╰┈➤ ❝ [ I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night ]❞

HAN SEO-JUN WAS VERY ANXIOUS. Typically he wasn't the type to frequently experience any sort of feelings like uncertainness, he always liked to be confident in himself and don't let little things worry him. In fact, before his encounter at school the day before with Ji-an, he hadn't been worried in the slightest about the dinner his mother had planned. Now, he couldn't help but ponder if agreeing to the dinner was a good idea. Soo-jin's words continued circling around the back of his mind, knowing the girl had been right.

The dinner could go right or terribly wrong.

His uneasiness heightened by the second as he watched his mother excitedly prepare the dinning table. They never used it. Normally, they used the small table that was in the middle of their living room, but his mother claimed she wanted it to be special therefore they will use the bigger one. His sister was also looking forward to it even if she didn't say it.

Han Seo-jun had faith in Ji-an's lying skills, but he also couldn't discredit his mother's curiosity. She'll obviously ask questions and will want every detail, and if they don't give it to her the moment she asks, best believe she'll continue going at it later on until she gets the answer she wants to hear. On the sofa, Seo-jun stared back and forth between his mother and the front door, wondering if it was too late to cancel everything. He wasn't the type to chicken out easily but he never went over anything with Ji-an and the chances of their act looking believable worried him.

Now that he thought about it they actually never planned anything beforehand. They only had a set of rules they had agreed on and nothing more. It was almost like they wanted to purposely make their fake relationship fail. Seo-jun raised to his feet ready to tell his mother that Ji-an wouldn't be able to make it. However, a soft knock came from the front door, then it slowly opened, revealing a hesitant Kim Ji-an. Han Seo-jun felt his heart drop at the sigh, knowing there was no turning back now.

Seo-juns mother grinned ear to ear at the sight of the girl. She quickly stopped what she was doing at the table to go greet her with a hug. "It's so good to see you, Ji-an! How are you?"

Ji-an reciprocated the smile. "I'm good! Just a little tired from the day. " More like she was nervous to be there, specially after how long it's been. The last time she was at the Han's household, it was three years ago, close to New Year's Eve when Seo-jun had shown her one of his songs. It was beautiful and Ji-an could still remember the soft melody and the heartwarming lyrics. She still wonders If Seo-jun ever played the song to the person it was dedicated to. She really hoped he did.

Mi-Hyang gently squeezed Ji-an's arm. "I was looking forward to have you come visit. If it hadn't been for me, someone over there wouldn't have thought of inviting you over for dinner." She shook her head and gave Seo-jun a quick glance. "Here I thought I had raised him better, but I'll let it slide. You're his first girlfriend after all."

Seo-jun's jaw dropped. "Mom! It hasn't even been five minutes and you're already embarrassing me."

"Oh, you'll live." Mi-Hyang dismissed his complaint with a wave of her hand and turned to Ji-an. "I'll finish setting the table so we can eat. I bet you must be hungry."

Ji-an nodded a small smile still in her face from the comment the woman had made previously. "I am. Do you need my help with setting the table?"

"No. No. I can do it myself, don't worry. You two talk while I finish." One last smiled sent their way, Mi-Hyang walked away leaving Ji-an and Seo-jun in the living room.

"This is bad. You shouldn't have came." Seo-jun spoke softly, looking down at the girl nervously. It would be dumb for their act to get ruined just because his mother overheard them talking.

Ji-an crossed her arms over her chest. "In case you forgot, you were the one that agreed to all of this in the first place. You should've just told her no or something." She sigh, "there's no turning back now, so let's just get it done."

"Sweetheart, you know she's going to ask questions right? Like, detailed explanations. It's not the same as telling Cho-rong to go away once he starts asking too many questions." The tall boy voiced his concerns, getting annoyed at the girl's laid back behavior. He actually wasn't even sure why he was freaking out so much. They were just going to have dinner with his mother and his sister, not getting married. Though, the same way the fact should relax him, it also made him want to throw up. His lack of experience with this type of stuff was one of them and the other was because it wasn't just any girl but Ji-an he was doing this with.

