( gif by hazzawckd <3 )

I have never been scared of what I didn't know.

Anxiety was the only feeling I understood in my body right now. My mind was blank, but in the same motion it was running 200 miles per hour, my limbs were absent of feeling. I was totally detached, but the only thing I could properly decipher was the nauseous feeling in my stomach. It was like an out-of-body experience, feeling like this. My soul felt like it left for the day and my mind was left on auto pilot to control this body of bones. I felt dead, maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't driving down this long deserted road with the radio playing and the wind flying through my hair.

Maybe I got caught in that explosion.

I slowly turned my head to stare at Hobie in the driver's seat. The wind blew the few strands of his hair in different directions, his eyes disguised by sunglasses and on the road. He drove with one hand resting on the steering wheel, the other dropped down on the console in between us, still as a statue as he drove.

We haven't spoken a word to each other since we left the gas station half an hour ago, the only time he talked to me was to tell me the elderly lady was fine and getting treated. He only knew because Opium called him.

The radio played endless songs back to back, that was the only thing distracting my empty state of mind, but even with that I wasn't listening.

He looked pale, his beautiful chocolate skin was now a few shades lighter, cheeks flushed like he was about to puke if he snapped out of whatever it was he was thinking about.

My hands had been tucked in my armpits, eyes staring back at my feet because I was too nervous to look elsewhere. If I looked at Hobie I was scared he would snap at me, but if I looked out towards the rearview mirror I was scared I would see someone following us.

"We are going to get there later than usual," he says after finally breaking the silence. "You should get some sleep while you can."

I kept my eyes on my lap, my arms tightening around my chest area with my stomach clenching. I felt so sick, I knew sleep wasn't going to be on agenda so I didn't say anything to his request.

So, I stayed silent.

"We need to get some things clear on what happened." He added, given I was going to stay silent. "I didn't plan for that to happen. I know you won't believe me, but that was not on my agenda."

My head stayed down, eyes shutting to breathe through my nose.

"(Y/N)." He says more assertively. "Say something to me. Please."

I turned my head to look at him, seeing how he was still looking at the road with his knuckles tightening. I stayed silent, staring at him. I could tell the tone in his voice he was starting to get frustrated, he just doesn't understand. He was actually very flushed with color, was he also going to be sick?

"I watched a gas station get blown up and two men burn to a crisp." I spoke, my voice wavering as I did.

He was silent in a pause. Suddenly he turns his head to look at me, eyes hidden behind the black sunglasses. I couldn't read his expression, the shades didn't help. A part of me was glad that I couldn't see the expression either. His cheeks were very prominent from this angle.

He turns back and looks at the road again.

"Well, they shouldn't have been doing what they were doing." He brushes it off, making a left turn up ahead. He didn't seem mourned about it at all, but I didn't expect him to be.

"I can't help but worry about that elderly lady, too." I whisper.

"Human life is all the same, she is alive and the men trying to kill us aren't."

"And you don't care just the slight bit that a harmless woman was caught in the crossfire?" I turned in my seat to face him more.

"She is safe, no? Drop it."

"In a sense they were still in-"

"That's your problem, Snips, you assume everyone is innocent." He looks at me for a split second before back on the road. "How do you possibly know those lives that were lost today were in any way innocent? Surely you don't think they were when they started shooting their guns at you or when they were hunting you in that store?"

"I just don't understand who you really are, that you are being hunted by men with guns. First with the human trafficking guy, now a whole shoot out with a gas station explosion. Yet you want me to trust you."

"You can't go around trusting everyone. I thought you lived through situations like this." He shakes his head, keeping his cool like his words were going to do more damage than none.

"Who says I shot up gas stations and was being hunted? Stop acting like you have any idea what kind of person I was." I argued but also kept my voice at a level tone.

I look at him as he keeps his eyes on the road, the last statement making him really mad now. I analyze the side of his face, looking at his hands now clutching the steering wheel.

"I don't know why you keep throwing that in my face." I murmur under my breath.

He chuckles to himself, smiling a bit while driving.

"Need I remind you, I'm a cruel guy Snips. Not your shoulder to cry on type of friend."

"Could've fooled me in my bedroom." I shake my head, in awe of his behavior.

