A/N- Soooo many emotions in this bitch. This chapter had me crying, screaming into a pillow, gasping. You name it. 

Some trigger warnings I should add for any of you. This chapter will have some descriptions of blood, along with some scenes that involve post-trauma depression. If you are sensitive to any of these matters please proceed with caution. 

Without further ado, please enjoy this emotional rollercoaster. 

Matt, wake up. We need to get out of here...

"Matt." Holly kept shaking him, and through her trembling breaths somehow his name would flow from the back of her throat. 

Holly had never been religious. Matt was one of the very few people she had ever met who had a spiritual view for life. Sure she didn't necessarily believe everything he said, but the majority of it made sense. She figured being a kid who's parents weren't around, having some mental clutch that you where never alone would somehow drown out the pain.

Although she had never been a believer, in this very moment, Holly was praying to whatever God there was, asking that by some miracle Matt would wake up. She needed that mental clutch right now, knowing that she wasn't alone and that someone heard her cries.

 "Please, Matt." She kept shaking him. Like she did the night he broke through her apartment window, Holly didn't give up. She refused to believe he was dead, because he wasn't, and she knew it. 

As Holly lifted Matt's head, she felt as he twitched slightly to the side, making her let out a breath of relief. She continued lifting him as his head turned to face her. Through the smoke of the room, her face was unrecognizable through Matt's vision. Like a room on fire, Holly's face was burning in Matt's vision.

"Holly?" Matt questioned. 

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me." Holly bobbed her head quickly. Her hearing was going from a muffled noise to now a panging ring that was making her eyes squint at how badly it ached through the rest of her body. "Can you sit up?"

Matt nodded against her hand as he placed his palms down behind him, pressing himself up from the ground. His white button-up was filled with not only dust and drywall, but also blood. Holly felt her heartbeat quicken again as she reached forward, moving his jacket out of the way from his ribs so she could get a better look.

"Your bleeding." She said, pressing her hand against the blood of his shirt, making him wince. Her eyes looked up to his face, seeing how much pain he was in. "Shit- I gotta get you downstairs. By now there should be an ambulance-" He shook his head, placing his hand on Holly's. 

"I'm fine." He nodded. "It's just a stitching from the other day that got ripped open. Nothing serious." He listened carefully, hearing as Holly slightly groaned to herself. "Your hurt though. More then I am." He sat up fully. "Where are you hurt?" 

Matt moved his hand, to her face, feeling around. His hearing was being blocked from the impact of the explosion, making it so he couldn't hear exactly where the blood flow was coming from. Still, he knew it was there. Maybe it was just that boyfriend instinct, but Matt knew something was off.

"It's just a little cut on my head, I'll be fine. We need to get out of here, okay?" She said, placing her hand on his wrist. She didn't lie about her wound, it was on her head. Did it hurt more then she let on? Oh hell yeah, the pain was killing her.

Holly turned to the side as her name was called out, seeing as Claire rushed towards her. Blood stained her baby blue scrubs, along with her cheeks that had been sliced by glass from broken windows. Her face was just as worried as Holly's, possibly a bit more. "Fucking shit- Claire."

Holly stood from her spot quickly, legs shaking under her weight as she was embraced by Claire in a large hug that just about crushed Holly's body. She wrapped her arms around Claire as she pressed her head to her shoulder, letting out breaths of alleviation. 

"Where's everyone at?" Holly kept her arms pinned to Claire's as she pushed back from her.

Claire shook her head quickly. "I- I don't know. I think some people went out through the staircase, but not many." She looked like she was about to break. "Holly, there's a lot of people who aren't moving and they are covered in blood and I-"

Holly could see that Claire was run scared. "Hey-" She motioned for her to take deep breaths. "It's okay. It's not your fault. How about we do this. You help Matt get downstairs and out of the hospital and I'll stay up here and try and get everyone out." 

"Holly that's ridiculous, I'm not leaving you up here." Claire impugned. 

"Claire, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you." Holly pressed. "Take Matt, don't let him stay up here no matter what he says. Flag down the first officer you see and tell them we have a whole floor full of elderly patients who are unable to walk." She paused, seeing Claire's uneasy look that was written across her face. "I'll be fine. Just go."

