Autumn Landscape with Four Trees by Vincent Van Gogh (1885)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Devlin's POV

"Just sign these papers and you'll be free to go," Barbara, an elderly woman sitting behind the reception desk, informed me. She stretched her hand and placed the documents before me. I then grabbed a pen and signed where she had instructed.

"I guess that's it," she said as a soft smile spread across her face, making small crow feet appear on each side of her brown eyes. "Take care of yourself, my dear."

"I'll try," I said, attempting to reciprocate her kind smile, but I was far too exhausted.

"I mean it, Devlin. I don't want to see you here again." Even though her joyful tone suggested that she was joking, I could tell by the way that her eyebrows slightly drew together that she was very much serious.

"You won't. Unless I come to visit you," I said, causing her smile to grow wider.

"Have a great day, Devlin."

"You, too. Bye Barbs."

I swung my duffle bag over my shoulder and walked towards the exit. The automatic doors slid open, allowing me to finally leave the hospital. Outside, the breeze was cold, seeping through the fabric of my hoodie. Autumn was near and I could feel it. It whispered amongst the naked branches and the leafless bushes, spreading destruction one murmur at a time.

I looked up at the cloudy sky, observing the leaves that waltzed hand in hand with the gushes of wind. A single leaf adorned by reddish hues fell before me, leaving behind a bittersweet taste in my mouth. The last time I stood in the same spot, exactly a month ago, everything was different. The trees were garnished with a verdant foliage that seemed everlasting, nature's breath carried the scent of flowers and life, and birds were chirping on the clothed branches.

Now, the summer days were just a faint echo, reminding me of how much time had slipped by – how much time that I had wasted. It had already been a month, a month without feeling the sun against my skin, a month without breathing fresh air, a month without feeling like me - at least what was left of me.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, snapping me out of my thoughts. I pulled it out of my coat and saw that my mother was calling me.

"Hey, mom," I said as I brought the device to my ear.

"Hey, Raven. I'll be there soon, okay? Just wait for me outside," my mother said in an almost apologetic tone.

"Okay. I'll see you later." She immediately hung up after.

Almost thirty minutes later, I saw a dark blue car enter the parking lot and park not too far away from me. I approached the vehicle, recognizing my mother and my little sister from afar. When my mother's eyes fell on me, she came running in my direction. She pulled me into her warm embrace holding me tight for what felt like a good minute. At that moment, it was like she had removed all the tension, the worry and the anguish that I carried within and she had put it on her back, allowing me to finally breathe.

"I swear you've grown another inch," she marveled as we hadn't just seen each other the previous week. Her lips curved up, but her smile didn't reach her eyes like it usually did. Her heart was heavy and I could sense it.

"Sorry for being late. The cheer tryouts just ended."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just happy to see you guys."

My sister, Fallon, stood a couple of feet behind our mother, wearing her cheerleading uniform: a navy blue skirt with golden stripes and an equally blue long sleeve shirt. Her arms were folded over her chest as her eyes narrowed at me.

"How was it?" I asked, attempting to untense her with a smile.

"Fine," she uttered, still looking away from me.

"Did you make the team?"

"Yeah."

"Are you just going to stand there and give me one-liners?" I asked, slightly frustrated. As naive as it sounds, I expected us to put our differences aside and just forget about everything. I wanted to hug her and tell her how much I had missed her. That I missed hearing her voice and even her silly stories about middle school. But it was too late now. I had pushed her away and I feared that things would never be as they once were.

"C'mon, Fallon. Be nice and give your brother a hug. You two haven't seen each other for a while," my mother insisted. My sister pursed her lips in discontent, but still obliged.

"I missed you," I whispered into her ear as I wrapped my arms around her. She then rested her chin on my shoulder, finally agreeing to hug me back.

The ride back home was silent. All that could be heard was the sound of the whirring of the engine and the ticking of the blinker each time my mother made a turn. I glanced at my sister through the side mirror, feeling a bittersweet taste in my mouth. She was asleep with her eyes tightly closed and her face glued to the window.

***

My mother parked the car in our driveway. I sighed as I noticed the empty parking spot next to us. Knowing that my father had to work overtime to pay my hospital bill made my stomach churn. I felt partly responsible although if he was here, he would have probably told me not to worry about it.

"I'm so happy that you're back," my mother whispered, her tired eyes glancing into mine. I gave her a half-smile, pretending not to notice the bags that casted shadows beneath her eyes. I reached over to take her hand and wrapped my fingers around hers.

"Me too. I'm sorry, mom. I didn't mean- Didn't want to hurt you," I confided, feeling the overbearing hands of guilt wrap around my throat. My mother immediately hushed me, softly shaking her head.

"You must be tired, honey. We'll talk about it another time, okay?" She said, but deep down, I knew that we probably wouldn't talk about it ever again. We would just go on with our lives and pretend that never happened. As we always did.
I nodded, shifting my gaze from her trembling hands to the bandages around my wrists. I held on to her hands tightly, bringing them close to my heart as if that was enough to ease her suffering. The suffering that I had placed upon her.

We stayed like this for a while, in silence, our fingers intertwined. I listened to her sniffles, but I didn't dare to wipe her tears. All I could do was hold her and hope that she could feel what I felt, the pain, the remorse and mostly the love that filled my heart.
Silence was my mother tongue and that night, I was hoping that she could also understand it too. Perhaps silence was a way to express the suffering of our hearts. From one broken soul to another.