"Or maybe you're just overthinking. But in case you're not wrong, I already got it covered." Reaching inside her small purse Ji-an took out a small paper and passed it over to Seo-jun who took it with a questioning look. "Just something I wrote yesterday. I know you're terrible at lying so just put the paper on your lap and read it in case she asks you a question. Still, I'll try to answer most of them as best as I can without making it too suspicious."

Seo-jun quickly looked through the words written on the paper. He felt his body begin to relax knowing he at least had something to help him. "I'm glad you actually decided to use your title as one of the top student's for something."

"Ha! Hilarious." The girl said sarcastically.

For the initial ten minutes, the atmosphere at the table was comfortable. Some small talk here and there and a bit of bickering coming from Go-woon and Seo-jun. The banter between the siblings made Ji-an's nerves ease a tad more but it also brought another emotion with it. A feeling Ji-an was very accustomed with.

Nostalgia one would call it.

Perhaps it was the place, the house she had spent most of her precious memories in. Perhaps it was how the very action of just having dinner with them made her remember the feeling of belonging it used to make her feel years ago. There were many reasons why that feeling of longing for something of the past crawled in her insides.

But the main one was Han Seo-jun.

It wasn't just his presence. No. That Ji-an had learned to deal with a long time ago. Simply it was the glimpses of the old him. The old him she would called her best friend. Seeing him smile and laugh with his sister and the general respectful attitude he held towards his mother was just too familiar to forget. It was like nothing had change, like that night never occurred.

FLASHBACK

Kim Ji-an hadn't seen Han Seo-jun in a total of three days, but if you had told her it had been a whole week, she would've believed you. It felt strange being away from him, specially around the holidays. It was a tradition for Seo-jun, Ji-an, Su-ho, and Se-yeon to spend the New Year's Eve together. Each year they alternated on whose house they would have their small gathering, and they will spend the night playing board games, singing, baking, or just anything their heart desired until it was time to say goodbye to the year.

Typically the hosting house was Ji-an's given her parents were never home. Of course, they weren't left completely alone, Chin-Sun always stayed in the house in case they needed something, even when the other workers left to spend the day with their family, as one should. Sometimes more often than not, Se-yeon wasn't able to tag along with their tradition because of his busy schedule as a trainee, leaving the trio behind. Seo-jun was also a trainee, but he had made it perfectly clear he would never miss out on their small tradition.

And he stayed true to his words.

Han Seo-jun was never the one to miss out on it. In fact, from the group he was the most bothered every time Se-yeon revealed he wouldn't be there with them, even when Han Seo-jun better than anyone knew how busy and exhausting being a trainee was like.

So him, Han Seo-jun, voluntarily missing their yearly tradition was very out of the ordinary. The half assed excuse he had used was immediately detected by Ji-an who days before began to notice his strange behavior. This year, Se-yeon had also excused himself, promising to tag along the following year, leaving only Ji-an and Su-ho to welcome the new year together.

Instead of doing what they usually did, the couple spend most of their night watching movies until it was time to go outside and watch the fireworks. Standing outside with the cool air of the night caressing her skin, wrapped in a blanket with Su-ho hugging her from behind was one of the best ways to start the new year. Although the night couldn't have been more perfect and romantic, it still felt strange to welcome the new year without having Seo-jun around.

The following day Ji-an called Seo-jun multiple times, left a whole lots of texts with annoyed emojis and capital letters, but no matter the amount of calls or messages the girl left Seo-jun never responded. Concern grew in the pit of her stomach as she wondered if something might have happened to her friend. That same day she went to his house. She just wanted to know he was okay and wish him a happy new year. To her surprise, he didn't want to see her. Well, he didn't say that, in fact, she didn't even see him but it was very much implied when his sister came back from Seo-jun's room to tell her he didn't feel like seeing anyone that day.

But Ji-an wasn't just anyone, and it hurt her to know Seo-jun wasn't confiding in her about whatever what's going through his mind that was making him avoid her like the plague.

