Reviewer : Rabi rabisworld02

Book : Hey Eomma, Hey Appa

Author : SongYeEun2500

Blurb: 2/3

According to rules and prescription described for a perfect blurb, this is not one of them.The perfect blurb not only covers dialogues, but a little bit of plot, a scene from the story or characters with either their names or any specific symbol which gives us a short idea about the characters and story plot.

The blurb of this only contains dialogues without letting us know who is the speaker, what action is taken and what is happening in the background.By reading your current blurb no one could predict it would have time travel. It was confusing as well.

After that the capitalization is something which is not appreciated much. To show anger, annoyance, frustration and anxiety there are a few marks or symbols used in English. Such as an Exclamation sign.
You can turn your blurb into a perfect one by adding a little scene, a bit of character revelation and a little plot.

Title : ⅗

For the book, I think this title is suitable. Even though it is not catchy or captivating. I might miss it while scrolling down the books, but it is a good title for this book. But I would like to say one thing about the vines which the title served. It felt like an unborn baby was watching over his parents to romanticize their relationship so he could come down. I dunno if it relates but yes the title "Hey eomma, Hey Appa" served those vibes.

Cover : 2/5

It was the exact opposite of what the story is about. The story is cute, mysterious and has time traveling as a sub genre. But I don't think the cover serves the same vibes. It is neon and flashy, the font choice is not good as well. The story is mainly about the couple and their son who came from the future. But face claims are not shown clearly as layout is poor. Jungkook's and the girl's picture should be a bit bigger, there should be elements which can tell that it's a time traveling story. The word and the bar "Censored" on Jungkook's face does not look appealing at all as it is disturbing the rest of the cover flow and design. Font style and color can get better. The cover souls serve calm, cute yet mysterious vibes, matching the theme and the title.

First Impression: 3/5

The very first impression counts the feeling regarding the story after seeing the cover, reading the title and blurb. So yes, it was the opposite pole. The cover served different vibes than the title, the blurb was not a perfect one as it had only dialogues with a little paragraph in the bottom which told me nothing about the story. It confused me to the core. However, as I read the first chapter and went towards others it was entertaining and I enjoyed it.

Reader's interaction : 1/5

Even though the story is good, there are barely any comments on the story. It shows two things, either the reader's here are silent or the book is not a famous one yet. And I think the latter is the reason.

Plot: 13/15

It was a unique and beautiful one. Time traveling is quite difficult to write as well as pretty hard to understand. But you used it in your favor with great potential. I haven't read any book that has this story line. Of course some other authors have used this element but the thing is they either use this to solve a mystery or a case of murder and all. But you used this element in a very unique way. There are funny and light scenes which make this story a light themed one.

There are a few holes in it but they are the mini ones if the reader doesn't concentrate on the story well. The time travelling and Jungkook's son revealing his identity as their son which was accepted without any question but how? I mean in 2022, it was only an idea of time traveling but never actually happened so how did Jungkook himself and Hyejin believed him?

The flow and the execution is well balanced. This is not cliche or boring. Good job.

Twist: 8/10

Even though the story is interesting and unique, I think there is not any major twist which could change the story or was unexpected by the readers. For me, the sudden twist was when you revealed it was 2043 and the time machine was being worked on. That too by Jungkook and then by his son who completed it and traveled back in time. This book is still on going and I think has at least 7-10 more chapters to go. The story is developing and there might be more hard twists to come.

Grammar: 4/10

I have always said that grammar has two parts. One is the tense usage and the other one is the prepositions. You need practice in both.

The capitalization of letters in chapters is not something which should be appreciated. Most of the authors use capitalization of letters to show anger, frustration and madness. But it not only annoys the reader it disturbs and breaks the flow of the story as well. There are symbols and preposition marks to show anger and frustration. Let's take an example below. This paragraph is written by you:

[WHAT??

Yes

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

No

GET OUT YOU PIGGGG]

Now we have gotten the hint that the characters saying the dialogues written in capitalization are annoyed and frustrated but instead of using his method you should use an exclamation sign whose main purpose is to symbolize those feelings.

After that instead of using the prepositions two times in a row, use them only for once. Such as "!!" The one time use can also tell us that the character is frustrated and annoyed which is a more professional way.
These mistakes can't be avoided by someone who knows the in and out of the writing style and techniques. Which makes them annoyed and leaves the story in the middle.

There are also punctuation mistakes in your sentences. You have missed commas and full stops at the end of the sentences. When you trail off a sentence and leave it in the middle for a little pause. you must put a comma there to show it.

Now, let's come to the other part of grammar. There are not a lot of mistakes in grammar but there are a few which are visible. Such as using 2nd form even after using the helping verb "Did". Take an example below.

"How did you made it?" Now according to the rules of grammar this sentence is wrong. You shouldn't use the second or third form after using the helping verb "Did". After this you misused the forms of verbs. What I meant to say is you used wrong terms. The second and third forms of "Ring" is "Rang, Rung" respectively. But you used "ringed" which is wrong. After that, you used "Dranked" which should be only "drank" or "Drunk" as they are the 2nd and 3rd form of the verb "Drink" respectively.

Hope you can consider them and improve yourself. You should study the rules of grammar, usage of prepositions and forms of verbs.

Emotions: 7/10

You did well in this factor. I couldn't feel and understand what a character is feeling and how they are thinking. I could see through their eyes and could read their inner conflicts. You did a good job here.

Character's development: 4/10

I see no specific character's development here. The story is still ongoing and according to the phase of the time used in 2043, the characters are the same. And then the story goes on in 2022 in which the characters are still the same. What I meant to say is that the characters are still the same from the start in both time phases. But I believe that there must be more hidden in the store for us because the story still has a long way to go.

Writing style: 4/10

Your writing style is not bad. It is good and conveys the message to the readers hidden under your words. But a few things I would like to talk about are, first the capitalization of the words and letters for which you have used the prepositions. We have talked about this in the grammar part above.

Also don't make words bigger or make them trail. What I meant to say is you can use exclamation signs to show frustration or yelling but dont trail off the words.

After that don't change POV rapidly. It disturbs the flow of the story and also the emotions and character's description gets disturb. You changed POV's without a warning or notice which confused readers as to who is speaking and why. You must keep one POV at one time to let us know its hidden feelings and inner conflicts. Then notice that the POV is ending and either narration means Author's POV is starting or someone else.

Let's come to the other thing which I wanted to discuss. There are a few parts where you wrote dialogues in a way we write a rough script and dialogues. Means the technique you used at some point of your story is how we write the exchange of the dialogues between two characters in an essay. This way is not used in storytelling. The paragraph I showed above not only breaks the flow of the story, but also messes up with the character's emotions. We can't know who spoke which dialogue. You should change that as well.

Overall: 7/10

Total: 58/100

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