Right as I was going to throw another bit of shade and him about to blow from frustration, he pulled over in front of a store. I didn't even realize we were in town yet until I saw a street full of stores, diners and people passing on crosswalks. He pulled the car into park at the curb, the street was flooded with people all over.

"Where are yo--"

"I'm thirsty." He cuts me off, shutting off the vehicle.

I glanced up at the fact we were in front of a convenience store.

He opens the car door and hops out, taking the keys with him. I stay in my seat, dropping my glasses to the edge of my nose as I look over the frames at him. He walks around the front of the car towards the store, stopping once he gets to my side.

"Are you waiting for an invitation?" He noticed my lack of movement.

"I'm not going in there with you, you have some target on your back that I'm not here for." I stubbornly state.

He chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief.

"Suit yourself, Snips." He turned away, walking tall towards the front of the corner store.

The last thing I would want is to be in a store with him right now after what just happened. I understand Hobie is different and I can't expect him to have the same thoughts and morals as me, but I was surprised to see how much he really lacks human compassion. I have yet to find out why he's wired like this and why he doesn't care that he was being hunted, but honestly  I have no actual motivation to figure that out.

Like I said--I've never been scared of what I didn't know, I grew up having to learn that on my own into the unknown, but I was scared that I knew nothing about Hobie.

One moment he feels normal to me. We will sip strong Hennessy while he bothers me about my personal life in a lighthearted manner, but the next moment he is out for blood with me or someone else. I've never been less like myself than with him; I actually get angry. It sounds stupid, but getting angry and acting out of character is rare for me. Ever since Ellie passed away I vouched to keep my calm in situations that didn't serve me, it wasn't worth it--but meeting him, he just knows how to get a rise out of me.

Then another moment he's saving me from two men that would've shot me; then treats me like I'm chopped liver after.

He is a toxic piece of shit, and I'm mad that I've gotten to this point with him. Opening up to him, letting him into my life, letting him know personal things about myself. He has done nothing but make me feel less than who I am as an individual, so why do I even get myself in these situations? The common factor boils down to him. A smart person would be avoiding him at all costs--but here I am, sitting in his car and waiting for him to come back from the store just so he can make another slick comment and tell me to grow up.

He thinks because of my history in the past that I am this bulletproof girl, he thinks I turned weak. I know it. That's why he doesn't have any respect for me, and it's awful that I let myself get like this. I'm a quiet person now, I used to always speak my mind. But because of that I get into situations where now my silence is taken as obedient.  I know how to argue and stand my ground, but with Hobie I get my words caught in my throat all of a sudden. He is so opposite to me, but not to the point where we are polar opposite. I know how to fight, so does he. He knows how to get his way, so do I. He just likes to take advantage of the little things I don't possess and make me feel small.

I look over at the convenience store, seeing him vaguely in the back looking at one of the racks. My jaw clenched from just looking at him, I was so mad.

I opened the car door, undoing my seatbelt. My eyes stay on the store window, seeing if he notices me through the window. I got up out of the car, shutting the door behind me. Once I'm out and slam the door shut, I peer into the window one last time before walking away and down the sidewalk, keeping a natural pace.

I'm probably going to get my ass chewed for doing this; but I can't keep letting him treat me like this anymore. I was scared of the consequences when it comes to him, how dangerous he was, the way his life is so closeted even though I have been around him for so long makes me know I simply can't live like this anymore. What I just witnessed back at the convenience store was still numb to my brain but I know it will come back to haunt me. It just shows and proves that he is far more dangerous than he puts out, the whole band is.

I've yet to understand who he really is and what he does in his free time but I've gotten my taste of death with him and it's left a bitter taste on the tip of my tongue.

I walked down the sidewalk with no sense of direction, passing people and little shops all over the place. What do I hope to get out of this excursion? I have no idea. But all I knew was I needed to be alone, even for ten minutes. If he left me here alone, so fucking be it. I'll figure it out I guess, we couldn't be too far from Washington at this point.

I continued walking down the sidewalk, feeling lost in my head just as much as I was lost on where I was going. I wanted to take pictures, try a bagel from a little coffee story, just have a nice distraction.

I turned the corner and continued to make my way through the small town on this warm morning. As I passed normal people on the street I quickly understood I would never have that simplicity anymore in my life but to them I probably looked just as normal as they come. No one knew what I just experienced half an hour ago, and they never will.