Claire nodded apace, letting go of Holly as she jogged back in the direction of Matt.

 As she listened to Claire rush off, Holly sprinted forward, letting the sirens from above ring in her ears like the sound of the worst alarm she had ever heard. Everything around her was either blown to pieces, or covered with ash from the fire that was burning the ceiling above her. 

Holly found any sign of life, helping them stand as she guided them in the direction of the staircase. With every person she found, she noticed blood spotting their hands and gowns. She hated seeing people like this, absolutely esteemed. Each person had tears streaming down their eyes, with fear paralyzing their words and pulling them inside of their throats. 

As she continued moving through each of the rooms, more lifeless bodies brimmed her vision. Crimson blood dripping from their bodies onto the floor as it created a pool of unending blood. Holes from glass accessorized their bodies as Holly looked away as promptly as possible, hiding the sight from her eyes. 

"Nobody Lives Forever." Holly muttered to herself as she took sharp breaths. "Nobody lives forever. Nobody Lives Forever. Nobody Lives Forever." 

Then, as if the world hadn't thrown enough shit into her vision for one day, she made contact with room 306. Arthur James' room. 

And every word in Holly's throat became trapped. 

"No." She shook her head. "Nononononononono...."

Razor-sharp breaths escaped her lungs as the sense of cold air left goosebumps on her sweaty skin. She was hyperventilating as her mind jumped from one thought to another, leaving her mind and soul in a disoriented mess of horror. Somehow, despite how winged she was running, she couldn't help but feel her heart beating faster then her feet where moving. 

As Holly turned the corner, her feet came to a stop as her hand rushed to her mouth. Within seconds, Holly felt as her heart dropped to the bottom of her stomach, and a sick sensation caused bile to rise in the back of her throat.

She scrambled backwards, trying her best to keep herself from screaming as her eyes locked into the lifeless stare from Mr. James body before her. She bit her hands, trembling, mustering everything she had inside of her to stop her sobbing. She can't be heard. She must not be heard. Dorthey was lying on the floor begging for help, not knowing her husband was lying flat on the floor with a shard of glass going straight through his head. 

"Holly-" A small voice called out to her, making her eyes dart to Dorthey who was crawling on the floor with a large gush of blood running down from the top of her forehead. Blood stained the floor below her, spraying across the walls and every piece of clothing that she wore. 

"Oh Dorthey-" Holly's voice was as docile as it could be. She shielded Dorthey from the body as she helped her stand. "Can you walk for me?"

Dorthey nodded in haste. Her face was no longer filled with the bright smile that she usually wore, but instead, absolute dismay. She looked around the room, trying to see past Holly who was doing everything in her power to stay strong for the woman in front of her. Right now, Holly was the only person who knew that Dorthey was now a widow. 

"Get to the stairwell and head downstairs. There are some officers who are helping people out, so just follow what they say."

"My Arthur-" Dorthey's voice broke. "I need Arthur. He needs to come with me."

Holly couldn't speak. She felt as her throat closed up with every faltered word that left her throat. She couldn't tell her, because she knew that she wouldn't leave if she knew what had happened. She needed to get her out now. She needed to try and save Arthur.

"I'll get him." Holly said through a breaking voice. "Just get downstairs for me, okay?"

Dorthey nodded quickly as Holly guided her out of the room. As she turned the corner and headed down the smoke filled hallway, Holly turned back to face Arthur. 

Her eyes made out what she was staring at. Through the gloom of the winter evening, the moon shone through the room and onto the glass in Arthurs head, reflecting a bright beam of light onto Holly's skin. Her hand found her mouth again as she walked over, completely collapsing onto the floor next to him. She knew it was over. Arthur was gone, and she had to accept that fate.

A painful sob left Holly's mouth as her entire body shuttered at the sight of the dead man. Her haltered breaths echoed throughout the room as she lifted his head onto her lap. She couldn't control the pain nor the shock her body was enduring. As if she could feel her heart being buried into a grave, every inch of her body grew cold, shivering from the nerves along with the wind that was blowing through the broken window. 

"I'm so sorry." Holly sobbed. Her words where barley audible, hiding behind a stream of hot tears that pooled down her cheeks and onto her lap. Her choppy breathing and watery eyes remained for quite some time as she sat there, unmovable. "I'm so sorry, Arthur."