Disappointed, she returned home that day hoping her suspicions weren't correct and Seo-jun wasn't ignoring her, but it was hard to stay pessimistic when she knew Seo-jun was still texting Su-ho like he normally would, making it very clear the problem was with her. Two days later, Ji-an got ready to go out. Soo-ah and Soo-jin had invited her to watch some movie they had been talking about none stop. When Ji-an was making her way down the stairs to head out, she heard a pair of voices, they were talking about her, which made her stop in her tracks to hear what they were saying.

"Isn't your daughter Ji-an a model? That's something to be proud of." The unknown woman said.

There was a small pause before Ji-an heard her mother's voice. Her speech was slurred. "Proud of?" Her mother scoffed and Ji-an could feel her breathing stop. "She might be a model but there's nothing else to be proud of. All she does is hang out with those little friends of hers instead of doing something more useful. Then she expects me to pay attention to her as if she's still some baby. I was already happy with having Ji-hun, but no I just had to get pregnant again."

"That's unfortunate, th-"

Ji-an couldn't hear what the other woman response was because she was already downstairs and out the door before she could hear the end of the sentence. Tears were streaming down her face as she mindlessly walked down the street. Not offering any sort of explanation, she texted the group chat letting her friends know she wouldn't be able to make it. The cold night air of January made her shiver, but she continued walking. She didn't know where she was heading, the only thing she knew was that she wanted to get as far away from her house as she could.

Why did her mother hate her so much? It's not like she asked to be born! All she wanted was to feel her mother's love, was it too much to ask for? It wasn't her intention to come off as clingy. She always tried to please her mother because she hoped that perhaps that would make her mother love her more. But how could she love her more when there was no love in the first place?

It was a hard reality Ji-an had never thought about because the answer always scared her. Instead she would come up with excuses as to why her mother treated her the way she did, knowing deep down there was no use for excuses.

Her mother just didn't love her.

Wiping harshly her eyes, Ji-an ignored the looks she was receiving from the other people on the side walk as a familiar building came into view. The building where Seo-jun and Se-yeon worked at as trainees. It was a large edifice with 20 floors. Ji-an knew because she had been there a few times with Seo-jun. Looking away from the building Ji-an kept walking until a familiar voice caught her attention making her stop to look at where it was coming from.

There he was in all his glory, Han Seo-jun. He was walking out of the large doors of the edifice with a group of people. Ji-an could recognize a few of them, remembering when Seo-jun had introduced them to her when he first began his journey as a trainee. Seo-jun was laughing at something someone said, the sound being like a warm hug to Ji-an. His presence already working as the comfort she needed.

She really missed seeing him.

Wiping her eyes one last time, Ji-an approached the group, silently praying she didn't look as disheveled as she felt. Putting on her best smile, she spoke, "Hey!"

Han Seo-Jun's eyes slightly widened at the sight of her. What was she doing there out of all places? Just with a quick glance at her, he could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were also missing the usual shine they held making Seo-jun's stomach dropped, knowing he would only worsen that.

"What are you doing here, Ji-an?" He asked, surprised at his own self with how harsh the question had come out of his mouth.

Ji-an's smile faltered a little, the tone of his voice catching her off guard. She cleared her throat, her hand moving to scratch her palm. It was only Seo-jun for gosh's sake! Why was she suddenly so nervous?

"I was just walking past and I saw you." She said, her gaze momentarily leaving Seojun to look at his friends who had moved away to give the two some space. "Are you okay? I tried texting and calling you but you never answered. I thought maybe your phone was having problems but Su-ho told me you've been talking to him. I also went to your house but Go-woon said you weren't feeling well."

Seo-jun sighed placing his hands in the pockets of his trousers, never making eye contact with her as he focused on the cars passing by on the road. He knew that looking at her would make the things he was going to say ten times harder. Pushing Ji-an away was what he needed to do. He had already made up his mind and as much as it hurt him he had to do it. It was for the better.

"I just didn't have anything to say to you."

She chuckled confused. "Is something going on? Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened Kim Ji-an. Now drop it and leave me alone."

"Kim Ji-an?" A frown slowly made its way into her face. "You never call me by my full name. Are you sick? Did the new year affect you?" She reached forward pretending to check his temperature but Seo-jun pushed her hand away.

