Reviewer : Elena LUVB0TIC

Book : GANG

Author : ES4918230

REVIEW CRITERIA 

Description: 4/5 
The structure of the description is perfect, you started with a mysterious scene and ended it with a paragraph containing an explanation to the story. The description’s length is much longer than an average one, but in this case it’s reasonable. I like your use of words, and vast vocabulary in the very last paragraph. The writing style and vocabulary saved this description from being cliche and similar to other gang ffs out there.

: ̗̀➛ ERROR #1 
Just some minor grammatical errors,wrong usage of words, and inconsistent tenses. Also repetitive use of “in”, for unnecessary reasons (that is not for emphasizing a certain detail). Who’s in this context is misused, as it is an abbreviation for who is, when it’s clear that you intended to explain a person’s belonging. The last paragraph in the description uses present while the preview on top uses past and so does the rest of the story.

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #1
I would consider these minor and simple mistakes that don't need much effort to fix. You just need to revise and re-edit some parts, but next time just don’t forget to pay attention to your tenses.

: ̗̀➛ ERROR #2
I understand the purpose of adding the short scene before the summary, but you would want an intriguing scene to capture the reader’s attention. This scene just came off to me as confusing, I couldn’t pinpoint what was happening. I think it would be better if you just reveal the character’s name, so it won’t lose the mysterious essence but it wouldn’t stray away from the storyline. 

Cover: 4/5 
Making an ot7 cover is always the hardest, in my opinion. There are a lot of face claims, so there isn’t a lot of room for creativity. It suits the dark genre really well, the type of font used isn’t the best but it still works. The author's name is present along with a short description, which is wonderful. Overall, it’s a decent cover but it can be improved to a much better one.

Title: 1/5
The title is the very first thing that appears in a reader’s sight, making it one of the most important parts. It doesn’t give me a unique and special first impression, the story is in the mafia genre but there are so many other words you can use that give a better first impression than just “Gang”. It lacks creativity and doesn’t set it apart from other stories. 

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #2
If you want the title to still revolve around this topic, simply google or search for synonyms or words associated with “Gang”. My advice: if you still can’t find a unique one, conclude the story into one or two sentences. Then, find the title related to that sentence. 

First impression: 3/5

I gave the first impression a lower score, because of the title that doesn’t appeal to me at all. As a reader, I would want to find a story that isn’t cliche or a plot that is different from many others out there, because of this story’s title I was more than convinced it was going to be more or less like those typical mafia stories. But it’s not, because after reading your story’s description, my mood was lifted and I wanted to read the story because of your decent writing style. It’s sad because the title changed the reader’s whole perception, when your story clearly has potential.

Readers Interaction: 4/5

As I scroll through the story, I spotted numerous comments of readers questioning and giving their opinions. The number of votes seem to be consistent, a very good sign that a lot of people enjoy your work! Keep it going!

Story plot: 10/15
I was actually disappointed. Because the blurb was truly the best part of the story, and it didn’t exceed my expectations for this book. There wasn’t any plot twist and it was bland, with no excitement what-so-however. The story draws attention to the assembling of the mafia gang, continuing with missions to prove their skills. The general plot isn’t awful at all, but there was no development or certain turns added as the story goes on.  

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #1
There’s nothing much that you can do, the book is almost ending, meaning that revising and completely changing the plot wouldn’t be possible. I’m giving you an advice for the next time you write, depending on the genre of the story that you pick( ex: for romance there are only certain twists you can pull, for werewolf au there is more room to explore), try to think of a problem that could possibly extend and wow the readers. Reveal something that they never expected could happen (in most stories this is done by making the supposedly good-guy the bad-guy all along).

Plot twist: 4/10
Like I’ve mentioned in the previous point regarding your storyline. So far, each character was given a specific background and problems, this is wonderful. It helps the reader understand and create a bond with them which will attract them to continue reading. Although for the storyline itself, I haven’t noticed any major twists that could make me gasp. There were some times where the story took a darker turn, and described some of the character’s traumatic past, but it isn’t enough to keep the readers scrolling, and it cannot be considered as a plot twist.

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #1
Position yourself as one of the characters in the story, examine and create an image of how they would, think, feel or act. From here, move on and think of their background story ( which you already have ), and think of something from the past or something that will occur in the future, that would be unexpected for that particular character.

