Reviewer : Monsha sprite_and_hamburger

Book: So Show Me

Author: Jelly1799

Blurb: 2/5

After reading the blurb I was excited to read the book and know about that magic shop but there was nothing that can show anything about the magic shop. Your blurb isn't portraying your story, it is giving the vibe of mystery and angst but the book is nowhere near that.

Title: 1/5

Sorry to inform you of this but your title and the plot have nothing to do with each other. The title is the first thing readers notice in a book and get an idea about the plot. There was literally nothing I can say that based on the title. This would have been good if you had put "Magic Shop" as a title instead of "So Show Me..."

First impression: 3/5

The first impression is everything on Wattpad. People only read your book on the basis of your first impression. If your book didn't impress them then you can't expect them to read let alone open the book. Not gonna lie I was very much impressed when I read the first chapter. It was interesting and with almost zero grammar mistakes. The pace was good and the way you portrayed Jelly was nice. There were only a few mistakes that can be overlooked but the vocabulary wasn't the best. You were using the dialogue tag "said" for every dialogue which resulted in a bad writing style. It was like "I said" "he said" "zak said" without any break.

Reader's interaction: 6/10

I found some constant readers who were interactive with the book. They were giving feedback on the gifs and photos you put in the book.

Plot: 2/10

A girl whose life was a mess trying to find her passion because she didn't know who she was. She went to a magic shop and then 7 men started spending time with her, trying to find her passion. This sounds good but in reality, the execution was very poor. The pace of the book was like a bullet train everything was coming and going non stop. Jelly met Jimin and hooked up with him, I won't say one night stands isn't a thing but one night stands with a boy that she met in a shop for the first time when she was buying snacks was absurd to me. People don't go around and have sex out of nowhere so that scene was fake. You could have added some more conversations between them before going with smut. The smut was rushed as well, 1 sec they were kissing and on the next one Jimin was pounding on her.

Magic Shop's idea was good but the execution was poor. All BTS members were coming and going like a winter wind. Jelly was new to the place and went into magic and suddenly she believed a total stranger? She met with all of them and was behaving as she knows them for years. The scenes lack description and you are going way too fast. The plot is rushed and has no execution. You should plan the plot first before writing anything and please add more details in your story. This plot can be good if the execution is good.

Twist: 0/10

I found nothing which I can consider as a twist. The plot was predictable there was nothing existing in the book. I was waiting for a twist or an actual but it never comes. Jelly was finding her passion so I thought maybe we will get a twist when she finds her passion but again there was nothing.

Emotions: 1/10

The characters of the book are very much so I hardly felt any emotions despite me reading the whole book. You were trying to portray jelly as a broken girl but there was nothing that can show she was broken not a single scene. After reading the first chapter I was hoping for a hit of emotions but there was none, to begin with.

Grammar and vocabulary: 3/10

When I read the first chapter I was impressed with the good grammar but the second chapter cleared all doubts for me. After chapter first there were constant grammar mistakes. You know how to form a sentence that's it. The book has a tense inconsistency problem a lot, you are switching between past and present tense in almost every scene. There was plenty of unnecessary use of ellipsis as well. You were. The book is full of unnecessary commas, there are many commas that aren't even needed in the sentence. You aren't supposed to put a comma before conjunction if both clauses aren't independent. Putting a comma before conjunction if 2nd clause is dependent is grammatically wrong.
There are many places where you capitalize the first later at the start of the quotation. If there is a continuous dialogue or the dialogue is after a verbal tag then you aren't supposed to capitalize the first later.You are missing many punctuation marks. The dialogues are missing commas or periods at the end of the quotation mark. When the dialogue is followed by verbal tags like 'he said', 'she mumbled', 'Yoongi whispered' then you have to put a comma at the end of the quotation mark.

Character's development: 0/10

I hardly felt anything about the story. There were not many emotions to relate to. Emotions don't mean angst, you can just describe the characters and make them feel real. All the characters in the book felt fake not one bit realistic. There was no character to being with. At first, you showed Jelly as a person who doesn't trust anyone and doesn't believe in relationships and the next moment she was okay with spending time with total strangers. At first, you stated that she doesn't show her emotions to anyone and in the next chapter, she was blushing like a fangirl. In the second chapter, you made clear that Jelly has no problem with being physical with strangers but when Taehyung went into her personal space she was denying it? Jimin and Jelly don't even know each other and you were trying to portray they were suddenly feeling the love?

The characters of BTS in the book are more like those myths/stereotypes of ARMYs rather than actual characters. Hobi was a ray of sunshine, Namjoon was a wise one, Taehyung was a cute one, and so on. There were no personal characteristics found in those characters. You stated that Jelly doesn't know herself and she is trying to show her emotions which is hard for her but when Yoongi asked her to show her emotions she started spilling them like Yoongi was her childhood best friend.

Writing style: 6/10

You were using the right side for Jelly's dialogues and left for others which is a good way to differentiate who is talking. The length of the paragraphs was fine. You were adding unnecessary words (Ex- whyyyyyyyyy, noooooo) in your writing which isn't pleasing nor grammatically correct. Try to not do this because the narration is formal written text. The tone of the story is monotonous, no excitement was there in the tone. The vocabulary was very plain. There are two types of writing styles: storytelling and showing. You are using the telling card, the narration is all about telling and telling and no showing. You have to give more description to your story. You are putting gifs and pics in your book which is ruining the flow of the plot. They can help readers understand the scene but putting it in every scene is unnecessary. All chapters has 2-3 pics, you are a writer so you should use your words to describe a scene rather then choosing a pic.

Overall: 2/10

Total: 27/100

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