╰┈➤ ❝ [ Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now ] ❞

ONE OF THE RARE DAYS WHEN HAN SEO-JUN DECIDES TO TAKE THE BUS TO SCHOOL, is the day Lee Su-ho makes his move to question said boy. Following the events at the mall, Lee Su-ho had set his mind on one thing, and that was confronting Seo-jun. Therefore, he was not going to keep prolonging his doubt, needing to figure out the truth once and for all. When school was finally over, Su-ho wasted no time going after Seo-jun. Catching up to him, Su-ho kept up with the boy's long strides, walking side by side with him.

Han Seo-jun narrowed his eyes at Su-ho, mentally cursing his luck. "So now you're following me, too?"

Su-ho ignored his comment. One hand inside the pocket of his pants, while the other held on to his backpack. "We need to talk."

Smiling in disbelief, Seo-jun quickly snapped in return. "Yeah? About what? I really don't have anything to say to you."

"I know everything." Su-ho revealed as a solemn look took over his face. Seo-jun let out a nervous chuckle, thinking the boy was messing around with him until he catch the expression on his face.

"You'll need to elaborate more." Seo-jun said, putting on a nonchalant front. Inside, he was hoping Su-ho wasn't referring to his fake relationship with Kim Ji-an. No doubt if Su-ho found out about the plan, he could mess everything Seo-jun was trying to do. Seo-jun knew that if Su-ho just told Ji-an he still loved her, the girl would waste no time into getting back with him. It was just a matter of time for it to happen. The whole fake relationship was the only thing giving Seo-jun some extra time to win Ji-an over.

Su-ho looked at Seo-jun. "I know about Ji-an's whole plan to make me jealous and how the relationship is all fake."

Seo-jun maintained an emotionless face, doing his best to not show how his breathing stopped at the words that lingered in the air like a toxic gas ready to poison whoever inhaled it. There was no point in trying to gaslight Su-ho into thinking otherwise, he already knew. Seo-jun clenched his jaw, shifting his gaze somewhere else—to the road, a pedestrian, anything. Just something to calm himself down. "How long have you known?"

"A few days now." Su-ho answered. "I heard you guys talking at the mall outside the bathroom."

Closing his eyes momentarily, Seo-jun took a deep breath, trying to come up with the best way to go on about the situation. "What are you going to do now that you know the truth?" He asked the question he was dreading the most.

There was a beat of silence as Su-ho thought over his answer. For Seo-jun, it felt like minutes. "I won't tell Ji-an if that's what worries you the most. Not yet at least." He responded. "But only if you're honest with me and tell me the truth. I know where Ji-an stands, but what about you?"

Seo-jun frown, finally looking at the boy as they halted in front of the bus stop. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid, Seo-jun." Su-ho said, getting tired of tiptoeing around the subject. "I see the way you look at her and the way you treat her. No one treats someone that is just a friend like that. So tell me, are you in love with Ji-an?"

A heavy silence fell upon them. Seo-jun didn't know what to do. Being vulnerable was not one of Seo-jun's best traits. He hated it with a passion, and telling Su-ho the truth would do just that. It was a simple question Seo-jun had the answer to. He's had it for years now, hidden in the confines of his soul, heart, and mind. About half of the songs, he'd written at his time as a trainee were about Kim Ji-an. That was his only way to release his feelings without hurting anyone. Seo-jun sighed heavily. Perhaps it was time for those words to be set free. He had occulted them for far too long.

Seo-jun took a deep shaky breath. "I am. I've loved her for years." The second those words left his mouth he could feel a weight lift off his chest, as if a weighted blanket had been placed over him throughout the years and it had been finally removed.

Su-ho looked away from Seo-jun at the revelation. It wasn't something easy to hear and take in, even if he had seen it coming. Han Seo-jun, his former best friend, just admitted he's been in love with his ex girlfriend for years now. Su-ho bite the inside of his cheek, his knuckles around the backpack strap whitening at the amount of pressure he was using. The warmth of the sun touching his skin, didn't feel as comforting anymore. He just felt cold.

