♡

A/N: 😔😈

♡

“Hmm, for me… there are different reasons as to why I chose this path. It brings me joy to help other people in difficult situations. I want to challenge myself with solving problems and help make the world a better place. It’s fun,” Jimin confesses cheerfully and recalls the cases he has been able to work on so far. He also wants to use the job to help other people heal and achieve the feeling of being helpful. 

“I like your confidence and spirit when you said that. You seem very sure of what you want, with a clear goal in mind that many can't say. Take me as an example.” Jeongguk offers a compliment and smiles admirably. The unusual openness causes Jimin to cutely scrunch his nose, unable to get used to this side of him. “I study two majors because I’m interested in learning about both professions, but I don't know if it will stay that way or what I should focus on more.”

"But you still have time to decide, I think," Jimin comments enthusiastically, continuing, "You're in the first year of university and the second semester didn't start long ago."

Jeongguk returns the gentle smile Jimin throws at him, and a comfortable silence settles between them. They focus on their gingerbread and seem to sink into their own world. Jimin completely forgets why they’re at the market in the first place, prompting his body to be more relaxed and pride blossoming in him with every gingerbread cookie he manages to decorate well. 

The time ticks away, and Jimin sweetly grins while they leave the stall with the baked goods, cheerfulness buzzing in him. Doing this with Jeongguk for a change was fun. Jeongguk seems to be opening up to him, and it wasn't as awkward as Jimin thought it would be. Both seem to have a penchant for decorating baked goods, and Jimin hums a tune when he realises they have something in common. Does Jeongguk bake too?

He is brought back to reality too quickly for his liking, causing the positive feeling to faint. 

"Would you like some hot chocolate before we go to the garden? I bet there are no hot drinks and your fingers must have gotten cold from all the decorating."

"Ah, you're right.” Jimin nods, their eyes meeting. “They're always so delicious at the Christmas markets. Something warm would really be wonderful."

Jimin licks his lip in delight after taking the hot steaming drink in his hand, heat carrying over to his cold hands and helping the blood to circulate better. The sweet taste of hot chocolate and marshmallows melts in his mouth; he hums happily and closes his eyes. Christmas markets are definitely a big risk for him to buy a lot of sweets and get diabetes faster. Right now, though, he just wants to have something sweet and deserves to treat himself to something sweet.

“Don't you like hot chocolate or why did you take punch?” Jimin raises an eyebrow.

“It's not that I don't like it, but I can drink hot chocolate more often and punch only at Christmas markets. It's been a while since I drank it.”

Jimin's smile widens. “I guess you're right. You rarely see it offered.” 

He gazes with focus at the stalls they walk past. Many of the things offered he doesn't need or have in his dorm, but who doesn't like strolling through markets to see what they have?

“Where did he say the garden was?” Jimin asks suddenly, looking up at Jeongguk with uncertainty in his eyes. Honestly, he was a little overwhelmed by Jeongguk's behaviour and what went on earlier to really listen to Jin.

“He said near the exit, and we are well on time,” Jeongguk notes as he looks at his phone. By now, they have walked the rest of the place and are near the end of the market. 

There are still as many people as an hour ago, making Jimin anticipate the exit. It makes him uncomfortable when it's so crowded that people cannot pass each other without touching. Not only does he panic that someone might steal his belongings, but also he doesn't have enough space to walk comfortably.

“Do you think they are already there?”

Jeongguk shrugs as they reach the end of the market. “Not sure. He hasn't texted me. How about we take a look around? I don't think we have to wait at the entrance. I'll shoot him a text, saying we're already inside the garden.”

It's not difficult to oversee the vibrant colour lights from the market. Jimin catches sight of couples entering the garden with their hands entwined and faces lighting up like a Christmas tree. Jimin is sceptical about approaching. It's been a while since he's been in such a garden, but surely this one can't be beaten like the market, can it?

The fact that the sky is starry black and free of clouds makes the various lights stand out like the stars but brighter. There is so much to see and marvel at, and Jimin doesn't know where to look at first.

They take the left path and pass snowy meadows, big illuminated mushrooms, and pink hearts. Jimin takes note of how serene the view is and how delightfully calm this place seems, after all. It's also pleasant because not many couples are on the path; if so, they talk quietly or take selfies. 

