╰┈➤ ❝ [ I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden ] ❞

MUSIC BLASTED THROUGH THE SPEAKERS, the sound bouncing off into the crisp night sky. All the students were seated on the grass their attention on the wooden stage. Trees and bushes around it were covered with beautiful lights casting a warm embrace over the stage. A laugh left Han Seo-jun's mouth, his eyes shining with amusement at the sight of his friends performing a supposed strength show. They were all wearing different colored track suits trying to impress the crowd with their not so believable performance.

After the group of boys were done and the students cheering quieted down the MC, Jae-rong, spoke into the mic, "I heard there is a friend who was an idol trainee. The idol of our Saebom High School. Where are you? Raise your hand!"

Han Seo-jun mumbled something under his breath, displeased with the sudden mention of his past. Around him his friends pointed fingers at him basically throwing him under the bus. Seo-jun groaned glaring at Cho-rong for being so loud about his identity.

The MC grinned, "Great! Please give him a hand. His handsome halo-like aura is no joke. We can't just let him be."

"Gosh the rumor is already out? How far did the rumors spread?" Hyun-gyu asked, raising to his feet with a grin. Students around him pushed him back down with annoyance knowing it was obviously not him.

From his spot in the stage, Jae-rong directed his attention to Seo-jun. "Come up to the stage. Give him a big hand and cheer!"

Seo-jun's gaze was sharp as he turned to Cho-rong. "It was you, right?"

"Hey, you're good at singing." His friend pleaded not at all guilty for his actions. "Please, just one song!"

"I won't do it." He shook his head acting like nothing could change his mind. Of course, that was until a soft voice came from two spots off to his left side immediately catching his attention.

"Are you really not doing it?" Kim Ji-an asked, her eyes a bit hesitant but curious. Seo-jun felt relief course through his body at the sound of her voice and he had to fight back a smile. It was just the second day of their trip and all day Seo-jun felt as though the girl had been avoiding him. At breakfast her responses were short and quick like she had rehearsed them earlier that morning. While they all took turns playing with the lie detector she barely glanced his way and it worried him. He was beginning to think he'd done something wrong.

But here she was finally looking at him after hours of not doing so. It seemed like she was thinking the same thing if the faint blush in her cheeks didn't mean otherwise.

"Do you want me to?" Seo-jun asked, eager to hear her response as he leaned in her direction.

Kim Ji-an paused growing nervous under his gaze. She didn't want to make it obvious how badly she wanted to hear him sing. "I'd be nice if you did."

That was all the answer Seo-jun needed to hear. But then he remembered his plan and so he said, "I'll sing if you grant me a wish."

"A wish?" She repeated, a little surprised. When he nodded she thought about it for a moment wondering what wish he could possibly want. Knowing how Seo-jun is the thought about granting him a wish worried her a bit, but it also excited her which was new. After a few seconds she agreed, "Okay."

Seo-jun smiled and stood up causing the students to cheer with glee. He made his way to the stage and grabbed one of the guitars. Standing in front of the microphone, the gentle sound of the chords echoed through the night. Initially, Seo-jun gaze was on the guitar making sure to play the correct notes as he sung. "Your image came to me with its magic, perfume, and its color. I see your smile and a song. Together we learned the language of love."

Ji-an couldn't help but smile as she listened to his voice. She had overheard him singing at the karaoke room——what felt now like years ago, back when they started the fake dating scheme, so it's nice to finally hear his voice clearly without the walls of the karaoke room interfering.

Seo-jun continued, lifting his head to look at the audience. "Dreams were always because of you. Growing together we learned how to live. You'll always be in me. Time that passed by and took us."

He made eye contact with Ji-an his eyes kind but with an undeniable intensity. Ji-an fiddled with her fingers unable to look away from him and even if she could she didn't want to. As the song went on, Ji-an's face grew a dark shade of pink. The lyrics and unwavering look from Seo-jun was causing butterflies in her stomach. The new sensation caught her off guard, it wasn't unfamiliar but it was strong and a part of her felt scared at the new intensity.

"Like spring you wake the flowers. Like melodies that fill with courage. You live in me, I am in you." The last chords of the song were played and it wasn't until Seo-jun took his eyes off of her that Ji-an finally felt like she could breathe again.

Soo-ah nudged Ji-an, "He might as well could have said the song was dedicated to you."

"Stop." Ji-an groaned, the thought of that happening sending her mind into overdrive. Following Seo-jun's performance a few more students participated, some danced, others showed weird talents they possessed in hopes of impressing their classmates or perhaps crushes. After they were done everyone was allowed to roam and explore around the camp site until it was time to settle back into the assigned tents. Everyone was more than happy to do so and separated their own ways.

Kim Ji-an was about to join her friends when Han Seo-jun's tall figure suddenly towered over her. His hands were inside the pocket of his black jacket, body relaxed but eyes more troubled than someone who is calm should have. "Come with me." He said, voice firm but inviting.