Su-ho's throat felt dry when he spoke again. "So you lied when I confronted you years ago about why you had treated Ji-an so poorly." He turned to Seo-jun while the boy avoided his eyes. "You did it because you were already in love with her."

Seo-jun nodded almost shamefully as he stared down at the floor. He was not happy with his past actions. "I thought it would be the best thing to do considering you were my friend and she was your girlfriend. I had to do it, even if she hated me for it."

A scoff almost left Su-ho's lips as he shook his head. "Ji-an has never hated you. She was mostly hurt because you were her best friend and she trusted you. Then you broke that trust by using all the things she was insecure about against her."

"I know I shouldn't have done that." Seo-jun murmured. "But what else was I supposed to do?"

Su-ho stayed silent. Everything felt surreal. His mind too heavy with thoughts to even think clearly. Neither of them could.

↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷

Thereupon Han Seo-jun's confession, Lee Su-ho couldn't stop thinking about the conversation they had. The next day at school, Su-ho payed extra attention to the way Ji-an and Seo-jun acted while they were together. Now that he knew that all Seo-jun's actions were genuine, he observed Ji-an and the way she reacted to the gestures. Most of the time she seemed clueless, except those brief moments when some different spark in her eyes would ignite. It was gone as soon as it came but Su-ho could see it. Every time Seo-jun did a romantic gesture that took the girl off guard, she'll visibly tense like her mind was slowly trying to catch up with what was going on but couldn't.

Like something was in the way, stopping her from letting in what was beginning to knock right at the door.

Lee Su-ho felt his heart break. He had to make a decision fast. Ji-an was starting to feel something for Seo-jun, and Su-ho could see it right before his eyes. Yet, nothing could make him think otherwise about the love she still held towards him. He just had to say the words and she'll be his again.

↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷

"I have a question." Kim Ji-an said, turning to look at Seo-jun who was standing beside her. Currently, the pair were at the very back of the library. Ji-an had told Seo-jun she needed some book for a particular assignment they had been given, and the boy not wanting to have her out of his sight, told her he'll be joining her. So now they were standing in the history section of the library in search of a book about some war that happened decades before.

"Go ahead, sweetheart." The boy said, he didn't even hesitate which surprised him and Ji-an too. She thought he'll complain or make some remark like he normally would.

Ji-an's cheeks turned a light pink as she stared up at him, the nickname having nothing to do with it, but more the question she was going to ask. "But if you're going to answer you have to be honest." She said, almost making Seo-jun roll his eyes. Lately, all people wanted from him was honesty.

"Just ask me." He urged her to make the question, growing curious about what exactly was going on in her mind.

"Pinky promise you won't lie." She raised her hand, holding her pinky out to him. Sighing, Seo-jun hook his finger with hers, promising to tell the truth. Content with his promise, Ji-an spoke. "Was I your first kiss?" The sentence left the girl's mouth like vomite. Due to this, Seo-jun took a little longer to register exactly what she said, but once he did, his eyes widened. He had completely forgotten about that. Well, not the kiss, obviously. That he would never forget. But he had hoped the girl had left that subject behind.

Intently, Ji-an looked at him waiting for his answer. Seo-jun sighed, he had already made a promise so he couldn't back down. Slowly, he nodded his head, feeling his face heat up. "Yeah, you were my first kiss."

Surprised, she looked away, trying to use the books in front of her to distract herself. She hummed, grabbing one of the books to examine it. Her eyes widened as a thought formed in her mind. For some odd reason, she couldn't help but wonder if it had been a good kiss. It was his first after all. Had he liked it? Ji-an wanted to ask, but she felt like it would be a little out of place. There was no reason for her to want that information yet she wanted to know. Seo-jun watched her and crossed his arms over his chest, knowing she was hiding something.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

As if she had been caught doing something wrong, Ji-an looked up from the book. Why was she suddenly so nervous? It was just Seo-jun. "Nothing."