With all the decorations, it reminds Jimin a little of Valentine's Day.

Jimin’s hands curl around his warm cup. He brings the drink to his lips and peers at Jeongguk as he clears his throat and shyly fixes his gaze above them on the moving subjects in the green tunnel.

"To be honest, I thought the garden would be smaller. Now I'm not sure, we'll find them anymore."

So what.

Jimin hears guilt in his voice, but he doesn't know if he cares that much. He's enjoying himself now and doesn't want to worry about other issues.

“Then it is so,” Jimin shrugs, ignoring the slightly confused look from Jeongguk's direction. His focus is not at all on finding them again at the moment.

"Oh?" Jimin wonders, looking up at the touch of a string of lights on his head. His eyes sparkle as he enters what resembles a magic forest. Parts of the garden remind him of American movies with high school proms, but this part is straight out of a fantasy film. Pristine and verdant. Only the fairies or elves are missing.

He chuckles at this improbable thought and is completely taken in by the scene's beauty, so he only becomes aware of someone taking a photo at the second click of a camera. Instantly, Jimin spins around, going completely still and eyes bulging in a moment of shock. 

Jeongguk stands in front of him, hands in the air and pointing his phone in his direction. He has already thrown away the punch cup earlier.

“Did you just take a picture of me?”

The alpha tenses, drops his arms hesitantly in front of his body and looks down, taking a moment to reply and collect himself. 

“I can delete it again if you want. It just looked so good when you were lost in thought in the forest and with all the decorations. I have such a penchant for taking pictures to keep memories alive. Sorry.”

Jimin watches him for a moment, thinking about what to say. Jeongguk seems genuinely sorry, and Jimin cannot be angry with him. Not when he looks at the photo himself.

“Keep it.”

“Really?” Jeongguk's face morphs into a bright and hopeful expression, and Jimin can’t help but nod with a reserved smile, not expecting Jeongguk’s next question. “Hm.” 

“Can I take more photos of you? You don't have to look straight into the camera.”

Jimin feels a bit uneasy. He has never been the biggest fan of being in photos, but Jeongguk has won him over with the photo he took and how proud he looks having taken it. He agrees while biting the inside of his cheek. 

They continue along the path until they reach another arch of lights, which is assumable the garden's highlight. The flower arch tunnel stretches in a beautifully curved arc in purple, white, and pink. Colours change from soft to vibrant, and it looks like the perfect influencer background photo. Jimin can't help but be amazed and is suddenly flooded with a wave of confidence because no one is there but them. He turns happily, grinning broadly and holding his half-full cup. A soft 'wow' escapes his lips, which quickly turns into a sheepish expression at the click of the phone camera in the background.

“No, no, stay there and spin again. It looked good.” Jimin wants to laugh. Jeongguk sounds like the photographer of a model, just… that he is none, and this wasn’t supposed to be a model shoot.

“Jeongguk, there’s no need to take all those photos. Aren't the ones you've taken so far enough?” Jimin blushes and can't believe what he suggests next, “Why don't we take a photo together?”

“Are you sure?”

Jimin chuckles at his reserved attitude. “I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't.”

And so Jeongguk approaches him, smiling and carrying a warm caramel scent with him. He steps behind Jimin, a few centimetres apart, and lifts his phone in the air. 

Click, click.

“Wait, take another one. I looked stupid.”

“I’m sure you didn’t.” Jeongguk purses his lips, shaking his head. “But let's take another one if it makes you feel better.”

Click.

Jimin automatically reaches for Jeongguk's phone and looks at the last photos he took, barely acknowledging the way their fingers are touching. He lets out a satisfied sigh as he keeps comparing them and then looks at Jeongguk, who meets his gaze immediately.

“See, that looks much better!” His voice jumps higher as he points to the last photo, acting more bubbly and excitable. The scent of peonies intensifies. “I like the way you take the photos. How about one last photo? I could pretend to smell the hot chocolate?”

“Sounds good.” Jeongguk nods and finds a good posture to take a good photo, giving him some instruction. “Can you turn forward a little more and…”

Jimin follows his instructions and closes his eyes, but when there’s no shutter sound, he opens his eyes in confusion. He immediately takes in Jeongguk's tense posture and that his scent has turned minimally sour.