I continued to walk, passing diners and small markets. The weather was beautifully warm, so unfitting for a day like today. I noticed a little crystal shop, the doors being wide open and turning racks sitting outside of it. I looked up at the front sign;

Pandora's box.

I felt drawn to the shop that looked so alive and cozy. My feet carried me inside with the arrow of my heart directing me inside and before I knew it, I was inside browsing at the merchandise. There were a few people in here so I felt secure. They were gazing at the rings, necklaces, a few on the tarot decks, there was an old couple behind the counter in their seventies.

I didn't even know what town I was in right now. I was a West coast girl, so I had no clue what was between Atlantic City and Washington DC.

I glanced at the rack of keychains, seeing how there were so many different ones. If I was in a better state of mind then this mirage of colorful keychains would make me feel better. They just made me feel overstimulated.

"I like these ones too." A tall blue haired woman came around the keychain stand with a smile, scanning it as I placed a random one back on the rack.

I glanced over at the one she was talking about, a three dollar keychain that was shaped in a steel rectangle with a drawing of a small race car on it. It looked like the car Ellie had. It was cute, reminded me of home.

"Yeah, it kinda stuck out to me." I kept a neutral face but I was friendly with my words.

"Are you passing by?" She asks as we stay in the same spot near the rack.

"Yeah, just a quick pit spot before I get on going." I nodded.

"Thought so, you don't look like you are from the East coast." She giggles a bit in a tease.

"Why you think that?"

"I don't know, you don't give off that vibe." She says to my unexpected thoughts. "You seem lost."

"You have no idea." I chuckled, shaking my head.

I turned to walk towards the counter with a twenty dollar bill in my hands but was stopped by the girl, her finger tapping her badge to reveal the name Pandora.

"Just take it." She says to my payment, rejecting it.

"Why—? I." I furrowed my brows, now I was lost.

"You just look like you need something to better your day a bit." She warmly grins, pushing the keychain into my chest. "Take it."

This was a kind woman.

"Oh.." I tucked my hair behind my ear. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, if anything my sister will thank me for getting rid of some of these little keychains." She insists.

I pull a small half smile on my face, slowly putting my money back into the back of my pocket. Something like that has never happened to me before, it felt weird. I graciously took the small keychain, smiling softly to her one last time. It was weird that I had to remember there were nice people in this world.

"Thank you." I whispered, feeling tears pricking at the side of my eyes.

"I hope this brings you whatever peace you are looking for." She says before turning away to help another customer, a happier one that she seemed to have known.

I turn around and look down at the keychain, forming my lips into a deep frown. Her words were meant to be taken lightly, but they kinda hit me harder than they were supposed to.

I walk out the store into a soft breeze, continuing to stride down the main street. I didn't really know where to go, but I wanted to keep going as far away from him as possible so he wouldn't find me. I hope he leaves, I hope he gets in a car accident too. I just do not want to be around him.

I turned another corner to a smaller and much quieter side street. It was more of a lonesome and older shops like I had stepped into the 90s, but they didn't continue down the street. Naturally my feet pulled me that way, I walked a couple meters up to a curb.

I sat down on the lonely cement curb, facing the side of a soft brown building. Wherever I was, it was too wide for a little alleyway but also not a street. I think it was just a cut through road on the side of the buildings to get to and from another street.

I stay sitting down with my knees tucked up. All I heard behind me was on the other street with the sound of cars driving by and the murmurs of distant voices. There was a witted breeze softly blowing some braids just softly, the wind wasn't too timid for my eyes to be shut.

I felt so untouched with the world, maybe I've never seen it in this sort of light. Despite my complicated past, my life has never been average; but I wouldn't say the life I'm living now is what I wanted. I learned to get back up when I fell off my bike for the first time riding it, I learned how to ride without training wheels, I got my drivers license, I got into my first accident, had a hobby, dropped the hobby, failed a class, got put into honors for a class, had a favorite holiday, hated a holiday, went through the worst breakup and lost my best friend-- all of it.

My perception of the world was always understanding that not everything would go the way I picture, even more so now that I took up this job.

From the moment I rolled up to this employment position, the world was not what I always thought it was. Life threw me through the ringer and I had no sense of how to get out. The amount of things I've seen within this short amount of time has been insane. I don't let myself really look back on the past, but when I'm affiliated with a band like Spider-Band it's hard not to with all this glory.