The girl blinked part of her confused as to what he meant and another part still lingering in the way he looked at her moments ago. "Where?"

"You'll see." He replied, a faint smirk playing on his lips. When she didn't move, he added, "You still owe me a wish, sweetheart."

Ji-an's confusion melted into a soft sigh and she nodded. She followed close beside him their shoes crushing against dried leaves as the sound of voices and laughter faded into the background. They followed the dirt path, growing farther away from the tents. The night was cool and the air was crisp. With her peripheral vision Ji-an looked at Seo-jun. He was deep in thought his eyes set on the path ahead of them. Ji-an tried to be as normal as she could but even walking beside him seemed like an impossible task ever since her buried feelings flourished into a hesitant confession.

Seo-jun turned his attention to her his voice blending with the smell of soil and pine that floated in the air. "By the way, did you receive the message from the agency?"

Ji-an tilted her head, frowning. "A message?"

"Yeah, they want us to work together again for a shoot in a few days." He explained, searching her face for her reaction. "I thought they'd already reached out to you."

"Oh." Ji-an's mind drifted back to the day of their photoshoot and what had happened——or more accurately what didn't happen. Heat crept up her neck and she searched on her phone for the message Seo-jun mentioned, mostly because she wanted to distract herself with something. "I must've missed it. I wasn't exactly glued to my phone today."

"Distracted?" He asked with a familiar chuckle.

"Something like that." She answered vaguely, scared of Seo-jun finding out or even having the slightest clue about what was going through her head. She was barely figuring it out herself.

The two of them reached a clearing where a wooden bridge stretched across the serene lake. The water had a beautiful glow thanks to the full moon shining above it. Ever so softly the breeze brushed the surface in a careful whisper, rippling the water. Seo-jun and Ji-an stood in the middle of the bridge, eyes set on the view in front of them. He leaned against the railing, gesturing toward the scene. "I found this place last night when I couldn't sleep. It reminded me of you."

Ji-an's breath caught in her throat at his words and she leaned closer to the railing, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "It's beautiful."

"Yes, it is." He whispered, his eyes no longer on the view but on Ji-an because no work of nature could be more beautiful than the girl standing beside him. Seo-jun took a deep almost shaky breath his heart hammering in his chest with anticipation. Inside his jacket, Seo-jun's fingers brushed over the item in an attempt to calm his nerves.

For a moment, time went still. Seo-jun turned his whole body towards Ji-an with a new found determination flowing through his veins. "Ji-an, there's something I need to tell you."

She turned to him the seriousness in his tone taking her full attention and layering it with curiosity and nerves. "What is it?"

The silence stretched between them. Ji-an could feel her heartbeat quicken, the anticipation clawing at her chest. Whatever Seo-jun wanted to say felt big—too big—and she wasn't sure if she was ready to hear it.

"Han Seo-jun!"

They both turned to see Cho-rong rushing towards them, out of breath, and slightly panicked. "There you are! The vice principal is losing his mind looking for you. He didn't tell me why but he didn't look happy."

Seo-jun's jaw tightened. "Seriously? Right now?"

"Yeah, you know how he gets. You'd better come quick before he takes it out on me." Cho-rong said, clearly not wanting to be in the receiving end of the vice principal's shouting.

Hesitating, Seo-jun turned to Ji-an. He was frustrated, Ji-an could see it in the way his jaw clenched and the news rigidity in his posture. He opened his mouth to protest but the understanding in her eyes stopped him.

"It's okay," Ji-an said, her voice steady yet a part of her wished she was telling him to stay. "Go. We can talk another time."

He blinked, clearly reluctant, but her reassurance seemed to ease some of the tension off his shoulders. Though that didn't stop the object in his jacket pocket to feel ten times heavier than it was before. "...Okay," he muttered his gaze lingering on her with longing before he turned to follow his friend.

Ji-an sighed heavily as she turned to watch the lake. Disappointment washed over her like an ugly dark cloud. She wants to know what Seo-jun was going to tell her. Oh, so badly. Was he finally going to answer her questions about the past? Or had he also noticed the shift between them and wanted to address it? The questions jumped back and forth in her mind and she wasn't sure which of the two she wants the answer to the most.

And it worries her—letting Han Seo-jun in completely before he explained why he had done what he did wasn't something she was supposed to do. Yet, the question of what was happening between them loomed louder than ever, and it terrified her. This meant that despite her hesitation and questions, whatever she's feeling for Seo-jun is more overpowering. She wants answers—she deserves answers—but it terrified her how much she wanted him to look at her the way he had just moments ago. She hated how her heart raced at the thought of what he might have said, knowing it was dangerous to hope.

