Reviewer : Elena LUVB0TIC

Book: Kingdom of Seven

Author : Justin_Seagull_31

REVIEW CRITERIA 

Description: ⅗ 
This description, ignoring the minor mistake is a subtle but clear summary of the story. There are short dialogues of some of the scenes, and a clear summary in the end.

➷ ERROR #1
The description lacks an explanation of the Kingdom of Seven. Yes, maybe you didn't want to spoil it, but it's the main part of the story and can also be seen in the title. If you would just include a little bit of how she's trapped in another dimension, the description would be much clearer.

➷ SUGGESTION #1
Add just one short sentence at the end of the first paragraph. To furthermore emphasize the main point of the story and that is the main character being trapped inside the book, to another kingdom.
Ex:
Little did you know that you were indeed inside a book, in an unknown kingdom where secrets were about to unfold. 

➷ ERROR #2
This mistake is one that occurs in almost every book that I've reviewed, and that is the wrong use of punctuation in dialogue.

➷ SUGGESTION #2
In the three short dialogues nearing the end, you missed the period that's supposed to be added before the speech mark.

Ex:
" You are the one she chose "

Is supposed to be:
" You are the one she chose. "

Cover: ⅖ 

➷ ERROR #1
The cover is rather confusing for me… lowering hobi's transparency behind a picture of an ancient Greece building just makes it harder for me to focus on the main idea of the cover.

➷ SUGGESTION #1
Since this story is heading in the Greek mythology direction, why not use a fanart of Hoseok as a god instead? You don't have to do a lot more (just make sure to add credit in your description) all you need to add is the title and your username in a suitable font!

➷ ERROR #2
I have trouble trying to make out the title on the cover, the size is way too small for my sight. The position of the text being too near to the left also makes it harder for me to read it.

➷ SUGGESTION #2
Fixing this is as simple as increasing the title's size and choosing a more suitable font. Make sure that the title can be viewed from far away!

Title: 4/5 

The title describes the story perfectly, personally, I couldn't find a better title that would suit the story's idea. The only thing missing for me is the correlation between the title and the description. I only understood that the Kingdom of Seven is another realm where gods and goddesses of Greek mythology rule. Because of the lack of its presence in the description, I was unable to pinpoint what it meant and how it connected to the plot. There is another mistake that I noticed and that is how you capitalized “the” which you aren’t supposed to since it’s an article. Please, fix that. 

First impression: ⅗

I mean if you'd mention Greek mythology and their gods and goddesses in this description, I would have been instantly hooked. I personally, was so happy to find out that there was a hint of Greek mythology involved in the story (I'm a geek for Greek mythology so…) and I know many people out there may feel the same way. You could have used this as a perfect tool to capture those who love bts and greek mythology, but you didn't. I myself didn't even know that it was going to be related to Greek mythology until I started reading the first three chapters. If you can't add it to the description then it's better if you add a short line explaining that there is a hint of Greek mythology in it, that's what I found in books that discuss a similar topic.

Another thing that didn't impress me was the cover, I know that it's hard to make one especially if you don't expertise in that specific field but fear not! There are still many amazing graphic shops out there that can provide you with a captivating one.

Readers Interaction: 8/10
I don't think of this as a pretty important criteria honestly, it's never an author's fault if a good writing isn't gaining as much response right? I would say just be grateful, 500+ reads is a lot compared to other fanfictions in wattpad, so yeah never think of views and vote as the most important thing or your main goal when it comes to writing. It doesn't matter really, do it because you love it, not for the votes nor the comments. 

Story plot: 8/10

I'm in love with the story's plot, it's one of a kind because although it's common to come across a book that's about the main character being trapped in one, you added your own twist to it. By adding adventures and setting the character's goal, giving us a clear idea of what they are going to do in the future, you elevated it to another level.
Especially with the twist of gods and goddesses from Greek mythology being present.
 
A lot of problems that I find with authors in wattpad are that they know the base of their plot but have no idea where the direction of the story is going. I can sense that you have a clear vision of the important details of your story, and that's a great thing!

➷ SUGGESTION #1
If you struggle with trying to create a twist or adding more turns to your plot, or if the pacing is way too fast, my advice is to think of something or a certain event that would enhance and make it more interesting. Since your story’s genre is adventure, there is more room for these twists. By adding some certain events, encounters with monsters, or mythological creatures, the story length will be extended and the pacing problem would be solved!

