╰┈➤ ❝ [ I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you ] ❞

THE DAYS AFTER THE PARTY WERE A BIT OF A BLUR. Locked in her room, Kim Ji-an barely moved, it was like her body had disconnected from her mind and as much as she wanted to not rot in bed, she did the opposite. The box of tissues bought for the purpose of helping with the occasional allergies, was empty now, her small purple trash can the only proof there were even tissues in the first place as it was filled to the brim with the crumbled tissues. Her hair was knotted and the last time her eyes had been so red and puffy was after Se-yeon's death.

Chin-sun was worried and Ji-an was aware of fact, but she couldn't push herself to tell the woman what happened at the party yet. The painkillers she took were just a momentary dull to her constant headaches and no matter how many glasses of water Chin-sun placed on her nightstand, her throat still lacked its moisture. Kim Ji-an felt like someone had punched her chest and face repeatedly, her heart hurt, everything did. Every time she closed her eyes, the memory of Lee Su-ho returned, of his words, his warm touch, and the taste of his lips and tears.

They weren't dating now but despite it this situation was a whole lot more painful than the time they broke up a year before. Kim Ji-an wasn't exactly sure how to deal with her emotions and just everything felt wrong and confusing. Lee Su-ho was her first boyfriend and now her first break up. A year ago, she wasn't on the right mindset, neither were, and there was this feeling, this hope, that she and Su-ho would get back together. Maybe it was just her being in denial, whatever it was she never allowed herself to move on from Su-ho, if that wasn't obvious already.

Since she came back, half of her mind and soul was set on getting him back. She never closed that chapter like she was meant to do. Perhaps if she had done it, she wouldn't be going through this right now, but there was no taking backs or staying on things that were in the past. She had done enough of it already.

Kim Ji-an had already missed two days of school, so missing another day was off the list. The thought about the piling work gave her anxiety. Accidentally waking up later than her intended, she quickly did her usual hygiene routine, then hurriedly placed her hair in a high messy bun and threw a random hoodie over her uniform before making her way to school. Ignoring the concerned looks she received from classmates, she sat down and leaned back against her seat as she listened to the music playing on her headphones. She spaced out, staring at a random spot of one of the classroom walls.

If she hadn't been so out of it, Ji-an like she always did, would've tried to mask out how terrible she felt in the inside by making sure she looked impecable on the outside, but this time it was different. She couldn't care less about what anyone thought, she just wanted to get the day over with. Soo-ah, Soo-jin, and Jug-yeong shared concerned looks, never having seen their friend in that state. The girl had completely ignored their messages and if it wasn't for the one text she send saying she was fine and to leave her alone, they would've already gone to her house to make sure she wasn't dead.

Han Seo-jun had his head resting on his arms like he always did, ready to go to sleep at any second, that was until the presence of a familiar someone sitting in front of him had him opening his eyes and straightening himself. He blinked a couple of times trying to figure out if his heavy eyes were deceiving him. But no, it was Kim Ji-an the one sitting in front of him wearing the gray hoodie he had given her months ago. He couldn't see her face but by her frozen frame, he could tell something was wrong.

Tilting his head, he turned his head to the left until his gaze fell on Lee Su-ho, who was in no better shape than Kim Ji-an. He was also wearing a hoodie, which was uncommon for him to be wearing at school. From Han Seo-jun's seat, he could see the bags underneath Su-ho's eyes and the redness in them. Instead of looking out the window like he often did, the boy was staring blankly at the notebook on his desk, deep in thought. Eyebrows furrowing, Seo-jun looked back and forth between Ji-an and Su-ho, figuring something must have happened between them, and guessing by both of their appearances, it hadn't been anything good. Both were extremely good at hiding how they were feeling, so for the two of them to not hide it at all, was concerning.

"Good morning." Mr. Han greeted as he walked into the classroom. He placed his bag on his desk and began taking his stuff out. "Did you guys have a good weekend?"