"Jeongguk?" His focus no longer seems to be on him either, Jimin quickly notices. The focus seems to be much more on what is behind him, and Jimin immediately understands why, with a contracting feeling in his chest when he turns around. 

The grip around his beverage loosens, and the cup lands with a thud on the floor, spelling the rest of his drink. But that's of no importance to him right now. 

Hot tears brim in his eyes, and his stomach hurts like someone has punched him, knocking his breath out. Jimin is overcome with a wave of nausea, and his limbs begin to tremble. He didn't think watching his crush lean in and kiss someone else could hurt this bad. It feels like his world is collapsing.

Jimin’s hands clench into fists beside his body, and a pained expression crosses his face, bottom lip trembling. Meanwhile, Jeongguk approaches him silently, and only when their shoulders touch does Jimin blink rapidly with glassy eyes, half acknowledging the alpha’s presence.

Jimin tries to suppress a sob with his lips, which he presses flat together. An emotional storm breaks in and builds up inside him to the point where he comes close to collapsing. He feels so many things at once, anger, pain, and betrayal, but most of all, he hates that he can't do anything about it. It puts him in a spot of desperation where he sees no way out unless he could beam himself home.

But that is not the case, Jimin's body remains unmoving until sudden panic sets in when Jin and Yoongi lean back, and the latter meets his eyes. It causes him to do the unthinkable in desperate need to feel something other than the gut-wrenching pain, and to hide his real feelings. His brain shortcuts and his lips are on Jeongguk's, moving hastily and slightly clumsy with need.

“Please, I just…” Jimin pleads, having trouble finding the right words. He peers up at Jeongguk and digs his fingers deeper into his jacket, silently begging him to help. “I’m sorry but…” 

Jimin can’t finish the sentence, feeling Jeongguk’s soft lips on his once again, kissing him back. So close, Jimin can smell Jeongguk's caramel scent intensify. Carefully, he places his left hand on Jimin’s cheek and dives deeper into the kiss. Jimin isn’t sure how much time passes, whether it is seconds or minutes; somehow, he cannot tear himself away from Jeongguk.

“Damn, my little brother is all grown up now, huh? I knew there was something going on between you, but I didn’t know you had this in you,” Jin comments, and his voice sounds further away, despite a few metres between them. The answer wrenches Jimin's heart. He wants to be mad at him and throw all kinds of things at his head for being so blind. But most of all, he regrets not confessing his feelings to him before.

“Let’s give them some space.” Jimin hears Yoongi interrupt, and then they’re alone. The dam breaks, and Jimin cannot hold back the emotions tormenting him. Before long, Jimin feels his vision blurring and a tear rolling down his cheek. Jeongguk’s finger is quick to brush it away, causing him to lower his head, embarrassed.

The alpha, however, wipes away the remaining tears and whispers softly, “I know. It’s okay.”

Jeongguk’s eyes are focused solely on him, going forth and back between his eyes. And at that moment, Jimin couldn’t feel any more grateful for Jeongguk, so so grateful for the younger even if the guilt gnaws at him for kissing him out of nowhere. He wants to apologise, but he’s unable to bring it past his lips. 

Instead, Jimin feels vulnerable and would give anything to feel something holds him down before he goes crazy.  

“Can you hug me?” When Jeongguk hesitates, Jimin is about to take a step back, head lowering in shame, but Jeongguk pulls him back into his arms, betting his head against his chest. “Ask me for as many hugs as you want.” 

Jimin finally understands right there what he means by I know. He doesn't know if he did a poor job of hiding his feelings before, but he's surprised by how calm and understanding Jeongguk appears to be in this situation. It helps to calm himself down and come to terms with what's happening and what will happen to his best friend. He still refuses to believe that anything that happened was a dream, but perhaps this is the side effect of loving someone. Denial in its greatest form. 

Assuming a good round of sleep and a hot shower is all he needs right now to make him feel slightly better, he decides going home is the best and only solution. Because staying here any longer would mean he has to push his feelings aside again when he's not ready for that.

“Thank you,” Jimin mumbles in a broken voice and gives Jeongguk one last hug, making his way home.