Seo-jun narrowed his eyes, and took a step closer to her. "Spill it. You clearly want to say something."

"No. Just forget it." She shook her head, avoiding his intense stare. The girl should've never asked the first question in the first place.

When Ji-an would not turn to look at him, Seo-jun uncrossed his arms and with one of his hands, he took the girl's chin to turn her head to him. "Sweetheart, just tell me."

Ji-an gulped, hating that he had to be so persistent. Looking up at his eyes, she gave in. "Was the kiss at least good?" She murmured, a little shyly, her voice above a whisper. If it wasn't because Seo-jun was standing so close to her, he wouldn't have heard her.

They shared eye contact for a few seconds until Seo-jun's eyes trailed down to the girl's lips. He resisted every thing in him that told him to brush his thumb over them, to feel the softness and plushness of them. His gaze never parted from her lips as he replied to her question. "It was perfect."

Kim Ji-an felt like her breath had been stolen from her. The way Seo-jun was looking at her and his words were making her almost dizzy. She forced herself to look away from him causing him to let go of her.

"I think I believe you now." Ji-an admitted. "About you caring about me all this time. But there's something that makes no sense to me. Why did you push me away years ago? If you cared about me and our friendship was real, why did you said all those things to me? Why did you hurt me?" Her voice wavered at the last question. It was a vulnerable topic for her, always had been.

Seo-jun turned his head away. They were having such a good moment and know he was about to ruin it. "Sweetheart, I- it's complicated." He said, completely avoiding her gaze. He couldn't tell her truth. Not like this.

"No, it isn't." Ji-an started to grow agitated, her body tensing as her heart picked up its pace. "Just tell me the truth. That's all I want, Seo-jun. Be honest with me, for once." She almost pleaded to him, looking at him with pain in her eyes.

"I can't." He apologized. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

The girl nodded and clicked her tongue. "You know what? There's no point in trying to understand you if you can't tell me the truth." She shook her head. "Forget about the fake relationship and forget everything. You're free now." Ji-an tried to walk away but quickly Seo-jun took her wrist, not letting her leave.

"Wait! Ji-an-"

"No, Seo-jun." Ji-an sighed, her back facing him. "I really don't want to fight, okay? Let's just break off the fake relationship. I think it's for the best." Maybe she was overreacting, maybe she shouldn't be making such a drastic decision in the heat of the moment. But all of it, Han Seo-jun's behavior, Lee Su-ho, her friend's words, everything was getting to her and beginning to confuse her. The fake relationship was just the cherry on top she had to deal with. If she could just concentrate in one thing at a time she'll be able to ground herself.

"What about Lee Su-ho?" Seo-jun reminded her. He had no reason to ask this question as Su-ho already knew everything, but Seo-jun was desperate and he wanted to know what was going through Ji-an's mind. She was happy when she noticed the signs of Su-ho's jealousy. Her plan was working so why would she just cut everything off when they were so close to her goal?

Ji-an shrugged, looking over her shoulder to look at him. "If it's meant to be, I'll happen." Taking her hand off Seo-jun's hold, she walked away from him, leaving forgotten the book she was supposed to grab in the very first place.

Frustrated, Seo-jun hit the book shelf in front of him, and ran a hand through his hair in a useless attempt to calm himself down. This was all product of his past actions. Words just can't be taken back, the second they're out, the damage is already done. If only he hadn't hurt her so deeply, he wouldn't be stuck in such situation. Last thing he would do was blame Ji-an. Su-ho's words still echoed in his mind, a small hint of how Ji-an's pain ran deeper than Seo-jun thought. She was in every right to feel and act that way. To struggle into easily believing his words and reasoning behind things. He had lost that privilege years ago.