The classroom was filled with murmurs as some bragged about their weekend while others complained about how fast it had gone by. "I see some had a better weekend than others." Chuckling, Mr. Han clapped his hands to silence the students. "Resuming on where we left off Friday, how many students still don't have a partner for the project?"

With a sigh, Seo-jun raised his hand, having completed forgotten about the project Cho-rong told him about. Two other students raised their hands along with Seo-jun. "Wait, I thought we had an even amount of students." Mr. Han frowned until his gaze settled on Ji-an. "Kim Ji-an, you weren't here on Friday were you?"

It took Ji-an a few seconds to realize the teacher's words were directed towards her. The girl made eye contact with Mr. Han and shook her head, the movement barely noticeable. Mr. Han nodded, his eyes momentarily moving to Seo-jun. "I guess you could work with Han Seo-jun. Hopefully, you can help him take his work more seriously." The man gave Seo-jun a look causing the boy to nod, remembering the talk they had the week before.

Mr. Han was a great teacher. He was understanding and caring with his students. Always making sure everyone understood the lessons he taught and if someone was struggling he would go out of his way to ensure the student got the necessary help. In Han Seo-jun's case, his ability to capture and learn topics wasn't the problem of his low grades, instead his laziness was the factor behind it. More than often, Han Seo-jun would spend half of the class period sleeping. Mr. Han didn't point it out frequently as long as at the end of the day Seo-jun did his work. But in the past weeks, the boy has been slacking more than usual and it was time for Mr. Han to call Seo-jun's behavior out and hope for a change.

Kim Ji-an didn't even react as Mr. Han talked to the other students in need of partners for the project. Raising the volume of her music, she closed her eyes, hoping the loud rhythm of the song and the too relatable lyrics could drown her thoughts. While Ji-an stayed on her own little world, everyone else began changing seats, settling beside their assigned partners to begin working on their projects. Han Seo-jun frowned as he stared at Ji-an's back. If he wasn't sure before about something being wrong with her before, then now he was hundred percent confident. It was very unusual for her to just sit there without even sending a sarcastic comment his way.

As partners for the project, she would've complained about having to work with him, but she didn't even acknowledge the teacher's words, and now that everyone was beginning to work, she wasn't even turning around to ask him what the assignment was about.

Leaning forward on his seat, Han Seo-jun gently tapped her shoulder to get her attention. Ji-an opened her eyes and took off one side of her headphones to hear what the boy had to say. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"

Ji-an nodded but didn't make any other move. Seo-jun sighed, he knew the way she was acting didn't have to do with him but he still needed to ask just to be sure. "Is this about the last time we talked?"

"No." The girl's voice was a little hoarse. She hadn't spoken to anyone in a whole day.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked again, worried for the girl. She missed school for two days and now after the weekend passed by she did not look like she was in the right head space. Seo-jun's eyes widened, "Did your parents do something to you? Or Ji-hun? Just tell me and i won't hesi-"

"This has nothing to do with them." Finally, she turned around to face him. "I'm fine, Seo-jun. I just want to be on my own right now."

Seo-jun nodded, feeling a bit better now that he could see her pretty face. Her skin was paler than how it normally looked, no makeup in sight, and just like Lee Su-ho, there were bags under her eyes from sleepless nights. Although her hair was all messy, Seo-jun thought she looked cute. In his eyes, she could never look bad. Making eye contact. Seo-jun said, "If you change your mind and need someone to talk to just call me. I meant what I said about caring about you. Fake relationship or not."

Kim Ji-an nodded, and with a last lingering look she turned around. She readjusted her headphones and just like Seo-jun always does, she rested her head on her crossed arms and closed her eyes.

↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷

"What did you tell Ji-an?" Han Seo-jun asked, taking a hold of Lee Su-ho's arm to stop him from walking away. It was now lunch time, and after Seo-jun's short interaction with Ji-an, the boy hadn't taken his attention away from Su-ho, looking for the opportunity to catch him alone and question him about his and Ji-an's behavior.

Lee Su-ho glared at Seo-jun's hand gripping his arm. Socializing with anyone, specially with Seo-jun, wasn't on his to do list of the day. He wasn't in the mood to go around the topic so making eye contact, he chose the most straightforward answer. "The truth."