"Maybe calling you by your full name will help you stop acting so clingy. Seriously is embarrassing how desperate you act." Seo-jun didn't need to look at her face to know the damage his words had caused. He knew her. Everything to the most minimal detail of her life he knew because she always shared everything with him. Including opening up about how bad she felt every time her family ignored her and how she was always described as being an attention seeker.

Ji-an could feel her heart stop at his words. It was like hearing her mother all over again, except this time it was from someone she believed cared about her. The last person she would've expected those words to come out of was Seo-jun.All of it felt like someone was rapidly punching her chest making it hard for her to breathe. A burning sensation started building in her eyes but she ignored it. This had to be some stupid joke he was playing on her. Or maybe a dream—nightmare for better description, because this was not the Seo-jun she knew and cherished.

"Is this some kind of joke? We're best friends. We made a pinky promise." Ji-an tilted her head, her eyes holding a puzzled look as she looked between Seo-jun and his friends. Although they had moved farther away, they obviously could still hear the conversation happening between them. There was nobody else around expect the pedestrians and the sound of cars passing by which wasn't enough to work as a sound barrier. The looks of pity the group was sending her way made her want to throw up. She looked back at Seo-jun and irritation began to build up in her the longer he avoided looking at her.

"Well, not anymore. I'm tired of pretending liking being around you. The only reason why I've continued being friends with you all this years is because of Su-ho. It's tiring having to act like I genuinely enjoy your company. All you do is complain about your family and seek attention from mine. I'm not your boyfriend so go bother Su-ho and leave me alone."

Ji-an swallowed the lump in her throat, her mouth suddenly feeling dry. They were best friends. They knew everything about each other and had grown up together. She couldn't understand why he was saying all of this stuff now. Maybe if the turmoil of emotions her mother's words brought weren't clouding her mind, Ji-an would've known his words weren't true.

"An act? Pretending?" Ji-an mumbled her vision blurring by the second. Finally, it seemed like Seojun had built the courage to look at her. His face was unreadable and his feline eyes were lacking the usual warmth they held. He was almost unrecognizable. Through her best attempts to not cry, a tear still managed to fall down her cheek.

Seo-jun could feel his heart breaking at the sight of the girl he loved crying because of him, but as much as he wanted to apologize for his words and hold her to his chest, he did his best to act nonchalant.

Still, he couldn't help but say, "Don't cry."

"Shut up." The girl glared at him through the tears that were now cascading down her face. "You don't get to tell me how to deal with my emotions. You've done enough." She bit her lip to prevent herself from sobbing. "If you felt this way you could've told me since the start. I would have spare you the trouble of having to deal with me."

The two stared at each other for a while before Seo-jun broke eye contact first, not being able to look at her heartbroken expression any longer.

"I'm sorry." Ji-an whispered, looking down at the floor.

"What?" Seo-jun frowned returning his attention to her, because why in the world was she apologizing for? The one doing the damage was him! He should be the one begging for forgiveness!

"I'm sorry for being the way I am." I'm sorry for being so unlovable, for being so clingy and annoying. That's what Ji-an wanted to say but she didn't. "You won't have to deal with me anymore."

The second Ji-an turned around and began walking away, she could hear one of Seo-jun's friends saying. "Well, that was awkward." He laughed, "She really was crying. How embarrassing."

Ji-an could only cry harder as she speed up her walk. She was full on sobbing now feeling like her world was coming apart. Not only had she learned that her mother never held an ounce of love for her but she also found out her best friend of years didn't care about her the way she thought he did. If it wasn't because Su-ho was the only person she knew would calm her down, she would have avoided him. Because what if he also felt the same was as Seo-jun? What if he thought she was annoying and clingy?

But once she voiced out those insecurities to her boyfriend, he reassured her he would never feel that way, claiming she was the best thing that happened to him. The girl struggled to believe him but with the way he intensely stared at her as she was the only thing that mattered in the world she believed him. Despite Su-ho's warm embrace and reassuring kisses, that night Ji-an cried herself to sleep in his arms.

