inside the box in one sitting. i sat down on the bench. they usually sat to the right of me, pointing out random things like flowers or things in general that piqued their interest, but to my luck it was empty.

i take a deep breath while staring at the scenery. the sky was not too bright, maybe like a dull blue. the scent of gasoline from cars passing through, filled the air. oh and the flowers, tulips. what did they tell me? what did they stand for again? perfect love. right.

perfect love.

i took out the box staring at it quite a bit, it was not too big and not too small. there was her signature in the middle of it making my heart clench even more. looking at the lock i think about what the code could possibly be. then it hit me, i turn the numbers and with a click, it opens.

the day we started dating.

opening the box i see five neatly folded letters with numbers on them. along with a number, there was a date written in each of the right corners-- the dates were so close together. each one had a different pastel color of some sort.

one sitting. i'm going to read these in one sitting.

i take out the letter i assume to be obviously the first one having the number "one" written on it.

03'25'21