Soon after Kim Ji-an went back to the campsite deciding to sit by the bonfire and enjoy the warmth as the night grew colder by the hour. There she found Soo-jin. She was sitting alone, her posture weighted by thoughts and her eyes far off as she stared at the flames. Ji-an silently sat beside her the only sound between them was the crackling of the fire burning down the wood and the distant chatter of their classmates. They stayed like that for a while until Soo-jin finally spoke.

"I lied," she admitted, her eyes never moving away from the fire. "I'm not fine. I haven't been for a while now." Ji-an observed her under the warm, orange light casted over her face. Dark eye bags rested on her porcelain skin and her lips were chapped like she'd been constantly biting them from stress.

Patiently, Ji-an waited for Soo-jin to continue. "There's this constant pressure on myself to be perfect, to be the best—to be on top. But no matter how hard I try I can't never satisfy my father." She paused, her voice cracking and lowering. "He uh-he's been getting worse. Lately, there hasn't been a week where he hasn't physically assaulted me."

Soo-jin finally looked at Ji-an, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I'm just so exhausted. I just want to live my life without having something be expected from me every day and hour."

Ji-an felt a lump form on her throat as she listened to her friend. She knew something was going on with Soo-jin but she didn't think it was to this extent and it broke her heart to see her friend this way. Softly, Ji-an rested her hand on Soo-jin's shoulder giving a gentle yet firm squeeze. "I'm proud of you, okay? You're doing amazing. You're smart, you're beautiful, and have a bright future ahead of you. Don't let anyone else make you believe otherwise."

Soo-jin this time allowed the tears to fall. Her words held some frustration in them. "I thought it'll be easier to act like it wasn't happening. But now saying it out loud makes me feel relieved yet disappointed at how weak I've been."

"I get it." Ji-an sighed, deciding it was time to finally open up herself. "It happened once so I acted like it never occurred. My mother was drunk and she hit me and threatened me if I didn't do what she wanted." Soojin's eyes widened as she listened. "I had bruises on my face, so I had to cover them until they faded. Though, no layer of makeup made me forget what happened. I can't say I completely relate to you because I don't, but you're not alone on this, okay?"

Soo-jin picked at the skin on her hand suddenly embarrassed. "And here I thought your life was perfect compared to mine." She wiped her tears making eye contact with Ji-an. "If I'm being honest, I was always jealous of you. You always seemed so perfect and like nothing affected you even when it should. But ever since you returned I've realized how wrong I'd been. You were just better at hiding your pain."

Ji-an's eyes stung with tears but she didn't let them fall. She was supposed to comfort Soo-jin not the other way around. So she offered the best smile she could. "You're not alone, Soo-jin. We're going to figure this out together, okay?"

Soo-jin nodded and pulled Ji-an into a hug. "I'm really sorry."

She sighed. "I'm sorry too."

  ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷

That same night the girls settled into their shared tent everyone tired from the full day. As Kim Ji-an sat down on her sleeping bag she made eye contact with Soo-jin, the two sharing a small smile. There was a mutual understanding between now. Despite the heaviness of their conversation, there was a sense of peace it brought along. Ji-an had never spoken to anyone about what happened with her mother that day. She thought it didn't matter and that it was okay. But sharing it with someone else was more liberating than she ever thought.

Jug-yeong was also sitting on her sleeping bag, her eyes heavy as she tried to stay awake by watching something on her phone. Ji-an knows Jug-yeong had been forcing herself to be the last one to go to sleep and the first to wake up, so Soo-ah and Soo-jin wouldn't see her without makeup. It sadden her that Jug-yeong was still not confident enough to show her bare face around their friends. Ji-an has already tried convincing Jug-yeong but the girl is still unsure.

Ji-an didn't want to overstep her boundaries, especially since Jug-yeong hadn't entrusted her with the secret to begin with. She had only stumbled upon it by chance, walking into the bathroom just as Jug-yeong was washing the frosting off her face from the cake Hyun-gyu had thrown. It all felt like such a long time ago now.

Soo-ah groaned as she laid under her blanket. "It's cold in here."

"Yeah, tonight's a lot cooler than yesterday." Soo-jin agreed.

Soo-ah turned on her side, looking at Ji-an with pleading eyes. "Ji-an, could you go grab some blankets from the supplies tent? Mr. Han said they had extra blankets there."

"Why me?" Ji-an whined not feeling like going outside and exposing herself to the cold.

"Because Jug-yeong is in the verge of falling asleep, I know Soo-jin will say no, and I really don't feel like going myself." Soo-ah explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sighing heavily, Ji-an stood up. "Fine, but you owe me one." The girls let out a series of thank you's as Ji-an grabbed her jacket and headed out of the tent. The cold of the night immediately hit her making her shiver. She wrapped her arms around herself and made her way to the supplies tent.