"It's getting late. We should go home," she said. I let go of her hand and she rapidly wiped her face. We then exited the car and walked to the front door. My mother inserted the key into the lock and entered our home.

Inside the house, a warm and homely ambiance greeted me. A familiar and savory scent led me to the kitchen. There, I found my grandmother, Alda, who stood behind the stove, a brown apron tied around her neck. The sun rays coming from the windows glowed on her long silver strands. On her elegant features, time had traced a beautiful map of wisdom. Faint wrinkles formed above her cheeks, her face immediately lighting up as her eyes fell on me.

"Schatz/Treasure!" She exclaimed in German, pulling me into her arms.

"Hey Oma. I didn't know you would be here," I greeted, hugging her back tightly.

"I wanted to surprise you. How are you?"

"I'm better," I assured her. "I promise."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"What are you cooking?" I asked, attempting to change the subject. "Your favorite."

"Sauerkraut?"

"Yes!"

"Aw, thank you Oma. That's really sweet ," I said, happy that she still remembered.

"Of course. Will you call your sister for me and tell her that dinner's ready?"

"Sure," I told her as I exited the kitchen. I then went back to the entryway and began ascending the stairs, leading to the second floor of the house. I reached the top of the stairs and followed a long hall where the walls were painted a soft sage green that was soothing to the eye. Like in most places in the house, my mom's plants were scattered almost everywhere. The biggest of them, a verdoyant philodendron was placed next to a rustic console table on which were set many pictures. Most of them were family pictures of us during holidays and others were photographs of Fallon and I when we were younger. Next to the console was a reddish brown door opening to Fallon's room.

"Fallon," I called out as I knocked on the door. I pressed my ear against the surface, trying to hear her voice, but all that could be heard was the sound of her music. It resonated through the wood and almost made it shake. I waited for some time before twisting the doorknob.

"Oh my gosh! Why can't you freaking knock?" She exclaimed as she made eye contact with me.

"I did and maybe if you weren't playing music so loud you would have heard me!" I complained, raising my voice so she could hear me.

Fallon scoffed as she walked back to her closet.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that food is ready," I said, before closing the door. I threw a quick glance at the end of the hallway. The stained glass window close to me, reflected the sunlight into multicolored ribbon that shed light on my bedroom door.

I didn't know what it was, but something compelled me to go towards it. I began walking in the direction of my room. The closer I got, the more frigid my body became. Shivers slid down my spine as I reached the door. I slowly brought my hand towards the knob and breathed in before finally twisting it open. The door didn't seem to open. At first, I thought that the knob was jammed, so I pushed harder on the door, but I soon realized that it had been locked.

"What are you doing?" Fallon's startled me.

"Nothing," I babbled as I quickly turned. "Let's go. Mom and grandma are waiting for us."

Fallon gave me a strange look, but decided against asking more questions.

***

Dinner was relatively quiet. My grandmother, my mother and my sister conversed amongst themselves, but I remained silent, occasionally nodding my head when they spoke. The sound of their voices and laughter sounded like distant echoes that I could barely perceive. Perhaps it was because my mind was consumed with a tsunami of thoughts to which I had no answers, but I felt uneasy. I couldn't stop thinking about my sister's defensive response when she witnessed me opening my bedroom's door.

"You don't talk much, Devlin. What are you thinking about?" My grandmother asked in a soft voice.

"Nothing. I'm just listening," I told her.

***

I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I exited the house. Fallon sat on the steps outside of the house, her eyes fixed on her cellphone. I closed the door and sat next to her. She turned her head towards me, giving me a faint smile before looking away. As night settled into the sky, the breeze seemed to get even colder.

"I can't believe school starts in less than a week..." Fallon said, breaking the silence.

"How do you feel about it?" I asked.

"I'm terrified."

"Of what?"

"Of everything." "Of meeting new people... Of the girls on the cheer team not liking me."

"Since when do you care what people think about you?"

"This is high school, Devlin. It doesn't matter if I care. Their opinion of me is going to determine the course of my life there."

I nodded as she continued, "I just want to fit in, you know? I've always dreamed of being on the team and now that I finally got in, I just want to feel like I belong."

I gave her a small smile, appreciating her honesty. "I get it. Not fitting in can be scary. Especially in high school, but you shouldn't care so much about it."

"At the end of the day, if they don't like you, they're the ones who are missing out," I added, making her lips curve upwards.

"You're right," she replied with a prideful grin.

"You're supposed to say thank you," I joked. Fallon turned towards me, I slightly flinched, expecting her to elbow me, but she stayed still. She didn't speak. She simply stared at me with the same beam spread across her face.

"Why are you smiling like that?" I asked as I also turned to face her.

She exhaled before saying, "I don't know... it's just nice to see you that way. Since you left the hospital you look at peace. Even... happy."

"You are, right?" She questioned.

"What?"

"Happy?"

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Author's notes:
Hey sunshines! Thank you so much for reading my book. I hope that this chapter was worth the wait. Feel free to let me know what you think and don't forget to vote. I'll try to update soon. 🩷

I appreciate your patience and support

- A