Grammar: 8/10
The tenses are used consistently, and I’ve spotted only a few mistakes and typos. Your story needs more commas to give the readers a break before jumping to another sentence, moreover there were some other mistakes I need to explain in detail.

: ̗̀➛ ERROR #1
This is an error I have encountered in every book that I’ve reviewed, the mis-use of dialogue tags, lacking of commas, and wrong use of punctuation. Let’s take an example from your book:

“Come in” I said.

Here, you missed a comma that should have come before the closing speechmark, because it is followed by an action tag, the person is doing something. This is only one but I’ve actually found multiple other sentences with the same mistake. 

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #1
All I have to say is make good use of technology, rely on apps like Grammarly or Google Docs, that can be your assistant, and correct your writing automatically.

 
Emotions and Feel: 5/10
There were certain emotional and heart-breaking scenes that you intended to use in order to create an emotional reaction to the readers. Sadly, it never did anything to me and I didn’t feel the need to cry alongside the characters. There were some problems that could have caused this:

: ̗̀➛ ERROR #1
Your lack of description is first, in order to make the readers shed tears and feel the character’s emotions, there needs to be a clear and vivid description. Words convey meaning, so use them. Write a paragraph or two about their emotions building, not in a form of dialogues. Exaggerate things if you need to, this is because words can have an impact, if you use them correctly. 

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #1
I say this to almost all my clients, but my tip would be writing a chapter using the 1st point of view( the character’s point of view). Use the pronouns as if you are experiencing it, then write what you would feel. Be descriptive, describe every simple detail, everything that you would write. If your words have successfully pierced your heart, and created that heavy feeling, then you’re good to go( sounds evil but this is how I do it, personally).

Character development: 5/10 
I’m also giving this a lower mark for certain reasons. The lack of description is what leads to this problem. Most of your chapters consist mainly of dialogues, when in reality it’s supposed to be a perfect balance of dialogues and descriptive paragraphs. None of the characters have a unique and distinct personality, this is what makes the book bland, lack of variety. The characters have no clear personality nor a clear flaw in their personality. Without this, the characters just can’t simply evolve into a better version of themselves.

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #1
Again, I understand that you can’t change their personality since it’s already mid-story, but if you decide too then please consider being more descriptive and spend time replacing the dialogues with actual paragraphs.
 
Way of writing: 4/10
Your writing is decent, and I know you have the potential to develop it to something better. I couldn’t judge much, since you used images rather than a text to describe an outfit or situation. There wasn’t that much paragraph evident, and there was definitely more dialogues making it harder for me to define your writing style.

: ̗̀➛ ERROR #1
Your way of writing in the story compared to the paragraph in the blurb is completely different. There is no use of any unusual vocabulary, it seems limited compared to your choice of word in the blurb. There are some times when you did use your knowledge of vocabulary, and in some instances created a cool string of sentences.  I know that writing and using advanced vocabulary all the time may be troubling, especially if you aren’t used to seeing or saying that word, but just try your best to improve it slowly.

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #1
Read and learn from other professional authors, when you don’t know a certain word, search it up on the internet and try to remember its definition. This is so the next time you’re about to type a chapter, you have a vast vocabulary to use that you’ve already known.

: ̗̀➛ ERROR #2
The repetitive use of “I” in almost every sentence makes your writing unenjoyable, in a first person point of view avoiding “I” sounds almost impossible. But don’t worry I’ll give you a tip to spice things up and make it look less boring.

: ̗̀➛ SUGGESTION #2
I have a sentence, for example:

I bawled my eyes, as I crept to my, bed unable to comprehend anything

What you can do to avoid the use of “I” to start every single sentence is switch the order of the phrases, you can take the last part and make it the first.

Unable to comprehend anything, I crept to my bed, bawling my eyes.

 Overall: 7/10 
Dear, I’m just going to be honest and tell you that you do have potential to become an amazing author. All you need is to spend more time revising and put in even more effort to describe and enhance the character’s personality. Anyways, thank you for trusting me with your book, I’m sorry if I said anything that may sound rude(it’s only for the sake of professionalism lmao) please don’t take anything seriously, I’m sure in the future you’ll come up with marvelous works! Never give up!

Total: 64/100

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