Reviewer : Elena LUVB0TIC

Book : Unexpected and Unexplained

Author : Katopark

Description: ⅗

The structure of the blurb is alright, I like how you started with a dialogue then a short summary in the end. It best describes the story. The only thing missing to me is a slight detail about Yoongi, but I get why you decided not to add him. If the purpose is to create mystery about his character, then it's completely fine. As always, humans make mistakes, sadly there is still some flaw in your description.

➷ ERROR #1

I can't seem to ignore this prominent mistake of yours, it's not only in your blurb but I found a lot of these all over your book. Yes, it's the dialogue and the wrong placement of commas in it.

Ex:

" Let me show you something" , he said...

Compare it to this example of a correct dialogue.

" Jimin, you got no jams, " Namjoon uttered.

You can probably see the difference. In an English dialogue, especially the one in books, commas are always placed after the speech mark if followed by an action tag.

➷ SUGGESTION #1
I advise you to read and re-edit all of the chapters, this dialogue mistake is on every chapter of your book. So, it's always better to revise it to perfect this mistake.

➷ ERROR #2
One of the most common flaws, inconsistent use of past tense. As a writer, it is crucial to keep in tact and watch over your use of tenses. It has to be the same, in every sentence present in a book. Same goes to the book's description, in the first paragraphs I couldn't spot any which is nice. But in the last ones, I started noticing some things. I'm not going to point it out for you, so you can go over the blurb and find the mistake yourself, in order to understand why it is considered inconsistent.

➷ SUGGESTION #2
It's always good to use modern day technologies that your phone provides you, there are many features from apps like "Google Docs" and "Grammarly" that could assist you while writing.

Cover: ⅕
The reason why I gave this one a low point is because there isn't any feature from the cover that sparks an interest in me.

➷ ERROR #1
It's just a picture of Yoongi (which doesn't suit his role as a bodyguard in the story) and the title is in a neon font that doesn't do it any justice. In no way does the font used match the vibe of the cover.

➷ SUGGESTION #1
I suggest changing the picture to a more appropriate one, maybe a picture of Yoongi in a suit with his stern face would suit his character in the story more. The font itself should be changed, and the author's name should be clearer and not placed vertically. If you feel the need for a more professional and much better quality cover, then feel free to visit our community's graphic shop!

Title: ⅗

Your book's title is decent, and it complements the book's topic fairly. I wouldn't say that it appeals to the eye or stands out from other fanfictions out there though, it still gives me those mystery vibes and allures me to click on it.

First impression: ⅖

Ignoring the slight grammatical mistakes, your blurb truly impressed me and immersed me into the plot that I couldn't wait to get my eyes on the first chapter. I loved the use of intriguing and mysterious dialogues, and the short description in the end that explained the story without having to say much. What disappointed me and somehow lost my interest is your book cover. It's important since it's the first thing a reader sees before deciding to continue reading the blurb. If only the cover was better and described the main idea of the story more, readers would be even more hooked.

Readers Interaction: 7/10

To be honest, I don't think this aspect is the most important point. I actually think your books deserve more attention, and it's not your fault if you haven't been gaining as much as you expected, blame the wattpad algorithm for that. For an 11 chapter ongoing story, 400+ reads is actually a lot. Your readers are active, and there is a fair ratio between the amount of votes to comments.

Story plot: 8/10

One thing that I"m glad about is despite being in the mafia genre, you didn't stick to the common cliche storyline of the mafia falling in love with the main character at first glance. Yes, Yoongi is still a part of a mafia clan, but you added a twist of him being a bodyguard which would lead him to developing feelings for Aura of course. Still, this plot isn't the most original one out there, and I hope that with the plot twist mentioned in the blurb, it'll truly set it apart from all the others.

Now, I don't know if this is a plot hole or it's me who isn't keen on reading your book. If I'm not mistaken, in the chapter before Chaeyoon was kidnapped, they were on a school trip to Daegu. But, until the very last chapter I haven't seen anything related to a school trip. Obviously, if they were going on a field trip to another city there would be school related activities or at least something related to it. Instead, there was a big time skip all the way to chapter 7 when Aura moved temporarily to Chaeyoon's house. It would have been better if there was a scene of them at least going back home, or enjoying activities with their friends when suddenly Yoongi as their bodyguard sensed something odd and then something bad happened.