Seo-jun's expression dropped, his grip faltered and his whole body language changed at the news. "What?"

Su-ho sighed, and took his arm out of Seo-jun's grip. "I told her the truth. Everything." Noticing the worry on Seo-jun's face, he added. "I didn't tell her about your feelings for her, so take that look off your face."

Seo-jun narrowed his eyes. "What happened?" Whatever had gone down between the former couple still didn't change much, according to Seo-jun's thoughts. Ji-an broke the fake relationship herself, way before anything happened. It seemed it was meant to be one way or another. Still, Seo-jun decided to ask even if he wasn't sure Su-ho would give him the answer he was looking for.

"The only thing you need to know is that I won't be in your way anymore." Su-ho revealed, ignoring the way just saying the words had him wanting to throw up. He looked firmly into Seo-jun's eyes to show he was completely serious about his words. "You have the chance now, so don't mess it up."

Han Seo-jun watched Su-ho walk away, leaving him standing in the empty hallway more confused than ever.

↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷

Once school was over, Kim Ji-an made her way to the one place that could bring her comfort or make her resist the urge to punch herself for going, either way she continued to walk and walk until she reached the clearing and the sight of the flowing waters of the river met her. Warmly the sun shinned, it was a beautiful day, the complete opposite of the storm residing in Ji-an's mind. Deciding to sit in front of one of the trees to enjoy the shadow it provided, she rested her back against the thick trunk, her backpack laying beside her. It wasn't just any tree she was laying on, but the largest tree inside the small forest. The exact tree Kim Ji-an and Lee Su-ho had carved their initials on.

The girl really tried to not allow her mind to go there but she couldn't help herself. As much as the pretty blue of the river brought her security and comfort, it was also a reminder of Su-ho. The whole place was. This was the first time she was visiting the place alone, and it felt strange. She was alone but thinking about the one person she always went with. Last time they went there, it was the day of the festival. Lee Su-ho broke down after hearing the band play Se-yeon's song. It had been a rough night for the pair, plenty of tears were shed, and some confessions were made too, but it didn't end in a bad note.

The urge to look up at the initials a couple of inches above her head was strong, but she resisted. Through her best attempts to not cry, the tears building in her eyes were impossible to hold any longer, so they fell down her face just like the water went down the river. Soon sobs were leaving her mouth, as she run out of will to contain her despair. She never thought it'll hurt so deeply but it did. It was pathetic really. This was all her fault. She should've moved on since the very beginning. She shouldn't have allowed her parents words to get to her head. She should've been stronger.

Ji-an hide her face with her hands as she pulled her knees closer to her chest. She was stronger than this, she had to move on one way or another. Lee Su-ho chose this outcome for their relationship and now she had to accept it. Thinking of what if's won't solve anything. It'll take a while, but she could do it. She will move on. A small hiccup left Ji-an as she tried toning down her sobbing, "Come on, Ji-an you can do this. Stop being such a crybaby. Move on."

The girl continued whispering things to herself as she slowly began calming down. Through her crying, she failed to realize that a couple of minutes after she got there someone was  watching her from a couple of trees away. Seemingly, the ex couple had more than a few things in common. Both of them opted to go to that place for some type of closure. When Lee Su-ho arrived, and noticed Ji-an was already there, his heart dropped. He didn't think she'll be there at all, let alone crying her heart out. Knowing he was the cause of her pain made tears fall down his face too, he couldn't bear to hear her like that, so he quickly left before she could notice his presence. He shouldn't be spying on her specially in that state. She deserved her privacy and that's what he did. He could always come back later.

——————— ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ—————

—Joy

Shorter chapter than the usual. I struggle more with this one because I ended up slightly changing what I had planned so yeah. Better see no one saying Ji-an is being dramatic 🥲

I hope everyone is doing well. I missed y'all 🥲🫶🏼

Oh, I also want to thank everyone for 60k reads!!! This wouldn't be possible without you guys supporting the book. ❤️❤️