She should have stayed with him. That's all that went through her mind as she held his lifeless body in her hands. She could have saved him if she was in the room when the explosion happened. She could have stopped Dorthey from becoming a widow. She could have stopped everything. 

But deep down, no matter how many times she convinced herself she could have stopped the attack, she knew she had no control. 

Clutching onto the material of Arthurs hospital gown, she sunk her face down as she let out a cry that shook the entire building.

Nobody lives forever. 

Holly reminded herself of that every day in nursing school. She was taught to let the patient and his family mourn and to be their stronghold through everything. It didn't matter what you saw, you were to always remain strictly professional, showing that not even the most gut-wrenching terrible deaths could phase you.

Something about hearing the heart monitor give its last sound for the first time makes a person go mentally insane. Holly still remembered her first death. It was a thirty-one-year-old female who had been in a car accident after driving home with her boyfriend who was under the influence of drugs. She was a teacher. A teacher with beautiful dark skin and black ringlet curls that sat perfectly on top of her head.

Her entire body was in extreme distress after getting caught under the burning vehicle. The doctors knew she didn't have much time left, yet Holly never kept that in mind. To her, this was just another woman who would leave the hospital in two weeks tops, returning to her life teaching second graders math and spending her weekends with her boyfriend in the city.

She remembered every moment from that day as if it had just happened moments ago. Watching as the woman struggled for air under her collapsed lung, Holly called for a doctor, going over procedures mentally as she went through everything she needed to on the woman. She performed CPR before entering a chest tube, praying that the beeping from the heart monitor would calm down in a room full of people who were crying over their loved one who was struggling to grasp air.

She remembered how scared she was, and how as soon as the heart monitor let out the sound of a flat line, she felt her entire body freeze. She knew at that moment that the person in front of her was no longer alive. She was staring blankly at the body of a woman who had just died. A woman who had just died on her watch.

After that day, deaths became easier to cope with. Slowly, seeing dead bodies didn't phase her as much. Sure there were a few that got to her, but she had to remind herself of the saying 'Nobody lives forever.' She wasn't heartless, she was realistic. 42% of people who enter the hospital never leave, and Holly had to keep that statistic in mind with every patient she dealt with.

But tonight, as Holly holds a lifeless body in her hands, she let's out a petrified scream of pure terror as blood covers her hands and scrubs. The entire room is filled with smoke that creates a haze over the moonlight that shines through the curtains and a loud alarm sounds in Holly's ears as people call out her name, rushing over to grab her as the body falls to the ground.

Holly cries out again, begging for the officer who has a hold on her to let her go as she grabs onto the material of Arthurs gown and pulls herself back to his body. She's dragged out of the room by her hands, letting out gut wrenching cries that filled the silent halls. Watching as the body in front of her becomes a small dot, Holly feels a pang of guilt pound in her heart as if a scared serpent had struck her heel. It was painful and absolutely horrid. 

Nobody lives forever.

Yet right now, Holly couldn't find it in herself to say it.

That night, Holly felt as torpid as they come. 

She couldn't move without being helped. Her entire body shuttered at the slightest noises, her heartbeat spiking at the sound of every honking taxi that filled the streets of Hell's Kitchen. Matt had brought her back to her place, hoping that somehow she would feel a little better about being somewhere so familiar. Somewhere that she called home.

He helped her shower. Washing the blood and ash from her hair, and scrubbing her skin clean to help get rid of any sign from that night. Her hair was matted in the back from the dried blood, causing him to cut out a small crimson stained knot that was formed on the bottom of her brown locks. Through the entire shower, Holly remained close to Matt, not saying a single word. 

Something about Matt helping Holly shower wasn't something that was sexual to him. Instead, it was heartbreaking. Holly was mortified from the events of that night. She couldn't even find it in her to speak without letting out a faltered sound that turned into a sob. It was hard to believe the very person in front of him was the same one who was helping lead people out of the hospital, acting unfazed by everything around her. 

He cleaned her wounds up, pressing bandages to the skin of her arm and even on the back of her neck where the scar lied from the kidnapping months ago. Just another reminder of what Matt had done. One that caused him to pull back at the feeling of the shattered piece of skin.