End of flashback

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Seo-jun's mother asked, pulling Kim Ji-an away from the memory.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, I spaced out a bit. What were you saying?" The girl shifted in her seat trying to get more comfortable in the chair. She could feel Seo-jun's stare burning into the side of her face but she ignored it. She had to remember all of this was just an act. They had to make their relationship believable and that's it. Getting attached again was out of the question.

Mi-Hyang smiled, taking a bite of her now almost empty plate. "I asked, how did you two realized you liked each other? It's not that I want to make you uncomfortable with the question but I'm genuinely curious. You two stopped being friends years ago. Something I never expected because you used to be tied at the hip."

It was Seo-jun's turn to shift in his seat. He cleared his throat, suddenly finding his plate far more interesting than the conversation happening in front of him.

Beside him, Go-woon voiced her agreement, much to their luck. "Yeah, you were basically inseparable. What happened?"

Ji-an took a sip of her drink hoping she could just swallow away her emotions. The question was something she herself had also been wondering. What happened? She was there that night. She could picture and feel everything all over again. The tears, the heartbreak, and Seo-jun's hurtful words lingered in the back of her mind. She should've just answer the question with a lie just like she was about to do for the rest of the afternoon, but she couldn't help but say. "That question you should leave it to Seo-jun. He knows more than me."

At the mention of his name the boy look up, feeling like a deer in front of headlights with the intense stare the three most important women in his life were giving him. "I don't really remember."

Mi- Hyang shook her head disapprovingly while Go-woon rolled her eyes, both coming to the same conclusion. "You did something didn't you?"

Seo-jun scoffed, now feeling offended by their declaration. "What makes you think that?"

"We grew up together."

"I'm your mother."

Ji-an couldn't help but chuckle at their words, feeling her mood improve a little by watching the interaction. The girl had anticipated Seo-jun's answer, but if she was being honest with herself a part of her wished he would've been at least partially truthful with his response.

"It's okay, it's all in the past now." It actually wasn't, but Ji-an was not going to tell them that. "To answer your first question, it was very sudden. We started communicating again while I was still living in Miami, but we never realized we had feelings for the other until we saw each other again after I came back."

Seo-jun nodded, smiling when the girl sent a soft smile in his direction. Unknown to him, Ji-an was mostly smiling at the thought of finishing dinner and leaving as fast as she could.

"It always happens when you least expect it." Mi-Hyang said, a far away look in her eyes. "It was the same way with me and their father. I swore to the heavens and the earth that I would never like him, but I guess fate had other plans."

Go-woon caressed her mother's hands with a sad smile on her face. Ji-an watched the exchange, remembering how her relationship with her mother was the complete opposite.

Thankfully the rest of the dinner went by smoothly. Seo-jun's mother didn't pester them with a bunch of questions like they—mostly Seo-jun, had anticipated. He never had the need to use the paper Ji-an had given him which he was glad for. At the end, it was proven that Ji-an was correct and he had just been overthinking stuff.

——————— ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ—————

—Joy

Look who's back 😌

Idk how to feel about this but some of you were very passionate at voicing your need for this update (keep going) so I had to deliver.

I mentioned before their friendship was ruined because of Seo-jun but I never showed how because I wanted to take my time revealing events that happened before just to keep the story more interesting. What did you think of it? Both Seo-jun and Su-ho are pretty even on the playing field of who hurt Ji-an more 😭

This is probably the last chapter with a flashback on it. I THINK- I'm not sure.

5 chapters ago, it was mentioned Seo-jun and Ji-an's dynamic is unlabeled because they haven't gone over what happened that day. They used to be friends and then Seo-jun made Ji-an believe their friendship was an act which is why as mentioned in chapter 15 the trust they had before is gone, though it's more on Ji-an's part because she doesn't know Seo-jun was lying.

This brings me to my last point. Why haven't they cleared things out? Well, Ji-an is scared of getting hurt again and Seojun will not have a good enough explanation without revealing the truth. That's why they both are completely ignoring what happened. For now, of course 😉

(Be worried)

Lmk if you guys get tired of me over explaining stuff 🫡

Song of the day: Long For You by Hyunjin

Ps: I had to stop my writing to make this because I didn't have more edits

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