As she got closer, she noticed how eerily quiet the campsite had become. Most of the students had already retreated to their tents, the earlier lively chatter now replaced by the occasional crackling of the bonfire and the rustling of leaves in the cool breeze. She rubbed her arms for warmth and picked up her pace, eager to grab the blankets and return to the comfort of her sleeping bag.

Just as she was about to unzip the supplies tent, hushed voices from the other side made her pause. Ji-an instinctively froze, recognizing one of the voices almost immediately—Han Seo-jun. Curiosity getting the best of her she walked closer, Lee Su-ho's voice meeting her ears. His voice was firm but Ji-an could hear the tiredness in his words.

"What part of I'm trying to move on now you don't understand, Seo-jun? She deserves better—better than the mess I became after Se-yeon died. And don't think l've forgotten what you said to me back then."

Ji-an frowned, knowing she shouldn't be eavesdropping, but it was impossible to ignore— they were clearly talking about her.

Su-ho continued, "Our best friend is dead because of you, what makes you think you won't end up killing Ji-an too?" His voice grew softer but the pain was clear, and Ji-an felt like she would throw up. "Those were your words towards me, and I've carried them with me ever since. So blame me as long as you want for Se-yeon's death, but stop adding Ji-an into this."

Seo-jun scoffed. "Se-yeon believed you could help him. He trusted you and how did you pay him back? Huh?"

Ji-an's heart dropped. Her breathing grew heavy as tears formed on her eyes at the revelation. Ji-an's legs felt like jelly as she stepped around the tent, revealing her presence to Seo-jun and Su-ho.

"Wh-what did I just hear?" She asked, her voice cracking in the process. Seo-jun froze at the sight of her and Su-ho's jaw clenched as he avoided her tearful gaze.

Ji-an looked at Su-ho a pained frown on her face. "Is this why you broke up with me? Because of what he said?" Su-ho didn't answer and his silence was the only answer Ji-an needed.

Seo-jun, on the other hand, pulled himself off his initial surprise and moved towards her. "Sweethea-"

"Don't!" Ji-an's voice cracked as she took a step back. Her arm instinctively rising to block Seo-jun's approach. The distance between them felt like an unbridgeable chasm, and she wanted it that way. Needed it that way.

"Don't call me that." she continued, her voice trembling with rage and heartbreak. "You told Su-ho I'd end up dead because of him? You used me to hurt him? How could you, Han Seo-jun?! How dare you?!"

Seo-jun felt his heart break. He took a step forward arms raised as if pleading. A lump had formed in his throat making his words come out choked up. "Ji-an, let me explain-"

"Explain what?" she spat, her tears blurring her vision. "That you were angry? That you were grieving? We all lost Se-yeon! You had no right to blame Su-ho and let alone use me to hurt him! All this time, I've been wondering why Su-ho's been so guilty over something that wasn't in his control." She scoffed. "It was because of you."

Seo-jun opened his mouth to speak but what was he going to say? This was his fault and no amount of justification would fix anything. All he could do was watch her with wide eyes, body stiff as her words struck him.

Ji-an stumbled back, her legs barely carrying her weight. "I chose to trust you, Han Seo-jun. Do you even get how hard that was for me? After everything you did, everything you said, I let myself believe in you. Do you know how scared I was to trust you when you hadn't even been honest with me in the first place?" Ji-an shook her head stopping herself from adding, How scare I am because I have feelings for you?

Harshly, she wiped her tears with her sleeve. "I can't even look at you right now."

She turned around, walking away, blankets completely forgotten. Her heart felt like it had been squeezed and ripped apart repeatedly and the tears wouldn't stop no matter how much she wanted them to. Her breath came out in uneven puffs, visible in the freezing night air, but she didn't feel the cold anymore. The ache in her chest drowned out everything else—every gust of wind, every rustle of leaves.

Seo-jun watched her go with drowning guilt, his fists clenching by his side. He hurt her again. He messed up again just when he was so close to reaching her heart and confessing how he felt. Beside him, Su-ho stood there helplessly. All he wished for was for Ji-an to be happy, but it seemed like that task was harder than he thought.

——————— ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ—————

—Joy

Surpriseeeee 🙂‍↕️

Does anyone actually had something like this happening in mind? I've had this planned for a long time and it's been hinted at in earlier chapters so I don't want anyone saying this came out of nowhere or that Ji-an's reaction was dramatic.

I've come to realize this book has an overall theme or I guess teaching? Do any of you know what it is? It's implemented in the character arcs of Ji-an, Su-ho, Seo-jun, and Soo-jin.

Things after this will only get juicier and better so be ready. 🫡

Oh and fan fact: the song Seo-jun sung is actually a song in Spanish from a tv show I used to watch called Soy Luna. It's one of my fav songs.

Also, Im so sorry for taking more than a month off. I'll try my best to get back to the way I was doing and update weekly.

See you guys next chapter!! 💜