Plot twist: 7/10 
I have noticed some signs or dialogues that would lead to a plot twist. Just like what you’ve mentioned in that one chapter, there seemed to be more secrets and mysteries that haven’t been unfolded. The story raises multiple questions from my head, which indicates that a major turn is going to take place, and also means that you have a plan on what’s going to happen next. I can only hope that it can be executed to its best ability. 

Grammar: 6/10
Your use of tenses so far is consistent, but I have spotted a few times where it slipped, so just make sure you proofread your chapters again and remove that mistake. The paragraphs are perfect in length, not too short, and not too long. 

➷ ERROR #1
This issue is a very common one, a lot of authors make mistakes when writing dialogues, and usually miss some crucial punctuations like periods or commas. It’s fine to make mistakes, but of course, you have to try your best to recover from them. 

➷ SUGGESTION #1
Ex: 

✗ “Okay...you too get some sleep”

✓ “Okay...you too get some sleep.”

Notice that the difference lies in the period you forgot to add. Remember, if a dialogue isn’t followed by an action tag then add a period. 

➷ ERROR #2
Pacing is another thing that your story failed to deliver, the sudden time skips that you added disrupted the flow of the story. Describing every single moment may seem tiring, but it is a writer’s job to refrain themselves from skipping details and adding unnecessary time skips. The whole preparation before the adventure is way too short and subtle, there were only a few scenes describing the interactions between her and the boys, so it felt out of the blue for me when she suddenly knew and got closer to everyone really quick.

➷ SUGGESTION #2
If you don’t feel like describing too much, or if you realize that the pacing is already slow then instead of adding notes that there is a time skip. Simply describe the time skip using a few sentences. For example, if it’s a time switch from one day to another then maybe use literary devices of imagery to describe how the brightness transitioned to darkness and how another day is coming. 

Emotions and feel: 4/10
Sadly, I think that this is where you lack. I couldn’t sense or even understand the character’s emotions, there was never a clear description of their personality and how they behave. Without a character’s unique flair or their own special personality, the story becomes boring and plain. 

➷ ERROR #1
Mariella, when she arrived and was sucked into a book, trapped in another dimension and suddenly;y meeting a bunch of people who later explained that Demeter inherited her powers to her was never overwhelmed, scared, or even confused? See, this part doesn’t seem to make sense, it’s common sense for a human to feel confused when they’re trapped in Mariella’s situation. I never got that feeling from Mariella. 

➷ SUGGESTION #1
You can re-edit or revise the previous chapters, like the first few chapters when she first entered Kingdom of the Seven, and type at least a paragraph that would convey Mariella’s thoughts. Or, another option is you can use the chapter “Nighttime Talks” to explain how she truly felt about going on a dangerous mission to Hoseok. 

➷ ERROR #2
Because of the fast pacing, I was unable to identify the boys’ personalities too. The interactions between Mariella and Bangtan felt rather weird because there wasn’t a scene or explanation showing how their friendship started building. 

Character development: 4/10 
It’s safe to say that other than Mariella suddenly getting closer to the seven of them, there is not much character development. The story is far from finished, and the characters didn’t seem to have that one weakness they would need to overcome in order to become a better version of themselves. Which is what makes and leads to character development. My advice is, since this is still ongoing, take your time to slow down the pacing and work on describing the characters’ personality thoroughly, make sure they have flaws and weaknesses just like any other human beings. 

Way of writing: 7/10
 
Vocabulary used is decent, I think you put a lot of effort trying to use good English words. This adds up to your book having detailed paragraphs, which is great! 

➷ SUGGESTION #1
Though my suggestion is you use your capability of describing not only situations, but personalities and a character’s appearance. There hasn’t been any clear description of what Mariella looks like, maybe try to explain how her face looks, her hair color, does she have a petit or a rather tall body? This is crucial, as it impacts the reader and the image they have playing in their head when reading your book. As mentioned in the grammar section, there are still some parts or sentences that you need to fix. Make sure you re-edit and go through your work before publishing it.

Overall: 7/10

This story is already a good one, all you need is an extra hour of re-editing and practice, then I’m sure that your already decent writing will advance to a much better one. Work hard, and I’m sure that you will improve! Thank you for picking me as your reviewer, and I hope my suggestions would help your book reach the next level :”)

Total: 60/100

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