Reviewer : Rabi rabisworld02

Book : Sleep

Author : Harry2411

Blurb: 2/5

The blurb or description is one of those factors which plays an important role in catching the attention of the readers. But your blurb is too short to be capable enough to catch attention. It is only a dialogue which neither gives us the description of your book nor it catches the attention of the reader. After this, your blurb has mistakes in it. Better say phrase errors. Let me point put them: 

"There's always been something heavy in my heart that's made me suffer." 

Here I don't think that the word "That" should have an apostrophe. The right phrase should be "That made me suffer" or "That has made me suffer".
Hope you can edit it. 

Title: 2/5

First of all,your title is too long. It's half hidden in dots due to being long. After this, the word "Sleep" doesn't have any attraction with the story. The afterward title " May I lean on you tonight" is catchy and unique. But I think the word "Sleep" is cliche and doesn't make sense. It's just a noun without any proper meaning behind it used as a title. I would suggest you remove it.

Cover: 1/5

Your book cover is pretty but I think the color and choice of font can be changed. It's not attractive. The size is also so big that it is covering half of the jungkook's face. The message type of watermark is making it less pleasing to the eyes. Whatever those watermarks are saying, it is poorly visible. 

You can sharpen the quality of the pictures you use. They seem faded and of low quality. You can adjust the replacement of the text and change the font as well. 

First impression : 1/5

It was not good. The first impression counts the impression after reading the title, blurb and seeing the cover. For me it was not good. After this, the first chapter was not interesting. The use of emojis is not something which is looked upon. You used them to show the emotions and expressions of story characters. You shouldn't use emojis. Instead you should use words to describe each and every expression and emotions. Emojis have a negative influence and it is not appreciated. 

Reader's interaction: 7/10

Even though the storyline and theme seems cliche, from the first chapter, your readers have been interacting with your characters.

Plot: 6/10

It is so plain and simple. I don't find it interesting. It doesn't have any twist or made up story line. The execution of events and story line is not seen. There are many holes and gaps in the book. The pace is fast and not well executed. 

First of all, you should make notes for each and every character, for each chapter and basically the whole plot. It will help you to arrange the events accordingly and will help you to mold them into a perfect story line. 

The plot line you choose is cliche and simple. I don't have any problem with reading cliche plots and books. But what matters is how you plan to show the events. There are many books having cliche plots and storylines, but they have a few elements which make them interesting. But you don't have any single interesting element in your story as well as have many gaps. Those elements cover suspense, mystery, thriller, cliff hangers etc. 

There are many factors, which affect the storyline and plot. I will discuss each of them in their category. 

Twist: 3/10 

Unfortunately I don't find any twist in the story. It is plain and plain without any major event which can turn it to 180° degrees. Twist contains some shocking events, happenings or news which were unexpected and unpredictable turns of plots. But I couldn't find such a thing in your book. 

As I said before, make notes for your plots. Try to think of a different story line which contains twists and turning points. Cliffhangers and anxious vibes to make readers eager for the next update. 

Grammar: 2/10

Your grammar needs a lot of improvement. There are many phrasal mistakes and grammatical errors in the chapters. Let me point out a few of them. 

First of all there are grammatical errors. You used the wrong tenses. Like you wrote "He didn't made it" Now according to the grammar and rules, once the swco d form in past tense is used, you don't use the second and third form in the same sentence. This should be written as "He didn't make it".

Just like this error, there are plenty of errors in each and every chapter. 

Second mistake counts phrasal mistakes. You misused the words "Will, would". There are many propositional mistakes. Such as misuse of commas and ellipses. You placed them at either wrong places where they are not needed or overused them. Comma is used to show a temporary pause discarding the last sentence from the next one. 

You should study their purposes and usages. These errors are highly un-liked and cause the readers to leave in the middle. 

Emotions: 1/10

In this factor, truth to be said, you didn't show anything. Emotions and feelings are one of those elements which make the reader feel like they are swimming in the story. It snatches the reader from reality to the world where there is no boundary. Into the world of imaginations and dreams.

But you didn't show or convey any emotions or feelings. The usage of emojis made it more cliche. They can't describe their feelings and emotions. You should use verbal and action tags to describe the happenings and emotions of characters. Emojis are not looked upon and are highly unappreciated. You should use your words to explain the emotions and feelings of a character.

I couldn't pinpoint what the characters are feeling, what they are thinking, what they  are going to do next. You can practice it with simple action words. No need to get in depth for the beginning. Such as instead of using this "😳" you should simply put the word for this expression. It is counted as shy and embarrassed. So yeah, and instead of using "😡" you can convert it into words "Angry or mad or better say furious". 

In this way, you would be able to portray the feelings and emotions. 

Character's development: 5/10

I can't say that there is no character's development. Instead there is. But it is so sudden and fast paced. I don't know what the characters are thinking or feeling. I don't know what's on their mind and what they are gonna do. I don't know what their inner feelings and emotions are regarding a situation nor do I know their mind conflicts. 

It is all because you didn't give any description, sign and explanation of the characters. It is like they are in some dialogue and exchanging them. 

To avoid this all, let's make a note for each and every character of your book. Focus on their mentality and behaviors. You can practice it by using a monologue. Monologue means talking to yourself. Put yourself in their shoes and try to think of a way to get out of the situation your characters are trapped in. 

This technique has helped me a lot and till now whenever I don't know what should I write for my characters or what should I do now, I put myself in their shoes and think what would have I done if I was in their place.

Style: 4/10

Writing style is the key for a book to be successful and perfect. Being cliche is not a problem. Writing style, use of literary devices can make a cliche book rock as well. You should keep in mind that you are writing a story not a dialogue. 

First of all, your way of writing dialogue is not good. It should be in a story theme not in a dialogue one. 

Second, you didn't show any action taking place in the middle of these dialogues. You just used (Turn around). Let's take an example from your book. 

Y/N: Do you think I look like a 😑. 
Mom: Buy gifts for Yoonji. (Mom's voice in kitchen) 

This is such an unprofessional way to write dialogues, conveying expression, portraying the action. 

Instead you should write it like this. 

"Do you think I look like a moron?" Y/N asked in a high pitched tone with done expressions on her face. "Don't forget to buy gifts for Yoonji," Her mom yelled from the kitchen.

Hope you can work it off. 

Overall: 3/10

Total: 37/100

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