Plot twist: 6/10

So far, there have been only 11 chapters. Again, judging and trying to determine a plot twist is much harder in an incomplete story. Which is why I lowered down the marks for this one, there was a small twist in the story, particularly in the 6th and 7th chapter when Chaeyoon was kidnapped, but it was likely expected.

Grammar: 9/10

I'm actually amazed, grammar, for me especially, is probably the hardest thing when it comes to writing. But your use of tenses is so smooth and I didn't seem to come across a single flaw, I loved how it was so consistent. There were some paragraphs that were in need of spacing, and some question marks missing here and there, it's a minor mistake though. So great job for that!

➷ ERROR #1
Same thing as the blurb, your grammatical mistake overall could be spotted in your dialogues and the improper use of punctuations. As I've mentioned about this before, I won't go into details about it.

Emotion and feel: 8/10
It's great how you provided chapter nine exclusively for Aura's traumatizing past, you took a great chance and used it to describe her emotions really well. Throughout the story, I've felt different feelings forming in my pit, when Chaeyoon got kidnapped, how Aura reacted was exactly how I would react, and her words were delivered flawlessly. What I needed though, was more about Yoongi. Yes, Yoongi's emotions were also explained clearly but it would have been nicer if the readers could understand and make out his real personality too. One other character, whose personality and emotions I still couldn't capture was Chaeyoon. This is quite essential, since she's one of the leading characters in the story. Especially after the kidnap, maybe not right after since it was said that they both fell asleep out of tiredness. It was weird that we didn't get any scene between the two best friends, a little dialogue of Chaeyoon explaining how she felt and Aura expressing her worries would increase their bond in the reader's eyes. One last thing is about the character's personality as a whole. I've seen the good side of their personality, but how about their flaws? I'm not talking about weakness, it's clear that each of the characters possess it. I mean it in their personality, it's not clear to me that they possess any negative traits.

➷ SUGGESTION #1
My suggestion is to create a small section for only Aura and Chaeyoon. If possible, an emotional one. Maybe a small flashback of how they met, nearing the ending. I know that the main focus is between Aura and Yoongi, but readers need to see how strong their friendship is.This fanfiction is written from Aura's pov, it has been mentioned many times that she wouldn't be who she is without Chaeyoon by her side. And how she treasures her best friend so much. So, realistically the readers need to be ensured that this friendship is as what they expected.

Character development: 9/10
The pacing of this story is wonderful, Aura and Yoongi's relationship builds slowly but surely. It isn't rushed and I hope it's going to stay like that. I can sense the character development. How Aura is opening up to Yoongi, and how Yoongi himself took time to help comfort her during her lowest low. In the future, I would love to see Aura overcoming her traumas and moving on with life as a better person, same goes to Yoongi.

Way of writing: 9/10
I am in love with your descriptions, and how you describe things from a unique and different point of view. Your vocabulary is vast, and the language used doesn't bore me, I love how you used different aspects of the figurative language. Yoongi's description is just so clear, the words used are out of this world and I was mind-blown when I read that one paragraph. I wish I could write like that. Most descriptions used to picture a character are repetitive and I'm happy to tell you that yours isn't.

➷ SUGGESTION #1
Just a tiny suggestion, we haven't gotten a clear visionary of a Kim Aura yet. I know what Yoongi looks like, but it doesn't go for Aura and Chaeyoon. My advice, since this is written from Aura's pov, you can probably add a scene where she glances at the mirror and describes how her eyes, hair, and outfit looks like.

Overall: 7/10

This book is a literal gem, I cannot stress enough just how much I;m in love with your writing style. Things that I would ask you to improve are all in the suggestions, change the cover and fix the dialogue errors and your good will be good to go! Thank you for trusting me as your reviewer and I hope the best for the upcoming chapters!! :")

Total: 72/100

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