Holly finally found herself sitting down on the couch, a large sweatshirt covering her body while her legs remained free in pajama shorts. She stared blankly into the table in front of her as Matt walked from her kitchen holding two mugs in his hand. 

"I made you some tea." Matt said, handing her one of the mugs before plopping over to the side of her with his. 

He listened to her breathing. It was calmer then before, still even. Like the air around them, it was slow and steady. Despite how much calmer she had gotten, Matt wasn't going to push anything. So instead, he embraced their silence and sat back into the couch and waited for her to speak first. 

"That scar I have on the back of my neck," Matt turned to face Holly as she pointed to the bandage on her neck. This was the first time in hours she had spoken. Her voice was scratchy, laced with exhaustion from shouting and crying. "I don't talk about it much, but I look at it everyday. I try not to but I can't. I see it every time I put my hair up and I look at it for a good minute before continuing on with my day."

Matt could hear by the sound of her voice, she wasn't done. He sat further into the couch, keeping his head turned in her direction.

"I look at a scar everyday." She turned her head to Matt as she repeated her words. "Imagine how Dorthey feels now. Arthur was her everything. She saw him everyday for hours on end and just like that he's gone." She swallowed hard as her eyes began to well up. "Just like that scar is a reminder of what happened at the kidnaping, I am going to be Dorthey's reminder of what happened to her husband. I'm her scar. I'm her reminder that Arthur is dead."

Matt lowered his head. "Holly-"

"No, don't do that." Holly's voice was more raspy, harsh even. She sat up on the couch, pointing to herself. "Arthur is dead because of me, Matt. I am the reason that Dorthey is going to be planning her husbands funeral instead of her husbands release!" She stood from the couch, placing her hands over her face. "I can't- I can't do this, Matt. I can't do this anymore." 

Matt could hear her heartbeat as it pounded against her chest like a beating drum. Her breathing was heavy and shallow, hiding behind her ribs as it became trapped in her chest. He stood from the couch, walking over to her as he placed his hands on her arms. 

"Holly, you need to calm down, your having a panic attack-"

"Stop-" Holly pushed his hands off of her, stumbling back as the back of her legs hit the couch. Matt let out a short breath, one that was loud enough for Holly to hear. "Stop trying to make this better, because your not." 

Matt furrowed his brows frustrated. The silence grew uncomfortable between them both as she chose to let the admonition sit. He placed his hands on his hips, continuing to face Holly. 

"I'm making this worse?" Matt questioned, letting out something that sounded like a scoff. "Your sitting here getting pissed at me for trying to do something you can't," Holly tried to speak, but Matt kept going. "Accept the fact that what happened, happened." 

"How the fuck am I supposed to accept what just happened?" Holly questioned. Her voice was louder then before. They where officially in an argument. "I watched someone die! I held a dead body in my fucking hands, Matt! How the hell am I supposed to get over that within the span of two hours?" 

"I'm not saying for you not to have any emotion towards this, I'm just telling you to stop pushing me away when I'm trying to help." Matt explained, rather dejectedly.

Holly barked a scoff. "Oh your one to talk."

Matt paused. She took it that far. "You really want to do this?" He questioned. "After all that just happened you want to play that card with me?"

"Why not?" Holly questioned, tossing her arms up. "If you ask me, your being a hypocrite for getting mad at someone for something that you do on a daily." Matt tried to interject, but Holly kept speaking as she pointed at him. "You never ask for help. You never tell me shit unless I ask. You keep me out of your life, why? Because your trying to keep me safe? Well fucking shit, Matt-"

"Why did this turn into a firing match in my direction? I am just trying to help you, yet your being too fucking stubborn to accept my help!" 

"Again, Matt. Hypocrite!" Matt mumbled an 'Oh my God' under his breath as he shook his head, breathing through his teeth that where clenched tight. "You should know that keeping shit from people doesn't work! Think of your dad and all the shit he kept from you!" 

Matt scoffed bitterly, sucking in air through his teeth. "Fine, you want me to start telling you the truth? Let me tell you every bit of fucking information so you can see that I'm not being a hypocrite." 

Holly started arguing over his words, their voices getting louder as they both fought for ground in the argument. "Oh please, I would love to hear what you have been keeping from me."

