Reviewer: Rabi rabisworld02

Author: YashasviJ

Book: Love obsession

Blurb: ⅘

It was good and catchy. I wanted to read the story.

Cover: ⅖

At cover, it looked like not a good job was done. I would recommend you to take services from a graphic shop. It looked like you just took a picture from google and put text on it. The quality of the picture is also not good. it's blurry. Since it's a yandere story, you should use darker themes as well as you should use some elements portraying the mafia or C.E.O vibes.

Title: ⅗

It might match the plot line but it's not unique. I mean it surely grabbed my attention (and that's what matters the most) but it was not unique.

First impression: ⅖

Truth to be said,this story didn't impress me even a bit. It felt too boring and didn't give off exciting vibes. In the very first chapter, you have used pictures of dresses and girls and boys to explain your character and this majorly gives negative points to your story. You should explain your scenes and characters as well as their dressing instead of using just a picture. Using the picture is not bad, but you should also give the written description.

Reader's interaction: 4/10

This story doesn't have many readers and people reading this aren't commenting to socialize with the story or characters, therefore I couldn't actually see if there is any reader's interaction or not.

Plot: 4/10

The plot is nothing unique. Many have overused this type.of plot, where a C.E.O is obsessed to the second lead. This story has too many gaps. Like too much time skips. Not telling us about the girl's whereabouts. Girl's background is as much as her daily routine. It doesn't tell us the scene as well as the plot is having holes in it by skipping all of this important stuff.

Twist: 5/10

Not much. This is just a simple plain story of a girl and an obsessed C.E.O. I could already depict what will happen now. No major twists are seen.

Grammar: 7/10

Your grammar needs improvement.

Emotions: 2/10

Truth to be said, no emotions can be seen anywhere. It is not a story, better say only dialogues between a few characters.

Character development: 4/10

Not seen. There is no flow or pace in their behavior changing. All happened all of a sudden. No explanation, no scene.

Writing style: 2/10

Finally we are here,so let's talk about this. I will tell you your mistakes in points as well as their solution:

1- First of all, you need to stop using y/n or a/n so much. Keep your writing in one dynamics at one time. I mean in PoV. You keep changing them prescriptively, making it look cliché. After using "Y/n pov" Don't write "you took a bath then, went there" it's so wrong and gets negative marks. Instead of then, just use "y/n wanted this as she took a bath".

2- Second, try to write it as a story , not as an essay or a dialogue. Your story seems to carry only talks between characters that's too without any description.

3- Try to write dialogues in a story manner instead of a dialogue. Like, you used this technique.

"Y/n: I wanted to go back but...

Jk: then you should go back"

Instead of like this, write with the description. This technique is used for dialogue and makes readers lose interest.

4- you used emojis somewhere, remove them as well.

5- Instead of using just pictures for dressing and scenes,try to depict them in your words. Using pictures is not bad but they should be used only to make the image clear but saying. "Y/n dressed yo go out " and then inserts a picture earns negative marks in judging.

6- You should tell us the whole emotions instead of saying *gasps* or *shocked*. It is not something looked upon. You should use your words to tell us the emotions of a character.

7- Now same goes with actions, you should use words instead of just saying *slap* , *pushing away*. This is not admired. You should explain the actions.

8- Now let's come to the emotions. As I have told you before, you should use words so yeah,no emotions are there as far as I can see. You didn't explain actions, emotions and characters. There is only talk in the story.

9- You should focus on your character's behavior. Tell us how they think, what they think, the reason behind their every action. You should also focus on their mental and inner conflicts.

10- You should not use any emojis in your story. Not even in blurb. Saying it's your first story is not bad,but using crying emojis and stuff doesn't leave a good impression.

Overall, you need a lot of improvements. Hope whatever I told you will not affect you in any bad way. This only meant to help you and tell you how to improve. Hope to see a better version next time.

Overall: 2/10

Total: 44/100

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