Hostages tied up and beaten, drugs, money, human traffickers, weapons, almost falling off the top of a building, being chased, drugged, shootings, feared for my life.

The world didn't feel the same world I grew up on. For the first time in my life I was seeing the other other  side, the darker side of things. And what boggles me the most is I've never once tried to figure out what all of this means and who he is.

Who is Hobie Brown, and what on earth is his role in all of this madness?

Hobie, Rico, Opium, Crass, Ozzy—who the hell are they and what have they done?

They were no longer a rock band in my eyes, and I'm sure they knew that. Whatever 'band' they are is a cover up for something greater and more horrid, but I think they are hiding something about Hobie that no one wants to admit outloud. I've never tried to further investigate it because I was scared, I was scared of what I would find.

But today two armed men were hunting Hobie and terrorized an innocent victim right in front of me—to get to him.

Whatever Spider-Band really is, it's so much bigger than what I probably know. The more I keep trying to avoid it, the worst things will get for myself. People are after him, him alone, not even the police have been after him. He is involved in something grand, something probably too complicated for me to get.

"(Y/N)!" I heard a bark of anger.

I opened my eyes and sighed, turning my head down to the street, perceiving the tall darkly dressed man who is the main star in all my terror and troubles. Sunglasses on his face and a white cup with a straw, and a churro all in his hands.

"Where the hell have you been?" He stomps over to me sitting on the curb. I didn't have a need to run or hide anymore, I just stared up at him as he walked over to me.

He stomped right up until his shadow was blocking the sub, standing right in front of me with his toes touching mine. He was mad, but I was already used to that by now. I'd be mad at me too, I did just up and leave out of nowhere and considering the circumstances of what happened an hour ago I understand.

I stared at his knees aligned with my eyes, having no sense of urgency to get up and move.

"When I was thirteen I saw my best friend's dad break her arm at a family function." I murmur under my breath.

"I don't care, get up." He says back aggravated.

"And I knew her arm was broken was because he covered her mouth and pulled her back inside before anyone could see, and her arm was bent a different angle. I didn't see her for a month after that, it all got hazy. Her mom was always ignoring me and her dad, god forbid he tell me something. But then I saw her again and she had a smile on her face and a healed arm. At least I thought it was healed." I went on with thr story, even if he didn't want to hear it.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because," I stood up with my eyes forward. "In that moment I knew the world was a cruel place, that not everyone was meant to be all sunshines and rainbows. But at least the good people were meant to protect the ones they love; but then I met you. And you are the embodiment of pure evil, I've turned into this person I never wanted to be again all because of you."

He turns his head down and pulls the straw up to his lips again, sucking for a long time until he pulls out the straw from his drink—a slushie—and inhales sharply. "You know (Y/N)," he starts off with a sharp jaw. "You say you have changed who you are as a person, become someone you never wanted to be again but I think this is the most 'real' you have ever felt in a long time."

I shake my head and turn to face down the road.

"That's a matter of opinion."

"Maybe," he inhales again, eventually replacing the inhale sound with the sound of a slurping, then his mouth sounded full from the bite he took from his churro. "Or maybe it's the undeniable truth that you're just scared to face. You are scared to have fun and be your real self because you are worried you'll end up forgetting Ellie or realize that once you start moving on you are no longer stuck in the past. You need to let it go."

"Do you ever look in the mirror and hear yourself? Maybe the reason I don't want to be 'myself' again is because I'm scared of what you'll do to me if I try and defejd myself."

"You put yourself in situations that cause me to act out of anger." He calmly says.

I shake my head in disbelief, throwing my hands in the air before walking back in the direction of where we both came from. Back to the car and out of this conversation, it wasn't going to end well and it sure as hell wasn't getting anyway. If I knew anything about dealing with someone like this, it's to get out of the situation as fast as you can.

"Are you going to walk away again!" He yells behind me, appalled I walked away from him again.

I threw my middle finger up, turning around with a fake smile as I brought my other hand up to flip him off. There was no point in reasoning with him, especially not with a churro in his mouth and a slushie in his hand; I was going to do everything in my power to show him the 'real me' that he so desperately wants to see.

If he goes down, I'll be the one to do it.