"Fisk has the ground here. I don't know what to do, and I can't fucking stop him!" He pointed another finger up. "Ms. Cardenas was killed the other day after speaking up about the actions Fisk has taken against the community," He pointed his third finger, almost screaming at this point. "And Fisk was the reason Arthur was killed! Not you, Fisk! That is why I am trying to help you, Holly. Because you are not responsible for any of this fucking mess, yet you refuse to let me get a God Damn word in!"

Holly's face grew soft as the entire room became silent. Matt knew what he had done, and instant regret seeped through his skin like murky water, entering his chest and causing him to drown in his own words. She bit her lip as she let his words sink in.

"What do you mean Fisk was responsible for Arthurs death?" Holly's voice was softer, yet venomous. She stepped closer to Matt as he lowered his head, "I asked you a God damn question, Matthew. Answer me."

The silence between them was heavy. Usually at this hour, her apartment building would be silent besides a few doors getting shut here and there. At that moment though, there was nothing. Only their breaths, heavy with emotion and burning in exile. 

Holly broke first, hiccupping as tears snuck up on her and fell down her cheeks. She couldn't believe how far they had fallen in the span of minutes. How quickly they had broken the trust they had made with each other. Everything they had was now tainted. They where firing every bullet they had in order to break the other, and now, they where living with the consequence. 

Matt took a deep breath that shook through his throat. "The night Karen and Ben went to visit Fisk's mom...they needed a way to get in." He paused, and Holly knew where this was going. "I remembered the code that you used at the hospital to get into my room the day you stitched me up. Your ID was the only way they would be able to get in on such short notice." 

Holly nodded slowly. Her voice was barley audible. "So Fisk thinks I'm the one who spoke to his mother?" She questioned. "And that's why he killed Arthur?"

Matt nodded, absolutely silent. 

Holly looked down, absolute anger and betrayal running through her veins. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't. Every bit of emotion was dying in her chest, making her entire body feel as if it was being tugged together by a rope. 

Matt frowned when he realized how badly they had hurt each other. "I'm sorry Holly. I am so incredibly sorry, I shouldn't have done it." Guilt laced his words so much, it was one of the most sincere apologies he had ever given. She said nothing to him. She stood before him with her head facing down, covered by her hands. "I shouldn't have done it, Holly."

Slowly, she lifted her head to meet his eyes through her tears, giving him a look that could cut through glass. 

"Please, get out." Holly lowered her head. "Please, please, please, get out."

"Holly, please." Matt begged, feeling his stomach twist. "Don't do this. I love you, Holly. I can't let you go."

Holly paused. "You let me go the second you gave my ID to Karen." Aggression laced her words. "Get. Out."

Matt didn't speak as he reached over her couch, grabbing his coat as he tossed his arms inside. He knew he had messed up. He knew that she needed time.

Turning away on his heel, Matt walked to the door and pushed down at the handle, leaving her apartment behind with the close of the door. 

Holly was somehow able to make it across her apartment to lock the door without sheading a single tear. But as she turned her back to the door, she let out a broken sob that filled the walls of her apartment, closing her world in even more as she slid down the wood of her door and onto the floor. 

Curling her knees up to her chest, Holly let out another elated cry that broke every inch of her heart. Holly didn't hate Matt, and that was the issue. With everything in her, she tried to convince herself that she hated the man who was responsible for Arthurs death. But no matter how many times she screamed his name, saying that she hated him, she couldn't convince herself to believe a lie.

She loved Matt Murdock more then she should. And no heartbreak could ever change that.

A/N- Go ahead and say it, "DAMNIT, DAISY!"

Arthur wasn't originally going to be as big of a character as he was, but after seeing how much you all loved him, I kept adding him in more and well...now I see that was a mistake, because you all are going to be emotional wrecks because of this chapter. But hey, at least it wasn't Matt, right? 

Speaking of Matt, who's side are you on? Personally I remain neutral on the fight mainly because I can't chose between both of my favorite characters. How did that ending do ya? Yeah...that one is gonna leave a mark.

Thank you all for reading, and I am sorry for murdering your hearts. Have a great rest of your days/nights and stay safe my loves <3

Daisy :)

(aka, the bitch who can't make a happy chapter)