Han Seo-jun wanted to be honest with her, he really wanted to. But it was like he was incapable of it. What difference would it even make? As much as he loved her, she still didn't reciprocate those feelings. She didn't fight off a smile when she saw him, she didn't melt at his words and mere presence, she didn't think of him in every second of the day, wondering if he was okay or if he had eaten, and she didn't love him. It was just the way it was, and perhaps meant to be. Maybe Ji-an was meant to be a temporary thing in his life, one that taught him what love was and that the happily ever after's inside his sister's old bed time stories were not always fulfilled in real life.

Seo-jun felt like someone had repeatedly punched him on his chest. He slide down to the floor, tears that he hadn't felt build up in the first place, slide down his face like delicate raindrops on top of a car window would. All of them racing for the finish line, that unknowingly lead to vanishment.

Desperately, Seo-jun had been clinging to a small glimpse of hope that maybe Ji-an could begin to feel something for him. But that hope was gone now. Lee Su-ho knew the truth, and it was just a matter of time before he told Ji-an everything, including the love he clearly still held for her. Which she, in this case, did reciprocate. And all Seo-jun could do was watch as he lost the girl he loved.

↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷

"What's with the long face, sweetie?" Chin-sun asked, as Kim Ji-an walked inside the house. The younger girl let out a loud sigh. She left her backpack on the floor before throwing herself on the large sofa inside the living room.

"I feel like I made a mistake." Kim Ji-an murmured, almost like she was talking more to herself than the woman standing a couple of feet away. Her eyes were set on the ceiling above her, like it held all the answers to her questions.

"And why is that?" Chin-sun asked as she continued dusting off the coffee table that was placed in the middle of the room.

"I might have told Han Seo-jun that the best thing to do was to end the fake relationship." As the words left her mouth, Ji-an fought off a grimace.

Chin-sun stopped the motion of her hand, turning to look at the girl with surprise. "You did? Why?"

"He pissed me off! I asked him what was the reason for him to brake off our friendship, and you wanna know what he said? Nothing. He said it's too complicated." Ji-an let out a groan, starting to grow angry again. "Seriously, he deserves a medal for getting so easily under my skin. Just- how am I supposed to completely believe he has always cared about me when he can't begin with telling me the truth?" The girl finally turned to Chin-sun after letting out her rant.

"You have every right to feel that way, sweetie." Chin-sun answered, and moved to clean off the large lamps that were placed on each corner of the spacious living room. "Tell me, why do you think it was a mistake?"

Tracing imaginary patterns on the surface of the sofa, she sighed. "I don't know. I don't regret doing it, but for some reason I feel bad about it. Like I shouldn't have done it."

"Does this have to do something with Lee Su-ho or Han Seo-jun?" The woman asked, making Ji-an frown.

"Both?" After she finished saying the word, she scowl. "Wait, no. Not both. Seo-jun deserves it, besides I'm doing him a favor. Now he won't have to deal with me."

"Are you sure?"

There was a beat of silence. "Yes, I'm sure. Definitely doing him a favor." Instead of the sentence sounding confident, it came out more like she was trying to convince herself, but Chin-sun decided to not point it out. Letting the girl figure out her feelings on her own.

——————— ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ—————

—Joy

Our old friend angst is back. Say hi, guys!!! Don't tell me y'all thought we were done with the angst? 🫢

I gave you guys enough cute moments. It's time for the fun parts (for me)

Also I just thought, I wanna know what songs give you Seo-jun and Ji-an vibes or Su-ho and Ji-an. 👀👀

School starts next Thursday for me, so I'm going to try my best to have the next chapter out before that. But don't worry, there's a high chance I'll have early release this year as it's my last. So I'll still have some extra time, unless I get a job. Which is not my main priority at the time. I just want money honestly 😪

Anyways, hopefully I'll see y'all soon 💜💜

Best believe I died of laughter while making that ^